Why Just Be Married When You Can Be Best Friends? That’s the title of a book by Conrad Smith. We thought it was pretty appropriate to ask that question at this time. It’s appropriate because of something we’ve observed about marriages. A couple can be married 30+ years and still not know each other. That doesn’t seem possible but it’s absolutely, and sadly true.

It amazes us as we see married couples living in the same house, loving the same children, enjoying the same friends and yet lose their first love for each other. They allow “life” to slide in and create an ever-expanding chasm between them and their spouse. A person would think when you share as much history together; you would naturally know each other intimately and ultimately be best friends. But that just isn’t true.

As a married couple we need not only to share experiences together, we need to share our hearts and souls with one another continually growing together— to be “cleaved together” in intimate love as God designed marriage to be.

As Conrad Smith says,

“As much as we enjoy having close friends, many of us as couples overlook the most rewarding source of friendship we have — each other. It doesn’t start out that way. While dating, we work hard to please each other, even to the point of personal sacrifice. Yet in the bustle of daily life, friendship gradually becomes simply ‘getting along.’ Many couples are so caught up with kids, jobs, and church activities by their third year of marriage; they have no time for friendship.”

Our (Steve and Cindy) hearts are so burdened as we see this happening all around us. That’s one of the many reasons we’re so passionate about helping couples “grow their marriages into being the healthiest and most loving relationships that they can be”.

If you don’t think that you and your spouse can love each other like that because of where you are in your lives today, never, ever underestimate the miracles that God can do as you give your life to Him. “Nothing is impossible with God.” We’ve seen the “deadest” of marriages resurrected into wonderful vibrant relationships as even one of the spouses commits their lives to Christ and following His ways.

And if you think you may have “married the wrong person”, then as Dr Randy Carlson said, “You may think that you married the wrong person, but the day you married them, they became the right person because of the vow you made to them before God.”

God can give you a love for your spouse and a life filled with joy as you allow Christ to live and love in and through you. We’ll talk more about that in coming weeks. What we’d like to pass on to you at this time is a list of a few resources that can help you to grow closer in your friendship with your spouse.

The last few messages we talked about dating one another and if you find yourself in a time crunch, planning a few “22 minute dates.” And then to MAKE the time to be together growing in deeper love with each other. Listed below are a few resources that we’ve come across which have helped a lot of couples bridge whatever gaps they need to cross over.

If you have any other suggestions, please pass them on to us. We’d love to let others know of them. And please pray for this ministry. God is working miracles in couple’s lives because of what He’s doing through this outreach. What a wonderful joy it is that we get to participate with Him in helping other married couples.

Here is a resource list of books that can help us in our marital dating relationship with our spouse (although some of these books may no longer be available):

• Now We’re Talking… Questions to Build Intimacy with Your Spouse by Robert and Pamela Crosby Focus on the Family
• 201 Great Questions by Jerry D Jones Navpress Publishers

Buy this book now.

• 10 Great Dates to Revitalize Your Marriage by David and Claudia Arp

Buy this book now.

• We Need To Talk… Opening Doors of Communication With Your Mate by Robert and Rosemary Barnes

Buy this book now.

• Couples Devotional Bible with Daily Marriage-Building Devotions

Buy this book now.

Our love and prayers are with you as we work together to make our marriages healthy, growing in intimate, covenantal love, with each other and with God, knowing that a “cord of three strands is not easily broken.”

Steve and Cindy Wright

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