“Match Maker, Match Maker, Make Me a Perfect Match” (and so goes the song). But what happened? You had been the perfect couple! Every woman has her Adam. Every man has his Eve. Along with Solomon and his wife, you declared, “My darling, my dove, my perfect one!” (Song of Solomon 5:2). Perfect one? Well, we didn’t say it exactly like that, but we felt it. “We’re perfect for each other!”

But now, after years of marriage, we see each other’s imperfections. Displeasure and disappointment speckle the relationship. BUT WHAT CAN WE DO?

That’s the proverbial “$64,000 question” (and subject) that Dr. Emerson Eggerichs of Love & Respect Ministries poses this week that we’d like to share with you. Cindy and I have come to realize that it doesn’t matter how long we knew each other or how much marriage education we received before the wedding, we all seem to come to that point in our marital relationship where we ask, “What happened—they seemed so ‘perfect’ for us before we got married?”

We believe you’ll gain, as we did, some valuable insight from the rest of Emerson’s article on this subject which says:

One major thought: is God intending to use your spouse’s imperfection to develop strength in your character?

Did you ask God awhile back to work in your life more than He has? Could this be the way He’s choosing to reply? Many times we pray for God to work in our lives but then we don’t “get it” when God launches into answering the cry of our hearts.

Many godly wise people tell us that God has designed our marriage to use our spouse’s flaws to deepen us. For example, does your husband work in the fields and is less clean in the home than you expect? Is God intending to use your husband’s imperfection on the domestic front to deepen your faith, develop your character and demonstrate Christ-likeness to your children?

Does your wife feel exhausted at the end of the day chasing around 3 pre-schoolers? (Someone told me that having kids this age is like having a bowling alley in your brain!) As a husband, are you taking her fatigue personally, feeling neglected? Is that your wife’s issue—and she needs to change so you don’t feel disrespected?

Or, is God deepening your walk with Him, developing a more patient spirit within your soul, and demonstrating to your children that you’re a quality person? The spouse we marry isn’t perfect, but is this person “perfect” for us in that God is using this soul in our lives?

Thought of the Day: “My darling, my dove, my perfect one!” (Song of Solomon 5:2). Is your spouse perfect, or maybe perfect for you? And, if perfect for you, does this mean God is using your spouse in your life? For instance, is that which irritates you more your issue or your spouse’s?

True Life Testimonial: When we make a decision to allow our marriage to change us instead of campaigning to change our spouse, something good happens. Instead of demanding our spouse be perfect, we need to allow God to use our spouse’s imperfections to change us!

A wife writes, “I’m the wife that said I’ve purchased so many books and items that I didn’t want to buy anything else unless it was going to work. At that time, I knew my husband wouldn’t listen to the CD’s that I purchased. But this past weekend we had a 5-hour trip to Chicago and back, and we listened to 2 of the CD’s. I did what Emerson suggested. I asked: ‘Is this how you feel?’ and my hubby said, ‘Yeah, that’s how I feel.’ I had all the light bulbs going off in my brain.

You see, God has been preparing me for this information. Although our marriage has been really good the past year; I just felt that it wasn’t as good as God intended it to be. There was ’something else’ there that I was missing. Along with that, God was beginning to convict me— that I have a very rebellious attitude towards my husband.

I somehow had convinced myself that because he wasn’t as strong as a believer as I am (and not doing it right), that it gave me the permission not to respect him. As you say, I love him a lot but there was a part of me that thought he just didn’t get it, which led to a deep attitude of disrespect.

Anyway, my husband does want us to continue going through these CD’s. A very big difference from when I tried to get us to go to marriage counseling years ago with a Christian counselor. But now this man wants to listen to this love and respect stuff!

I do admit that there’s a part of me that’s jumping up and down inside with excitement. In the past, I’ve told him ‘YOU CHOOSE TO BE LOVING OR NOT.’ I’ve been trying to tell him that for years. But in my heart and in my spirit, God is convicting and telling me that it has nothing to do with my husband ever changing — at least as much and as quickly as I would prefer.

It has EVERY THING to do with me and my respect for him. I’m totally responsible for that. I get very excited about this concept. It’s so very simple—love and respect. It’s crucial to give in every joy and trial in our marriage.”

Friends, your marriage will not be perfect. But, when you open your heart to God’s truth and allow the imperfect things about your spouse to motivate you to obey God’s call on your life, good things happen.

---

We encourage you to go back to Emerson’s questions from his “Thought of the Day” section and discuss them together. They could help you come to the realization that while we may be imperfect people, God has a plan for our marital relationship. But, it won’t happen without our willingness to work on our part of the equation. If you’d like to learn more about Love & Respect Ministries, you can go to: www.loveandrespect.com.We pray God’s greatest blessings on your marriage this week. Don’t forget to treat each other with the love and respect God would have you give—treating each other as more important than yourself—using Christ as your example of sacrificial love.

Steve and Cindy Wright

 Print This Page (printer-friendly)

 Email This Page