But have you considered that your marriage is also a ministry?

“We are all familiar with the idea that we are Christ’s body on earth—His hands, His feet. It is through us that He reaches out to the world. But it’s easy to forget that we are Christ’s hands and feet to our [spouse]. That’s why seeing your marriage as ministry may require an intentional shift of perspective.” (From the book, “Because I Said Forever”)

Your marriage is not something that you can or should compartmentalize apart from your ministry to those outside of your home. Your marriage is equally important, if not more-so, than your ministry outside of your home, because you are representing Christ to your bride (just as Christ is the bridegroom to the church, His bride). Your spouse, as well as others, are to be your ministry-focus.

When you married, you became covenant partners with your spouse and with God to help address each other’s aloneness. God Himself acknowledged from the beginning that “it is not good for man to be alone.” He said this even though He was walking and fellowshipping with man.

God knew that there are certain emotional and temporal needs that a human being — a marriage partner, is created to meet. And there are certain emotional and temporal needs that you are created to meet for your marriage partner. “And the two shall be one.”

That is part of your role in the covenant of marriage. It is a cord of three strands with God being involved right from the start.

Problems can arise however, when someone who is in full-time ministry, such as a missionary or a pastor, forgets or overlooks the importance of the partnership of marriage, which was entered into with his/her spouse.

The rite of ordination does not override the rite of marriage. Both are noble callings, and one is not the “higher calling.” Both were instituted by God for the sanctification of his people. By some curious act of his grace, this sanctification includes the [those in full time ministry]. (Gregory P. Elder)

You made the choice to go into the ministry. And with that choice came certain “duties and obligations.” You also made the choice to marry. And with that choice, certain “duties and obligations” came with it as well. Your options changed as far as how much time you can devote to the ministry apart from your spouse and keep your relationship healthy and strong — one that strongly reflects the love relationship between the Bridegroom (Christ) and His Bride — which is what every Christian marriage is supposed to represent.

When you were unmarried, you had the freedom to be “undivided” in the attention you could dedicate to the Lord’s work. But in 1 Corinthians 7, the Apostle Paul warns you is to realize that things change once you marry. And as he said,

“I would like you to be free from concern. An unmarried man is concerned about the Lord’s affairs — how he can please the Lord. But a married man is concerned about the affairs of this world — how he can please his wife — and his interests are divided. An unmarried woman or virgin is concerned about the Lord’s affairs: Her aim is to be devoted to the Lord in both body and spirit. But a married woman is concerned about the affairs of this world — how she can please her husband.

“I am saying this for your own good, not to restrict you, but that you may live in a right way in undivided devotion to the Lord.”

When you marry, your ministry becomes divided between ministering within the home and outside of the home. BOTH become your concern and your focus at this point.

But keep in mind that this doesn’t mean that your ministry is lessened, it just means that it is redirected so that not only do you minister outside of your home, but also within it as well. You represent Christ to your bride, so don’t forget the calling of your ministry with your wife and family.

“Husbands, love your wives, just as Christ loved the church and gave himself up for her to make her holy, cleansing her by the washing with water through the word, and to present her to himself as a radiant church, without stain or wrinkle or any other blemish, but holy and blameless.

“In this same way, husbands ought to love their wives as their own bodies. He who loves his wife loves himself. And after all, no one ever hated his own body, but he feeds and cares for it, just as Christ does the church — for we are members of his body.

“‘For this reason a man will leave his father and mother and be united to his wife, and the two will become one flesh.’ This is a profound mystery — but I am talking about Christ and the church. However, each one of you must love his wife as he loves himself…” (Ephesians 5:25-33).

Not only is it important to love your wife “as Christ loves the church and gave himself up for her”, because you have entered into covenant with her and with God, but also so that you don’t bruise her emotionally. Your spouse should not be any less important than others that you minister to outside of the home. When you hurt her, or neglect her, how will you be able to “present her” to God “as a radiant church, without stain or wrinkle or any other blemish?”

Also, your marriage is a living example of Christ’s love for the church, both within your home and outside of it. As others observe how you treat your wife, the love of the Lord should be evident. It gives the Lord the opportunity to draw others to Himself as they observe your behavior. It’s another evangelistic vehicle that the Lord can use as you avail yourself.

Something that Ravi Zacharias said, in his book, I, Isaac, Take Thee Rebekah is relevant to your calling in considering your marriage as a ministry and as an evangelistic “tool.” He wrote:

Some time ago, I was lecturing at a major university, and by the tremendous response both in the numbers of students attending the sessions and in their questions, it was evident to all that God was at work.

