(Author Unknown)
Discuss this list with your husband. Ask him to check the ones most meaningful to him and then arrange them in order of importance to him. Use this list as a basis for learning his views. Your relationship can be greatly strengthened as you use these suggestions.
1. Respectfully communicate with him.
2. Let him know he’s important to you.
3. Purposefully try to understand his feelings—even when you disagree with him.
4. Show interest in his friends giving him some time with them if they’re trust-worthy.
5. Let go of the small stuff. We all have annoying habits and preferences that are different from our spouse’s. (Dave Ramsey)
6. Tell him you both love him AND like him.
7. Either show interest in his hobbies or allow him space to participate freely. (Dave Ramsey)
8. Protect his dignity on a daily basis.
9. Be tender with him realizing he has feelings also.
10. Foster an atmosphere of laughter in your home. Look for ways to laugh together.
11. Try not to make sudden major changes without discussion and giving him time to adjust.
12. When you go out on a date together don’t bring up problems—have fun instead.
13. Focus on what he’s doing right, instead of focusing so often on the negatives.
14. Show interest in what he feels is important in life.
15. Give him special time with you apart from the children.
16. Recognize that the first few minutes after a spouse comes home often sets the stage for how the rest of the evening will go. So try to make the first few minutes a positive experience. (And then ease into the negative if it’s necessary.)
17. Give him half an hour to unwind after he gets home from work. Your evenings will be much more enjoyable. (Dave Ramsey)
18. Don’t allow any family member to treat him disrespectfully. Be the one to defend him to any family member that dishonors his place as your husband.
19. Compliment him often.
20. Be creative when you express your love, both in words and in actions.
21. Talk with him about having specific family goals for each year to work on to achieve together so you will both feel closer to each other as a marital team.
22. Don’t over commit yourself. Leave time for him.
23. Extend God’s grace to him and be forgiving when he offends you.
24. Find ways to show him you need him.
25. Give him time to be alone. (This energizes him to reconnect at other times.)
26. Admit your mistakes; don’t be afraid to be humble. Peel away your pride.
27. Defend him to those who disrespectfully talk about him. Remember that love protects (1 Corinthians 13:7).
28. Respect his desire to do well—not his performance.
29. Rub his feet or neck, or scratch his back after a hard day.
30. Take time for the two of you to sit and talk calmly (schedule it when necessary).
31. Initiate going out on romantic outings (when he’s not tired).
32. Email him when he’s at work, telling him how much you love him.
33. Surprise him with a fun gift of some kind that he’d really enjoy.
34. Express how much you appreciate him for working so hard to support the family.
35. Tell him how proud you are of him for who he is (giving him specific reasons).
36. Give advice in a loving way — not in a nagging or belittling way.
37. Help your husband to be the Spiritual head at home (without “lording” it over him).
38. Reserve some energy for him so you’re not so tired when he wants you sexually.
39. Don’t expect him to do projects beyond his natural capabilities.
40. Pray for him to enjoy God’s best in life.
41. Take special notice for what he has done for you and the family.
42. Brag about him to other people both in front of him and even when he’s not there.
43. Share your feelings with him at appropriate times (but keep it brief when he’s tired—sometimes men can feel “flooded” by too many words).
44. Tell him 3 things you specifically appreciate about him.
45. Honor him in front of the children (differ respectfully in private when necessary).
46. Give him time to unwind for a little while after he comes home from work. Arrange ahead of time to take your “time out”, giving him a few minutes with the children.
47. Get up with him, even when he gets up earlier than you want to and pray with him. (Hopefully you can go back to sleep afterwards. If not, it’s a sacrifice worth making.)
48. Be his “help-mate” in whatever ways you sense he needs it.
49. Do some shoulder-to-shoulder activities with him (like watching a movie or taking a drive together) without talking. Sometimes men just like to BE with you and not talk.
