100 Ways You Can Love Your Husband HIS Way
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“A husband considers romance to be one way and the wife considers it to be another. The wife provides many romantic gestures which go unnoticed by her husband, because it wasn’t romantic to him. The husband can spend precious time doing what he thinks will bless and romance his wife only to discover she didn’t appreciate it at all.
“What is wrong? Are the gestures extended not romantic or thoughtful? No. Are the recipients ungrateful and self-absorbed? No. The spouse is simply not romancing their spouse in a way that is romantic to them!
“This is a great truth that once practiced is sure to produce lasting fruit. Study your spouse. Find out what romance means to them? It may surprise you! But if you do your homework you will become the master of what really turns your spouse on!” (Tom and Debi, from Theromanticvineyard.com article, “10 Hindrances to Cultivating a Romantic Vineyard”)
Discuss the following list with your husband. Ask him to check the ones most meaningful and then arrange them in order of importance to him. Use this list as a basis for learning his views. Your relationship can be greatly strengthened as you use the suggestions, which work for your marriage —but keep in mind that these are ONLY SUGGESTIONS —not all or any of them have to be used.
(If interested, there’s a list in the “Romantic Ideas” topic which gives husbands 100 ideas, titled, 100 Ways to Show Love to Your Wife HER Way.)
1. Respectfully communicate with him.
2. Let him know he’s important to you.
3. Purposefully try to understand his feelings—even when you disagree with him.
4. Show interest in his friends giving him some time with them if they’re trust-worthy.
5. Let go of the small stuff. We all have annoying habits and preferences that are different from our spouse’s. (Dave Ramsey)
6. Tell him you both love him AND like him.
7. Either show interest in his hobbies or allow him space to participate freely. (D Ramsey)
8. Protect his dignity on a daily basis.
9. When confronting him, realize he has feelings also.
10. Foster an atmosphere of laughter in your home. Look for ways to laugh together.
11. Try not to make sudden major changes without discussion, giving him time to adjust.
12. When you go out on a date together don’t bring up problems—have fun instead.
13. Focus on what he’s doing right, instead of focusing so often on the negatives.
14. Show interest in what he feels is important in life.
15. Give him special time with you apart from the children.
16. The first minutes after a spouse comes home often sets the stage for how the rest of the evening will go. Try to make that time a positive experience. (Ease into the negative.)
17. Give him time to unwind after he gets home from work. Your evenings will be much more enjoyable. (Dave Ramsey)
18. Don’t allow family members to treat him disrespectfully. Defend him to anyone that dishonors his place as your husband.
19. Compliment him often.
20. Be creative when you express your love, both in words and in actions.
21. Talk with him about having specific family goals for each year to achieve together to feel closer as a marital team.
22. Don’t over commit yourself. Leave time for him.
23. Extend God’s grace to him and be forgiving when he offends you.
24. Find ways to show him you need him.
25. Give him time to be alone. (This energizes him to reconnect at other times.)
26. Admit your mistakes; don’t be afraid to be humble. Peel away your pride.
27. Defend him to those who disrespectfully talk about him. Love protects (1 Cor. 13:7).
28. Respect his desire to do well—not his performance.
29. Rub his feet or neck, or scratch his back after a hard day.
30. Take time for the two of you to sit and talk calmly (schedule it when necessary).
31. Initiate going out on romantic outings (when he’s not tired).
32. Email him when he’s at work, telling him how much you love him.
33. Surprise him with a fun gift of some kind that he’d really enjoy.
34. Express how much you appreciate him for working so hard to support the family.
35. Tell him how proud you are of him for who he is (giving him specific reasons).
36. Give advice in a loving way — not in a nagging or belittling way.
37. Help your husband to be the Spiritual head at home (without “lording” it over him).
38. Reserve some energy for him so you’re not so tired when he wants you sexually.
39. Don’t expect him to do projects beyond his natural capabilities.
40. Pray for him to enjoy God’s best in life.
41. Take special notice for what he has done for you and the family.
42. Brag about him to other people both in front of him and even when he’s not there.
43. Keep conversations brief when he’s tired—so he isn’t “flooded” by too many words.
44. Tell him 3 things you specifically appreciate about him.
45. Honor him in front of the children (differ respectfully in private when necessary).
46. ”Look straight into the eyes of your husband when he talks to you or if you’re speaking to him. This will make him feel that you are interested in what he wants to say.” (J. Clain)
47. Get up with him, even when he gets up earlier than you want to and pray with him (you can go back to bed afterward, if possible —it’s a sacrifice worth making.)
48. Be his “help-mate” in whatever ways you sense he needs it.
49. Participate in shoulder-to-shoulder activities with him (like watching a movie and such) without talking. Sometimes men just like to BE with you and not talk.
50. Be a student of his ways so you show your love in ways he best comprehends it.
51. When your husband is in a bad mood give him time to recover. Don’t crowd him.
52. Help him to finish his goals, hobbies, or education when your see he needs it.
53. Treat him as if God has stamped on his forehead: “Handle With Care.”
54. Work to get rid of habits that annoy him.
55. Be kind and thoughtful to his relatives. Don’t make him choose between you.
56. Don’t compare his relatives with yours in a negative way.
57. Thank him for things he’s done around the house. (It means a lot to men).
58. Don’t expect credit for all you do for him. Do it as “unto the Lord.”
59. Make sure he agrees with everything important that you’re planning to do.
60. Do little things for him—let him sleep in, bring him coffee, etc.
61. Don’t belittle his intelligence or be cynical in your words with him.
62. Initiate sex periodically. And respond more often.
63. Sometimes let him enjoy his day off work without having to “work” at home.
64. Get to the point in your discussions. Spare him details unless he wants them.
65. Discover his sexual needs.
66. Surprise him with a 15 second kiss when he gets home from work.
67. Wink at him from across the room when you’re out at a group function.
68. Give him the benefit of the doubt when he mis-speaks.
69. Don’t quarrel over words.
70. Be kind and courteous with him. (Don’t be kinder to strangers than to him.)
71. When things go wrong, instead of assessing blame, focus on how to do better.
72. As a kindness, don’t say, “I told you so.”
73. Try not to argue over money. Peacefully discuss future expenditures instead.
74. Take him out on dates—pre-planning all of the details ahead of time.
75. Hold his hand and snuggle up close to him at times both at home and in public.
76. Praise his good decisions; minimize the bad ones.
77. Tell him you love him more often.
78. Put love notes in his pockets and brief case.
79. Sit with him while he’s watching TV—even if the program doesn’t interest you.
80. Don’t expect him to read your mind (despite your thinking he should— extend grace).
81. Periodically, give him time with his family alone.
82. Check with him before you throw away his papers and stuff, when possible.
83. Put effort in to keep yourself in good shape so he’s especially proud to be with you.
84. Let him express himself freely, without fear of being called stupid or illogical.
85. Carefully choose your words. Remember to “speak the truth in LOVE.”
86. Don’t criticize him in front of others—keeping his dignity in tact.
87. Visit his childhood home with him.
88. When you’re angry, express it in respectful ways. Don’t give the silent treatment.
89. Pray for him.
90. Make him homemade soup when he’s sick.
91. Look your best—dress to honor him and make him proud to be seen with you when you’re out together.
92. Support him when someone tries to put him down. Be his best cheer leader.
93. Don’t disagree with him in front of the children.
94. Take him for a weekend get-away without the children.
95. Cheer his successes whether in business or in other areas of everyday living.
96. Graciously teach him how to demonstrate his love for you.
97. Give him coupons to redeem—maybe for a back scratch or a shoulder rub.
98. Buy him a gift certificate to his favorite lunch spot and put it in his wallet.
99. Hide notes for him around the house where only he will find them.
100. Thank him for just being himself.
The author is unknown, for the list of “100 Ways.”
— ALSO —
From the ministry of FamilyLife.com the following is a link you can follow and learn:
• 50 IDEAS TO INSPIRE YOUR HUSBAND
• 50 THINGS TO SAY TO YOUR HUSBAND TO MAKE HIM FEEL GREAT
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(NIGERIA) YOUR WORK IS QUITE HELPFUL. PLS KEEP IT UP. REMAIN BLESSED. WITHOUT PEOPLE LIKE YOU MARRIAGE COULD BE IN A DEGRADABLE PROFILE.
(USA) I am getting married in March and we have a 50-50 relationship but use this as a referral list You can change it a little to be towards wifes and other relatives. Life is a learning experience and every little lesson helps.
(USA) Been married 25 years. Marriage is awesome when you give your husband your 100%. The Bible says, do all things as unto the Lord. My marriage was tough the first 10 years but I always tried to keep in mind to love my husband like he was my Jesus. And do you know what? It works. I am happier now than I was when we were dating. No regrets here. No looking back. My service to God is first, then to my wonderful husband.