As the man who had organized the event drove me to the airport, he said something that was quite jolting to me. He said, “My wife brought our neighbor last night. She is a medical doctor and had not been to anything like this before. On their way home, my wife asked her what she thought of it all.” He stopped and there was silence in the van for a moment. He continued, “She said, ‘That was a very powerful evening. The arguments were very persuasive. I wonder what he is like in his private life.’”

I have to admit it was one of the most sobering things I had ever heard. She was right. Did these lofty truths apply in private as well as in public discourse?

The truth is that God calls us to first practice truth in private so that its public expression is merely an outgrowth of what has already taken place in the heart and not a decoration over a hollow life. Developing that strength of character in private is foundational.

Preview or purchase this book now.

Your marriage is another vehicle that God wants to use to draw others to Himself. As Dr Charles Swindoll says,

Marriage is the foundation of family life, and marriage is one of God’s greatest tools for ministry. Let me say that again … marriage is one of God’s greatest tools for ministry. Our goal isn’t to build stronger marriages. It’s to build stronger marriages for a purpose — ministry. (From the article, “The Ministry of Marriage” featured on the web site Crosswalk.com)

The purpose is so that when others see how we interact with each other in ways that display the love of God, it could very well attract them to our lives, our homes, and ultimately to want to know our God better. And isn’t that the point of the ministry that God has called you to, as a minister of the gospel?

We pray you will prayerfully consider these points, examine your marriage and ask the Lord to show you anything that you may or may not be doing that needs to be corrected in the present and future. You may want to pray what the psalmist prayed in Psalm 139:

Search me O God and know my heart, test me and know my anxious thoughts. See if there is any offensive way in me and lead me in the way everlasting.

To read another article on this subject, please click onto the web site link below:

• MINISTRY AND MARRIAGE IN THE SCRIPTURES

The above article was written by Steve and Cindy Wright of Marriage Missions.

That’s the vow that we make when we marry. But what is the “better or worse” of someone who marries cross-culturally? And what if you are a missionary?

We’re told by Jesus how important it is to “count the cost” when we become his followers. Whatever vow we enter into, there are important matters to consider before we make solemn promises. And that’s especially true of those of us who enter into marriage.

“Those who marry will face many troubles in this life; I want to spare you this” is the warning the Apostle Paul gave (1 Corinthians 7) those who are active Kingdom workers who are considering marriage. As he said, “A married man is concerned about the affairs of this world—how he can please his wife—and his interests are divided.”

This is true, that’s the nature of marriage, you have to care for the needs of your spouse, so there are times when your interests will naturally be divided.

But there are other times where a spouse, when you work in unity with God as partners, can help you to do God’s work in a multiplied way. And that can sometimes, but not always, be true of those who cross-culturally marry.

As you “count the cost” of marrying, and “count the cost” of marrying cross-culturally (or maybe you are already married and need help), the articles provided below could provide you with additional points to prayerfully consider. Please click onto the links provided below to read:

• A BIBLICAL LOOK AT INTERCULTURAL MARRIAGES

• ARRANGED MARRIAGE AND CROSS-CULTURAL MARRIAGE

•  THE BETTER AND WORSE OF CROSS-CULTURAL MARRIAGES

•  INTERCULTURAL MARRIAGES: IS MY WAY THE RIGHT WAY?

•  LOVE AND MARRIAGE — JAPANESE AND AMERICAN

•  TEN TIPS FOR PROTECTING YOUR CROSS-CULTURAL MARRIAGE

•  OVERCOMING ROLE CONFUSION AND BOUNDARY THREATS

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This type of thinking translates into the resolve that “I will respond to anyone who calls at any time other than my spouse. Even if I have promised my wife (husband) that I will stay home, if someone else calls for my attention, my wife (husband) will just have to understand that God’s work comes first.”

Perhaps the bluntness of the above statement makes it seem like something that you would never say. However, this type of thinking can creep in subtly.

The reason for this error is a misunderstanding of how marriage and ministry fit together. Many couples believe and live as if marriage and ministry do not fit together. They view these two areas as being in irresolvable conflict and feel that one must be subordinate. Frequently, this translates into a severe neglect of the family, because “serving the Lord” is more important. Those having this attitude define service to God as “those spiritual things that take place outside the home.”

