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100 Ways You Can Love Your Husband HIS Way

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Discuss this list with your husband. Ask him to check the ones most meaningful to him and then arrange them in order of importance to him. Use this list as a basis for learning his views. Your relationship can be greatly strengthened as you use these suggestions.

1. Respectfully communicate with him.
2. Let him know he’s important to you.
3. Purposefully try to understand his feelings—even when you disagree with him.
4. Show interest in his friends giving him some time with them if they’re trust-worthy.
5. Let go of the small stuff. We all have annoying habits and preferences that are different from our spouse’s. (Dave Ramsey)
6. Tell him you both love him AND like him.
7. Either show interest in his hobbies or allow him space to participate freely. (Dave Ramsey)
8. Protect his dignity on a daily basis.
9. Be tender with him realizing he has feelings also.
10. Foster an atmosphere of laughter in your home. Look for ways to laugh together.
11. Try not to make sudden major changes without discussion and giving him time to adjust.
12. When you go out on a date together don’t bring up problems—have fun instead.
13. Focus on what he’s doing right, instead of focusing so often on the negatives.
14. Show interest in what he feels is important in life.
15. Give him special time with you apart from the children.
16. Recognize that the first few minutes after a spouse comes home often sets the stage for how the rest of the evening will go. So try to make the first few minutes a positive experience. (And then ease into the negative if it’s necessary.)
17. Give him half an hour to unwind after he gets home from work. Your evenings will be much more enjoyable. (Dave Ramsey)
18. Don’t allow any family member to treat him disrespectfully. Be the one to defend him to any family member that dishonors his place as your husband.
19. Compliment him often.
20. Be creative when you express your love, both in words and in actions.
21. Talk with him about having specific family goals for each year to work on to achieve together so you will both feel closer to each other as a marital team.
22. Don’t over commit yourself. Leave time for him.
23. Extend God’s grace to him and be forgiving when he offends you.
24. Find ways to show him you need him.
25. Give him time to be alone. (This energizes him to reconnect at other times.)
26. Admit your mistakes; don’t be afraid to be humble. Peel away your pride.
27. Defend him to those who disrespectfully talk about him. Remember that love protects (1 Corinthians 13:7).
28. Respect his desire to do well—not his performance.
29. Rub his feet or neck, or scratch his back after a hard day.
30. Take time for the two of you to sit and talk calmly (schedule it when necessary).
31. Initiate going out on romantic outings (when he’s not tired).
32. Email him when he’s at work, telling him how much you love him.
33. Surprise him with a fun gift of some kind that he’d really enjoy.
34. Express how much you appreciate him for working so hard to support the family.
35. Tell him how proud you are of him for who he is (giving him specific reasons).
36. Give advice in a loving way — not in a nagging or belittling way.
37. Help your husband to be the Spiritual head at home (without “lording” it over him).
38. Reserve some energy for him so you’re not so tired when he wants you sexually.
39. Don’t expect him to do projects beyond his natural capabilities.
40. Pray for him to enjoy God’s best in life.
41. Take special notice for what he has done for you and the family.
42. Brag about him to other people both in front of him and even when he’s not there.
43. Share your feelings with him at appropriate times (but keep it brief when he’s tired—sometimes men can feel “flooded” by too many words).
44. Tell him 3 things you specifically appreciate about him.
45. Honor him in front of the children (differ respectfully in private when necessary).
46. Give him time to unwind for a little while after he comes home from work. Arrange ahead of time to take your “time out”, giving him a few minutes with the children.
47. Get up with him, even when he gets up earlier than you want to and pray with him. (Hopefully you can go back to sleep afterwards. If not, it’s a sacrifice worth making.)
48. Be his “help-mate” in whatever ways you sense he needs it.
49. Do some shoulder-to-shoulder activities with him (like watching a movie or taking a drive together) without talking. Sometimes men just like to BE with you and not talk.
50. Be a student of his ways so you show your love in ways he best comprehends it.
51. When your husband is in a bad mood give him time to recover. Don’t crowd him.
52. Help him to finish his goals, hobbies, or education when your see he needs it.
53. Treat him as if God has stamped on his forehead: “Handle With Care.”
54. Work to get rid of habits that annoy him.
55. Be kind and thoughtful to his relatives. Don’t make him choose between you.
56. Don’t compare his relatives with yours in a negative way.
57. Thank him for things he’s done around the house. (It means a lot to men).
58. Don’t expect credit for all you do for him. Do it as “unto the Lord.”
59. Make sure he agrees with everything important that you’re planning to do.
60. Do little things for him— let him sleep in, bring him coffee and/or breakfast in bed, etc.
61. Don’t belittle his intelligence or be cynical in your words with him.
62. Initiate sex periodically. And respond more often.
63. Sometimes let him enjoy his day off work without having to “work” at home.
64. Get to the point in your discussions. Spare him details unless he wants them.
65. Discover his sexual needs.
66. Surprise him with a 15 second kiss when he gets home from work.
67. Wink at him from across the room when you’re out at a group function.
68. Give him the benefit of the doubt when he mis-speaks.
69. Don’t quarrel over words.
70. Be kind and courteous with him. (Don’t be kinder to strangers than to him.)
71. When things go wrong, instead of assessing blame, focus on how to do better.
72. As a kindness, don’t say, “I told you so.”
73. Try not to argue over money. Peacefully discuss future expenditures instead.
74. Take him out on dates—pre-planning all of the details ahead of time.
75. Hold his hand and snuggle up close to him at times both at home and in public.
76. Praise his good decisions; minimize the bad ones.
77. Tell him you love him more often.
78. Put love notes in his pockets and brief case.
79. Sit with him while he’s watching TV—even if the program doesn’t interest you.
80. Don’t expect him to read your mind. (Family’s are spared grief when a husband isn’t required to read their wife’s mind despite the fact that the wife thinks he should.)
81. Periodically, give him time with his family alone.
82. Check with him before you throw away his papers and stuff. (He may view them as more important than you realize.)
83. Work to keep yourself in shape in every way.
84. Let him express himself freely, without fear of being called stupid or illogical.
85. Carefully choose your words. Remember to “speak the truth in LOVE.”
86. Don’t criticize him in front of others—keeping his dignity in tact.
87. Visit his childhood home with him.
88. When you’re angry, express it in respectful ways. Don’t give the silent treatment.
89. Pray for him.
90. Make him homemade soup when he’s sick.
91. Look your best—dress to honor him and make him proud to be seen with you.
92. Support him when someone tries to put him down. Be his best cheer leader.
93. Don’t disagree with him in front of the children.
94. Take him for a weekend get-away without the children.
95. Cheer his successes whether in business or in other areas of everyday living.
96. Graciously teach him how to demonstrate his love for you.
97. Give him coupons to redeem—maybe for a back scratch or a shoulder rub.
98. Buy him a gift certificate to his favorite lunch spot and put it in his wallet.
99. Hide notes for him around the house where only he will find them.
100. Thank him for just being himself.

