As 2006 ends and 365 brand new, unspoiled days stretch before us in 2007 how would you like to start the New Year KNOWING how you can improve your marriage? One of the best ways Cindy and I have improved our marriage is by taking the time to ask each other the “right questions.”
For many years in our marriage we didn’t know what questions to ask in order to improve our relationship. But now, thanks to people like Tom and Jeannie Elliff, we have 10 questions husbands can ask their wives and 10 questions wives can ask their husbands.
The goal of this exercise is to increase communication and intimacy between you as a couple. Now, if this will be the first time you’ve ever tried to use a tool like this in your marriage we caution you to go slowly. For example, when asked, “What could I do to make you feel more loved?” don’t give your spouse a long list of things. Start with just one or two. That way you’ll both be able to succeed and the small improvements will inspire you to make even more positive changes.
“Knowing the right questions to ask can be a valuable thing” says Tom and Jeannie Elliff, authors of Letters to Lovers. [If you’d like to hear the Elliff’s share the story concerning these questions, you can go to www.familylife.com. Once you’re on the Home page click on Broadcasts; then under “Section Links”, click on Past Broadcasts. In the box “Broadcast and Transcript Search”, select the date, March 31, 2004 and then click, SEARCH. This will bring up all of the programs that the Elliff’s did that week relating to their book, Letters to Lovers.]
The following comes from two articles posted on www.familylife.com titled, “Ten Questions Every Husband Should Ask His Wife Annually” and then “Ten Questions Every Woman Should Ask Her Husband Every Year.” We pray they’ll inspire and help you in your marriage:
Every year the Elliff’s get away for a private retreat. Once, while sharing a meal in an intimate restaurant, Tom asked Jeannie the following questions — he wanted to listen to his wife’s words and hear from her heart. These 10 questions have become an annual exercise as Tom seeks to follow the Apostle Peter’s exhortation: “You husbands likewise, live with your wives in an understanding way, as with a weaker vessel, since she is a woman, and grant her honor as a fellow heir of the grace of life, so that your prayers will not be hindered.” (1 Peter 3:7 NASB)
QUESTIONS HUSBANDS CAN ASK THEIR WIVES
1. What could I do to make you feel more loved?
2. What could I do to make you feel more respected?
3. What could I do to make you feel more understood?
4. What could I do to make you more secure?
5. What can I do to make you feel more confident in our future direction?
6. What attribute would you like me to develop?
7. What attribute would you like me to help you develop?
8. What achievement in my life would bring you the greatest joy?
9. What would indicate to you that I really desire to be more Christ like?
10. What mutual goal would you like to see us accomplish?Optional — Have I overlooked any question you would like me to ask?
In response to the questions Tom asked so he could really get to know here heart, Jeannie came up with her own set of questions to ask Tom. Jeannie encourages wives to ask their husbands these questions every year in order to keep their marriage sharp.
QUESTIONS WIVES CAN ASK THEIR HUSBANDS
1. Do you feel I properly understand the goals that God has placed in your heart? How can I help you achieve them?
2. What are some things I can do to regularly show you just how satisfied I am with you as my husband and the leader of our home?
3. Is there anything I am doing or failing to do that seems to send a signal that I do not honor you or your leadership in our home?
4. Is there anything I can change to make our home a place where you feel more satisfied and comfortable?
5. Are there any big dreams in your heart that you have been hesitant to share with me? How can I help you fulfill them?
6. How do you feel we can begin communicating better than we already are?
7. Do you feel that there is anything keeping either one or both of us from God’s best in our lives? What should be my part in freeing us from those restraints?
8. Are we where you wanted us to be at this stage in life? How can I help you make that possible within God’s guidelines?
9. How do you envision our future together? What can we do together to achieve that goal?
10. What can I do to show you how much I need and trust you?
Keep in mind that “a good marriage is not something you find. It’s something you work for!” We hope you will “work for” this to be the best year yet for your marriage — hopefully the above questions will help you with this mission!
God Bless,
Steve and Cindy Wright
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1 comment so far ↓
1 Cindy Wright // Oct 12, 2007 at 11:15 am
The following comment, concerning this Marriage Message, was sent to us from a subscriber from South Africa: “This is excellent, advice for both husbands and wives. However, what I have noticed is that men tend to want their marriage wives to be the ones to go out of their way, whereas them men go out of their way for small houses. In Zimbabwe small houses (unregistered secondary wives) are now in vogue. Obviously this is driven by the fact that we are now living in the last days of the end of this system of things. Please help in praying to Jehovah God for the poor married women of Zimbabwe who are ever crying, come bed time. Their husbands come in the morning and create false business journeys, with some even moving out without shame to stay permanently with their small houses no matter how well their wives behave and work for their families. I will try to play my part as per your advice.”
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