Why do you feel you are being watched? This should not bother you at all if you have nothing to hide. If that is so, then just let it go. As to personal stuff between you and your sister, this could be causing at lot of problems in your marriage. Your husband needs to be assured of your love and it is not OK to discuss private matters with anybody but him. Please do not let these feelings of yours go unresolved – sort them out immediately. I made that mistake and am going through a divorce at the moment for those very reasons. I wish I could have a second chance but it’s too late. If I have read you are wrong let me know. Put God first in your marriage and everything will fall into place.

I remember a wise counselor once told me… people don’t make other people sin. We sin, and our sin reveals the sin in the heart of other people in how they react to our sin. You didn’t make your husband cheat, nor did he make you bitter in response to what he has done or hasn’t done. But we all do things that make it hard for each other, and sometimes we ignore those things because we are so active and responsible in other areas.

I used to do so much for my wife (and I still do), and it made me feel entitled, like “who is she to complain about me? She is just selfish!” But in truth, I was neglecting certain areas of our marriage -partly because I was not dealing with things but instead hiding and withdrawing from them. Did that “make” her do any of the things she did to me? No. But neither did all of my “good deeds” make me somehow more deserving of, or entitled to, a perfect little life.

So sorry for what you have endured. I pray he wakes up, and I pray you do, too, where the Lord wants you to.

1. Treat your marriage like a contract rather than a covenant. Lead him to believe that your love is something he can only keep if her performs “up to snuff.” When he fails, criticize and punish him.

2. Have an affair, even just an emotional one. You think husbands can’t tell when their wives get really close with a “guy friend”? They can tell. But when they get upset, make them feel like they are crossing your boundaries. This will make them feel crazy, like they don’t know what is right and wrong any more.

3. Keep score of his failings. Tell him things like, “You never [fill in the blank].” It must be nice to know that such a pathetic excuse for a husband has such a perfect wife, right?

4. Reject him repeatedly. Make it feel like you waited and waited for him to shape up, but he just couldn’t pull it together. Then reject him. Then give him another chance. Then start the whole process over again.

5. Compare him to other men. Tell him how so-and-so seems so much better in this area. Compare him to past lovers you’ve had. Tell him how inadequate he is in comparison to them.

6. Tell him he is not a man. That will really help him step up to the plate in his weaknesses (sarcasm). Yes, a man sometimes does need a step up. But a man is still a human being, not a dog.

7. Use the “well, its the truth” excuse. Refuse to take responsibility for how you have torn him down by just saying, “Hey, its true.” The truth is meant to be spoken in love for the betterment of the other person and the relationship, not to belittle, condemn, and punish people.

8. Tell him you want him to make decisions and take initiative, and then when he does criticize him and treat him like a little boy. Take it out of his hands and do it yourself.

9. Tell him you want him to lead, but then refuse to submit to him. When he tries to lead, make him feel stupid and crazy because it isn’t the way you would do it.

I hope these help!

But as a man who has been married over a decade and for large portions of our marriage has been on the receiving end of being torn down over and over, I can tell you that it really does work against you, ladies. You can’t abuse your man into becoming a better husband. He will withdraw, and he may not even really know why. You will feel more alone, and he will become sullen and destroyed. Is it your sole responsibility to affirm him and constantly make him feel good about himself? No. But if you want to destroy a man, if you want a husband who is a shell of a person, keep putting him down. (And I know that goes both ways, guys! Treat your women right!)

Marriage is the most intimate union on earth. That means there is the most “nakedness” between two people. If you want to kill that intimacy, jab a dagger into him every time he is exposed for all he is as the imperfect man he really is. He will close up and hide quicker than you can blink. And eventually he will shut down.

It is only in the past few years that my wife and I have been working through some of these things, and I have finally felt confident enough to tell her how I have been affected by her words and actions over the years. That honesty has breathed new life. I’ve been learning that I can be who I am, I can tell her when I am afraid to get close to her, and she has (with her actions) shown me that it is safe once again.

Think of intimacy as safety. If you kill that safety, you will kill the intimacy, and your marriage will fall apart. It really is that simple. It doesn’t mean you don’t speak the truth It means you do speak the truth, but always within the context of covenantal acceptance and love. The other person knows it is safe to hear your criticisms because, first, they are certain that you love, accept, and will not reject and abandon them. If you haven’t worked to establish that safety with your spouse (whether you are the husband or the wife), you need to keep your mouth shut and humble yourself.

But we can live our lives right now with a better understanding of what is to come, bearing in mind that all the problems we have are temporary and God can see everything from above. Our justification comes from him alone. So let us prepare ourselves for the future by our contact regardless of the hardships we face or how others treat us “do everything as unto the Lord”. Even if your husband is cold to you or unappreciative, you know God has your reward. So God is your affirmer. If you please God, its all good for you now and forever.

We are the light of the world. It may not make sense to be good to those who wrong us but we should remember that God loved us and still does despite our many sins. Don’t repay evil with evil for you will miss out on the wonderful promises to come.

Save yourself more pain by establishing a good relationship with God. Your husband may fail you but the Lord never will. All you do should, therefore, be a dedication to God. You have done very well for your family so far.

He has cheated on me when I was pregnant, and He is flirting with another now> How come I haven’t gotten out of my house to look for someone to affirm me?

So don’t buy the lie that men are more morally corrupt than women. Cheating is not a gender trait, it’s a character issue. Folks with bad character are equally represented in both genders. Scripture says we are ALL sinners, and ALL fall short of the glory of God.

Just ask me, I was a betrayed husband. My ex-wife cheated and divorced and now is largely alone. It’s not just men who do this. Women are in on the act too.

It has taken us a year to get to this point, where his need for affirmation has been nailed down as to why he does this. He is now in counseling and I am learning that I need to be verbal in my praise of him. We are opposites. I crave someone to do things for me; he craves verbal attention. We are now rebuilding our relationship, including my trust in him. With the knowledge that his needs must be met, we stand a chance.

To anyone else in this boat, take heart. Know that if you meet his needs for affirmation, your marriage will thrive! It is not a sign of weakness to give affirmation, it is a symbol of your love for him.

When confronting my husband, he was not happy I came upon it and goes on to tell me that it is not anything at all and it was only the second time. The first was a happy birthday and this is all taking place 10 years after he broke up with her… I have been sick over it and it showed for about 2 and half weeks. What I read about in this article is certainly hitting home. I will never know whether or not it has ended and matter of fact very upset with me that it effected me the way it did. But I plan on buying the book and reading further.