“There is an incredible vulnerability that comes when we give another person access to our finances. The reality is they can now hurt us very badly by taking or misusing the information we have given them.
“Prior to marriage, many of us had to answer only to ourselves. A major shift occurred as we began our married life. We are now accountable to each other. How do you react when someone limits you? This is where ‘iron sharpens iron’ (see Proverbs 27:17) and the sparks begin to fly.
“What I want can seem so much more reasonable than what you want. Will my contribution be valued as much as yours? What if you use ‘my money’ to purchase something I disapprove of? Will I be able to influence you? Is the money I earn my money, your money, or our money? What if I delight in spending money on us while you spend money only on yourself? Often money fights end up fueling insecurities rather than resolving them.” (David and Janet Congo, contributing authors to: The Complete Marriage Book)
How true! It’s amazing how differently we view money. People might think the arguments are about not having enough money for all of the expenses that occur. And yes, that can be a big part of it. But often it goes deeper than what you are immediately arguing about. Because we come from different back grounds before marrying, we bring into the marriage different ideas about the true value of money and how it should be handled.
Something else that David and Janet Congo wrote that we’ve found to be true is that:
“Money may be an inanimate object, but we attach great emotional significance to it. One of the prerequisites for partnering in the matter of money is an understanding of the meaning of money to each of us.”
Because money means different things to each of us, it’s easy to find yourself clashing about “cash” issues. In order to truly be marital partners in every area of your lives together, you need to examine what is below the surface of what it means to each of you and then how to bridge the gaps between you.
To “look below the surface” of your money issues, we will provide a link for the web site for the ministry of Focus on the Family which has an article posted that deals with this very issue.
To read this article plus several more they provide on this subject as well, please click onto the link below:
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(USA) Over the past 10 years my husband has gotten us (or tried to get us) into risky investments. I have stopped most of the damage, but he keeps after me. Now he wants to buy a livestock farm and other land. But in these bad economic times and with what we have all lost already, I simply cannot undertake that risk. He will not stop coming at me about this. His intentions are good… But he is the type of person to see what he wishes for, and not what the actual risk and reality is. He says he’s sick of being afraid.
I’ll try to get us to financial and/or marriage counseling over this. Other suggestions? Thanks for any thoughts that you have.