Other couples believe that marriage and ministry ought to fit together, so they run back and forth between the two. The fit is never comfortable or easy, but they enjoy some success from their juggling efforts.

The first approach, a neglect of the home, is clear disobedience to God’s standards for those who oversee his church. Paul tells us that “[an overseer] must manage his own family well” (1 Timothy 3:4). Obviously, a pastor cannot manage his home if he is never present. The second approach will work when both areas make major demands at the same time. Those who try to take on both equally are prime candidates for burnout.

There is a better way. I have seen it work for people who made a commitment to it from the beginning, as well as for those who first chose one of the above approaches and then struggled hard to change horses in midstream. This third option regarding marriage and ministry is that we view our Bible studies, our singing in the choir, our teaching, or our counseling as a part of our ministry, so we must see our marriage as a viable part of our service to God.

One of the most important assets in an effective ministry is a healthy and strong marriage. Many people in ministry are failing God because of problems in their homes that have been generated by their neglect.

One of the traps that many ministry couples have fallen into is that of separating spiritual things from earthly or mundane things. God makes no such distinction in our lives. We are to honor him and give glory to him in everything we do. Surely God would not have us neglect our families for the sake of his church. Rather we need to nurture our relationships at home so they, by example, can strengthen the body.

An example of this is found in a young pastor who believed that the things he deemed “spiritual” must be treated as being more important than those he felt were of this world. Early in his ministry he worked six long days in the church.

On his “day off” he left his wife and three small children at home and spent twelve hours in the streets passing out Bibles. This pattern was repeated for ten years, and his marriage and family suffered greatly. He said to me, “How I wish I understood that loving my wife and nurturing my children were also ministries!”

How we must grieve God when we neglect the very relationship that is to illustrate Christ’s relationship to his bride. What a greater affront is that we do it “in his name.”

Several years ago I was counseling a ministry couple whose marriage was on the verge of breaking up. This pastor’s neglect of his family was staggering. When I suggested to him that his pattern of behavior was not of God, he replied: “You do not understand. Whatever crosses my path is from God and requires my complete attention. I cannot say no. He will care for my family.”

This minister had defined ministry as absence from home. How sad it is that he never saw that his family had also crossed his path and that his ministry to them was as important as any speaking engagement!

Everything we do is to glorify God, and all that we strive for is to be in service to him. This is as true of listening to and encouraging our spouse as it is of being at the bedside of a dying parishioner. God makes no distinctions: “And whatever you do, whether in word or deed, do it all in the name of the Lord Jesus” (Colossians 3:17).

The idea that every area of our lives is to be considered service to God is powerfully emphasized by Peter’s exhortation to elders. He says that overseers are to shepherd others while also serving as examples to their flocks. Paul reiterates this idea many times when he says, “Copy me” “Be imitators of me.” We are to be godly examples to those we serve. This certainly includes all areas of home and family life as well as all aspects of our church ministry.

A perfect ministry and a perfect marriage are not necessary in order to glorify God. However, obedient hearts that strive to please God in every area of life are necessary if our example is to bring honor to the name of Christ.

This article comes from the book, “Counsel for Pastors’ Wives” -by Diane Langberg, published by Zondervan. In this book Dr Langberg offers sympathetic and realistic answers to 14 questions submitted to her from pastors’ wives —ones that are often asked. All of the answers require acts of faith, renewed patience, and wisdom that must come from God. With these divine resources come healing and possible solutions.

Teresa and I wholeheartedly believe that God is the ultimate source for meeting all our needs. We understand both biblically and experientially our deep need for God. Nothing else —not possessions, not position, not success, not another person —can fill the God-shaped vacuum within each of us. God alone brings peace and order to the human heart. Yet God revealed a wondrous mystery in the Garden. In his unsearchable wisdom, he has chosen to partner with us to remove the “not good” of aloneness in our spouses. He is still the source for taking away the “not good” of being alone in our marriages, but he desires to enlist us as his colleagues in the process.

What about people who are not married? Is God’s design for removing aloneness thwarted in those who are single? Absolutely not. God’s wonderful plan for removing human aloneness is fulfilled in three divinely appointed appointed relationships. For those who are married, the marriage relationship is God’s primary means for removing aloneness. But some people do not marry, and some marriages do not continue. In such cases, loving family —parents, children, grandparents, siblings —is a divinely provided relationship.

