We know that a lot of women read romance novels, so they know what it can look like between two other people (even in an over-inflated, artificial way), but what about your own marital relationship?

“Do you remember when you and your spouse were dating? When dinner was consumed to the strains of soft music instead of to Sponge Bob? In the day to day busyness of married life, romance is often the first thing to go. Yet the ‘Romance Factor’ can have a high impact on the success of your marriage.

The Romance Factor encompasses much more than just sex. It invokes the five senses: sight, smell, sound, taste, and touch. It’s the emotional, spiritual, and physical connection between a husband and wife.”

Do you want that connection again— to put the romance factor back into your own marriage?

Twanda Smith, who is a romantic events planner and consultant, has a few ideas that can help arouse the five senses within you and your spouse that might help in some way to re-connected you romantically.

You can read about it by clicking on the link provided below to an article posted on the Marriage Partnership Magazine web site:

• THE ROMANCE FACTOR

And then arrow back to read another related article from the ministry of Family Life Today which addresses trying to be romantic when you’re just too tired (and other related factors). You can do so by clicking onto the link below:

• WHEN BUSYNESS GETS IN THE WAY OF ROMANCE

When you’re done reading the above article:
You can then arrow back to our web site to:
• read another article
• or you may want to leave a comment
that could help others
in the space provided at the bottom of this page.

“I knew he was doing the right thing, and he had certainly turned his life around. Jerry had a dramatic conversion experience, and finding God had changed him profoundly. He was in Bible college now, leading Bible studies on the weekends, and working full-time to pay the bills. I never saw him. We had two boys who missed their daddy, but even more I missed him. I needed him, and he was always gone.

“I thought that everything he was doing was important, and I didn’t dare argue with him about those things. After all, how can you argue with the call of God on someone’s life? But I was alone in my home while Jerry was busy, and his busyness was hurting our marriage. Where intimacy had lived, emptiness now reigned. Every good thing was happening, but I was alone.”

Judy’s feelings are echoed in my office every day. Men and women are in houses filled with people but are living alone. When intimacy and romance dies, we are lonely and afraid. And we’ll look anywhere to have that need met.

It’s intimacy that most of us lack when we say we don’t feel anything for our partners. It’s also what many of us crave when we go outside of our marriage to have our needs met. Intimacy is what we desire when we say I do, and the lack of it drives many couples to say I don’t anymore.

Most of us start out our marriages with a reasonable level of intimacy and romance, but somewhere along the way we lose touch, and we drift apart. Not usually in a dramatic fashion, but slowly we begin to go our separate ways until one day we wake up next to a stranger.

None of us sets out in our marriages to destroy romance and intimacy. We all want a fulfilling, life-giving relationship that brings joy and satisfaction to both partners. Yet somehow along the way we begin to criticize each other; we stop trusting and start withdrawing. We begin telling little lies, and somewhere along the way we forget that the other person comes first. Instead, our way, our desires, and our selfishness begins to take over. Intimacy dies, we are lonely and wonder what to do.

Obviously, the first step is to look hard at the way we interact and to root out, to the greatest extent possible, the intimacy busters present in our relationship. That is the first step. But often the killer of intimacy is real life. Remember your honeymoon. Remember how close you felt to your partner. How the time you were together seemed to be so perfect. That is because real life didn’t intrude.

In real life we all work hard. In real life the kids keep us jumping. In real life we get bored and angry and hurt over little things. So the greatest thing you can do to build romance and intimacy into your marriage is to spend time with your partner, learning about each other again, not letting yourselves drift apart. Grow together, learn new skills together, see new movies, eat new foods, and carve out time where for a little while real life doesn’t intrude.

Intimacy, while maybe never becoming what you and I wish it would be, can grow. Realize that in the ebb and flow of life it will fade for a while but then it can come back in a different, richer way. Be patient, and BE PROACTIVE in pursuing it. Don’t quit, and don’t run away from your marriage. Stay there and pursue the intimacy Christ wants for both of you as husband and wife.

