I really believe that this was my confirmation on my mariage- saying that “the marriage was totaled” and OVER! and that in correlation to the accident and marriage; my daughter and I were “brusied but not broken”. And this has been my testimony ever since. And on the 27th of July, my husband was forced out of the house through a court-order.

Now, he’s been driving by and trying to catch me in route to speak to me and see our daughter. Now, he was ordered by the court to see our daughter through an exchange program, but he prefers not to. He says that this is “man’s law” and not “God’s law”. I’d like to think that I am following God’s guidance on this; so I’m asking for continued strength to help me to stay strong and focus.

I lift you to him and ask that he heal your heart show you direction, to show you all the wonderful things he has in store for you and what all you need to see so that you are sure which path you are to take. I pray that he will guide you through people and give you wisdom to make the right choices in his Jesus name.

Let God deal with your husband. He will have to go through some pain to know that you need to love and that he is to cherish his wife and hold her up to the Lord without blemish. What your husband is doing is not of the Lord. I support you in your critical spirit; you must be safe and secure.

I hope you really reach out and grow in the Lord. This may be a huge revelation for you and what he has for your path. I am excited for that transformation and your blessing, and joy that you will receive when you stand in GOD and the REAL WORD, the Bible. ABOVE ALL IS LOVE!

I got laid off one year ago. I had no job, no person to care me. I am really depressed.

The first four years of our courtship, he was so caring and affectionate. He cared for me in so many ways. He cared for my skin (in which I had a bad case of eczema) through his study of homeopathic medicine), my health (informing me on what food is good for me and so forth, and my spirit (advising me on getting "The Book" version of the Bible to help me better understand God’s word). We would have Bible discussion based on the Daily Bread (that he told me about as well). We would spend long nights on the phone talking about any and everything.

But, as I now sit back and analyze the relationship, I notice that he was always controlling. He talked me into getting out of the church choir; he talked me out of going to the Wednesday night Bible study at my church and the Thursday Morning Prayer. This was his way of saying that I needed rest and to be able to spend more time with him. Whenever I made a mistake in doing something or saying something that was “out of term”, he would get highly upset and he would begin to ‘fuss-n-cuss’ as I began to nickname it and he would say things like “if you were in front of me, I would slap you in the mouth.” Whenever he said this I at first didn’t think anything of it, until I actually experienced it.

After we married 3 and a half years ago, the control issues continued to increase, followed by verbal abuse, and then later as the relationship continued, the physical abuse came. There were many days when I didn’t want to come home from work due to him calling throughout the day complaining about something I did or didn’t do and I knew that there was going to be a beating waiting for me. There were many nights I couldn’t sleep; not knowing when he was going to wake me up in the middle of the night to question me about something (with belt in his hand or anything to throw at me).

There were many nights I spent in another room with our daughter because I was afraid to be in his presence. There were many mornings when I was off from work I didn’t want to be, because I didn’t know what kind of mood he would be in. I couldn’t do anything without him knowing about it, I couldn’t talk to his friends or my family without him knowing about it. He wanted to know what was going on in my families’ business, but didn’t want my family to know what was going on in “our family business”.

For example, this past March, I became pregnant, instead of him being happy and pleased, he was upset and angry. In fact he implied that I should get an abortion. You see I told my mom and my twin sister that I was (pregnant), but before I even told my twin that I was pregnant, she was having pregnancy symptoms (we are identical twins and I am the youngest and with each pregnancy I have had, she has experienced the morning sickness and so forth). So when I was in distraught about the abortion I tried to explain to my husband that I wasn’t comfortable, but he convinced me that it was okay as long as the egg has not grown into an embryo yet. But due to my religious background and my discomfort, I procrastinated until I was eight weeks.

The day of the 1st scheduled abortion, I told my sister that I didn’t want to go through with it and I needed support in going home because I had already told him that I couldn’t go through with it and of course he was livid. I wouldn’t have gone back home that day, but he kept our daughter while I was at work. So, naturally I went back to the house.

I made up in my mind to leave, going home only to gather some things and to get our daughter. He was calm and cool at first, but then he and my brother-n-law got into it. My brother-in-law told my sister to call the police. I left with my sister and brother-in-law along with my daughter to their house, but after crying and listening to him on the phone, I was coerced into going back home. We stayed up till about 3am that morning with me having to go to work the next day, talking about the abortion, the visit from my sister and her husband, and the encounter of the police coming to the house.

Though he remained calm that night, I could tell he was going to analyze this whole thing for the next few days and become angry. And sure enough, everyday anger continued to build-up in him about the situation, even after I agreed to the abortion just to make peace with him, he was still upset about the fact that my family came over and disrespected him in his own home and that I “allowed” it and how I needed to fix that problem by having my sister/husband to come over and apologize.