…And for those who for some reason are without close family, God’s “safety net” for removing human aloneness is his body, the church. Jesus declared, “By this all men will know that you are My disciples, if you have love for one another” (John 13:35). God has graciously provided marriage, family, and the body of Christ so that no one should suffer the “not good” of being alone.

At age twenty-one, I was fully aware of my personal need for God and that is when I trusted him as my Savior and when his Spirit began rapid changes in my heart and life. As I began to grow as a Christian, I generally accepted the idea that I needed other people somehow. But I firmly believed that my only real need was for God. And I assumed that if others —including Teresa —would just become more spiritual, they would not need me! This view skewed my understanding of God’s design for involving me in removing Teresa’s aloneness. And I certainly didn’t understand God’s desire to remove my aloneness through Teresa. Since God had not found in me a colleague to care for Teresa, the oneness she and I sought was elusive, and the blessing God desired and deserved from our relationship was limited.

As growing Christians eager to do God’s work, Teresa and I poured ourselves into spiritual pursuits. I memorized large portions of Scripture. I became deeply involved in ministry to students, and I led discipleship groups. Teresa became deeply involved in her own ministry, which reached thousands of women each year. Eventually Teresa and I conducted marriage seminars together. In our efforts to please God and serve others, our primary focus and priority was on ministry. I left Teresa alone. By placing our children and our ministry before our marriage, Teresa left me alone. Although our church viewed us as the ideal ministry couple, we continued to silently endure our relationship. We were very active and very busy, but very alone.

In those years I was so focused on my spiritual life and ministry that I had little time or attention for my family. Teresa was left with the responsibility of caring for our two daughters, Terri and Robin, and our young son, Eric. Occasionally she would lament to me her desire for a more loving husband and a more devoted father for our children. But my attitude said, “Teresa, you don’t need more of me to have a fulfilling life; you need more of God.”

It is true that a relationship with God is to be primary in each of our lives. We are to trust Christ as Savior, yield to his Spirit, and obey his words: “‘You must love the Lord your God with all your heart, all your soul, and all your mind.’ This is the first and greatest commandment” (Matthew 22:37-38, NLT). Had Jesus stopped there, we might conclude that all we need is a relationship with God. But Jesus went on: “A second is equally important: ‘Love your neighbor as yourself.’ All the other commandments and all the demands of the prophets are based on these two commandments” (Matthew 22:39-40, NLT). In Jesus’ eyes, relationship with our neighbors —literally our “near ones” —is as important as relationship with God.

As we set our hearts on loving God completely, he desires to enlist us as his colleagues to remove the aloneness of our near ones, beginning with our spouses. Teresa and I often call this the Great Commandment marriage —loving God with all your heart and loving your spouse —your nearest near one —as yourself (also see Ephesians 5:28). Removing aloneness is fundamental purpose of marriage. Are you God’s colleague actively involved in the process of removing your spouse’s aloneness? Is your spouse less alone today than he or she has ever been? This is an important biblical measure of a successful marriage relationship.

It is clear throughout Scripture that God, for reasons known only to him, has opted to fill our longings for oneness through love relationships with both himself and other human beings. He is totally sufficient in his provision, but in his sovereignty he has chosen to share some of his love through the three relationships he has ordained: marriage, family, and the church. If we are not fulfilling the Great Commandment in our marriages, our families, or in our churches, the result is not good.

…My skewed perspective of God, human needs, and relationships convinced me that I needed only God in my life to have a successful marriage and fruitful ministry. My misunderstanding of God’s design to remove my aloneness through him and Teresa fostered an unhealthy and unbiblical self-reliance that robbed our marriage of intimacy.

Furthermore, my attitude heaped condemnation on Teresa, communicating to her, “Ministry is my top priority, and it should be yours too. When are you going to grow up so you don’t need so much of my personal time time and attention?” One day, in my frustration to pressure Teresa to become as intense as I was about my ministry, I confronted her in the kitchen with an ultimatum: “Teresa, if you don’t come along with me in serving God, I’m going on without you.” Then I walked away.

Teresa explains her reaction to my statement;

“David’s pointed words pierced me like a lance. He left me standing in the middle of the kitchen wondering exactly wheat he meant. Was he talking about leaving me physically through separation or divorce? Was he talking about giving up on me spiritually and emotionally? He could not have known the terrible pain those words caused me. And it only got worse.

“As David continued to lose himself in ministry, he did leave me every way except physically, I was alone and floundering while my husband filled his life with his top priority: the ministry. As a result, I became increasingly aloof and independent I tried to play the ‘ministry wife’ role, but the more he pulled away into his work, the more I buried myself in activities at home with our children.”