The above article (plus many more enriching insights) can be found in the book, WHEN PRINCE CHARMING FALLS OFF HIS HORSE… Keeping the Happily Ever After In Your Marriage by Jerry and Judy Schreur published by Chariot Victor Publishing. In this book the authors, with hope, humor, and wisdom, do a great job of analyzing problems and offering helpful, Bible-based solutions. When Prince Charming Falls Off His Horse is the culmination of over 40 years of marriage and 32 years of counseling—and is honest, unflinchingly realistic, and most of all a loving celebration of married life. (Plus… it’s a really good book to read. We recommend it highly!)

Sometimes though, watching romantic movies and reading romantic stories can become addictive and actually cause a lot of problems in many of the marriages in today’s world. After-all, there aren’t too many spouses who have script writers available to help them say and do just the “right” romantic thing.

For a small look into this problem and how it can affect your marriage, please click onto the web site link to read the following article:

• WHAT DOES HOLLYWOOD TEACH US ABOUT LOVE?

One of the contributing problems is that sometimes, “the grass can look greener on the other side of the street” than it really is. When you live with each other in marriage day in and day out, and when you are looking at perfection —or close to it (on the big screen or on the written page) more than is healthy, it can be problematic to your marriage.

That’s one of the things I discovered earlier in our married lives. I was getting so caught up into watching romantic movies and reading romantic stories and novels that I became addicted to the type of romance that went beyond reality. My husband didn’t have a chance of “measuring up” in everyday living, to the plastic and paper “heroes” that those stories portrayed, or sustaining the “high” of those romantic interludes day in and day out. He’s my hero, but he’s also a real person as well.

I’m not the only one who has found this to be a reality in their married lives. The following is a web site link to an article that tells of someone else’s experience in this. It brings up some points you may want to consider:

• I WAS ADDICTED TO ROMANCE

Another article that you might find helpful as well, is found posted on another web site. Please click onto the link provided below to read what you can learn from it:

• WOMEN: ARE YOU IN LOVE WITH ROMANCE?

In my own marriage, I eventually wised up and traded in the “unreal” for the “real.” I found a way to talk to my husband about this problem (although sometimes we have to “revisit” the subject when it’s necessary).

I used to buy into the lie that romance and love should come naturally, no matter how long you’ve been together. But I’ve since learned that it’s more a matter of intentionality to put romance back into the busyness of everyday living that makes a marriage fun, and sustainable, and romantic.

Dr John Gottman, who is known for his foundational work and expertise in the field of marriage said the following about making your marriage a success: “The issue isn’t whether you fight, it’s how you fight and how rich your stockpile of good feelings is about each other to weather difficulties and keep your basic attitude toward your partner positive.”

So not only is it important to learn how to work through your disagreements in a respectful and marriage building way, it’s also important to look for ways to romance and help your attitudes remain positive about each other.

My husband Steve and I have committed to look for ways to infuse romance into our REAL lives together as husband and wife (much like we used to do before we married each other —only now it takes more intentionality as the years continue).

I’m married to a great guy and he can be very romantic, but he can also be “romantically challenged” at times (just like I can be). He needs a bit of help and prodding sometimes, but it’s sure worth the effort! That’s where some of the “Romantic Ideas” in this section of our web site come in handy. It’s for us as much as for anyone else!

Another thing that has helped our marriage is that I have learned about and work on my own “frailties.” Reading romance novels and watching too many romantic movies isn’t a good thing for me. I can become addicted to romance to such an extent that it isn’t healthy for our marriage, or my thought life.

Just being aware of that weakness, has been helpful as well. It’s been a great decision to stop feeding my addiction, and very freeing, as well (for both of us).

It’s like what author Sabrina Beasley says, “Romance grows when you give of yourself and enjoy the other person for who they are deep inside.” And deep inside, Steve may not be as romantic as some characters on television, and in the movies and in written stories, but that’s ok, I’m not perfect in many ways either. I love the person my husband is deep inside, and together, we can work on romance in a way that works great for our marriage.

Above all, we look to the Lord, whose very name means LOVE, to teach us how to love and romance each other in a way that works for both of our personalities and to the glory of God. It’s amazing how our Wonderful Counselor, the Holy Spirit, can show us how to do that as we look to Him!

