(Author Unknown)
Discuss this list with your husband. Ask him to check the ones most meaningful to him and then arrange them in order of importance to him. Use this list as a basis for learning his views. Your relationship can be greatly strengthened as you use these suggestions.
1. Respectfully communicate with him.
2. Let him know he’s important to you.
3. Purposefully try to understand his feelings—even when you disagree with him.
4. Show interest in his friends giving him some time with them if they’re trust-worthy.
5. Let go of the small stuff. We all have annoying habits and preferences that are different from our spouse’s. (Dave Ramsey)
6. Tell him you both love him AND like him.
7. Either show interest in his hobbies or allow him space to participate freely. (Dave Ramsey)
8. Protect his dignity on a daily basis.
9. Be tender with him realizing he has feelings also.
10. Foster an atmosphere of laughter in your home. Look for ways to laugh together.
11. Try not to make sudden major changes without discussion and giving him time to adjust.
12. When you go out on a date together don’t bring up problems—have fun instead.
13. Focus on what he’s doing right, instead of focusing so often on the negatives.
14. Show interest in what he feels is important in life.
15. Give him special time with you apart from the children.
16. Recognize that the first few minutes after a spouse comes home often sets the stage for how the rest of the evening will go. So try to make the first few minutes a positive experience. (And then ease into the negative if it’s necessary.)
17. Give him half an hour to unwind after he gets home from work. Your evenings will be much more enjoyable. (Dave Ramsey)
18. Don’t allow any family member to treat him disrespectfully. Be the one to defend him to any family member that dishonors his place as your husband.
19. Compliment him often.
20. Be creative when you express your love, both in words and in actions.
21. Talk with him about having specific family goals for each year to work on to achieve together so you will both feel closer to each other as a marital team.
22. Don’t over commit yourself. Leave time for him.
23. Extend God’s grace to him and be forgiving when he offends you.
24. Find ways to show him you need him.
25. Give him time to be alone. (This energizes him to reconnect at other times.)
26. Admit your mistakes; don’t be afraid to be humble. Peel away your pride.
27. Defend him to those who disrespectfully talk about him. Remember that love protects (1 Corinthians 13:7).
28. Respect his desire to do well—not his performance.
29. Rub his feet or neck, or scratch his back after a hard day.
30. Take time for the two of you to sit and talk calmly (schedule it when necessary).
31. Initiate going out on romantic outings (when he’s not tired).
32. Email him when he’s at work, telling him how much you love him.
33. Surprise him with a fun gift of some kind that he’d really enjoy.
34. Express how much you appreciate him for working so hard to support the family.
35. Tell him how proud you are of him for who he is (giving him specific reasons).
36. Give advice in a loving way — not in a nagging or belittling way.
37. Help your husband to be the Spiritual head at home (without “lording” it over him).
38. Reserve some energy for him so you’re not so tired when he wants you sexually.
39. Don’t expect him to do projects beyond his natural capabilities.
40. Pray for him to enjoy God’s best in life.
41. Take special notice for what he has done for you and the family.
42. Brag about him to other people both in front of him and even when he’s not there.
43. Share your feelings with him at appropriate times (but keep it brief when he’s tired—sometimes men can feel “flooded” by too many words).
44. Tell him 3 things you specifically appreciate about him.
45. Honor him in front of the children (differ respectfully in private when necessary).
46. Give him time to unwind for a little while after he comes home from work. Arrange ahead of time to take your “time out”, giving him a few minutes with the children.
47. Get up with him, even when he gets up earlier than you want to and pray with him. (Hopefully you can go back to sleep afterwards. If not, it’s a sacrifice worth making.)
48. Be his “help-mate” in whatever ways you sense he needs it.
49. Do some shoulder-to-shoulder activities with him (like watching a movie or taking a drive together) without talking. Sometimes men just like to BE with you and not talk.
50. Be a student of his ways so you show your love in ways he best comprehends it.
51. When your husband is in a bad mood give him time to recover. Don’t crowd him.
52. Help him to finish his goals, hobbies, or education when your see he needs it.
53. Treat him as if God has stamped on his forehead: “Handle With Care.”
54. Work to get rid of habits that annoy him.
55. Be kind and thoughtful to his relatives. Don’t make him choose between you.
56. Don’t compare his relatives with yours in a negative way.
57. Thank him for things he’s done around the house. (It means a lot to men).
58. Don’t expect credit for all you do for him. Do it as “unto the Lord.”
59. Make sure he agrees with everything important that you’re planning to do.
60. Do little things for him— let him sleep in, bring him coffee and/or breakfast in bed, etc.
61. Don’t belittle his intelligence or be cynical in your words with him.
62. Initiate sex periodically. And respond more often.
63. Sometimes let him enjoy his day off work without having to “work” at home.
64. Get to the point in your discussions. Spare him details unless he wants them.
65. Discover his sexual needs.
66. Surprise him with a 15 second kiss when he gets home from work.
67. Wink at him from across the room when you’re out at a group function.
68. Give him the benefit of the doubt when he mis-speaks.
69. Don’t quarrel over words.
70. Be kind and courteous with him. (Don’t be kinder to strangers than to him.)
71. When things go wrong, instead of assessing blame, focus on how to do better.
72. As a kindness, don’t say, “I told you so.”
73. Try not to argue over money. Peacefully discuss future expenditures instead.
74. Take him out on dates—pre-planning all of the details ahead of time.
75. Hold his hand and snuggle up close to him at times both at home and in public.
76. Praise his good decisions; minimize the bad ones.
77. Tell him you love him more often.
78. Put love notes in his pockets and brief case.
79. Sit with him while he’s watching TV—even if the program doesn’t interest you.
80. Don’t expect him to read your mind. (Family’s are spared grief when a husband isn’t required to read their wife’s mind despite the fact that the wife thinks he should.)