Teresa suffered tremendous self-doubt induced by the painful messages of my self-reliance. She often thought, “Maybe if I were more spiritual or sensed a deeper call to ministry, I wouldn’t need David’s love, acceptance, comfort, and encouragement so much. If I just had more of God, I wouldn’t miss him so much when he is away doing ministry.”

I expected Teresa to deal with her needs in a self-reliant manner just as I did, and I chided her for not being spiritually independent. The more involved I became in the ministry, the more uncomfortable she became living in the fishbowl of congregational scrutiny. Teresa explains:

“As a fairly new Christian, I was still deciding what I believed and battling false guilt and self-condemnation over how insecure I felt in the ministry. Someone once made the thoughtless remark, ‘I would never have believed you were David’s wife since you’re not as spiritual as he is.’ But by this time I had developed a bubble of self-protection against the pain in my marriage and other relationships. I became extremely self-reliant in my own world in order to shut out the pain I experienced in my relationship with David and other Christians. I had mastered the skill of not feeling, not hurting.”

We had falsely equated self-reliance with spiritual maturity and emotional strength. As a result, our love for each other grew increasingly cold. To be sure, we needed to change our twisted view of God’s design for marriage. But more than a renewed mind, we needed a humble heart.

The solution to self-reliance is humility. It is humbling for us to admit that we have needs we cannot meet on our own. And it is equally humbling to acknowledge that we are helpless to remove our aloneness apart from depending on God to minister to us and to involve other people in our lives as he desires. Hunkering down in a foxhole of self-reliance and just waiting to become more mature will not remove our aloneness. Maturity and strength in our relationships come only as we humbly depend on God to minister his grace to us, often through our spouse.

The above article comes from the book, “Never Alone” by David and Teresa Ferguson, published by Tyndale House Publishers. Unfortunately this book is no longer being published so the only way you can obtain it is through used book resource centers. We hope you are able to do so because this is an excellent book!

“Could it happen to you, a cross-cultural worker? Of course, it could. You are human, aren’t you? It is a natural human tendency to grow to like people with whom we spend time, so much so that even people taken hostage often grow to like their captors, and the captors grow to like their hostages.

“It is even more likely that you will like people with whom you are working, and that liking may become sexual attraction. People can gradually “slide” into sexual sin over a period of time.” (Ron Koteskey)

That tendency to “slide” is something to be aware of, or as the Bible says, to “be on the alert” because of the threat of the enemy of our faith.

Ron Koteskey then gives biblical examples of this and goes into some of the questions you need to consider and situations to consider that could hopefully make you better aware and more cautious in the future of “dangers” that could threaten your marriage and threaten the ministry the Lord has given you.

To read of this stress and this threat, we will provide a web site link for you. Please click onto the link below:

• WHAT CROSS CULTURAL WORKERS OUGHT TO KNOW

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For that reason missionaries need to be diligent in keeping themselves out of the grasp of falling into temptation. What better prize would there be for the enemy to hold up against God than to have His special servants fall into sexual sin?

Missionaries may THINK they would never be tempted to sin with someone of the opposite sex because of their love for God and their love for your spouse, but there have been multitudes who have been wrong about that very thing.

So, to help you with this special mission — which is of equal importance to any other work you could ever do for the Kingdom of God, we have found an accountability questionnaire that would be good for you to ask yourself every so often. Even better, would be if you had an accountability partner that would ask you these questions and stand with you to help you stay all the stronger.

To view these questions, please click onto the link below:

• ACCOUNTABILITY QUESTIONS TO MISSIONARIES

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Prayerfully the biggest change will be spiritual, because they have had the privilege of working with other missionaries and workers. And they’ve also had the the privilege of contributing to the work that God is doing with others who need added help from humans. That usually changes a person so they never view things in their homeland the same again. They are usually more thankful and less satisfied with focusing in on “worldly” possessions.

To make their transition back home an easier experience for these short term missionaries, there are a few suggestions that can be made for the spouse (who stayed home) to be aware of and hopefully help with. It’s an added way that they are able to ALSO help in this mission trip.

Not only is the team important that goes directly to the mission site to help, but the loved ones who support in prayer and give moral and financial support important.

To read these suggestions, we are going to provide a link to a web site page put together by International Messengers.

To read this article, please click onto the link below:

• FOR THE SPOUSE OF SHORT TERM MISSIONARIES

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