(Author Unknown)
Discuss this list with your husband. Ask him to check the ones most meaningful to him and then arrange them in order of importance to him. Use this list as a basis for learning his views. Your relationship can be greatly strengthened as you use these suggestions.
1. Respectfully communicate with him.
2. Let him know he’s important to you.
3. Purposefully try to understand his feelings—even when you disagree with him.
4. Show interest in his friends giving him some time with them if they’re trust-worthy.
5. Let go of the small stuff. We all have annoying habits and preferences that are different from our spouse’s. (Dave Ramsey)
6. Tell him you both love him AND like him.
7. Either show interest in his hobbies or allow him space to participate freely. (Dave Ramsey)
8. Protect his dignity on a daily basis.
9. Be tender with him realizing he has feelings also.
10. Foster an atmosphere of laughter in your home. Look for ways to laugh together.
11. Try not to make sudden major changes without discussion and giving him time to adjust.
12. When you go out on a date together don’t bring up problems—have fun instead.
13. Focus on what he’s doing right, instead of focusing so often on the negatives.
14. Show interest in what he feels is important in life.
15. Give him special time with you apart from the children.
16. Recognize that the first few minutes after a spouse comes home often sets the stage for how the rest of the evening will go. So try to make the first few minutes a positive experience. (And then ease into the negative if it’s necessary.)
17. Give him half an hour to unwind after he gets home from work. Your evenings will be much more enjoyable. (Dave Ramsey)
18. Don’t allow any family member to treat him disrespectfully. Be the one to defend him to any family member that dishonors his place as your husband.
19. Compliment him often.
20. Be creative when you express your love, both in words and in actions.
21. Talk with him about having specific family goals for each year to work on to achieve together so you will both feel closer to each other as a marital team.
22. Don’t over commit yourself. Leave time for him.
23. Extend God’s grace to him and be forgiving when he offends you.
24. Find ways to show him you need him.
25. Give him time to be alone. (This energizes him to reconnect at other times.)
26. Admit your mistakes; don’t be afraid to be humble. Peel away your pride.
27. Defend him to those who disrespectfully talk about him. Remember that love protects (1 Corinthians 13:7).
28. Respect his desire to do well—not his performance.
29. Rub his feet or neck, or scratch his back after a hard day.
30. Take time for the two of you to sit and talk calmly (schedule it when necessary).
31. Initiate going out on romantic outings (when he’s not tired).
32. Email him when he’s at work, telling him how much you love him.
33. Surprise him with a fun gift of some kind that he’d really enjoy.
34. Express how much you appreciate him for working so hard to support the family.
35. Tell him how proud you are of him for who he is (giving him specific reasons).
36. Give advice in a loving way — not in a nagging or belittling way.
37. Help your husband to be the Spiritual head at home (without “lording” it over him).
38. Reserve some energy for him so you’re not so tired when he wants you sexually.
39. Don’t expect him to do projects beyond his natural capabilities.
40. Pray for him to enjoy God’s best in life.
41. Take special notice for what he has done for you and the family.
42. Brag about him to other people both in front of him and even when he’s not there.
43. Share your feelings with him at appropriate times (but keep it brief when he’s tired—sometimes men can feel “flooded” by too many words).
44. Tell him 3 things you specifically appreciate about him.
45. Honor him in front of the children (differ respectfully in private when necessary).
46. Give him time to unwind for a little while after he comes home from work. Arrange ahead of time to take your “time out”, giving him a few minutes with the children.
47. Get up with him, even when he gets up earlier than you want to and pray with him. (Hopefully you can go back to sleep afterwards. If not, it’s a sacrifice worth making.)
48. Be his “help-mate” in whatever ways you sense he needs it.
49. Do some shoulder-to-shoulder activities with him (like watching a movie or taking a drive together) without talking. Sometimes men just like to BE with you and not talk.