If you find that you’re having problems in your marriage because you hold “Hollywood” expectations for your spouse, or because you are feeding a romance addiction, we pray the Lord will use what is written here to minister to your marriage in a unique and positive way.

The above article is written by Cindy Wright of Marriage Missions.

David and Claudia Arp have a simple question for parents: Do you have 20 seconds a day to devote to your marriage?

If you can manage one-third of a minute a day, they suggest dividing it between a passionate kiss when you part in the morning and another when you meet again at night. Most people find it’s a longer lip lock than they expect.

“We get more e-mails from that one suggestion,” said Claudia Arp, who heads Marriage Alive International with her husband. “People say it makes such a big difference to focus on each other, even just for 20 seconds each day.”

Indeed, while experts support the often cited “date night,” they say it’s the small, daily gestures of romance that keep parents in love. “It’s the small things that change how you feel, not the trip to Hawaii,” said Leslie Parrot, co-director of the Center for Relationship Development at Seattle Pacific University. “If you’re in the kitchen standing at the sink washing bottles at 11 p.m. and your husband comes up behind you and rubs your shoulders for 30 seconds, you feel so connected because that moment happened.”

A kiss is important because how couples greet each other “sets the emotional tone for intimacy for the whole rest of the evening,” said Parrot, who co-wrote “When Bad Things Happen to Good Marriages” with her husband, Les. “If you start off with ‘What’s for dinner?’ or ‘Did you get the mail?’ that sets a different tone.”

Janet Jacobson, a third-grade teacher, always greets John, her husband of 19 years, with a fuss. “I drop what I’m doing (usually making dinner) and come to the door to greet him,” said the Redmond mom of four. She also calls him at work every day during her 15-minute class break. “We have the best conversations on the phone,” she said. “I look forward to it, because I have his undivided attention.”

Time Together:

Finding time for each other can be challenging for parents, who sometimes sacrifice romance to the demands of children and busy schedules.

“Most couples at our workshops tell us they can’t find any time to be together,” said David Arp, who co-authored Love Life for Parents: How to Have Kids and a Sex Life Too” with his wife. “And when they do have time, they have no energy and no interest.” Parents today “really take their parenting role seriously, often at the expense of their own relationship,” David Arp said. “It’s always, ‘Next month we’ll have time for us.’ But it never quite happens.”

Often, parents who work outside the home feel guilty about leaving their children and let them stay up late in the evening so they have more family time but less alone time.

In the end, though, keeping their marriage strong is the best thing parents can do for their kids, said Pamela Jordan, a University of Washington School of Nursing professor and co-author of “Becoming Parents: How to Strengthen Your Marriage as Your Family Grows.” “Marriage forms the foundation of a family, so parents need to make sure it’s a nice, firm foundation,” Jordan said. “If parents are angry and resentful toward each other, that’s not a happy emotional environment for children to grow in.

“Parents let the ‘goodies’ the fun, friendship and intimacy that brought them together in the 1st place fall by the wayside,” Jordan said. “Life gets very hectic, and children and work clamor for attention. A relationship doesn’t until it’s in bad shape.”

For many new parents, the sudden switch from “all-us” time to “all-baby” time is difficult, Parrot said. “You trade in your couple relationship for a family-centered relationship,” she noted. While for most it’s a positive trade, parents might mourn the loss of their close coupledom.

Parents of young children often put off their relationship at first, figuring it will get easier to be together when children are older and more independent. In fact, older children come with their own demands. They need help with homework and various car pools; teens stay up late and require a lot of emotional support for various crises.

Date Night:

Postponing romance until kids leave the house shouldn’t be an option. Romance when kids are around is tepid, at best. So parents always end up with the well-worn favorite: date night. “When parents schedule time together regularly, they’re amazed at how different their lives look afterward,” said Jordan. “They’re much less angry with each other. It really makes a difference.”

Jacobson says it’s her husband who insists on dates, which they try to do weekly but end up doing every other or every third week. ” It’s easy to let weeks and weeks go by without connecting with one another,” she admitted. “I’ll do things I need to do around here instead of going out physically from the house.”