(KENYA) How wonderful to hear you dedicate 100% to your husband. In my culture, we are trained to be good wives from a young age. I am glad my upbringing is contributing a lot to my marriage. I am married to a wonderful European man for the last three years. We have an amazing life together. I treat my husband like my God, He is my lord on this earth! It does indeed work to give your all. I try to spice up my marriage in different ways:
1) When he comes from work, I am always home (I am a businesswoman, I run my business from my home). I make sure I clean up, fix my hair, wear tidy, clean, clothes (I mostly wear lovely, shapely dresses in wonderful colours), wear wonderful perfume, put light makeup and shinny lip gloss on to give him a nice sticky kiss! And I smile, hug him big and long, take his suite case and coat. I bring him cold homemade fresh juice. I ask him how his day was. I just listen to him. I do not raise any issues I have heard during the day until after dinner- I usually summarize it to 5 minutes only. I then leave him alone for the next hour (he normally goes to have a shower, then relaxes in our cozy living room listening to music).
2) While he’s relaxing, I start preparing dinner, setting the table – I always have different flowers and we have candle lit dinner with soothing African music in the background.
3) After dinner, we normally sit on the veranda admiring the wonderful African sky, having a drink, laughing and just relaxing!
(USA) Your comment made me cry. You see I was engaged to an incredible man that I truly felt God had made him just for me but I didn’t handle him with care. I didn’t respect him at all. In my eyes he was a weak man. When in reality I was the weak soul. He walked out on me when I was pregnant because he couldn’t handle the disrespect or name calling. Since he left I joined a great loving parish that has taught me how to love and respect. He is back just to be a part of our daughter’s life.
Yet, now I treat him with kindness and respect. I listen to him patiently. I write him little positive notes when he comes over to see our baby. He told me he sees the change in me and that I am an amazing woman. He asked if he could attend Sunday Service at my parish and I gladly invited him to. I did a whole 360 when I found the Lord.
As for Gabe and I, only the Lord knows if we will ever get back together. Gabe told me he hasn’t closed the door on that possibility but right now we should only concentrate on filling our inner voids with the Lord’s love.
(US) If you follow this list, then who is taking care of the wife? If she works full-time, half of these suggestions could never apply without the wife dropping dead from exhaustion. I agree that it can be used for each partner but it seems from these comments we are to bend over backwards for him only.
(AUSTRALIA) Carolyn and those who have tried it are a testament that if you give 100%, you will reap a rich, fulfilling relationship. But bear in mind, there are relationships that are a different kettle of fish. These ones cause so much crisis and damage, and it is those caught in these that search the web or other places for desperate answers. To those who are involved with a spouse who mistreats, dominates or controls him/her, giving 100% does not solve anything.
That’s why you get two sets of comments -those who can’t understand why others don’t just respect and sacrifice, thinking that THAT is the cause of the problems. In abusive/violent relationships, whether the abuse is physical, emotional, spiritual or financial, what you do does not change the dynamic because the other person is disordered. If the person is broken due to childhood issues, you can support unconditionally and help them sort through and put the anger back at the original target in order to sort of lies from truth and re-arrange their thinking, if they are willing. However, some are wired differently and from childhood, nature and nurture have combined to raise a sadistic, callous, unempathetic person who doesn’t present that way initially. Supporting these types of people unconditionally will wreck you and your faith. That is not God’s will and false guilt should not be heaped on these victims for failing at their marriages.
It would be such a wonderful thing when the church, and society in general, begins to understand the injustices and travesty that happens behind closed doors. (Mostly they suffer in silence but they will search for answers where they think they are safe – the internet is one of them.) We puzzle and despair at the broken relationships around us, and we know it ought not to be so. So we try to redouble our efforts at fighting the dark forces against marriage, preaching harder and harder against worldly and humanistic ideas about relationships. This is wonderful because it brings awareness and knowledge into how to help relationships flourish. Being unselfish, forgiving, kind, sacrificial – what better gifts could you offer your spouse.
Yet, marriages still break down. Again, this is because in many cases, people have tried very hard, but it is not the devil who is breaking down something whole, it is God rescuing broken down lives penetrated by the evil of a person given to evil ways.
(USA) Ya, just a list of… you make women feel like they are the ones responsible. REALLY!! Where’s the list for men? Men are supposed to love their wives like Jesus loved the church. All I saw was women loving their man. I say when my husband loves me like Jesus, I will be his Mary M.
(USA) Shelly, How hard did you look for the list? http://www.marriagemissions.com/100-ways-you-can-love-your-wife-her-way/
When the article is titled 100 ways you can love your husband his way, chances are pretty good it’s going to be tips for those wives who desire to show love to their husbands in the ways he’ll best experience that love. The existence of this article does not preclude the list I’ve linked that gives husbands some ideas as well.
Frankly, women ARE responsible for showing love to their husbands, just as men are responsible for showing love to their wives. Since one cannot control what another person does, or doesn’t do, and only has control over their own actions, perhaps you would consider this list in the spirit it was intended, as one of two articles, this one being aimed at wives who desire to honor God by showing love to the husbands.
I suspect most husbands want to experience the love of their wives differently than a child wants his mother’s love, or a wife wants her husbands love, hence this list.
(USA) Sorry you missed the scripture in Ephesians 5:21 & 22 where it says “submit to one another, out of reverence for Christ.” I pray God will change your cold heart.
(USA) AMEN SISTER!!!!
(USA) Oh Honey… I was thinking the same as you… a two way street!!! I totally agree. If I’m going to be making money and supporting the family, he has to accommodate me just like I do to him!!!
(USA/BRASIL) The Bible tells us that to honor God, we should respect our husbands. It also says that husbands should love and respect us. This happens to be an article about the many ways you could go about doing that. I am sure that whoever wrote this doesn’t do every suggestion each day.
One thing I have learned is that if you demand respect from your partner you are a lot less likely to recieve it. Rather show your partner respect and your partner will probably follow suit.
It becomes a childish power struggle if you put a condition on your respect and kindness. For instance, consider the following two arguments – one is a sister and brother the other is a husband and wife: “I won’t say sorry unless they say sorry first.” or “I am not cleaning this room until they start cleaning something around here.”
Many of us have a tendency to carry this attitude around with us because we feel like we aren’t appreciated enough. Usually this feeling makes us appreciate others less, causing them to feel unappreciated which makes them show us even less appreciation and the cycle continues – or that person decides to stop the cycle and shows more appreciation to us and we in turn, feel better and are able to pass those positive feelings back and forth between each other.
I have seen countless marriages fall to pieces because of this cycle and I am determined to keep it from entering my marriage so I love this list. I might even print out the other one too for my husband to read
(SOUTH AFRICA) I’m married for 4 yrs, have known my hubby for 10. For the 1st 9 yrs, I always thought it’s his responsibility to make me happy (which God says it is), but we always argued about everything, abused each other verbally, physically and emotionally. But I had to learn the hard way (for God works exactly like a good father would when teaching you life’s lessons). His way of teaching us can be very challenging, ’cause He makes us see ourselves as we truly are, that when you give all of yourself WITHOUT EXPECTING ANYTHING IN RETURN, you are more powerful in effecting change in your home.
If you don’t want to live a godly life, I’m sorry, nothing will change. No list for your hub will make a difference. Submit to the One who ordained marriage and you’ll be a happier person. If your husband is not doing his part, PRAY FOR HIM, and FORGIVE HIM IMMEDIATELY!
God is blessing me so much this past year because I took this advice from a complete stranger on a website
(USA) I’m right there with you Shelly. Unbelievable. Treat your husband like baby Jesus and he can be rude and inconsiderate as and when he pleases! Cut the crap, Really!
(ALASKA) Shelly, God never intended for our love to be conditional. “If I get X, then I will give Y.” I know from 15 years of experience, that if you love your husband freely and without conditions, trusting in the Spirit of God to help you overcome your personal limitations, your husband will blossom into a very loving, considerate man. You will become what God created you to be, and you will help your man become what God created him to be. Try it in faith!
(USA) My husband and I have been together for 14 years and married 7 of them. He is the most loving, unselfish, giving, kindhearted, and wonderful man I have ever known. God sent him to me when I needed him the most, but I wasn’t kind to him in the beginning. I was very head strong, controling, and just down right mean and hateful to him.
Now that I look back at things, I am amazed that he stuck it out and married me. If I were him, I wouldn’t have. Now that I have given my life to God, I see that I should have been serving not only God, but my husband, as well. God knew that I was lost and he sent my husband to show me the way. By my husband sticking things out with me, I have changed and given my entire self and life to God.