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77 comments so far ↓

  • Becky says:

    (USA)  I have been married for 10 years and just had my fourth child. Sometimes we get so busy surviving we forget what helped us get married. This is a great reminder of sweet things to do because you love your husband. After all that’s why we got married.

  • Donna says:

    (USA)  Thank You for this list. I just read the book: The Five Love Languages and after doing so I figured out my husbands love lauguage is Words of Affirmation. I was looking for compliments I could give my husband on a daily basis actually, but your info is also helpful. This last weekend was one of the best weekends I have had with my husband in a long time. My goal from now on is to give a different compliment each day to him.

    One day out of the blue I told him that he was a very hard worker. It was cute because he said you are too, and I haven’t even been working for 2 months at my job. Sometimes it is hard to come up with compliments when a marriage is having some problems like ours is having at this time, but instead of focusing on all the negative that has been going on in our marriage the last 2 years, I let go of it all and everyday I say out loud “Thank you for the healing for our marriage” over and over. It has helped me to feel better about myself and lose weight. Now it’s time to pray for the healing of our marriage, now that I worked on myself. Just by the few positive things I say to my husband on a daily basis, it has made a lot of difference. He has definitely given me more attention than he has in some time. GOD BLESS

  • Funmi says:

    (NIGERIA) Great Job. I must say your write-up is really encouraging and I know if I take it to heart, my marriage would be a wao experience. It’s just that most often women react faster than they think but with this, I am going to do the extras from now on. Cheers.

  • Samantha says:

    (UNITED STATES)  Thank you for this list. I’ve been married almost two years now. Last night I almost walked out on my husband with our little two year old daughter, due to the really bad arguement we had. I didn’t want to talk, and he became angrier with me, and scared me into apologizing. I felt humiliated and hurt.

    I cried the whole night, and a little bit today. I am not completly healed over that. He did apologize to me today. I should’ve apologized to him in the first place. It is evident that we do not know how to treat each other, so I am looking forward to learning how to show my husband that I do care and love him.