But since my brother-in-law apologized the same day, he felt like he didn’t need to apologize again. So every day after that day in April (including our Anniversary day) my life was HELL!!! He made sure that I paid for that incident and for becoming pregnant (period). Everything made him angry. The day I decided that “enough was enough” is when he got angry with me about “not communicating” in which he says I don’t do enough. But whenever I do, he doesn’t bother to listen, or accept my opinion, so why bother?

On this day he was fussin-cussin and poking me on the head with a BB gun in front of my daughter while she & I were eating dinner. And I will never forget the look and the expression on my daughter’s face when he was doing that. It HURT me SO BAD!!! I told her that Mommy was okay. But the look on her face was full of fear and pain and right then I knew that I had to do something about this.

I did go through the world’s system in order to leave him, because the family way wasn’t going to help (alone). My order of protection was granted on the 15th of December. I have not seen him since that week and he has not seen his daughter in four months, though I have had her to speak to him. Due to our safety, it was advised that he should only see her under supervision. Although, he has been calling me and telling me that he has changed, and that the cause of his behavior was based on DHEA/roid rage. In which he tells me that he had been taking these supplements for fifteen years and that they had been taking a toll more for the last 4 years.

He won’t seek counseling; says that God is his counselor; he won’t leave (my) house to let me & our daughter return back home. He is now saying that he forgives me for leaving him & staying away (even after I know the “TRUTH”). However, I am seeking spiritual counseling, and other support groups to help me get through this.

I have also gone to my pastor. He suggests that God does not allow for anyone to be hurt; physically or emotionally. And that “even so ought husbands also to love their own wives as their own bodies. He that loveth his own wife loveth himself” (Ephesians 5:28). So, here I am now, waiting on an answer from God on where to go from here….

http://www.focusministries1.org/

One suggestion is to call around and see if you can find a lawyer who might take your case pro bono (no charge). Tell them you have photos of abuse, etc. You might have to call several but there might be one that will take your case.

As far as the mortgages and vehicle – if they are in your SSN and only your name, then you have the legal right to put them up for sale. If the title to the vehicle and the home is in your husband’s name (or both of you) then it will be more difficult. You should call the creditors and tell them your situation and ask to either have your name removed from the loans OR have everything switched into your name (the car and home) and put them up for sale. My inclination would be to have your name taken off and have it only in his name so that he is responsible for the bills and not you.

If your husband wants a divorce, my suggestion would be to remove yourself from everything you can – loans, home, etc. and have that burden be his, if it is possible. I’ve considered separation because my husband is also abusive but if I chose that, my decision was (or would be) to just leave, not plan on taking much of anything and try to stay out of the legal system as much as possible. I wouldn’t want our house because I couldn’t afford it anyway and my peace is worth more than a big house. The more legal action you get involved in, the more complicated it gets.

Here is a verse that might help you:

1 Corinthians 6:7 (King James)
Now therefore there is utterly a fault among you, because ye go to law one with another. Why do ye not rather take wrong? why do ye not rather suffer yourselves to be defrauded?

Amplified Version:
Why, the very fact of your having lawsuits with one another at all is a defect (a defeat, an evidence of positive moral loss for you). Why not rather let yourselves suffer wrong and be deprived of what is your due? Why not rather be cheated (defrauded and robbed)?

This is talking about lawsuits among believers so I don’t know if it applies to your husband or not. If your husband is not a believer then this verse does not apply to you. I do believe that you have done the right thing in going to the police with the abuse. The bible says that love rejoices not in iniquity (abuse is a kind of iniquity) and does rejoice in the truth (you reported the truth to the police). I Cor. 13

I’ve lived in an abusive marriage for more than a decade. My husband does not even realize that it is abusive nor does he want to admit it. I know that I’m to the point where I’m planning on making a decision, soon, on whether to separate or not, but all I want is out. I could care less whether he gives me money for our kids (I can work) or anything else. I simply want peace, and a better life for my kids so that they will grow up with an idea of what a healthy marriage is, not an abusive marriage. So those are my personal thoughts – I have been in your situation and know what it is like and how hard it is. I will pray for you and for God’s strength and guidance for you.

As always – pray for God and his guidance in all your decisions. God bless, LT

I am a french woman. I met my husband @ 18 years of age, young and naive I did not know so much about everything. My husband abused me emotionally and verbally many, many times. I always felt responsible, guilty and apologized for making him angry.

He started using my Social Security Number (ssn) for little loans that grew into larger ones including a Hummer, two mortgages, line of credit, 5 credit cards on which he was an authorized user until that night when he became violent physically. I was not educated about how personal the ssn was and the consequences that number could have.

He has been paying all debts owed on time until the PFA. Bills are still coming in and I can’t afford all of them on my salary. I am afraid of him not wanting to be honest and fair because I want to divorce. Should I & Can I sell? I need help. I don’t have a lot of money and I fear for the 9th without my police report and his well-paid lawyer fighting to void the PFA. He wants me out the house, help please.