I think that is where most women now a days goes wrong in their marriage. They think that they need to be the head of the relationship, when it is the opposite. Men are made to be the head and our protectors. We should not only respect that, but encourage it. We should serve our husbands in every way possible to show our appreciation for all that they do. We should never fail to thank God for all that he has done and will do.
Never ask why is there only a list for women and not the men. Never ask why, just do and be thankful for all that you have and all that God will bring you when you serve Him.
(USA) Do you know what Jesus does when his church disobeys him? Have you read the Bible? If you are a feminist, don’t be using that example because obviously you should “love your husband as yourself”…
I have found that as a woman, we are mean without knowing it and then we blame our husbands. For example, we blame the fact that we have to work on him, even though it is our choice to work. Then we give him the cold shoulder to punish him, not realizing that he is too nice to ever do that to us. You have to realize that men have feelings too, their brains just aren’t as good at finding the vocabulary to express them. And women’s brains aren’t as good as stuff like direction and location as men’s. We need to be gentle with men, that’s the only way they will be happy.
(USA) This is why marriages are dying today… A majority of the comments on here are nothing but selfish and self centered. Thank God in Heaven, Jesus wasn’t that way or we would all be paying for our sins in a VERY unpleasant way. It truly upsets me how some of you respond out of such anger that, “How dare someone tell me 100 ways to maybe help my marriage by loving and RESPECTING my husband!”
God expects from us to love and submit to one another. What is sad is that they have to have this list to coach us because of the selfishness of spouses. God is just and you only answer for you, not your spouse. So what is the hurt in trying some of these things? These things could save a marriage, soften a heart and maybe even lead a spouse back to Jesus because of the love you are showing from both lists.
NO where in this list did it say to bow down to or be a walking mat… it says to show your husband love through some of these simple, yet loving ways. No one is taking away from the fact that you are a hard working woman, but can I be honest? All of us are undeserving. We live in a broken world, but think about what it would be like if we all tried to love that unconditional love like Jesus. Just a few of these tips could turn your marriage around and if it is good it could get better!
I don’t remember saying my vows to my husband and including, “For richer or poorer, sickness and in health, better or for worse… and if you do this for me then I will love you, but if you mess up I’m done trying! Oh and I expect you to do things for me in return when I show you love and respect!” You set yourself up for a lot of disappointment when you have an attitude like that.
Instead, love your husband with everything you have and respect and submit to him because that is what God calls you to do, not because your husband deserves it, but because that’s how God designed marriage. God Bless! Just to refresh your memory… Eph. 5:21-33
(USA) Amen Shelley! BTW, just received this email from my husband. Gag. I would gladly treat a man this way if it worked both ways.
(USA) Here is the list for the men to read
: http://www.marriagemissions.com/100-ways-you-can-love-your-wife-her-way/
(NZ) I so agree this list is a bit sexist in this day and age we are not all slaves to me! reserve energy fro when he wants you sexually ! the cheek of it we are not objects ,
(USA) When you give of yourself, it is given back a hundred fold. and there is a list for husbands as well. When someone is treated well, they will respond in kind. Someone has to begin. Pay it forward and see what happens.
(USA) The thing is, when we are asked in Heaven about things… we aren’t going to be asked how the other person performed. We ARE RESPONSIBLE for our actions and reactions, including those towards our hubbies… I have found that when we show honor to our husbands, they tend to cherish us. It may take time if we have had a track record of not honoring our men for it to happen, but we are supposed to love our husbands and serve those around us using Christ’s example of servitude. If this is the case, then in application towards our husbands, even if they don’t return or acknowledge the fact that we are honoring them, we must continue to do so.
If Christianity was based on a “You do for me, then I’ll do for you” basis, we would be no different than the world. As it is though, the Bible teaches us to “Do unto others as you would have them do unto you…” (Matthew 7:12), and this carries over into our marriages as well. Should our spouses do the right thing and be good to us without prompting? Yes… but are we let off the hook for not doing it even if it isn’t returned? I think not… I do suppose though, that we will just have to keep looking to the Word for how WE should behave… Be blessed!
(BRITAIN) I believe that the person who wrote this list has to be a male. I won’t say a man. because a man would never allow a woman to be a door mat for him in this way. Life is give and take, this is not from the Bible, no Bible would allow this. Yes women are the core of a family and any relationship, but this is too much. And yes, where is the list for How to Treat the Wife????
Any decent woman, would love her man more than what this list says, IF and only IF she is loved the same way. It’s about meeting half way. He gives me love and respect, I give him the same back. He respects my family, I respect his. If he chooses not to respect ME and my family and friends, then he will have no place in my life. Not even as a door mat! Simple as that.
I am happily married with 3 beautiful girls. My husband came from a very rural area of Lebanon. He was like a cave man. But our love was bigger than all of those differences between us. I brought him into my city world and educated him and showed him how he can be a civilized person without losing his belonging and culture. He’s a changed man and he has learned to love and respect me, unlike the way his dad treats my mother in law. He has learned to become British and keep his Lebanese traditions.
If any human loves the other, and the other respects and appreciates that love, then it’s a happy ending for sure.
(USA) People often say marriage is 50/50. I believe both people should bring 100/100. It shows your spouse that you are 100% invested in the marriage, in good and bad times.
(USA) Teressa, I really like your idea of each giving 100%!
Personally, I am an atheist but was looking for ways to connect with my future husband in a way that is good for him, not just me. Although some of these suggestions are sexist I like the spirit it
was written in and it reminds me that treatig your husband the way you want to be treated is not always the best way to approach things; I’d love to talk for a hour about our day, but after a long hard day at work he would probably rather I keep it shorter and just spend time being with him like the article suggests.
(CANADA) Congrats on your recent marriage! My husband and I were married last August. After reading your comment I wanted to pass on the most important message I’ve learned about marriage.
Our priest told us this and I believe it to be true. He said: “Nowadays we hear people say that ‘a successful marriage needs equal contribution between the husband and the wife. It’s not the ice age anymore and both people need to contribute equally. 50-50.’ That may sound nice, but a marriage that is striving for 50-50 is likely to FAIL!!! A marriage is NOT 50-50. It is a 100-100!
Live that, and your marriage will be strong and last a lifetime.” I hope his words will direct and strengthen your marriage as much as it has ours. I wish you the very best. God bless.
(GEORGIA, USA) I agree 100% with Danielle’s comment. Thank you Danielle, for having some common sense and logic. I am a Christian and because of that I believe in fairness.
The advice for women: Give him a “HALF AN HOUR” to unwind after he gets home from work. Your evenings will be much more enjoyable.
The advice for men: Arrange ahead of time to take your “time out”, giving him “A FEW MINUTES” with the children.
So men get 30 minutes time to relax and women get only a few minutes to relax?
The advice for women: Work to keep yourself in shape “IN EVERY WAY.”
The advice for men: Keep yourself in “AS GOOD A SHAPE AS REASONABLE” so she’s proud to be with you.
HAHAHAHAHA. These lists are so obviously one sided and geared to primarily benefit men. Only an idiot with 3 brain cells wouldn’t realize this is completely sexist and ridiculous.
(USA) First of all you are starting with the wrong percentage. Marriage, or any relationship is not 50/50 it is 100/100 percent. You never want to go into a relationship lacking 50% on either party your relationship will suffer.
(USA) This list can actually go both ways. I gave my husband 100% and he gave nothing, only took. We are divorced now, but had he treated me like this list describes we would still be together.
(USA) Snap. If the Biblical beliefs aren’t shared, the whole thing is hopeless. Some women can give and give and give and no response. Zip. Zero. Zilch. Only in a perfect world (ie; Heaven) will there be REAL love for these women.
(USA) Shelly, Sweety there is some hope. You can’t worry about the man, but worry about yourself and how you are pleasing the Lord. You would have to pray, and be very specific in what you pray for ways to change yourself, and not your man. You leave the change of your man up to God. He has the power to mold these men.
When we set an example by our works, they will either be grateful and learn from it, or do the total opposite. Don’t let another individual change you. You’re not living for him but for God. You will be truly blessed in the end, whether you are with, or without him. Be blessed.
(U.S.A) Hello, I am 22 years old and have been married to my 26 year old husband for 3 years yesterday. We’ve been together for 6 and up until this month I always expected oh so much from him. I would scream if he was smart with me; I would scream if he left me alone. I always expected him to wait on me hand and foot and I really didnt have much respect even though I claimed I did.
I am black and he is hispanic and the main thing he has said is that he doesn’t understand why American women are the way we are (which caused me to flip even more lol). I come from a church home and was taught right but it didn’t seem like we were connecting until one day I just shut up and listened and OMG IT WORKED! Instead of immediately taking the offensive to things he said (which were actually common sense), I instead did my best to understand him and what he was saying to me.