The Jacobson’s go out to dinner or get dessert so they can talk instead of seeing a movie. Sometimes they walk or sit by the lake. A different setting helps you focus on your partner —”Oh right, that’s why I married you” —rather than the mundane details of the day,” said Jacobson, whose children range in age from 10 to 17.

If parents don’t make an effort to stay connected in small ways, however, the slights and problems build up and they end up fighting during their precious alone time. “Separate the business of the relationship from the pleasure of the relationship,” Jordan advised. “Otherwise, the first time you’re away from the kids, you’ll end up in an argument about an item from the checkbook.”

Understanding the three facets of love passion, intimacy and commitment can help parents understand what might be missing from their relationship. Then they can spend their date time filling that need, Parrott said. She and her husband rate their love life on a scale of 1 to 10 using each of the 3 factors. “Many times, my passion is a 2,” said Parrott, who has a 4-year-old son. “Parents have lots of opportunities for passion to be doused.”

In that case, she said, seeing a movie is probably not going to be a fulfilling date. “We don’t have time as parents to be sloppy in keeping love alive,” she said.

“You see so many marriages crumbling,” Jacobson said. “You have to be proactive and take care of your marriage. It’s not something that’s just going to happen.”

Having friendship as the basis for their relationship helps them communicate quickly about important things without wasting time fighting, Jacobson said. “It hasn’t always been perfect,” she said. “But no matter how many years go by, our relationship feels quite fresh. One of the secrets of staying in love is falling in love over and over. You can learn the same things about a person, but on deeper and deeper levels.”

Tips for Adding Romance to Your Marriage:

• Write a love letter and mail it to your home address.

• If you keep television and videos as a treat, it will probably buy you at least 30 minutes of uninterrupted time.

• For a stay-at-home parent, the most romantic gesture might not be time together, but time alone. “Keep the kids and let her get out of the house and away from the kids,” said Claudia Arp.

• Surprise your mate. Some suggestions: Bring home flowers for no reason other than “I love you”; stick a love note in her lunch; “kidnap” him from work for an impromptu lunch date; leave a romantic message on the answering machine; make a tape of love songs to play during the commute.

• If you have teens, plan Saturday-morning dates when they sleep in.

• Keep your bedroom private. Don’t make it the family gathering spot or a part-time office. Add a lock and use it.

• Schedule romantic activities. “If you wait for spontaneity, you’re going to wait a long time if you’ve got kids,” said Claudia Arp. A set time gives parents something to look forward to.

• Make sure children go to bed at a decent hour so you have time together alone.

• A date doesn’t have to be dinner and a movie. “A date can be anything where you can concentrate on each other,” said Claudia Arp.

• Some free-date ideas: Go for a hike or bike ride; garden or cook together; share a hobby; look at the stars after kids are in bed.

• Share an activity. When parents are queried about what they crave in their relationship, women say they miss conversation and men say they regret not doing things together, said Leslie Parrot. But that can be a win-win situation: Women often find that when they do something active with their husband, they chat the whole time so everyone is happy.

• If you can’t find a sitter, order take-out for a candlelit dinner or make a special dessert for an in-home date. Do it after children go to bed or enlist kids as servers.

The above article, “Don’t Be Too Pooped to Pucker” appeared in the Seattle Times and was written by Stephanie Dunnewind.

1 . MARRIAGE RELATIONSHIPS ARE DYNAMIC. They’re alive and always changing. They need to be fed and stimulated to stay alive.

2. THERE’S ALWAYS SOMETHING NEW ABOUT YOUR SPOUSE. Dating is a good way to create a safe environment. Your spouse is more likely to let you know “what’s new!”

3. INVEST IN THE FUTURE. Just like a savings account — it’s easier to add a little to an existing account and watch it grow than to start a new one from scratch. That’s because the interest grows exponentially over time.

4. YOU GOT MARRIED BECAUSE YOU DATED! It only stands to reason that a good way to stay married is to keep dating.

5. MARRIAGE CAN BE COMPARED TO A SET OF TIRES. During the course of driving, there’s normal wear and tear. Dating serves to maintain alignment, balance and pressure. When done well, your marriage will last a lifetime.

