Marriage in itself is difficult when everything is going about its “normal” course. But when you are raising a disabled child, there is a different dynamic involved that can cause added strain to your relationship.
We received a letter here at Marriage Missions that asked us to consider writing about this topic and finding help. She wrote:
“I am in a second marriage and my stepchild has a disability (autism). I know many marriages end in divorce when there is a child with a disability. I am dealing with a second marriage, which is hard enough, but this is one with a stepchild with autism.
“My husband is often in denial about his adult son with autism. I have never seen an article relating to this on any Christian website — I have looked! With so many kids being diagnosed with autism today (for boys it is every 1 in 93 births) and so many marriages ending in divorce I can’t be the only one struggling with this.”
To help those of you who are dealing with marriage challenges that occur when a child in your home is disabled, we have found several articles that we believe you will find insightful. You can read them by clicking onto the links provided below:
• THE BLESSING OF PARENTING A CHILD WITH AUTISM
• THE IMPACT OF A DISABLED CHILD ON YOUR MARRIAGE
• CHRISTIAN MARRIAGE AND AUTISM
• UP CLOSE AND PERSONAL WITH MAURA WEIS
We also found a Resource List that will help those dealing with Autism in their family. It is put together by the great ministry of Joni and Friends Joniandfriends.org.
However, if you are dealing with a different type of disability that is affecting your marriage, you can put that term into their “Site Search” to see what they make available to help you. Please click onto the link provided below to find:
And for those of you who would like to help your church to help couples who have disabled children, read the following concerning churches that have done this successfully:
We would greatly appreciate it if you would share your insights in the comment section provided below to help those who are dealing with various marriage challenges as they raise their disabled children. Or perhaps you are facing challenges in your own marriage and want to reach out in community for prayer and/or advice. We hope you will “Join the Discussion” and share what is on your heart.
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(USA) I’m not sure how having a child with a disability makes marriage any harder. It is just like any other stressor in your life (a bad job, family relationships) and surely offers a chance to grow in the Lord.
(UNITED STATES) It is NOT like any other marital stress! My child is physically handicapped with Arthrogryposis. I have to help her bathe, dress, clean herself in the bathroom, wash her face, brush her teeth, brush and wash her hair, pick things up, sometimes eat when she can’t reach, cut her food. I get her up in the morning, and put her to bed at night. My husbands only help is sometimes getting her a snack and on occasions dinner when I am busy.
I have been married for 20 years and only now as he gets older and lazier I am becoming angry. He could do more. He could have read books to her. I asked and he wouldn’t do it! He takes no active part in her life. I am everything and I resent it! She doesn’t even think to tell him good night after I get her ready for bed. I used to tell her to go say good night. I recently gave up. Why bother?
He has never walked into her room to say good night. He is a lump that brings in money. I am supposed to divide my time between him and the kids and to be honest, I don’t care to anymore. I would rather take up his time for ME. Me is very much a person I don’t know anymore!
(USA) You must not have a child with a disability.