I was bent on defending myself. I looked past the fact that I love this man soooo much and I know he loves me the same, that he never says anything against me but purely for both our benefit. I stopped trying to be heard and right and actually let him lead as he should and does as a man should. I thought about how our changing times has influenced relationships and have seen the issue.
So many of us are trying to be independent (while married), trying to be the head of house when God should be and can be through our husbands. We say this is not the old days when wives were seen and not heard like our grandmothers but wonder why relationships don’t last nearly as long as theirs?
As a formerly twisted wife (lol) I have to say it’s much easier to just simply take it easy. HAVE UNLIMITED PATIENCE as we do (should) with our children. No one is perfect and we are entitled to our own inconsistencies BUT we MUST learn to turn down our pride a few notches and learn to apologize and things WILL get better.
One more thought to this end, it isn’t going to be instant but just like anything else we have to train our MINDS, BODIES and more difficultly, our HEARTS. Try it for 30 days with pure determination and watch how much stress we can reduce and how much happier we can make everyone around us.
(USA) Kiy, I applaud you and am excited for the future you and your husband have ahead of you. I also swallowed society’s talking and living points, and it probably would have killed off our marriage if I hadn’t woken up soon enough. Thank God I did.
What they say makes sense in theory, but it doesn’t prove out in real life (except in very few marriages). Eventually as I saw this, I changed my ways and my husband changed a lot of his — kind of the domino theory of one making the change and it sets off a chain reaction to inspire others to change as well. That doesn’t always happen, but it often does.
It’s difficult to eat humble pie, as you and I have done, but in the end it’s SO worth it! You’re 22 years old, and yet you are exhibiting wisdom beyond your years. Go girl! May God richly bless your marriage!
(UKRAINE) Thanks a lot!!!
(USA) Alyona, your appreciation touches our hearts. May God receive all the glory!
(CANADA) OK KIY- THAT”s just a GOOD WORD! <3
(UNITED STATES) This was some good information that blessed me. I have a wonderful husband that loves and cherishes me. There is no reason why he should not be treated like the King he is. He is leading our family through the word of God and he leads by example. I am blessed to have him in my life and I will incorporate these tools to better appreciate and respect my husband.
(USA) This sounds like a very insecure person wrote this list. A healthy relationship is about two secure people loving and respecting one another. This list wants someone to forget who she is as a person. The most unattractive concept of a woman is being insecure.
(US) Being considerate, thoughtful and kind to the man that you chose to be your best friend for life is forgetting who you are? Wow…
(USA) It’s not about being kind or treating your husband right. My question is why isn’t this article giving any importance to women? Why isn’t there anything in that list that talks about treating a wife with utmost respect and courtesy? Why isn’t there equality? This article is pure bull.
Sealove, This posting is not about women and their value… you’re missing the point. It’s just to give some tips for showing love to the HUSBAND in a way that he might best understand it. If you look again at the beginning of the article, you will see that there is a link to the posting “100 Ways to Show Love to Your Wife HER Way.” That article is to help a husband show love to his WIFE. It’s not about men and their value (just as this one is not about women and their value). Each of these postings are to help the other spouse in their expressions of showing love. They aren’t to devalue one spouse over the other. They’re just simple tips that you can use or not. It’s as simple as that.
(CANADA) Sealove, there is the same article for men. http://www.marriagemissions.com/100-ways-you-can-love-your-wife-her-way/
(USA) Sealove, I wonder if you think the article for men suggesting a list of 100 ways you can love your wife her way is bull as well? Just curious if you noticed that there was a complimentary article for husbands and if you made a similar comment there that men/husbands should be valued and the article was bull?
(ENGLAND) That’s great to hear. I think many women are scared of their husbands cheating on them. Obviously a big part of it is having a man who is loyal, but it’s also about not giving him a reason to cheat on you in the first place.
It’s important to understand him, and what he wants in the relationship, getting to the root cause can definitely help keep the fire burning and help keep a sustainable and happy relationship.
(UNITED STATES) This is a bunch of crap!!! Us wives should be the ones who get our feet and backs rubbed!!! If my husband messes up I tell him. I don’t sugar coat it…he sure doesn’t. I don’t think that women should ever be expected to do the things on this list. I think that if you love someone it should come naturally. I think that if you are told to act a certain way or feel a certain way about someone…even if it is your husband….you are less likely to genuinely feel that way. Just something to think about ladies!!!
(UNITED STATES) You are SO wrong. You believe that making a man feel like a MAN takes away from your femininity and your power. You are an idiot. I make a six figure income and I make his lunch every morning and make his dinner at night. My husband adores me and always treat me with respect. You are selfish and have ill feelings towards your husband which is evident with your ” I don’t sugar coat it… he sure doesn’t” comment. I hope your marriage improves… and your attitude.
(UNITED STATES) You are right on!!
(USA) How’s your relationships so far? You can lie if you want but your only lying to yourself.
(USA) YOU ARE SO RIGHT!
(USA) I totally agree with you sister, she doesn’t understand men are like babies, they really need our affection and love. A woman is the one who sets the tone or gives the relationship direction. If we only knew our power, how we could change things in a respectful ways, our husbands would die for us, trust me.
(UNITED STATES) But what if you love your husband unconditionally, and you try to abide by these rules and he still doesn’t treat you with the respect you feel you deserve? We have only been married 3 months, but it feels like the worse three months of our 7+ years relationship. I want to enjoy each other!
(USA) Dana, My husband and I just had our 1-year-anniversary in June. So I’m still a newlywed. I was really saddened by your comment about your married life being so bad. I don’t mean to brag, I merely want to establish my credibility by telling you that getting married has been the best thing I’ve ever done in my life and I have loved the past year with my husband. I’m sure our situations are different and I don’t know anything about you but if you’d like to talk about what’s happening in your marriage, I’d be happy to share with you the things that have made our marriage very blessed.
One of the key things was staying pure until marriage. We were both virgins when we got married and we didn’t move in together until after we got married. Staying pure was one of the hardest things I’ve ever done but it so worth it. We are experiencing tremendous blessing in our lives and in our marriage and I attribute it to staying pure. I noticed that you and your husband were together a long time before you got married. If it just so happens that you had a moment of weakness and gave it up, you can still get back some of the blessing that comes with saving yourself.
The first step is to confess the sin and the next is to forgive yourself. There are books on ways to work through it. I know that’s a lame statement, but I can’t go into detail bc that may not be a factor in your life. I don’t know a thing about you so I am not assuming this happened. I’m only sharing my experience. Besides, it’s becoming common in our culture to cohabitate and to have sex before marriage that I don’t even look down on people who made that mistake. We’re innundated with sex in the media and in the the public. Even for me, it’s only by God’s grace that we waited.
The thing is, slipping up takes away some of the sacredness of marriage. There’s nothing to look forward to on the wedding night and or during the honeymoon and often times the honeymoon sets the tone for the marriage.
I don’t know why you don’t feel like you’re being treated with the respect that you deserve. Is it things that your husband says or doesn’t say? What does your husband do to make you feel you’re not respected in the manner in which you should be?
(USA) U said it right on the head.
(SOUTH AFRICA) The truth with men is no matter how much respect you show, if he doesn’t love you he’ll show, despite the pampering. Best is you stay natural and true to yourself. Everybody has someone out there who’ll love them for who they are.
(USA) Dana, a husband needs love, but most husbands spell love r-e-s-p-e-c-t. Your husband desperately needs you to respect him in a way that he can clearly perceive. He needs this as much as you desire his love. Find ways to treat your husband as king without expecting anything in return. Eventually, he will treat you like a queen. Most ladies are not willing to wait long enough for that which is why they go through so many relationships. The same cycle is repeated in every relationship because every man needs his woman to treat him like king.
(UK) Human beings need respect. If you are doing as much as you can to show him respect and love, and he is not respecting you, the relationship cannot thrive.
I know from experience that heaping love on someone that will not respect you doesn’t change them – why should it, when they have permission to treat you any way they want? I tried it for 26 years, treating him like a king. Was I pampered then? No, it made him used to getting unconditional respect and adoration.
Dr Phil says that we teach others how to treat us. If you allow it, he will just continue to treat you that way. If you can stick to your boundaries and clarify what you will or will not tolerate, then follow through, you may see changes. If he doesn’t change, you won’t lose anything worth hanging on to by making a stand. It’s either that or living in desperation and misery. Your choice.
(SOUTH AFRICA) ”Find ways to treat your husband as king without expecting anything in return.” I’m sorry, WHAT? Don’t you have any self respect? I’d rather stay single my entire life than feel like a slave in my own household.
