“What am I getting out of this relationship?”

That seems to be a question that becomes a “subtle issue underlying many of our relationships. We live in a society where 50% of all marriages end in divorce; where 78% of all 2nd marriages end in divorce; 60% of all children will spend some time in a single parent home; where 30% of all children will spend some time in two or more broken homes. In fact, if you were born after 1965, statistically, you will have more spouses in your life time than children!” This quote comes from a message given by Dr. Roger Barrier which challenges us about how marriage is viewed in the world in which we live.

We live in such a throw away society. It used to be where we fixed things that broke. Now we’re told that it will cost us less to throw the broken item out and buy a new one. As we look at the above statistics we can see how this not only applies to automobiles and appliances, but also to marital relationships. It appears that we’re to throw out what doesn’t seem to “work for us anymore, cut our losses, and start with a clean slate” when we meet someone new.

We buy into the lie that marital relationships are disposable and not as important as our future happiness. After all, (as we’ve heard it said repeatedly) “God wouldn’t want me to stay in such an unhappy marriage for the rest of my life!” If we buy into that lie, we’re fooling no one but ourselves.

It’s said that, “A self-centered life will have a tendency to confuse its selfish desire with God’s will”. Think about those words for a moment in how it applies to marriage. So often we’ll see what we want to see. And unless we’re on the alert, as we’re told to be in the Bible (1 Peter 5:8) we can easily slide into a self-centered way of thinking. We’ll justify and rearrange our thoughts and actions to fit the best conception of our actions that we can (much like using a kaleidoscope to focus on the design that pleases us the most). Whenever God is knocked out, sin is minimized.

When we enter into marriage, the vows we say to each other and to God promises to be focused on loving our spouse above ourselves. It’s to embrace the heart of the Lord and love beyond our natural abilities.

During this holiday season as we focus on Christ Jesus Christ, we can look toward the upcoming new year as one in which we have the opportunity to view each day as a “new beginning.” So, no matter “what” has happened in the past— that’s behind us. We can view this New Year as an opportunity to make our marriages the priority that God intends them to be.

This next year, let’s stop asking the question, “What am I getting out of this marriage?” and begin to focus on the right question (as posed by Dr. Barrier): “What is GOD receiving from your marriage?” Why did God create marriage in the first place? Was it for our happiness, or was it for a higher purpose? What are we doing in our marriages to contribute in a positive way toward that higher purpose? These are hard hitting questions, but necessary ones to ask ourselves if we’re serious about glorifying God in our lives. In Colossians 1:16 we’re told that we were created, “by Him and FOR Him.”

Suggestion:

Sit down together and ask each other the questions we just posed. And then change the emphasis on each word of the question, “What is God receiving from your marriage” to look at it in different ways. “WHAT is God receiving from your marriage? What is GOD receiving from your marriage? What is God RECEIVING from your marriage? What is God receiving FROM your marriage? What is God receiving from YOUR marriage? And— What is God receiving from your MARRIAGE?

As you look at these questions in different ways (as we have) and discuss them, praying for wisdom, you can get a clearer picture of what was, what is, and what needs to be done to move your relationship closer towards God’s higher purpose in your lives. Ask God for a visionary goal for your marriage this coming year.

As we did this in our own marriage, God gave us the idea of marriage mentoring. He helped us to see the need and the means to help other married couples improve the quality of their relationship with each other. It has put a real spark into our own lives to work together as a couple towards this goal because we know this is pleasing to God.

Our ongoing prayer and goal is to continually improve our relationship first with each other and then reach out to others to help them with theirs so that God will be glorified, and family relationships will be changed for the better.

Together, as we begin this new year, let’s live out the principles found in Philippians 3:13-14 where it says, “One thing I do: Forgetting what is behind and straining toward what is ahead, I press on toward the goal to win the prize for which God has called me heavenward in Christ Jesus.” Let’s make sure God is receiving the glory He deserves through our marriage relationships.

Have a blessed New Year!
Steve and Cindy Wright

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