50. Be a student of his ways so you show your love in ways he best comprehends it.
51. When your husband is in a bad mood give him time to recover. Don’t crowd him.
52. Help him to finish his goals, hobbies, or education when your see he needs it.
53. Treat him as if God has stamped on his forehead: “Handle With Care.”
54. Work to get rid of habits that annoy him.
55. Be kind and thoughtful to his relatives. Don’t make him choose between you.
56. Don’t compare his relatives with yours in a negative way.
57. Thank him for things he’s done around the house. (It means a lot to men).
58. Don’t expect credit for all you do for him. Do it as “unto the Lord.”
59. Make sure he agrees with everything important that you’re planning to do.
60. Do little things for him— let him sleep in, bring him coffee and/or breakfast in bed, etc.
61. Don’t belittle his intelligence or be cynical in your words with him.
62. Initiate sex periodically. And respond more often.
63. Sometimes let him enjoy his day off work without having to “work” at home.
64. Get to the point in your discussions. Spare him details unless he wants them.
65. Discover his sexual needs.
66. Surprise him with a 15 second kiss when he gets home from work.
67. Wink at him from across the room when you’re out at a group function.
68. Give him the benefit of the doubt when he mis-speaks.
69. Don’t quarrel over words.
70. Be kind and courteous with him. (Don’t be kinder to strangers than to him.)
71. When things go wrong, instead of assessing blame, focus on how to do better.
72. As a kindness, don’t say, “I told you so.”
73. Try not to argue over money. Peacefully discuss future expenditures instead.
74. Take him out on dates—pre-planning all of the details ahead of time.
75. Hold his hand and snuggle up close to him at times both at home and in public.
76. Praise his good decisions; minimize the bad ones.
77. Tell him you love him more often.
78. Put love notes in his pockets and brief case.
79. Sit with him while he’s watching TV—even if the program doesn’t interest you.
80. Don’t expect him to read your mind. (Family’s are spared grief when a husband isn’t required to read their wife’s mind despite the fact that the wife thinks he should.)
81. Periodically, give him time with his family alone.
82. Check with him before you throw away his papers and stuff. (He may view them as more important than you realize.)
83. Work to keep yourself in shape in every way.
84. Let him express himself freely, without fear of being called stupid or illogical.
85. Carefully choose your words. Remember to “speak the truth in LOVE.”
86. Don’t criticize him in front of others—keeping his dignity in tact.
87. Visit his childhood home with him.
88. When you’re angry, express it in respectful ways. Don’t give the silent treatment.
89. Pray for him.
90. Make him homemade soup when he’s sick.
91. Look your best—dress to honor him and make him proud to be seen with you.
92. Support him when someone tries to put him down. Be his best cheer leader.
93. Don’t disagree with him in front of the children.
94. Take him for a weekend get-away without the children.
95. Cheer his successes whether in business or in other areas of everyday living.
96. Graciously teach him how to demonstrate his love for you.
97. Give him coupons to redeem—maybe for a back scratch or a shoulder rub.
98. Buy him a gift certificate to his favorite lunch spot and put it in his wallet.
99. Hide notes for him around the house where only he will find them.
100. Thank him for just being himself.
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(USA) I have been married for 17 years, I love my husband very much and I fell on this web site while looking for ways to let him know the way I feel. I love the list and couldn’t agree more.
Every time I hear of someone getting a divorce it makes me so sad. It isn’t easy to be married but it is the most worthy of a fight than anything else in the world. Entirely too little effort is given by so many.
My daughter is getting married on the 20th of June and I pray she will be as happy as her dad and I. By the way she is 20. Another reason I love my husband so much, he has been the best stepfather to my children.
If we would all as Christian women show the rest of the world how it is done we could do so much for society. Just love as Christ did without anything in return, and husbands would not be able to resist loving back.
(VIRGINIA) I have done most of the things on the list. I truly love my husband, but still he seems unloving to me. I have prayed for him, because of my love for him. We’ve been married for almost nine years. I now have been giving him to God. I believe when you say your vows you marry him for better or worse. God knows my heart towards my husband and He will make a way. I know I am a good wife to him, so I am doing my part. God will do the rest. I want give up. I trust God. I just want to say, I pray for all marriages and hope that you trust God. He is the answer to everything. God Bless!