50. Be a student of his ways so you show your love in ways he best comprehends it.
51. When your husband is in a bad mood give him time to recover. Don’t crowd him.
52. Help him to finish his goals, hobbies, or education when your see he needs it.
53. Treat him as if God has stamped on his forehead: “Handle With Care.”
54. Work to get rid of habits that annoy him.
55. Be kind and thoughtful to his relatives. Don’t make him choose between you.
56. Don’t compare his relatives with yours in a negative way.
57. Thank him for things he’s done around the house. (It means a lot to men).
58. Don’t expect credit for all you do for him. Do it as “unto the Lord.”
59. Make sure he agrees with everything important that you’re planning to do.
60. Do little things for him— let him sleep in, bring him coffee and/or breakfast in bed, etc.
61. Don’t belittle his intelligence or be cynical in your words with him.
62. Initiate sex periodically. And respond more often.
63. Sometimes let him enjoy his day off work without having to “work” at home.
64. Get to the point in your discussions. Spare him details unless he wants them.
65. Discover his sexual needs.
66. Surprise him with a 15 second kiss when he gets home from work.
67. Wink at him from across the room when you’re out at a group function.
68. Give him the benefit of the doubt when he mis-speaks.
69. Don’t quarrel over words.
70. Be kind and courteous with him. (Don’t be kinder to strangers than to him.)
71. When things go wrong, instead of assessing blame, focus on how to do better.
72. As a kindness, don’t say, “I told you so.”
73. Try not to argue over money. Peacefully discuss future expenditures instead.
74. Take him out on dates—pre-planning all of the details ahead of time.
75. Hold his hand and snuggle up close to him at times both at home and in public.
76. Praise his good decisions; minimize the bad ones.
77. Tell him you love him more often.
78. Put love notes in his pockets and brief case.
79. Sit with him while he’s watching TV—even if the program doesn’t interest you.
80. Don’t expect him to read your mind. (Family’s are spared grief when a husband isn’t required to read their wife’s mind despite the fact that the wife thinks he should.)
81. Periodically, give him time with his family alone.
82. Check with him before you throw away his papers and stuff. (He may view them as more important than you realize.)
83. Work to keep yourself in shape in every way.
84. Let him express himself freely, without fear of being called stupid or illogical.
85. Carefully choose your words. Remember to “speak the truth in LOVE.”
86. Don’t criticize him in front of others—keeping his dignity in tact.
87. Visit his childhood home with him.
88. When you’re angry, express it in respectful ways. Don’t give the silent treatment.
89. Pray for him.
90. Make him homemade soup when he’s sick.
91. Look your best—dress to honor him and make him proud to be seen with you.
92. Support him when someone tries to put him down. Be his best cheer leader.
93. Don’t disagree with him in front of the children.
94. Take him for a weekend get-away without the children.
95. Cheer his successes whether in business or in other areas of everyday living.
96. Graciously teach him how to demonstrate his love for you.
97. Give him coupons to redeem—maybe for a back scratch or a shoulder rub.
98. Buy him a gift certificate to his favorite lunch spot and put it in his wallet.
99. Hide notes for him around the house where only he will find them.
100. Thank him for just being himself.
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(UNITED STATES) Thanks, this was very helpful!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
(US) This is the biggest load of crap I have read so far tonight. Marriage is a partnership…where the heck is his list of 100 items he is to do for me in lieu of my 100 items. Christ had a partner he considered his equal, Mary Magdalene, he respected her so much that he praised her preaching. Christ was a true man knowing that a partnership is the only way a marriage works. This rambling only promotes men to be a mommy’s boy having their wives do everything for them regardless if we have a career, school, or lives. Shame on you.
(USA) Sarah, please look at the article, “100 Ways to Show Love to Your Wife HER Way” to answer your question of where “is his list of 100 items” in which a husband can show love to his way in a way she may be able to understand it. It’s not a required list of commandments. It’s a list of POSSIBLE ways to show love. My husband and I and many others have found these suggestions helpful, but if you don’t believe you need any suggestions for your relationship, don’t do any of them. It’s as simple as that.
(DUBAI) Sarah, and where in the Bible will I find that Mary Magdalene was Christ’s partner? I am interested in learning about this new fact. Moving on to the theme of this particular message, there’s nothing for anybody to be ashamed about. Marriage, as you say, is a partnership and its does not involve take, take all the time. You have to give and not expect to receive. It depends on how long, or on what grounds you want your marriage to be built upon. From your text it tells me you regard your husband to be so useless and you wouldn’t even do one of these small things to make your marriage last one day. It’s up to you.
I sincerely pray that: 1. You know Christ in your life and he is the basis for your marriage 2. These are just guidelines, on what we can do to improve our marriages, advice freely given by friends,who seek God’s help to help others in this way of ministry, and I think there are a lot of people who have been blessed and helped 3. On my own behalf and for others who have found encouragement here, I would like to tell Cindy and Steve that I am very sorry on Sarah’s behalf, for her to say ‘shame on you.’ You do a great job. Please let me have those writings back and may the Lord continue using you for his glory in marriages!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
(CANADA) I LOVE MY HUSBAND. I AGREE TO THE ABOVE WRITING. I CAN RUB HIS FEET ALL DAY LONG ON OUR DAY OFF SO HE DOES MINE. WE ARE MARRIED 16 YEARS. SAME LOVE NEVER GETS LESS BECAUSE IT’S TRUE LOVE AND RESPECT.
