“Part of the reason the Lord hates divorce so much is because He understands the hurt, loneliness and frustration it brings.” That’s what Dr. Randy Carlson says in his, “Word on Relationships Commentary” on this subject.

This week we’re going to share a good portion of his commentary. However, we would recommend you obtain a free copy of the entire article. We’ll tell you how to obtain it at the conclusion of the Marriage Message. Dr. Carlson is the president of Family Life Communications and the host of the national radio talk-show, Parent Talk-On Call. He shares our passion on marriage and has given us permission to use this commentary. It reads:

Divorce is a crime against marriage. For some, divorce is an act of relational suicide. For others, divorce turns out to be more like relational homicide. Then there are those for whom divorce is nothing more than a move of self-defense. But in every case, divorce is the final choice of a desperate person or couple who believes they can no longer tolerate the pain of a marriage gone sour.

With nearly 50% of Christian marriages ending in divorce, it’s a fact of life that can neither be ignored nor wished away. Divorce is a culture that appears to be here for the long haul. Yet God is not caught off-guard by divorce, and His word is neither salient nor naïve on the subject. It provides perspective, encouragement and direction for those who are either considering or facing this painful reality.

I know God hates divorce—but why? Does God hate divorce (Malachi 2:16) because He’s a kill-joy, doesn’t want you to be happy, or is simply oblivious to 21st century realities? Actually, it’s none of those reasons. Obviously divorce is neither pleasant nor comforting for anyone, and God knows that.

Part of the reason the Lord hates divorce so much is because He understands the hurt, loneliness and frustration it brings. God loves, cares for and desires the very best for His children. He wants couples to enjoy spiritual, sexual and emotional intimacy, and research shows that a strong, loving and committed marriage contributes to that trio of intimacy needs.

Another reason God hates divorce is because marriage is a living and breathing example of God’s love and commitment to you as His church, a member of His body of believers. God commands husbands to love their wives “as Christ loved the church and gave Himself up for her” (Ephesians 5:25).

When I married my wife, Donna, she was my beautiful bride and I was her handsome (at least she thought so) bridegroom. Do you catch the picture? God hates divorce because He doesn’t want His powerful representation of commitment and love to His bride (His church) to be destroyed. When a Christian couple gets a divorce, they chip away at that illustration.

Sadly, this picture of your relationship with Christ and how it reflects His ideal for marriage has become distorted, misunderstood, minimized and, at times, even ignored by His children.

Divorce can be prevented. If you’re now married and considering divorce —don’t do it ! Just as it takes two to tango, it takes two to damage a marriage. You’re situation may have been a 90% — 10% balance of shared love and respect— with you giving the 90% but there are still pro-active steps you are responsible to take.

While there is no guarantee that any action will create positive change, I can assure you of this: taking no action will almost guarantee that noting good will happen. Laying back and waiting for something to change is probably the most serious mistake many people make when their marriage is in trouble. The time to take positive action is now!

Here are a few things you can do:

• Completely dedicate your marriage and the actions you’re about to take to God.
• Find a Godly, mature mentor, coach or counselor to walk with you through the process of developing a game plan to save your marriage.
• Determine the goal you have for your marriage. What is your vision for your relationship?
• List the top five obstacles you face in accomplishing that goal.
• Take the top obstacle and develop (with your counselor) a game plan in order to break the “marriage lock” you are in.

Conclusion: Divorce is seldom the best solution to a marriage problem, but it is a reality for nearly 50% of marriages today. Neglect of the marriage relationship is the core reason for the divorce epidemic. But God isn’t silent on the topic and provides solid direction and tender compassion for those who have faced the valley of divorce.

There are other options besides divorce, but they will require shared commitment and a willingness to submit to God’s plan for marriage. I pray that more couples will walk this challenging path together.

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As we said at the beginning of this marriage message, there’s more on this subject that Dr Carlson wrote about that we didn’t share with you. But by Calling 1-800-1060 during weekday business hours (Pacific Time) or contacting them at www.parenttalk.org, the ministry of Family Life Radio would be pleased to send you their 4 page “Word on Divorce” free of charge with their blessing. They have other pro-marriage material available also.In conclusion, we’d like to leave you with a few additional thoughts on this subject. If you’re thinking of divorcing your spouse please prayerfully consider the following thoughts. “God doesn’t want our sacrifice —He wants our obedience. Staying in a marriage where there’s no love and devotion is a sacrifice, but staying and loving with your whole being is obedience!”

It’s honoring God who grieves when we take His picture Christ’s love for the church and tear it apart by divorce. Ask God to show you how to fall in love again with your spouse. Prayerfully make a list of things that you could stop doing and saying —and a list of things you can start doing and saying to be “God’s agent of love toward your spouse” loving them “as unto the Lord.”

As Dr Carlson advised, completely dedicate your marriage and actions to God asking for His guidance —to show you how to love your spouse in honor of your Lord and Savior. “It’s never too late to do what is right.”

God Bless!
Steve and Cindy Wright

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