81. Periodically, give him time with his family alone.
82. Check with him before you throw away his papers and stuff. (He may view them as more important than you realize.)
83. Work to keep yourself in shape in every way.
84. Let him express himself freely, without fear of being called stupid or illogical.
85. Carefully choose your words. Remember to “speak the truth in LOVE.”
86. Don’t criticize him in front of others—keeping his dignity in tact.
87. Visit his childhood home with him.
88. When you’re angry, express it in respectful ways. Don’t give the silent treatment.
89. Pray for him.
90. Make him homemade soup when he’s sick.
91. Look your best—dress to honor him and make him proud to be seen with you.
92. Support him when someone tries to put him down. Be his best cheer leader.
93. Don’t disagree with him in front of the children.
94. Take him for a weekend get-away without the children.
95. Cheer his successes whether in business or in other areas of everyday living.
96. Graciously teach him how to demonstrate his love for you.
97. Give him coupons to redeem—maybe for a back scratch or a shoulder rub.
98. Buy him a gift certificate to his favorite lunch spot and put it in his wallet.
99. Hide notes for him around the house where only he will find them.
100. Thank him for just being himself.
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(USA) I have been married for 35 years but I have known my husband for 40 years but I will tell you what, he is the most unromantic man I will ever know. He told me he would tell me when he does not love me. But we get along well and I know He loves me and it will always be that way. We have two grown sons out on their own and doing fine. I just wanted someone to wish me HAPPY VALENTINES day. I never Got A Happy Valentine’s kiss or anything.
(USA) I know that if you want your marriage to get better you don’t send your wife this list after you have ignored her for 18 hours.
(CANADA) The first list I looked at was the "How to show your WIFE…" list, in order to help my husband understand my needs. He read it (among similar pages I found), then we talked things out. In conversation, I realized I, too, needed to check in and see if I were doing all I could to show him my love and appreciation. I was happy to find that some of them I already do, and happy to find more ideas.
If you are calling BS on this list, I urge you to read the other list as well. It helps to make more sense, and you will find some of these suggestions less offensive. For example: The give your husband sex more often suggestion. This becomes less offensive when you understand that on the "how to show your wife.." list it explains that you spend time giving your wife love and affection in the way she needs it, she will then be more open to reciprocation. This is so true. Make me feel loved and I will want to give you love your way. Simple as that.
I honestly think the husband and the wife list should be done together, not separately. I have found it extremely beneficial to my 4 year marriage, and I thank you for putting it up there.
(USA) This list is what I want to live up to more than any personal goal in my life. I have been blessed with the most wonderful man alive and I am thankful for him.
(FIJI) Thanks for the list. I have been married for the past 8 years to a wonderful man who is also a pastor and I had so many issues when I entered into this marriage. God has used my marriage amonst other things to heal me of all the hurts that I had faced in past relationships. Lately, I have been dealing with some of these issues and was informed of your website through a friend. I am working hard on becoming the kind of wife that God wants me to be to my husband and I want to thank you for all the resources that you have made available to us to enrich our marriage. Thanks.
(USA) Give me a break. I agree with Erin– this is a bunch of crap. Probably religious crap.
(USA) Hmmmmm…. " Probably religious crap." Cheena, did you notice the header at the top of the page says "Revealing the Heart of Christ Within Marriage"? I don’t know, maybe that would be your first clue.
Oh well, when the world thinks communicating, showing respect, caring about the feelings of your spouse, and doing things that makes them feel loved is a "bunch of crap", it’s no wonder that so many marriages end in divorce.
I for one think when we stop thinking so much about ourselves and start thinking about our spouse, we may figure out that God knew what He was saying when he commanded us to love and respect each other.
(S. AFRICA) Why is it always a one way street? I have tried so hard to do all the right things and say all the right words but nothing helps. My husband, after three affairs and ongoing emotional abuse, does not deserve my respect. I would love some kindness and attention from him as well. Does God really want me to live this way? Respect is earned not demanded.
(KENYA) I believe women making your man feel special is a BIG part of holding up your home. If you notice, when you treat him very well and mind his feelings, he treats you well too. Don’t forget to pray for him, that he may find fulfillment in your marriage and that you may always appreciate each other. This is a Great article. God richly bless you.
(INDIA) Hi, this is really very helpful because sometimes we tend to miss out on doing this kind of thing, as it is our human tendency. But this type of writing makes us realise what is missing and that’s it!!! We definitely will try to make up most of the negative points whenever it is possible.
God bless all the couples on earth with happiness and satisfaction of being dedicated to each other for their whole life.