(USA) Lilian, A lot of us hope our wives can get to this viewpoint. Many of the others are on a more self-centered point of view. I had to explain to someone that you can be so selfish that you hurt YOURSELF.
(FIJI) I have read this list and seen that yes, a lot of women already do these for their husbands, even I do and I did read the article in the email and recognise that a lot of women feel as if they are stroking their husbands egos all the time … I guess with men it takes more effort with them and they sometimes have to be asked or reminded.
A very close friend of mine, with whom I share my disappointments and frustrations, usually helps me to be more open to the good that my husband does!!! I guess, yes, being humble but also recognizing limits and asking in a kind way is important. Marriage is a constant … you have to keep working on it I guess. God Bless… and Thank you Steve and Cindy. I treasure your emails with marriage messages!!! May God continue to Bless you both!!!
(USA) The reason I came to this website was because of the title. I want to learn how to TRULY and HONESTLY love my husband, as also to please my God. God knows the best way to handle each other. God is love and that’s how I want to treat my husband, even if he gets on the VERY LAST NERVE!!! My husband has no problem showing me how much I mean to him. I blush when I hear it, and I’m a tough lil cookie & guess what yall? I want to do that in return. He’s actually better at showing love than me, so why not give God the try to show me how to love him, like HE would like me to. He knows the end results. I read some bitter and harsh comments on here. JUST LOVE & for those who don’t have it all down yet, SEEK LOVE… can’t go wrong!
(UNITED STATES) This is by far the best list about how men should be treated that I have ever read. There were so many good things in this list that really spoke straight to me and made me think of the way I have (or haven’t) been treating my husband. Thanks for the great article, I will be putting these ideas to work immediately.
(LESOTHO) Thank you very much for these ways of keeping my spouse happy and caring for me. Marriage is very important and should be honored.
(USA) I pretty much think Erin is right. Wives pander to their husbands fragile egos, slaving to boost their self-perception while managing 500 other aspects of married life at the same time. The responsibility of a happy marriage Nd family life befalls the woman so much more heavily than the husband while he reaps the reward of appearance and stability. I’m pretty much sick of the inequities. Men are unchallenged in so many ways that a woman must compensate and sacrifice for… and based o. The comments, it sounds like that’s still the acceptable expectation. Welcome back 1950′s. 100 ways to please your man or hold yourself accountable when he walks out.
(USA) Check the stats, most men DON’T walk out. Most divorces are filed by women. Most of those divorces are a woman kicking out a man who is neither unfaithful, nor abusive.
If you don’t want to love a man the way he wants to be loved, then do him a favor and don’t marry him. Love is about doing and giving to others, not about getting one’s own way. (See 1 Corinthians 13.) So if you resent loving your husband his way, then you are not really practicing love.
(CANADA) So Right. Men have hearts too. They have feelings as well and we should always cherish them. Women have extreme hormonal problems and sometimes without even realizing it we hurt them deeply. Well, good luck to all.
(USA) You’re right. I shouldn’t have married the man I did. Five times I tried to break it up but he kept stalking and badgering me. I was 18 and away from my family so I thought it was easier to marry him and maybe things would get better. I thought I just had to accept him and do those things that are in the 100 list.
Now, after 20 years of marriage, I can say that I have done all 100 things on the list, some often and on a consistent basis.
He has been unreasonable with the family with his demands. He is easily rejected and hurt. My children have been deeply affected, with most of them being rejected and even physically beaten in anger. At those times, I cannot do much because he wants my support and even our pastors have advised me not to disagree with him because “men don’t like it”.
Now I am afraid that I will be in trouble with the authorities if they find out that I didn’t do anything about the child abuse. My oldest is prepared to make reports now that he is old enough.
Meanwhile, I still try to please him and do the right thing, while gently trying to get him to see what we are concerned about. He won’t listen, or he listens then blows up if I bring it up again because he doesn’t do anything.
(CANADA) Thank you for this amazing list. It is really helpful to know which things I should improve and which I have done wrong. I am not married, but will be soon. He loves me a lot and he dies to protect me. He is the best person I could have ever met.
And all guys who respect women should deserve kindness from their wives/their loved ones. A woman has the power to make her house heaven or hell… So my prayers go for all married women and for future wives. May God give you a healthy and joyful life.
(USA) I can honestly say, I wished I would have had this list before. I have been married almost 28 years and our marriage is at its all time worst. I have not done so many things on this list for my husband and paying the price for it now. Men do have feelings. Never ever not defend your spouse or disrespect him. It has made a mess for me because of these very things.