You may think you don’t have the time to date any more. You’re working too many long hours. There are too many demands on your family to be able to squeeze out a “date night”, so you can just be a couple. Dr James Dobson said, “We must work to protect ‘what God has joined together’ with all the creativity and passion we can pour into it. That’s done (in part) by taking time for romantic activities despite pressing obligations and over-committed schedules.”

So, what can we do if we’re over-committed and stretched financially? How can we carve out time to be together? Cindy and I came across something a few years ago in a magazine article that we found to be highly successful in giving us some “quality” date time. It’s called the “22 Minute Date.”

This was based on an experiment that was conducted with a number of couples who were “happily married” but said they needed a “boost” in their relationship. Can you relate? Here’s how it worked:

The couples agreed to take the time they might have spent watching a TV sitcom a day (22 minutes when you subtract the commercials) and instead, talk.

• They were to make eye contact and converse with no children present.

• There was to be no radio in the background and of course, no TV. There was to be no dinner and no dinner dishes.

• They were told to turn on the answering machine.

• They were to focus on what’s positive in their lives—this wasn’t the time to bring up past hurts.

• They were to do this for one month.

At the end of the month the couples said this was more rewarding than they’d ever dreamed possible. They also admitted that it seemed awkward at first and found themselves looking at the clock a lot, but after a while they began enjoying the time and found the 22 minutes flew by. (Cindy and I find this to be true in our own “22 minute” dating times.)

We believe one of the tragedies in marriages today is that many couples talk “at” each other without listening to what the other person’s saying. We found the 22 Minute Date a great way to re-connect and begin to listen to each other. So now what we’re asking of you is to “try it— you may like it.”

To make this easier on you we want you to know there are some wonderful resources available today designed to be “conversation starters.” One of them is a small book published by Focus on the Family entitled, Creative Conversation Starters for Couples. It has questions in it ranging from light-hearted and friendly, to questions that are more intimate, and personal. They’re aimed at helping you to connect (or re-connect) with each other.

You may be surprised by how much you can learn about each other by asking a few “simple” questions. It works best if each of you answers the same question. So, here are some starter questions for you that came from this book:

• What was the most memorable date we ever had?

• If you and I went on a date together and we only had $10 to spend, what would you like to do?

• In what ways are you different from your parents and siblings?

• In what ways do you think our parents’ marriages have affected our own?

• If you could have the autograph of any living person in the world, whom would you choose?

• What are your three greatest strengths? What do you feel are my three greatest strengths?

• In your opinion, what are the five most important things a man needs to understand about a woman and her needs?… vice versa?

• If you could personally witness any event in history, which one would you choose?

• How can we make our marriage more of a true partnership?

Next week we’ll give you the name of some other resources that can help to enhance your communication and increase your understanding of one another. These resources will also be helpful for your “22 minute” (or beyond) date times together.

We’d love to hear from you if you know of any resources that you’ve found helpful that we can pass along to others. We always value your input. Keep in mind that we’re in this together. As it tells us in Hebrews 10:24-25, “Let us consider how we may spur one another on toward love and good deeds, but let us encourage one another, and all the more as we see the Day approaching.”

Our love and prayers are with you as we work together to make our marriages healthy, reflecting the love of God,

Steve and Cindy Wright

 Print This Page (printer-friendly)