(Author Unknown)
Discuss this list with your husband. Ask him to check the ones most meaningful to him and then arrange them in order of importance to him. Use this list as a basis for learning his views. Your relationship can be greatly strengthened as you use these suggestions.
1. Respectfully communicate with him.
2. Let him know he’s important to you.
3. Purposefully try to understand his feelings—even when you disagree with him.
4. Show interest in his friends giving him some time with them if they’re trust-worthy.
5. Let go of the small stuff. We all have annoying habits and preferences that are different from our spouse’s. (Dave Ramsey)
6. Tell him you both love him AND like him.
7. Either show interest in his hobbies or allow him space to participate freely. (Dave Ramsey)
8. Protect his dignity on a daily basis.
9. Be tender with him realizing he has feelings also.
10. Foster an atmosphere of laughter in your home. Look for ways to laugh together.
11. Try not to make sudden major changes without discussion and giving him time to adjust.
12. When you go out on a date together don’t bring up problems—have fun instead.
13. Focus on what he’s doing right, instead of focusing so often on the negatives.
14. Show interest in what he feels is important in life.
15. Give him special time with you apart from the children.
16. Recognize that the first few minutes after a spouse comes home often sets the stage for how the rest of the evening will go. So try to make the first few minutes a positive experience. (And then ease into the negative if it’s necessary.)
17. Give him half an hour to unwind after he gets home from work. Your evenings will be much more enjoyable. (Dave Ramsey)
18. Don’t allow any family member to treat him disrespectfully. Be the one to defend him to any family member that dishonors his place as your husband.
19. Compliment him often.
20. Be creative when you express your love, both in words and in actions.
21. Talk with him about having specific family goals for each year to work on to achieve together so you will both feel closer to each other as a marital team.
22. Don’t over commit yourself. Leave time for him.
23. Extend God’s grace to him and be forgiving when he offends you.
24. Find ways to show him you need him.
25. Give him time to be alone. (This energizes him to reconnect at other times.)
26. Admit your mistakes; don’t be afraid to be humble. Peel away your pride.
27. Defend him to those who disrespectfully talk about him. Remember that love protects (1 Corinthians 13:7).
28. Respect his desire to do well—not his performance.
29. Rub his feet or neck, or scratch his back after a hard day.
30. Take time for the two of you to sit and talk calmly (schedule it when necessary).
31. Initiate going out on romantic outings (when he’s not tired).
32. Email him when he’s at work, telling him how much you love him.
33. Surprise him with a fun gift of some kind that he’d really enjoy.
34. Express how much you appreciate him for working so hard to support the family.
35. Tell him how proud you are of him for who he is (giving him specific reasons).
36. Give advice in a loving way — not in a nagging or belittling way.
37. Help your husband to be the Spiritual head at home (without “lording” it over him).
38. Reserve some energy for him so you’re not so tired when he wants you sexually.
39. Don’t expect him to do projects beyond his natural capabilities.
40. Pray for him to enjoy God’s best in life.
41. Take special notice for what he has done for you and the family.
42. Brag about him to other people both in front of him and even when he’s not there.
43. Share your feelings with him at appropriate times (but keep it brief when he’s tired—sometimes men can feel “flooded” by too many words).
44. Tell him 3 things you specifically appreciate about him.
45. Honor him in front of the children (differ respectfully in private when necessary).
46. Give him time to unwind for a little while after he comes home from work. Arrange ahead of time to take your “time out”, giving him a few minutes with the children.
47. Get up with him, even when he gets up earlier than you want to and pray with him. (Hopefully you can go back to sleep afterwards. If not, it’s a sacrifice worth making.)
48. Be his “help-mate” in whatever ways you sense he needs it.
49. Do some shoulder-to-shoulder activities with him (like watching a movie or taking a drive together) without talking. Sometimes men just like to BE with you and not talk.
50. Be a student of his ways so you show your love in ways he best comprehends it.
51. When your husband is in a bad mood give him time to recover. Don’t crowd him.
52. Help him to finish his goals, hobbies, or education when your see he needs it.
53. Treat him as if God has stamped on his forehead: “Handle With Care.”
54. Work to get rid of habits that annoy him.
55. Be kind and thoughtful to his relatives. Don’t make him choose between you.
56. Don’t compare his relatives with yours in a negative way.
57. Thank him for things he’s done around the house. (It means a lot to men).
58. Don’t expect credit for all you do for him. Do it as “unto the Lord.”
59. Make sure he agrees with everything important that you’re planning to do.
60. Do little things for him— let him sleep in, bring him coffee and/or breakfast in bed, etc.
61. Don’t belittle his intelligence or be cynical in your words with him.
62. Initiate sex periodically. And respond more often.
63. Sometimes let him enjoy his day off work without having to “work” at home.
64. Get to the point in your discussions. Spare him details unless he wants them.
65. Discover his sexual needs.
66. Surprise him with a 15 second kiss when he gets home from work.
67. Wink at him from across the room when you’re out at a group function.
68. Give him the benefit of the doubt when he mis-speaks.
69. Don’t quarrel over words.
70. Be kind and courteous with him. (Don’t be kinder to strangers than to him.)
71. When things go wrong, instead of assessing blame, focus on how to do better.
72. As a kindness, don’t say, “I told you so.”
73. Try not to argue over money. Peacefully discuss future expenditures instead.
74. Take him out on dates—pre-planning all of the details ahead of time.
75. Hold his hand and snuggle up close to him at times both at home and in public.
76. Praise his good decisions; minimize the bad ones.
77. Tell him you love him more often.
78. Put love notes in his pockets and brief case.
79. Sit with him while he’s watching TV—even if the program doesn’t interest you.
80. Don’t expect him to read your mind. (Family’s are spared grief when a husband isn’t required to read their wife’s mind despite the fact that the wife thinks he should.)
