“You will make your heaven or hell on earth by the person you decide to marry” (Ravi Zacarius). For this reason (and for many others) we feel a responsibility to address the cost of marriage to those who are about to enter into it. If you’re considering marriage or you know of someone who is considering marriage that you could pass this message on to, please read very carefully the following message.Because this is such an awesome life-changing decision, and because marriage is a life-long covenant entered into by a man and a woman who are vowing to each other AND TO GOD that they will “love, honor, and cherish each other until they’re parted by death,” it needs to be entered into very soberly.

If you’re considering marriage, we plead with you to be VERY sure BEFORE you marry that you count the cost of entering into this covenantal relationship (See Luke 14:28 -33). You need to enter into that relationship with “both eyes wide open before marriage, and half shut afterwards” because the emotional, physical, and spiritual responsibilities that you’re committing yourself to in marriage should not be taken lightly.

Once you’ve married and have committed yourself to your spouse before God, your life will no longer be only yours to consider. You’re no longer one individual making decisions as to how you’re to proceed in every situation—you now have “another half of you” to consider.

From the moment you say, “I do”, you’re changing the dynamics of your life from that day forward and your responsibility will be to consider your spouse in every choice you make. You’re vowing from that moment on, to cleave together until “death do you part.”

Being cleaved together in marriage doesn’t mean that you’re so enmeshed in each other, that one of you is erased. It means that the two of you with very different personalities, strengths, and talents are now committed to come together to “think together” so that the whole of your marital relationship remains strong.

You may not always think alike, but you’ll need to “think together.” In marriage, your goal will continually be to make daily choices, considering what’s best for the health of your marriage. Any decision you make that tears away from that sacred commitment, comes with a very costly price to pay, both emotionally and spiritually.

So many people have the disillusionment that divorcing their spouse will give them the ability to start over again with a clean slate. When you divorce someone, you don’t just close your eyes and forget that part of your life forever. You’ll carry that experience with you into whatever future relationship you may ever have. We’ve seen countless marriages crumble and end in divorce.

And with each one, pain and destruction comes as an unavoidable result—because the “one flesh that was joined together” is now ripped into two, and carried separately by both (former) spouses for the rest of their lives even if they remarry. You can’t tear off a part of yourself without suffering a devastating wound.

The tearing that comes from the decision to divorce also deeply hurts everyone around you—particularly when you have a child. When you have a child with someone, you will be tied together in some manner for the rest of your lives because both parents will always have a connection to each other through that child in some way—it’s unavoidable.

Divorce (both emotional divorce and physical) also tears at the very heart of God. He says in the Bible that He “hates” it. “God has wrapped His words around the relationship of marriage to describe His love and relationship with the world” (Charlie Shedd). So why wouldn’t it rip at His heart when the marital relationship is discarded as a piece of garbage?

Marriage is a living, visible picture to the world, symbolizing Christ’s love for His Church. Christ never took his love for the world lightly—as was ultimately demonstrated when He sacrificed His life on the cross for us. Each marriage is a living message of the love of Christ seen by others, which may speak more to the hearts of those who witness it than anything else they will ever see, hear, or read.

God has a loving message He wants to speak through our married lives to draw others, who don’t know Him or need to know Him better, to Himself.

For the reasons stated above and for the love and testimony of Jesus Christ to a world who needs to know the transforming love of God, we urge you to make very, very,very sure that when you marry, you ARE willing to love, honor, and cherish each other, in sickness and in health, for better and for worse, until death do you part.”

Marriage is to be entered into only by those who are mature enough and prepared enough to vow to be “promise keepers” acknowledging that they’re making a sacred covenantal vow to each other AND to God. Are you ready to take on that responsibility with each other?

Someone once said, “Great marriages start long before the wedding.” Have you put the time, work, and commitment into preparing for your marriage? It’s great to have a nice wedding—but it’s better to have a great marriage. It’s our prayer this message will be one part of the preparation.

We have several resources we’d like to recommend to those of you who are considering marriage. We know there are a lot more that we don’t even know about. If anyone reading this message can recommend any additional pre-marriage resources, please let us know so we can pass the information on to those who need it. A few we highly recommend are:

• Called Together… Asks the difficult questions that all couples must answer before and after they say “I do” - By Steve and Mary Prokopchak - Horizon Books

• Before You Say “I Do” … A marriage preparation manual for couples by Wes Roberts and Norman Wright

• Toward A Growing Marriage -By Gary Chapman - Moody Press ISBN

• Money Before Marriage… A Financial Workbook for Engaged Couples -By Larry Burkette

• Getting Ready For Marriage Workbook… How to really get to know the person you’re going to marry -By Jerry Hardin and Diane Sloan, Thomas Nelson Publishers

• Saving Your Marriage Before It Starts… Seven Questions to Ask Before and After You Marry -By Dr Les and Dr Leslie Parrott, Zondervan Publishing House

• A Web site that has a Marriage Preparation section with articles you can download is: www.utahmarriage.org. You can also call Focus on the Family or look on their web site www.family.org and also look on the web sites of Christian publishing companies for additional resources.

ANYTHING you can do to prepare for marriage before-hand will be invaluable to the health of your marriage afterwards. Ask most anyone who’s married if they wish they’d been more prepared for the skills it takes after the wedding is over—and we dare to say they’d say, “YES” without hesitation.

We pray this information helps. Our love is with you as together we work to make our marriages be the blessing God intends for them to be in a world that desperately needs Him.

Steve and Cindy Wright

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