(USA) How do you give them respect when you’ve lost respect for them by the way they have acted? How do you fake it long enough to give them time to change? My husband has agreed to go to therapy, and has been going for a couple months. I am seeing some positive changes, but it is hard for me to give him my unconditional respect when it was lost.
Why can’t we agree that it has to be rebuilt. It seems like the “chicken and the egg.” If I don’t give him my respect he gets frustrated, and when he gets frustrated I don’t respect him. Because that’s been my last 10 years. He is needy and I can’t be his rock anymore.
(USA and love it) I so agree with you. When me and my husband got together, we fussed everyday, all day, but I understood what he meant. When we come home from work he wants peace and I changed my ways. I mean, we fuss still, every now and again, but not as often and our relationship progresses and we are still growing. So yes, I agree with the tips above because I used some tips and they worked perfectly fine with me!
(USA) Deb, I think I’m in love!
(USA/BRAZIL) Haha, nice.
(UNITED STATES) You know that is so true, everything that is on that list… I’ve had some problems doing what was on that list, but I know now that I love my man so much I’m going to try to improve my way of living, because I want to keep my man… So if you think that the list is stupid then you need to get a life. And like the lady said, I hope your relationship gets better.
(USA) I am a married man and I think at least 90% of this is a joke. My wife (and all women) are not meant to be our slaves. Yeah, I like it when she cooks and makes me lunch but it’s not required or expected. A relationship is about living together not living for the other. You are stuck in the stone age. I’m glad you make six figures, but you need to pull your head out of your husbands a** and live for each other, not him and the kids! Before you preach to others look at how disfunctional your family is before you speak. Thank you.
(USA) Wow…I have to say that I am really amazed as to see this coming from a man I was in total disbelief when my eyes came across this.I am married and January 20th will be 5 years that we have been married. I am a stay at home mom and have 4 children, 1 boy who is 11 and 3 girls 8,3 and 7 months and I do pretty much all the cleaning and the cooking as well as taking care of the kids alone. A lot of the times there’s times where I feel as if I would be better off as a single mother.
I dont agree with all of the things listed above. I feel that a marriage is based on 50/50 not 90 and 10. Yeah, he works full time and supports us and it’s greatly appreciated but we have 1 vehicle that is our only transportation so I am pretty much stuck in the house 24-7 and dont go no where unless my kids have doctors appts. Other than that I’m home and I feel like a prisoner in my own home at times and a slave alot of the times. I occasionally ask for help around the house when needed and his words to me is “that’s your JOB.” We are having a rocky marriage right now because of this and because of me not being able to get out and have a little time for myself and I think its unfair.
I do agree that you should do what ever you can to make your husband happy but I dont think a woman should be taken advantage of or be walked on like a door mat. I know that he is tired from working all day but I get tired too and when the kids go to bed I’m so exhausted from being with them all day and doing chores etc. that alot of the times I don’t feel like pleasing my man sexually and he gets mad about it and we argue over this. I realize what he does for us but he doesnt realize what I do for him and I don’t get respect in return. So, see ladies sometimes all your hard work on trying to make sure your man is treated like a king doesn’t always pay off. I wish there were more men like the one that posted this comment in the world. A lot of men need to open their eyes and realize what they have because you never know what you got till its gone.And me personally I know I’m a good woman and tolerate and put up with alot of crap but I keep holding on and try and make the best of it because of my children.
(USA) You can’t be a man, I think that you are a woman writing as a man. Guys don’t talk that way and we definitely don’t think that way. This list does not tell women to be slaves it only tells women to treat US MEN the way we are DYING of need for them to treat us. If my Woman did these things for me I would fight Mike Tyson for her and do most anything for her if she needed me too. There would be nothing within the bounds of biblical ethic that I would not do for her.
This list is just about almost the perfect list and has almost hit all the problems I have with my woman and JUST ABOUT ALL OF THE OTHER FELLAS THAT I ASSOCIATE MYSELF WITH who like me feel so neglected and unappreciated, berated, disrespected, over stepped, overlooked, unconsidered, betrayed, untrusted, violated, severely depressed, attacked and one inch from pulling our plugs do to our wives constant belittling and uncompromising and impatience ethic of wanting to control and take charge and not letting us be Men.
I mean lets look at Mother’s Day and Father’s day when on Women are pampered sometimes women who aren’t even mothers and we Men might get a card or two but usually wind up cooking on the grill and being left to ourselves. Many women seem to just not appreciate and respect and see how necessary we are as Men. And many of these women just happen to be sisters in the body of Christ yet they forget that, as Paul so eloquently pointed out, Eve was created for Adam and not Adam for Eve and also that the house was given to the man as head for the Father is the Head of Christ and Christ the head of Man, and Man the Head of Women.
Don’t get me wrong He also said Men should love their wives as our Christ loved US, the church and to honor our wives as the weaker vessel.If you haven’t noticed men are suckers and will do anything for women, anything, we are still paying for biting the apple off the tree which is totally our fault for consenting. I myself vehemently say that I would willing and without hesitation die for my wife and I know all of the guys would too.
I EVEN COOK AND CLEAN FOR CRYING OUT LOUD!!!! I TRY TO CATER TO HER NEEDS BUT NOTHING IS EVER GOOD ENOUGH!!!! I’M ALWAYS DOING SOMETHING WRONG OR THE WAY I DO THINGS TO HER IS STUPID!!!! MANY OF THE FELLAS ALL HAVE SIMILAR ISSUES!!! GEEZ, THEY WON’T LET US BE THE MEN WE ARE SUPPOSED TO BE I THINK IT’S BECAUSE THEY WANT TO BE THE MEN IN THE RELATIONSHIPS!!!! EVERYTHING SEEMS TO BE ABOUT CONTROL AND POWER AND THEY THINK WE’RE TOO DUMB TO REALIZE IT!!! IT’S ONLY THAT “YES, DEAR” SAVES YOU FROM STRESS, HEART ATTACKS, AND STROKES, A MAN HELD TRUE PROVEN THEORY!!! IT REALLY SUCKS WHEN HOME IS THREE TIMES MORE STRESSFUL THAN WORK IS WHERE ALL THE GUYS GO TO TALK ABOUT THE SAME STORY, JUST HOW UNHAPPY ABOUT EVERYTHING AND HOW STRESSFUL TO DEAL WITH THE MRS. REALLY IS!!!! RESPECT, LOVE, KINDNESS, AND PEACE GEEZ THATS IT!!!
Now I know I don’t speak for all of the guys in the world or even in the Western Hemisphere who might have great relationships or settle for less and don’t even think of wanting improvements because asking for more causes oodles of stress and headaches from blabbering gums of berating. There are also a bunch of low lives out there too who should be required by federal mandate to take classes to receive “how to treat the opposite sex licenses” before they are even allowed to interact with any women or put be put in jail for life or receive the chair for what they’ve done to some ladies, but vice versa. I also know a lot of guys with the same issues I’ve talked about and they happen to be many of the guys I know or hear about.
Sure there are jerks ladies but when you find one of us good guys learn how to crown us and we’ll crown you back, because when you don’t we fill we are not getting what we deserve and relationships can suck terribly for everyone. And yes we guys can sometimes be nimrods and clueless but If women did things like the things in this list we’d probably begin to feel guilty about our special treatment if we knew that we are screwing stuff up and we’d want to change. You gotta kindly tell us what we are doing wrong and have faith that if you wait we will change, though when we’re rushed, berated, or nagged respectful or disrespectfully it sorely irritates us and slows us down.
Be warned, when you first make an attempt to stop these methods we will forget things because we are so used to being nagged to death. patience and kind subtle reminders work best here WE ARE ONLY HUMAN FOR CRYING OUT LOUD. Remember Paul said that a women by her character will convert her husband to the faith. And think about it, if you love of enough to let us put the ring on it, then why are we special enough for you to do all of these things and love us without stipulation or condition. Hope this helps some great gal out there who deserves a great guy and a great relationship! Blessed and improved relationships to all!
(USA) To Rebekah: I don’t want to say your husband’s a jerk, but he should be helping you every once and a while. You should be able to travel and get out of the house. You should not have to feel like a slave in your own house. You do a great a wonderful job for your family that should be respected just as greatly as your Husband going to work.
Counseling would be good for him and yeah, sometimes being good to anyone doesn’t pay off. But that’s how the world rolls and if we stopped being good people what would become of it. Don’t give up on him. Go to marriage counseling if he’ll consent. He really should be a little more fair to know how you feel. Rebekah, there are jerks in the world and sometimes for better or for worse we make promises to stay with them for life. They are jerks but we can’t make ourselves out to be liars, by breaking our promises.