  • Satu says:

    (SCANDINAVIA) These are fabulous and I love them. I’ve tried to do a lot of this to my fiance already, but this will advise me more. I’ve studied these many times now and will do more. How do I get my fiance interested in reading the 100 Ways You Can Love Your Wife HER Way? I tried to tell him how a wonderful website I found and sent him a copy to his email a few weeks ago and he hasn’t shown any interest, which has made me feel a bit low.

    • Cindy Wright says:

      (USA) Hi Satu, It’s difficult to MAKE someone do nice things for you and show love to you in ways that you best receive it unless they realize the importance. It’s just not sustainable. And it IS important — the growth and stability of the marriage.

      Here’s something that marriage expert Dr John Gottman (who has found a way to predict with 90 per cent accuracy whether a marriage will last) says about marriage predictability:

      “The issue isn’t whether you fight, it’s how you fight and HOW RICH YOUR STOCKPILE OF GOOD FEELINGS is about each other to weather difficulties and keep your basic attitude toward your partner positive. At the heart of my research is the simple truth that happy marriages are based on a deep friendship—a mutual respect and enjoyment of each other’s company. A couple that keeps their friendship strong despite the inevitable disagreements and irritations of married life experiences what I call ‘positive sentiment over-ride’ — their positive thoughts about each other and their marriage are so pervasive that they tend to supersede their negative feelings,” He tells us. “It takes a much more significant conflict for them to lose their equilibrium as a couple.”

      It comes down to the importance of knowing that couples NEED to stockpile good feelings towards each other so romancing and doing loving things for each other helps keep their love alive to get through the tough times together. Without doing that, it’s difficult to sustain having even a mediocre type of marriage.

      The fact that your fiancé is already showing that he isn’t interested in stepping beyond his own comfort zone to do things that best shows love to you (especially when you specifically ask) is something I’d be concerned about. It indicates that this kind of thing isn’t important to him and gives you a glimpse into what you can expect after you marry. It’s an indication that he will receive loving gestures from you, but he won’t go out of his way to romance you as well. And that can chink away at you after a while.

      If you’re one who longs to have little gestures of love shown to you at various times, then you’ll live with many hurts and feeling “low” over this matter for all of your lives together.

      You may give your fiancé the benefit of the doubt because some men aren’t very romantic and need help with this type of thing. But if they aren’t even willing to stretch beyond their comfort zone to do this at all and be willing to do this for the rest of your lives together –ESPECIALLY when you make it easier by providing a list, I’d be concerned.

      At this point, you have to decide if this is what you can live with day in and day out for the rest of your life. I sure wouldn’t want to– little gestures of love are important to me. But maybe you can. If so, then you’re marrying the right man. If not… consider the future of being married to him. Most likely he will be more caught up in approaching married life as a receiver rather than a giver AND a receiver.

      I encourage you to get him to go with you into the “Marriage Preparation Materials” section (and other pre-marriage sections) to honestly discuss together the questions and read and discuss the issues brought up so you both have a better idea of what you’ll both be living with if you decide to marry. If he doesn’t want to do this, then I’d be VERY skeptical about marrying him, because it wouldn’t seem that he views marriage as a partnership, but rather as a “you put up with how I am, and the way I want to do things, and if you don’t like it, that’s too bad for you.” It becomes a marriage of “convenience” — “what is ‘convenient’ to me is fine… but don’t ask more from me than that.”

      NOW is the time to decide if you’ll be good marriage partners together. You may just be good together on a temporary basis, but not over the long term. Now is the time to try to work out all the issues you can (some will have to be worked out after marriage, but do what you can now)– and this type of issue is one of them.

      I wouldn’t marry unless I knew that my future husband valued me as the Bible talks about in Ephesians 5 “husbands ought to love their wives as their own bodies. He who loves his wife loves himself. After all, no one ever hated his own body, but he feeds and CARES for it, just as Christ does the church — for we are members of his body.” Please prayerfully consider what I’ve written. It could save you years of future heart-aches.

  • Diane says:

    (UNITED STATES)  Loving my husband is very easy for one main reason – we both love GOD first. Every day is not perfect but with GOD in our lives it makes marriage a lot easier. GOD has to be first in any and everything. GOD is the answer; and if we both were not saved we would disagree on a lot of things.

  • Heather says:

    (US)  This site was so helpful and eye opening! I found myself always putting the blame on my husband for our marital problems. Always assuming there was something he needed to change to make things run a little smoother. After reading this it was almost like a slap in the face. there are so many things on this list that I do… or don’t do for that matter that could have made a HUGE improvement in our relationship a long time ago. I now realize there are some things that need to change on my end as well as his. So now by applying this to my day-to-day, I’m on a path a to a better stronger relationship with him through Christ. – Now my journey begins!

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