Comments on: Asking the Right Question – Marriage Message #27

By: D

Fri, 24 Jul 2009 15:07:05 +0000

(South Africa) Our marriage is so rocky it’s on the verge of breaking or has broken. I believe that God has a plan – it’s extremely difficult as there is another women involved. My husband says they are friends but she takes precedence over me and my wishes etc. I’m very two minded on whether to ask him to leave or to be what God wants me to be – like Jesus was – humble, loving etc.

We have 2 boys 14 and 10 and have been married for 18 years. He says there is nothing left in our marriage – he can’t talk to me – he’s superior to me and better, smarter. I’m me down to earth. We are going to talk this weekend about going forward. After reading the “ask the right question’ I realize God says that in ‘the worse’ we must stay and work it out. He doesn’t seem to think so.

Please remember us and lift my husband up in prayer as I believe ALL THINGS ARE POSSIBLE with God. I know satan is trying so hard to destroy our family. I don’t want us to be another statistic. May God bless the work you are doing – saving marriages and putting us in the right frame of mind – ‘God’s frame’.

By: Mo

Mo — Thu, 26 Mar 2009 15:08:31 +0000

(South Africa) I really enjoyed this message but there’s something else I thought about while reading this. We also need to constantly ask ourselves “what more can I put into this relationship?” because wanting to put in an extra effort into your marriage all the time without expecting something back shows selflessness and I think that portrays God’s love and people can see that clearly. Can you imagine the effect we could have other couples??

Another thing I thought is when people say “God wouldn’t want me to stay in an unhappy marriage!” then its easy to say that yes God doesn’t want you to stay in an unhappy marriage but instead of giving in and getting out I honestly think God would rather want you to stay in that marriage and work to make it happy! It’s always so easy to say that, your partner is impossible and makes life so uncomfortable but the Bible says that the wife’s good works will eventually win her husband over, like your brother.

People take marriage too lightly these days. I believe that your vows are the same as you and your partner making a deal with God and we are told in Numbers 30:2, “If a man vows a vow to the LORD, or swears an oath to bind himself by a pledge, he shall not break his word.”

By: Carrie

Carrie — Wed, 18 Feb 2009 04:15:10 +0000

(South Africa) Your website has been most encouraging to me over the years. I myself have never written to you, but after reading this message, I really would like to encourage people to “stick with it”. Honor the Lord by keeping the promises that we made before God and our spouse when you were married.

My husband had an extra marital affair about 4 years ago. Through much prayer and a deep belief in marriage and the promises I made, my husband and I have worked through this time in our lives and marriage. We are still together and I though my husband is not born again, I pray and trust the Lord on a daily basis to work through me to show my husband “God’s Love” Your story about Linda and Richard really encouraged me to know that our prayers, challenges and efforts to live a Godly life do pay off.

Yes, most days it is more difficult to act in a Christlike way and love our husbands the way God expects, but it sure builds character. I would encourage anyone thinking of “quitting” to stick it out and truly God will honour your efforts. Thank you for a great website.

By: Rob

Rob — Wed, 28 Jan 2009 15:10:25 +0000

(USA) The question of, what am I getting out of this marriage? is definitely not the right question to be asking. In a marriage it is not what can I "get" but rather what can I "give" to my spouse. If you are in a taking marriage pretty soon all will be taken and then there is nothing left. The result is difficulties and very often marital failure. What our attitude needs to be is what can I "give" to my spouse.

With God’s grace, and much prayer, I have been able to leave that taking attitude and move toward a giving attitude. I give my wife love, attention, support, understanding and an available ear when she just wants someone to listen. No, I can’t solve all of her problems, only God can do that, but I am there for her, giving her what I can as a her husband.

There is the comment "but my spouse is a taker so if I want anything I need to take also". This can be very difficult to deal with.

This is what happened in our marriage. I made a commitment to "give to my wife" unconditionally –emotionally, spiritually, and physically, without any strings attached. I did it out of love for her and love for God, for that is what He commands. It was a major thought change for me as it was for her.

At first, she was thinking, what is he trying to get? She even asked me this. I then explained that I wanted to have a better Christian marriage, and that in a good marriage it was a relationship of giving and receiving, not taking. At times I was quite discouraged for I did not see any change in the way she dealt or reacted to me. I asked God to keep me strong and focused.

"Give, and it will be given to you. A good measure, pressed down, shaken together and running over, will be poured into your lap. For with the measure you use, it will be measured to you." (Luke 6:38) NIV

Over time my giving attitude became more natural, and her attitude started to follow mine. I do warn that there were many set backs and bumps in the road. Even though the path has been rocky and rough at times, the journey and the results have been worth every difficult time.

This change in attitude was not fast or easy. And we still have much to work on. But it can be done. Not alone, but with God’s help. Be loving, be caring, and give. FHG, Rob

By: S

Wed, 28 Jan 2009 14:34:30 +0000

(South Africa) This is powerful. Thank you a lot for your weekly messages. They really make me a better person in my relationship. My partner complimented my heart just two weeks ago. He said it’s very rare you find a lady with such a heart. All goes back to you guys for all the guidance in relationships. You might think what you doing is little, but to us people and God, THIS IS GREAT. Your messages changed me to be a better person. I see things differently from the world perspective and this makes me to be different from other woman same age as mine. Married people come for advice to me and I try by all means to build their marriages so that God maybe glorified. I thank you once more. May God bless you.

By: Lynne

Lynne — Tue, 06 Jan 2009 05:54:55 +0000

(KENYA) This is great. I think if we stay connected, it can help my husband and I to take our marriage to a higher level. Kindly send me a copy of the discussion guide. God bless you.