(USA) Why not just ask him how you can tell he loves you? He may be doing all sorts of things that he thinks are loving actions towards you, but because they don’t match your love language, or meet your deepest emotional needs, you don’t see it as love.
It really won’t do you any good to say he’s not loving, because he’ll argue he is. That’s why I suggest asking him to explain the ways he expresses his love towards you. I think that is a much better way to open the conversation, than to simply level the assertion that he is unloving.
Also, it’s not a matter of just doing things on the list. Just as he’s probably doing things, but perhaps not the right things, the same can be true for you.
So I’d approach it as learning to see how he does express love, and approach the discussion not from a “we need to talk” which I can almost guarantee you will be interpreted by 99.44% of men as, “We need to talk about what you are doing wrong hubby.”
(CANADA) I really enjoyed this list, although I don’t agree with all the points on it. I am not Catholic so the points such as getting up early to pray with my husband etc. aren’t really applicable to me. But the other points are very applicable, and I want to thank you for posting this. I do the majority of these on a regular basis, but I will be trying out the rest. Thank you very much =)
(USA) Emily, I’m confident God doesn’t care if you are Catholic or not. He’ll listen if you get up early, or stay up late and talk to Him. You don’t have to be anything other than willing to talk to Him. He’ll listen.
(SOUTH AFRICA) My husband and I seem to have drifted apart. I feel like we have nothing to talk about unless it’s about the kids or what’s on TV, and the only time he gives me his undivided attention is when he wants sex.
What can I do to make our marriage feel like it did in the beginning I don’t want to be the one doing all the butt-kissing and getting nothing in return for it? I am always nice to my hubby and I feel like he takes me for granted. Please help
(NEW ZEALAND) I actually really agree with this list… but only as long as it is shared both by husband AND wife. A lot of the things on this list are about appreciating, respecting and supporting the other person, which is what marriage should be all about. It is not all about the wife doing all the work nor the husband, but is about being each other’s best friends and each others number one fan. I have printed this list so both my husband and I can go through it together to see what is important to each other and see where we can work on things… and no, I am not of any religious affiliation – I just believe that a marriage needs to be worked at before problems arise, not only after the boat has sailed.
(INDIA) This list is no doubt very helpful. As a wife I think I can see where I’m going all wrong. But my problem is different. I came into my marriage with many of the same ideas to treat my husband, but somehow after marriage the loving and doting boyfriend completely vanished and bit by bit, I started withdrawing more and more unknowingly sometimes. Today two years later I read this list and cried- it seems like such a pile of shattered dreams… I’m become feelingless and I don’t know if I love him anymore or if I even will ever love anyone anymore.
There is a list of things to do for your wife too… read that too… but I know even if he reads it, much as he loves me, he will say it’s a load of rubbish and that’s it.
But for all those who are still hopeful and happy even… I wish you the best and God Bless… Life is blessed for those who have found true companionship and love in their partner.
(SOUTH AFRICA) I thank GOD for you. I am not yet married and this helps me a lot in preparing for when I get married. Your site is so helpful. There was one time where I felt that I am tired of being single; I am going to start dating no matter what the word of GOD says about adultery. When I went to this site and saw how dangerous it is to have sex before marriage, I started changing my mind. Now I am going to wait until I get married, thanks to you.
(USA) I think this list IS amazing. Sorry, my husband is truly my best friend and if I can find creative ways that show him how much I love him then I am open to learning. I reminds me of the book The 5 Love Languages by Gary Chapman. EXCELLENT read!
I found that the best way to show my husband love was with the language he “speaks” love and visa versa. Also, I created a blog site, http://www.dailyprayerchallenge.com that brings wives together to pray daily for their husbands. It hits on a lot of these types of suggestions. We are looking to improve our marriages, to strengthen them, to NOT be a divorce statistic, so why wouldn’t we be open to ideas? Trust me, I was stubborn and unteachable with my first marriage, it was women rule, men drool and look where it got me. Never again! Great list and thank you so much for sharing!