Because of the celebration of Mother’s Day, we’re concentrating on the influence a wife and mother can bring into her home. She brings either a softening or a hardening touch to most every situation, when it relates to that which involves her children and her husband. As author Melanie Chitwood says,

“Women are the heart of the home, and our attitudes set the emotional temperature in our families. A wife’s positive attitude can permeate our home like the sweet aroma of freshly picked flowers, or negative attitude can pollute her home like stinky garbage.”

The Bible says, “A wife of noble character who can find? She is worth far more than rubies. Her husband has full confidence in her and lacks nothing of value. She brings him good, not harm, all the days of her life” (Proverbs 31:10-12). However, “A quarrelsome wife is like a constant dripping on a rainy day; restraining her is like restraining the wind or grasping oil with the hand” (Proverbs 27:15-16).

“Better to live in a corner of the roof than share a house with a quarrelsome wife” (Proverbs 25:24). “Better to live in a desert than with a quarrelsome and ill-tempered wife” (Proverbs 21:19). “The wise woman builds her house, but with her own hands the foolish one tears hers down” (Proverbs 14:1).

Do you see what I mean as far as the influence a woman can bring into her home? So, for this Marriage Message, we’d like to give our women readers a number of quotes to read that can affirm, challenge, and help as you participate with God as His colleague, in ministering within your home. (Next month Steve will address the men on Father’s Day, so don’t think this will stay one-sided forever.)

• “Your greatest temptation to sin is when someone first sins against you. But their sin never justifies your sin.’ This is as true for spouses as it is for siblings. Fighting your husband’s irresponsibility with irresponsibility of your own is like pouring gasoline on a fire; it just makes things that much more explosive, that much worse. The Bible recommends a more subversive approach: let love conquer evil; let responsibility shame irresponsibility.”

…”It’s a spiritual fact that kindness kills wickedness far more effectively than nagging, complaining, or disrespect. Remember, God won us with grace when we were his rebellious enemies. He doesn’t ask anything of you that he hasn’t already done himself. God says that we are responsible to love, even in the face of another’s irresponsibility.” (Gary Thomas, “Sacred Influence”) [Read more →]

The following checklists can help you and your partner identify possible problems and talk them over. They will also help you get to know each other better. Ask yourself and each other the following questions.

1. Addiction or Excessive Use of Alcohol, Drugs, Etc.

Whether the problem is alcohol, drugs, gambling, or anything else, it leads to behavior that makes a person unreliable and untrustworthy. It will inevitable prevent the addict from putting the partner’s needs first. Feeding the addiction will always come first, not the partner.

• Does my partner’s drinking/drug use/gambling make me uncomfortable?
• Does he or she acknowledge that there is an addiction problems?
• Is he or she now in treatment or seeking professional help to overcome this addiction?

2. Controlling or Bullying Tendencies

If you feel as if your partner tries to micromanage every detail of your relationship and your life, neither of you will feel as if you have a relationship of two independent, mature adults. If he insists on having his own way more than you think is fair or she does not respect your independence, then it won’t be long before the two of you will experience conflict.

• Does he or she expect me to account for my whereabouts every single minute of the day? If I don’t, does he or she express annoyance or worse?
• Does he or she try to bully me into doing things I do not want to do?
• Does your partner fail to consult you on important decisions? [Read more →]