Don’t resent him; just be the best woman and wife you can be and pray that his heart grows and ego shrinks. Buy him some books on marriage and really talk about why he does things this way or what problems he sees but respectfully voice your feeling and opinion too.
Marriage sometimes just sucks but don’t give up on it. I pray all turns out well and that he gets a heart to see what you feel so you don’t feel trapped in a prison. I myself, thank you for what you do for your children and family. You are a strong person. Don’t give up. Try the list anyway and get the list for men and give it to him!
(USA) Zack…..I like you! Thanks for all of us married working American women! Woo-Hoo!!
(USA) To Jamie: Thank you for your comments. Yes, this did help me. Right now I am at the “having patience” stage because I think my husband is forgetting a little bit, but I’m trying. Right now I feel like I am giving so much but not getting it back in return. That is OK for now because I hurt him in the past. I’m doing this for God, myself and my family. I was not the nagging wife, but I was a wife that stopped caring, and started ignoring him a lot. I also had a lot of contempt, but am completely over that. I dislike being a stressful part of his life, and am really trying to make things better for him at home.
(USA) To Jamie: Where is the list for men?
It’s in the Romantic Ideas Topic, listed right above this one. –Hope it helps.
(US) Thank you. I feel a relationship is about living life together. Not one person, (husband, or wife) doing most of the work in the relationship.
(USA) How can you preach about showing love while your very own words show hate? You called this woman an idiot. Surely, you can come up with a more Christian way to relay your feelings.
I am a Christian, and while I do believe that husbands and wives need to love and respect one another, I do NOT believe everything in this list, nor do I believe everything in the man’s list of how to love his wife. Many of the tips are sexist.
Fortunately, my husband is a good person and can understand that we need to work together. We BOTH work away from home and earn money for the family, therefore we both should do chores when we get home, and we both deserve a break. Some of the things on these lists are things we already do, some of these things aren’t bad suggestions, but some of these things are absolutely ridiculous.
(CANADA) Danielle, I think you’re reading something into the lists that aren’t there. The lists seem that way even to me. I think they’re very valuable for people who have married the right person and are having difficulty in expressing their appreciation.
(USA) WOW!! Are you still married?
(CANADA) I agree. If you love someone then you will do things for each other equally. It is, however, great to have the list just to see if you actually do these things or run out of ideas.
(USA) Very true. I have been married 20 years to the same man and I know there are alot of good ideas here. It doesn’t mean that I let him walk all over me. He is a good man and treats me very well.
(USA PROUDLY) Erin, while some might not agree with what you had said, primarily in the choice of words you had used, I do agree that marriage is based on making some compromises. Yes a wife should have her feet rubbed by her husband if her feet need some TLC. You shouldn’t sugar coat anything; honesty is always the best policy in all things but you don’t need to do it so brashly.
Take #93 ~ if you disagreed with your husband and you are blessed with children, do you argue in front of them? This list is not to tell you how to act with your husband it just gives you some tips and tricks that you might want to use that maybe you haven’t in a long time. Never take your spouse for granted.
(THAILAND) I feel sorry for your husband. Remember, do unto others as you would have them do unto you. Your husband works hard and you should show him you appreciate it and respect him when he does something wrong, since no one is perfect.
(USA) Men need just as much attention as women! I personally feel good to make my husband’s life as easy I can. In return he does things for me, randomly, and he’s happy to do so. He rubs me, and I do so in return. They need to know how much they are appreciated as much as we as wives need to know how much we are appreciated. Why would your husband appreciate you, if you do nothing for him? Men don’t like to feel like they have to be the tough one all the time, the one who has to do things for you. He needs his time to relax, his time for appreciation, your marriage would be bitter without self respect for eachother and loving to do things for each other.
I think you misunderstood what these statements meant. These are lists for how men can make their wives feel loved and appreciated as well. They deserve just as much as we deserve. The only thing that changes us as people is our sex; men have just as much feelings as women. They may not show it, but they feel it. If you don’t show him love, he will find someone who does.
(UNITED STATES) My heart actually skipped a beat to read such words. I can’t believe that a person (be it woman or man) would have such things to say about their “Best friend”. Every marriage has its problems, it is important to keep focus on the things that matter (each other). I love my husband, that’s why I will always do WHATEVER IT TAKES to keep our marriage and our love together. I appreciate the “reminders” that are offered in the 100 ways to love your husband. Sometimes even if we do genuinely feel a certain way, we often don’t show it, or maybe we think that we are. Please try to look at this a different way. I believe that you do want to help your marriage or you wouldn’t have been on this sight.
(USA) You said you would do whatever your husband wants. I have to ask this question because I am dealing with it. If your husband asked you to have sex with someone else while he watched would you do it? I am dealing with this issue. I have been married for 25 years. Please help.
(CANADA) Never!! When we talk about loving and respecting our husbands, we mean it only in a Godly way, and a Godly marriage requires both spouses to be servants of God and one another. We were given the following advice when we got married: Marriage takes 3 … God and you and me. No one should ever be hurt in a marriage, or forced to participate in unGodly behaviour. I will pray for you and your marriage.
(USA) Please don’t do that. Tell him you only want him. Also, follow God’s loving design to protect you relationship. If you feel comfortable that this would not go public, perhaps let him video yourselves making love, then he could watch that. It would still be only between you and him. Trying to make a better situation out of a bad request. Emphasize your desire for him and him only.
I agree with your reply, KM. The one caution I have to “J” and anyone else who makes videos of yourselves making love (or takes nude photos of each other) is to make sure they won’t get in the hands of someone else who shouldn’t see them — particularly children. My father-in-law took nude pictures of my husband’s mother and had them well hidden… or so he thought. They were SUPPOSED to be for his eyes only. He never considered that he’d have a son who would snoop in places that most normal people wouldn’t go, so he came across the photos. It was not a good experience! My mother-in-law would have been devastated if she would have known about this (she and my father-in-law have since died and neither found out about my husband’s discovery, thankfully).
Also, I came across a relative’s photos of his wife when I was helping to clear things away after this relative died. I don’t know if his wife knew he had the photos of her or not… she certainly didn’t know where they were located because she had me helping her in the location they were located. I’m sure she wouldn’t have wanted me to see them. Fortunately, I found them and not a male relative. Again, I caution you… you may THINK you would be the only one who would view them, but you never know in some circumstances if they are as hidden as you intend them to be.
(USA) I agree, but maybe wives are coming to this site to get ideas because they do care and want to do something special for their husbands. Like me for example. I love my husband so much, but sometimes I don’t always know how to show it. Because I love him, there are things on this list, I wouldn’t mind trying. It’s not about being someone you are not, it’s about wanting to do some of these things because you love him and want to.
Of course, you shouldn’t do them if you don’t want to! It’s just giving examples of things a husband might like. You are right though- wives deserve very similar treatment! I wouldn’t mind a foot rub now and then without having to ask for it. I think that’s more of what this is suggesting. Sometimes, they might feel bad for asking… so sometimes it’s nice if the wife offers. I know usually when I do these kinds of things, my husband reciprocates and is more willing to do nice things for me. It’s good to talk about what you want too and to be yourself.
(USA) You sound like a very angry person. It’s not that the list is telling you how to act, it is suggesting different tactics to make your marriage stronger. You can use the list on wife–husband or even a family member. My future husband was in a marriage for 20 years for his kids. Sadly time took time and we learned and grew together. It’s not that you treat husbands/family member with gloves, you learn their end as well.
(USA) I was resonding to Erin. She sounds so angry and I think this list will help me to become more bonded with my future husband. As I said earlier, my future husband stayed married for his kids… so I want to learn and grow with him. As a matter a fact, I am going to print this and share it with him as it can be used for anyone, really.
(USA) I think you should try not to call it crap. Men need their feet rubbed as well. If you read what he said about women you would not say what you just said.
(UNITED STATES) Look, it’s not crap. I am 19 years old and I am getting married in May. My boyfriend is 18 and he’s the best thing that’s ever happened to me, and I am the best thing thats happened to him. We do everything together and we love it. Love is a wonderful thing… just respect your man and youll get the same in return. LOVE YOUR MAN LADIES…. have God by your side too.
(UNITED STATES) If love came naturally to all of us then God would have left out His command for us to love one another….
(USA) Very good point.
(USA) That’s why you’re having problems now.
(USA) This article has a lot of wisdom that you can only see once respect and love are deep in your marriage. I am so delighted to read that other women share my point of view, and I have much to work on because I adore my husband who adores me, too!
(USA) Hello. No women should not, but you are expected to want to do these things for them out of love. If you took some time to look at the list for men, it’s recommended they try and do the same things. A relationship is a mutual thing, both sides should be committed to do something for their marital partners, not out of responsibility, but out of love. Women need to make their partners feel wanted. And the same goes for men. If you don’t want to do anything for your husband, then why do you think he should want to do anything for you?