81. Periodically, give him time with his family alone.
82. Check with him before you throw away his papers and stuff. (He may view them as more important than you realize.)
83. Work to keep yourself in shape in every way.
84. Let him express himself freely, without fear of being called stupid or illogical.
85. Carefully choose your words. Remember to “speak the truth in LOVE.”
86. Don’t criticize him in front of others—keeping his dignity in tact.
87. Visit his childhood home with him.
88. When you’re angry, express it in respectful ways. Don’t give the silent treatment.
89. Pray for him.
90. Make him homemade soup when he’s sick.
91. Look your best—dress to honor him and make him proud to be seen with you.
92. Support him when someone tries to put him down. Be his best cheer leader.
93. Don’t disagree with him in front of the children.
94. Take him for a weekend get-away without the children.
95. Cheer his successes whether in business or in other areas of everyday living.
96. Graciously teach him how to demonstrate his love for you.
97. Give him coupons to redeem—maybe for a back scratch or a shoulder rub.
98. Buy him a gift certificate to his favorite lunch spot and put it in his wallet.
99. Hide notes for him around the house where only he will find them.
100. Thank him for just being himself.
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(USA) I am a young adult woman who is about to get married for the second time. I find these comments the concrete that holds couples together. Let me be clear though, I am the type of person who need lots of attention from my fiancee and I need him to cherish me in all of the same ways as I should cherish him. However, I always wondered why I seemed to doubt our love for each other in the past as I did with my first marriage. As reading through these suggestions I realized that I MYSELF have A LOT to work on.
I, as I’m sure other people, get caught up in pointing the finger at the other person. (Why didn’t you do this, or why didn’t you say this.) These suggestions make you look at yourself and what YOU can do.
(USA) This is exactly how all men need to feel in their home in order to be a good husband. If you disrespect your husband, or belittle him, he will not be the husband you are wanting. If you give him respect, and not embarass him, or challenge him in front of other people, he will respond by loving you and treating you that way. I think most men shut down toward a woman who can’t even respect him. This is important to men. That is why they are men. women want and need love, men want and need respect. When these two things are in order, the rest falls in place.
I hope I can continue to learn how to respect my husband, and with that, he will continue to love me. When your husband loves you, there is nothing you are missing out on, love is complete. If he loves you, he then shows you respect. This in no way puts you at a disadvantage.
(USA) Erin, It is quite sad to see you feel that way. I think this list is wonderful. They are just suggestions/reminders of how each of us wants to be treated. I have taken some of this advice and it helps to keep the bond I have with my husband strong. I hope you will reconsider. It sounds like your comments are a result of your being hurt by your husband in some way. You will be in my prayers. Thank you Marriage Missions. Keep the suggestions and weekly messages coming.
(SOUTH AFRICA) I think this will be very helpful for me as in fact I am the one who is not very affectionate at times. Please pray for me…
(KENYA) Its true, as you add more years to your marriage, the romance somehow takes a back seat. The suggestions sound realistic. I plan to try them out and see how it goes. One a day! That’s like 3.5 months already….
(ZAMBIA, AFRICA) thank you, i found this very helpful. been married for nearly 2 years, wish i had seen this lsit earlier, its gor very valid points.pray for me as i try to be a better wife.thanx again
(INDIA) Hey Guys, You have done a wonderful job!! You are saving human lives as you know what did I mean!! I can only salute you because when I read these points I was having tears on my cheeks, being a working women I was not having time to converse with my husband and things were going bad with the time. But now I can feel women have the power to do anything. We can make impossible to possible.
My dear friends, I will cheer you if you can always collect this information for all the ladies in this World in Future and will really appreciate you. Many Thanks, Jasmine
(USA) I have read all the items above and still, I feel I have not expressed how much I love my husband… of 46 years! I wish I could just start all over again! There are some items that do endure and perhaps I could still accomplish even though my physical condition imposes some limits. Just wanted you to know there are some happily married people out here!
(USA) So someone sent me this list and I’m not sure they reviewed it before sending it on. Forgive me if there is a counterpart to this list above that I have not seen.
About 1/2 of the things listed above I think should be used equally husband to wife AND wife to husband. The other half remind me of an advice columnist from 1950. I want and deserve the same respect and love I give to my husband. This list implies the woman has all the work to uphold the marriage and keep it running smoothly.
(USA) All I can say is "All the time you spent putting these points down in writing must have helped thousands of people around the globe, and you will be blessed every time 1 wife tries to do 1 out of the 100 things…" So You are blessed as you get in multiples!!