Comments on: A Word To Parents And Parents-In-Laws http://www.marriagemissions.com/a-word-to-parents-and-parents-in-laws/ a Christian Marriage Website Sun, 21 Mar 2010 02:20:36 +0000 http://wordpress.org/?v=2.9.2 hourly 1 By: Rebecca http://www.marriagemissions.com/a-word-to-parents-and-parents-in-laws/comment-page-1/#comment-4811 Rebecca Fri, 11 Sep 2009 05:16:59 +0000 http://www.marriagemissions.net/a-word-to-parents-and-parents-in-laws/#comment-4811 (USA)  The end of this article mentioned having several sets of in-laws. My husband and I come from divorced families so we have 8 total in-laws/grandparents to our children. This is an enormous source of stress and anxiety for us! If anybody would like to think that divorce doesn't have consequences I'm living proof that the consequences last a lifetime. My husband and I see that after reading these articles we need to form stronger boundaries around our marriage and family unit. I have some questions about boundaries regarding all these in-laws. If my husband and I try to follow some of the advice given here regarding honoring our parents we don't feel we will have time for our marriage or own family. For example, sharing holidays. How do we do that with 4 sets of in-laws who are not Christians and take offense when we attempt to "be fair" and share our time and visiting? They each have their own separate issues of course, but there has been lots of painful words, as well as some parents choosing to ignore us and cut us out of their lives if we don't go along with letting them "run" the family. On both sides of our families we have people calling themselves the "patriarch" or "matriarch" of the family and dictating holidays and visits. Because they're all divorced they all try to play favorites, wanting to be the favorite grandparents, parents, etc... We have sought out help from Christians and the advice is hard for us to follow. Either we get told we are being mean by refusing to "obey" our parents wishes or we are told that we are not honoring our parents when we choose not to play their manipulative games. We agree with your statements about not discussing parents or in-laws with others (especially the other side of the family) but we cannot keep the rivalry down because we have adult siblings, half-siblings and step-siblings who also keep the games and unhealthy ways of relating going by gossiping and trading information back and forth between in-laws. It has gotten really out of hand. My husband has stepped back and chosen not to contact his family members but I feel so guilty about it. Please help suggest some next steps for my husband and I. Thank you! (USA)  The end of this article mentioned having several sets of in-laws. My husband and I come from divorced families so we have 8 total in-laws/grandparents to our children. This is an enormous source of stress and anxiety for us! If anybody would like to think that divorce doesn’t have consequences I’m living proof that the consequences last a lifetime. My husband and I see that after reading these articles we need to form stronger boundaries around our marriage and family unit.

I have some questions about boundaries regarding all these in-laws. If my husband and I try to follow some of the advice given here regarding honoring our parents we don’t feel we will have time for our marriage or own family. For example, sharing holidays. How do we do that with 4 sets of in-laws who are not Christians and take offense when we attempt to “be fair” and share our time and visiting? They each have their own separate issues of course, but there has been lots of painful words, as well as some parents choosing to ignore us and cut us out of their lives if we don’t go along with letting them “run” the family. On both sides of our families we have people calling themselves the “patriarch” or “matriarch” of the family and dictating holidays and visits. Because they’re all divorced they all try to play favorites, wanting to be the favorite grandparents, parents, etc…

We have sought out help from Christians and the advice is hard for us to follow. Either we get told we are being mean by refusing to “obey” our parents wishes or we are told that we are not honoring our parents when we choose not to play their manipulative games.

We agree with your statements about not discussing parents or in-laws with others (especially the other side of the family) but we cannot keep the rivalry down because we have adult siblings, half-siblings and step-siblings who also keep the games and unhealthy ways of relating going by gossiping and trading information back and forth between in-laws. It has gotten really out of hand. My husband has stepped back and chosen not to contact his family members but I feel so guilty about it.

Please help suggest some next steps for my husband and I. Thank you!

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