(USA) This is pretty straightforward.
(USA) You have a good point. I thought like that up until I got married and noticed that if I didn’t give him my all he didn’t either. It should always be even. Right now I’m extremely happy with my husband he gives me EVERYTHING I want and I ALWAYS get my way!!! That’s because I give him the same thing. Honestly if the love is there, there is nothing wrong with pampering your husband once in a while especially if you want it from him.
(USA) First of all women, as a man I have checked out the women’s list and educated myself. I have always understood that a large portion of marriage is what I can “give” to my wife. It’s not always material items, but kindness, time and love.
I didn’t want to get myself into trouble with you, but I was wondering what Anacely is meaning “especially if you want it from him”? Are you saying many women understand that they will get “it” from somebody else? I don’t know what you mean and it’s why I’m asking.
(INDIA) Hello, My marriage was held 5 months before. After a week my husband start to ignore me. I always tried my best to find out the reason. I asked him so many times about the problem. I even discussed this with his mom when I felt that the situation was out of my hands.
With time this problem has become a big one. Now we never talk with each other from last 3 months. I’d send him e-mails but he’d never give a reply. What can I do? I respect him, love him so much. His family is in my support and they know he is wrong. Even my parents call him but he never attends the phone. I’m with my parents and he is in abroad with his family (parents).
(USA) I sure hope your marriage gets better if you are married. If you aren’t I sure hope your attitude changes before you do or else you will be miserable… It’s obvious that you have been hurt in your relationship. Please, for the sake of yourself, start to love yourself again and then you will be able to love your man.
(US) AMEN! I feel like I am stuck in the 50′s.
(U.S.A.) Your husband is cheating on you (why wouldn’t he) and will leave if he hasn’t already since you posted this. I can guarantee it.
(USA) I love doting on my husband and love it when he dotes on me. We went through a great first year, then a couple of rough years, and then worked things out and learned to love each other in very many of the ways that are on these lists. The rewards are endless, and we earned them by humbling ourselves before the other and stretching our understanding and finding the best in each other. It is beautiful when you reach a point of understanding as we have.
I hope everyone notices that this site has a list for husbands and a list for wives. We are all worthy of being loved the way we like to be loved. What is really frightening is reading the comment from the Kenyan women, or other women or men who think that a husband is like God or Jesus, and the wife is the worshipper. This is not what Jesus said. In Kenya, men are allowed to beat random women on the street with tree branches for no reason. There is no protection of law and this is the way women are “trained” to be good wives – by giving up their own feeling of safety and autonomy. This is not what God intended when he gave us free will.
First, we shouldn’t be worshipping any human being, although we can love them dearly. We are all God’s children, and none of us is God.
Secondly, it is downright evil to hold up one gender or the other as deserving of worship just because of their gender. There are deeply moral, wise, intelligent husbands and deeply moral, wise, intelligent wives out there. There are also pretty evil, immoral, or unintelligent husbands and pretty evil, immoral, or unintelligent wives in the world.
If you are a woman who has fallen into the clutches of a man who is full of pride and needs you to give him more respect or more autonomy than he gives you, ask yourself why he isn’t able to give and receive equally? Doesn’t God ask us to follow in the footsteps of Jesus, in humility, love, generosity, and moral uprightness?
(KENYA) Liz I must say I’m very disappointed with how your comment has ended – making untrue comments on Kenyan men being allowed to beat just anyone on the streets with tree branches! It is primitive of you to say such things when I feel sure you’ve never even been to Kenya (let alone locating it on the world map). For your information, I am a Kenyan woman born, bred and still live here and I’m yet to see a woman being beaten by branches randomly on the street!
Another thing, for you to assume all Kenyan women treat their husbands like Jesus when only one woman posted on this blog versus the other 19 million Kenyan women that have not had opportunity to post their opinions on this blog is laughable and pathetic. I’ll have you know that African women are generally taught from puberty how to behave in their households one day. These teachings generally emphasize that men need respect most from their wives. This is sound teaching in line with the Bible where Paul recognized that wives should respect their husbands and husbands should love their wives. You only need to compare the divorce rate in America where you live (50%) with the divorce rate in Kenya (8%) to appreciate that there must be something we are doing right when it comes to preparing our girls for marriage!
For your information I am married to a very wonderful man whom I respect greatly and who cherishes and protects me wonderfully. I treat him like a king and he in turn appreciates my respect and treats me like his queen. My parents were also wonderfully and happily married and I don’t ever recall tree branches being part of theirs or other relatives equations. So please, before misleading and poisoning everyone on this blog, go for a Kenyan culture and history class!
(USA) I kind of agree with you. Well, both spouses need to tend to one another. The problem comes when one spouse feels “unlove or unappreciated” because they are being selfish or unrealistic about the reality of life and marriage. This is especially true when children arrive. Loving someone should be enough. If someone expects you to love them more then you are not in a true soul mate relationship. Take life in strides. If you are told to act in a certain way, then yes, that can be harmful. It should come naturally. If it doesn’t then there is something wrong with the relationship. The list appears to me to be a guide. No one can live up to this “list” so in a way it is a little far fetched, especially when children come on board. Be realistic with one another when it comes to lifes demands. It is when one spouse becomes unrealistic that problems set in.
(USA) I think that you are an angry and bitter woman for saying that, and it shows that you are incapable of “giving your all.” With that mode of thinking you will likely live a lonely life. As for the women out there, it would do you well to fully ignore her comment. When you really love someone you will do whatever it takes to make that person happy!
(USA) I think this is exactly the sort of mindset that destroys marriages.
Sometimes you do just ACT a certain way to keep the peace; sort of like you would with a stranger, your boss, or someone in another position of power. You aren’t going to love, respect, or cherish someone you live with 100% of the time. But you DON’T scream obscenities, put someone down, and nit-pick every single mistake if you truly love your husband, either.
(USA) This website is a bunch of crap your right. Why dont we put into our marriage vows that we will do what he says what he wants whenever he wants and do it all with a grateful smile because we are so lucky that he wanted to mary us in the first place. We are woman not stepford wives. I’m sure the creator of this website is a man.
Hi Mimi, OUCH!!! I’m sorry we upset you, truly… that is not our intent. First off, no… it isn’t a “man” that created this web site. My husband and I are the ones that are participating with God in this. I work at this full time (40 plus hours) and my husband has another ministry job to help support us, others, and this ministry, plus he works at this part time (neither of us is paid financially for this, just paychecks of the heart). Our family is grown and this is something we enjoy doing together to help others. We have a great marriage and want to help others have one as well. Plus, if it can help one marriage to get onto a better footing, and cause one child NOT to cry himself or herself to bed at night because “mommy and daddy” are fighting all the time and/or divorcing, it will be worth every effort.
Secondly, this is titled “100 Ways You CAN Love Your Husband HIS Way.” It’s NOT “100 Commandments to do Things His Way.” It’s all optional. If you’ll notice, there is a corresponding article that suggests… doesn’t demand either, “100 Ways” to show love to your “Wife HER Way.” This is not about making a wife subservient and letting the husband walk all over her. Quite the contrary. Trust me… I’m no wimp that bows down and licks my husband’s shoes or walks around like a zombie, as my husband’s doormat. And this article isn’t about that either. These are suggestions to use at the appropriate time, IF they will work for the betterment of the relationship. Please don’t take this article out of context.
This is one article out of over a thousand, that contain suggestions you can use IF you feel led, gleaning that which may be helpful, and not using those which isn’t. This is a tool — not the whole tool chest. And you don’t always use the same tool all the time in every circumstance. Use it or not, and use what is helpful and leave the rest behind, going onto something else that does help. That’s all.
Every individual is different and every marriage is different. But if a spouse WANTS to consider ways to communicate love, these are some suggestions that MAY be helpful. They aren’t commands and they aren’t designed that everyone of them is to be used. I hope this helps clear up some things. We are here to help — not hurt or demean, and if it hurts instead of helps, then don’t use any of this; it’s as plain and simple as that.
(UK) Hi Cindy, I agree with you when you say This is one article out of over a thousand, that contain suggestions you can use IF you feel led, gleaning that which may be helpful, and not using those which isn’t. This is a tool — not the whole tool chest. And you don’t always use the same tool all the time in every circumstance. Use it or not, use what is helpful, and leave the rest behind, going onto something else that does help… That’s all. Nice article.
(USA) I agree with some of your comment. I don’t think that husbands should be treated like our gods. I don’t feel wives should be treated that way either. We both work and we both share our home. There should be equal respect in the household and equal responsibilities. I’m also not saying you shouldn’t pamper your hubby, but he should also pamper you right back.
