The problem starts when you don’t respect your spouse’s wishes when they say they are not comfortable. When you feel like you should hide these friendships, that’s a problem because then they are then not purely platonic relationships. There is definely something wrong when you cannot aknowledge these friendships with your spouse. And there is something even worse when you are confronted by your spouse and you simply refuse to give these up when asked. That means they take priority over the relationship you vowed before God to be abpve all others. This is the problem and where distrust starts in a relationship. And trust me, it is not easy to fix as I found, it only goes downhill from there.

Bottom line is your spouse should be your number one priority and if you cannot give up these relationships for them, then I don’t know what you’re looking for, but it is not a peaceful, loving and trusting marriage. You will eventually reap what you sow into a marriage or any other relationship, so just make sure you sow the right seeds.

My husband’s best friend of 17 years was a female and actually she was his very first girlfriend, so they had a lot of history. When we were married he chose her to his best person which I didn’t mind at all because by the time we were married I had built up a good friendship with, never did I feel that she was a temptation for him or that he would stray with her or anyone else for that matter.

Their friendship truly was platonic; she was actually more like a sister to him, I believe that we have to become safe and secure un our relationships, through communication and more importantly through prayer and keeping Jesus as the focus of marriages.

Marriage does not mean the end of any friendships we had before that, I think what we should do is unite with those friendships, from the beginning my husband has known all my friends, and my friends are now his friends, vice versa too. I have always had more male friends than female friends, and my husband has actually had more female friends than male friends, it’s just how we always were.

What we had to ensure was at no point during our relationship either of us ever felt threatened by any of our friendships, for us it was never an issue and if it had been I know that he would ofcourse be my priority.

Don’t get me wrong, I know that opposite sex relationships can be an issue for people but I don’t think saying that your not allowed to have male friends or female friends is a way to deal with that issue if it affects you. If my husband said to me he felt threatened by a friendship I had with a guy I would want to know what has caused him to feel that way, if ending that friendship was necessary then I would do it, but I don’t think that would solve what issues we obviously had.

And I really don’t think you can compare relationships, marriages and people’s lives with alcohol. Christian marriage isn’t action a dictatorship, ‘you must not do this and that’, it’s about building a loving, safe, secure and most importantly trust worthy relationships with Jesus at the centre. I want my husband to know that I love, support and trust his actions, he comes first and I come first with him.

Marriage is not a regime, as humans we are all faced with with temptatiom, as christians we draw on the strength of christ and the holy spirit to help us fight temptation because with christ nothing can touch us.

If you’re tempted by opposite sex friendships then there is a far deeper issue which you need to discover and deal with, because if not then you will not get to the route to the problem. Through Christ there is a solution for everything, and if he is the centre of your marriage then you have great foundations in place. Marriage is not easy at the best of times, but when you start with dictations and ultimatums then i think your asking for trouble.

I do not, and will never restrict my husband to having only males friends, to me that’s just rediculas, his not my son, his my life long partner, we share evrything, I know that he will always put my needs and feelings first, just as I will always put his needs and feelings first.

People who come here are looking for help through people’s testimonies and opinions. These articles are people’s opinions, you take it as you want, the best place to go for help is his Word, the Holy Bible, and by putting all our worries and troubles by the foot of the cross, because Jesus will never fail us, even when people do.

I have found this site so helpful since I first came here 14 months ago, but I don’t take everything written as gospel truth, but a sourse of help. The only gospel truth is the Bible.

Are there people who have purely platonic friendships of opposite sex? Yes. I see this as a potential for disastor. Can people drive ok with a couple of drinks? Yes, but why do it, and it’s even legal to a certain % of alcohol, but it’s proven that one drink can decrease your alertness and reactions. Why allow or take the chance? When trying to grow a healthy marriage why put anything in the way that could make someone stumble? I don’t see the point. People read here to get opinions and advice. You will have a man or woman who is in turmoil over their spouse having a friend of opposite sex come here or their spouse will come here and they’ll say, “hey, see, it’s ok.”

You’re doing no one justice by making it ok, and then recanting by saying, “unless you and your spouse don’t agree on it.” It is or it isn’t ok! That is very wishy washy and “relative to the marriage” crap that needs to be relegated to the secular society, not Christians who know temptation exists and can even happen to them.

Sometimes I drive past them on my way to work or back and the lady usually just ignores me. When I raised the issue of the friendship with my husband he simply said the lady’s father used to work with him and he was only being nice to her, also that she is a Christian and I should not be worried. But I was always worried all the same. Eventually he mentioned one day that the lady was getting married and I think my mind was at rest. Also we packed from the area where the lady was leaving and I stopped seeing her.

Recently, I can guess that my husband is involved with another lady in his office again. Though I have not had the opportunity to meet this lady, they call each other regularly over the weekend and some of the discussions I hear are what I believe concerns our family and I wonder why he would be discussing this with just a colleague. My children have met the lady in question (when he took them for a beach party arranged by his office) and I learned she has a small boy, though I guess she might be a single mother.

I have accused my husband on the relationship and how he has time to take the lady and her son out while not having time for me and the children but he turned this into an argument. We did not talk for days and since then I have not raised the issue again even though I know they are still quite close.

I am most concerned about this relationship because our marriage has been going through a difficult period in the last few years and I really do not know what to do. From listening to their conversation, he feels very comfortable with this lady as they can talk for a long time (he claims it is a free office line). Presently we both are not too comfortable in each other’s presence; on his own part I guess because he has a lot to hide and on my own, I guess I feel hurt and also I want to avoid major disagreement as this has been the pattern in our relationship.

My only concern is I don’t know how to react and to approach it because we had made an agreement that we won’t have single opposite sex friends.