(SOUTH AFRICA) My dear, I can understand from your words that you must be feeling hurt, unloved and disrespected by your man. So did I. But this was one of MY biggest problems, and I’ll quote YOU: “…if my husband does something wrong, I tell him!” It’s possible that YOU are the one instigating this kind of behaviour from your hub. DON’T EXPECT TO RECEIVE LOVE WHEN YOU’RE NOT WILLING TO GIVE IT TO THE FULL! Even if he hurts you, FORGIVE him and deliberately do something nice for him. He won’t know what hit him! REMEMBER, FORGIVENESS IS NOT ONLY FOR THE OTHER PERSON, IT’S FOR YOU!
When you truly decide to let the offense slide (not holding any resentment toward him), you’ll be happier and feel good about yourself for being so strong spiritually. And you’ll see the change gradually happening in him. Even if he doesn’t show any regret for his actions immediately, believe me, it will bother him, ’cause if you pray to God to help you both, the Holy Spirit will work on his conscience. And gradually he will become ashamed of his behaviour. The Bible says we can only overcome evil (offenses to us and others) with good. I challenge you to be strong my dear, and to praise your man, rather than letting him know his mistakes all the time.
He probably thinks you don’t care enough, because you are hurting HIS feelings. And it becomes a vicious cycle. If nothing you do works to bring change, try the list above and persevere!
You’ll have the power in your relationship, if you keep an open mind and take this advice. Don’t forget to pray for your man and your situation. I will too
DON’T GIVE UP!
P.S: Check out this website http://www.joycemeyer.org. This is one powerful lady in Christ! She gives amazing practical advice on marriage and other issues. God bless.
(CANADA) If you think that your man will respect you when you accept this kind of abuse, you are in sane and, GOD help you, you will not get what GOD plans for you! My prayers are with you!
(USA) The last few weeks I’ve been in the same mind set. Strong, independant, but bitter and cold towards my husband because I felt my needs weren’t being met. I would always pray for God to change him. Then it changed.
I started asking God to change my heart, to help me be a better wife. Then I found this list. I was excited. It kind of helped me see where I was going wrong in some areas. I’m not a man so I don’t always know what he needs. I have applied some of these things this week. It has softened my heart and I can see a difference in his attitude as well. I’m not coming at him with a “you owe me attitude” but I am giving to him cheerfully and freely. It is changing me.
Stop pointing fingers ladies, and pray for your own hearts. It is a heart issue and it only keeps you and your marriage in a prison.
(CANADA) Thank you. This is the one I really needed.
(USA) In life, many people have suffered emotional abuse so they have to be taught how to feel and love someone in a natural, healthy, Godly way. These lists were excellent.
(USA) Erin, It doesn’t come naturally because God created us as two completely different genders. Women need to feel LOVED. If you pamper your husband the way that comes naturally to you then it would be all wrong. He knows you love him but he wants to be reassured you respect him and by using this list it would help women communicate that to their husbands and vice versa.
If our husbands tried to make us happy by doing things that would fulfill their needs we would be hurting because they would treat us like one of their guy friends because this is what comes naturally to them. That is their instinct.
If you look and compare the two lists, women’s and men’s, the list are so different on how to communicate love to your spouse. Whoever convinced you that marriage should come “naturally” obviously misled you. I am 22 and only been married for almost 7 months now and throughout Pre-Marital counseling and reading up on marriage constantly I have found this to be true… Read Dr. Emerson Eggerichs book, Love & Respect
it gives wonderful insight.
God created us with a purpose and a plan and as time has gone on society has botched his plan into something they think it should be… and with the divorce rate as high as ever I would say we should probably revert back to our creator’s plan. In today’s society “Feminist ACTIVIST” proclaim independence for women. While it is ok to an extent, God has called men to be the head of the household, but that doesn’t make us less of a human or as a woman that is us submitting to our husbands and to Christ. We are still equals but there are roles to be played in his plan. God Bless!
(UNITED STATES) Wow – that last response is pretty strong, and defensive. Granted – there are some old school ideas about how women “should” act towards their husbands but these are just suggestions and I for one was happy to find them. I’ve been feeling so grateful for my husband. And of the two of us, I’M the one who has trouble showing affection and being ‘soft’ so this list is a great way to help me work at getting in touch with that and letting him know just what he means to me.
And, in case you didn’t notice – there’s a list written for MEN as well…. This is a great list, thanks for sharing it!
(USA) This is right on!!!
(USA) I love reading this list. It helps me plan nice things for my husband. He deserves to be treated very well. I am a happy wife who feels appreciated. My husband shows me a lot of love and respect. So good luck ladies. I hope this list can help.
(AUSTRALIA) Erin from the United States, that is a very poor attitude towards these points. I came to this website because I was looking for ways to love and cherish my wife, or to at least show her, and then I saw this page.
As a man, this is EXACTLY what I’m looking for from my wife, and just as I am sure that the comments on the other page are pretty much what my wife is looking for. Granted, I do ALL of the cooking at home, so the comments about cooking and cleaning up afterwards for her don’t mean a thing in our relationship, but if I’d found this site before we fought recently, perhaps she’d still be living with me.
Erin, please don’t be so negative to these suggestions. If you are married, these are probably things that your husband would like to see. Especially the love notes in the pockets stuff from my perspective. Don’t do these things to receive them in return, but I can pretty much guarantee that if your husband DOES love you, it will pay off for you eventually. A loved husband is a loving husband.
This is just a suggestion list, sometimes, especially in the early years, we don’t know EXACTLY what our partners want. I’ve not been married 18 months and my marriage has fallen apart because I didn’t know how to treat my wife. A wife is a special part of your life, she’s not your mate, yet she is. She’s not your girlfriend, yet she is. She’s so much more than ANY other person in your life, and it can be hard, particularly having married so young, to know what to do. I love my wife, and pray daily that she will forgive me for not respecting her and her feelings. I wish she was here with me…
(USA) I love your comment. It actually brought tears to my eyes. I hope the best for your relationship. Always know, God has all control and he knows what’s best for us. Even when we don’t know ourselves. My God bless you and your wife.
(UNITED STATES) I’m sorry about you marriage. Maybe you could tell her how you feel, how sorry you are, and ask her to come back.
(SPAIN) It is rather sad that is is happening to you. I believe with time your wife will realise that you really care for her and she will come back to you.
(KENYA) Hi Marc, marriage can be confusing at first, then you figure out each other and how to go about it. I hope you gained from this website and hope that your wife did come back!!
(USA) Don’t disagree with him in front of your children. A lot of this I agree with, this I don’t. My children will know I have MY OWN opinion. Now however, if my husband had punished or told the kids no…I do not go against him.
Reading much of this, I see where I am lacking in the trying to be at my best.
The husband more than likely won’t read 100 ways on how to make your wife happy with how she is. But, the family needs a leader and the others will follow. Right?
My husband is not the best leader. He is very racial and very set in his ways. He has begun following me to church and has very much slacked up on his drinking (matter of fact he isn’t drinking anymore) ever since I took the reigns. I am leading when my husband really thinks he is.
We are far from perfect, but I think with my doing a few of these extras…we can certainly head that way.
(UNITED STATES) I agree with you that it is ok to disagree with our husbands in front of our children, but I also believe that any arguments should not be in front of our children.
(UK) I think the point of that comment is to be conscious of how you disagree with your husband in front of the kids. Children are very sensitive and as soon as they feel tension in the home they become very uneasy and tense themselves. Also be careful about what you disagree on. If it’s to do with the kids, they can use use it as ammunition to play you off against each other.
(US) I think these sugesstions are great. Being a newlywed, I find myself doing a lot of them anyway, but it’s nice to see them in print. I think because I am a little older and I have been married before, this (marriage) means so much more to me. It doesn’t hurt that my husband is a true southern gentleman and I really do want him to know that I love and respect him. Marriage in and of itself is a lot of work, but in my experience it seems that the little things really do make a difference. And effort has to be put forth consciously and consistantly, one day at a time. Thank you for these suggestions, I really do appreciate the time and effort to share.
(USA) The Website and resources look wonderful.
(AUSTRALIA) I think that these ideas are great… I’m not married yet but I will definitely be saving this list for when I am. I will also be giving my future husband the 100 ways you can love your wife!!!
You gotta please the men… if you do nice things for them and make them feel important they will treat you nice and show you respect. It doesn’t take much to make a man feel appreciated and this list is a great start.
(IRELAND) We are immigrants originally from Nigeria. I refer to your articles from time to time. It has helped me tremendously. I thank God for a site like this at a time when marriage is under the greatest attack. God bless you guys and enrich you graciously.