6. DATING IS AN OPPORTUNITY TO FOCUS. Day in and day out, various distractions, pull your attention away from your spouse. Dating each other helps you to refocus on the person at the top of your priority list.

7. REMEMBER THE GOOD TIMES! A good date will often bring up pre-marriage memories. Recalling memories can generate anticipation for your next meeting.

8. CREATE YOUR FUTURE. Dating lays the framework for future family gatherings. Great dates attract your spouse and family to want to spend time with you.

9. LAUGHTER’S THE BEST MEDICINE. It must be true. Laughing together makes it possible to hurt together when you must.

10. REMIND YOUR SPOUSE, “I LOVE YOU!” There are many ways to say, “I love you!” A date is one of the special ways to honor your spouse.

TRY IT STARTING THIS WEEK! Set up 5 dates with your spouse. Reserve them on your calendar. Plan. Anticipate. HAVE FUN!

The above “Top Ten List” is an excerpt from Intentional Partnerships Newsletter, “Lutheran Coffee Break!” Year 2, Edition 10, January 5, 2000. It is written by Carwin Dover, a Relationship Coach who coaches individuals, couples and families to balance their work and family relationships.

Dating your husband or wife will be very different from dating a potential husband or wife. Yet it is just as important. When you were single, dating was a time to get away alone, to talk, laugh, and have fun together. You took time to get away alone, to talk, laugh, and have fun together. You took time to learn more about each other, about your past and your dreams for the future. You gradually felt at ease with each other.

But, you see, even though you’re married, the two of you still need the same thing. You need to get away alone and continue to talk, laugh, and have fun together. You need to learn more about each other, your past and your dreams for the future. You need to feel at ease with each other as you face new challenges together.

That’s why dating shouldn’t stop with marriage. Too often, married couples get settled, caught up in the routine of jobs, church, parenting, and other commitments. Many couples are so busy that they don’t take time to nurture the foundation of their family—their marriage and their relationship with each other. As we know all too well, when that marriage foundation begins to crumble, everything else comes down with it.

Your marriage is your most important relationship after your relationship with God. Your marriage needs nurturing. Like a plant needs water or a car needs an oil change, your marriage needs consistent attention. It needs care and nurture every day; it needs a special “tune-up” once in a while. You may need to jump-start a habit that needs to be a regular part of your marriage. You need to reconnect with your spouse. You need to work at your marriage.

Guys, you wouldn’t think of ignoring your car for a year at a time, so why do you think your wife can go for days or weeks at a time without attention from you? Women, you wouldn’t think of buying a plant and refusing to water it, so why do you think your husband can go for days or weeks at a time without some of his most important needs being met?

Keep a marriage together and romance alive takes time. It means making one’s marriage and spouse a priority and setting aside time for only him or her. In other words, it means planning dates on a regular basis.

The above article came from the book, 40 Unforgettable Dates With Your Mate by Dr Gary and Barbara Rosberg published by Tyndale House Publishers. This is a companion book to the Rosberg’s best-selling book “The Five Love Needs of Men and Women.” This book will help you plan fun dates to meet your spouse’s needs. As they said, “Nobody ever put gas in a car and expected it to run for years. But lots of couples are running on emotional fumes. Truth is, if you’re not dating your spouse, our relationship is running out of gas.” This book is designed to help you to put the spark back into your marriage by giving you 40 different date ideas.

Please click onto the following web site links to read:

• TIME TOGETHER

• A BETTER DATE NIGHT

If you have additional tips you can share to help others in this area of marriage, or you want to share requests for prayer and/or ask others for advice, please “Join the Discussion” by adding your comments below.

God Wants You to Have Fun—Really!

Christians, and specifically Christian couples, should have the most fun, laugh the loudest, be the most humorous, and enjoy life more than anybody else. Why? Let’s evaluate why you and your wife should be having fun in your marriage.

First, the two of you started your relationship by having fun. That’s what dating and building a relationship is all about—building a friendship and enjoying each other’s company in the process.

You couldn’t have been much different than Elizabeth and me. I’m sure that like us, you and your honey took advantage of every opportunity to be together and made those times fun. In fact, you two were having so much fun and enjoying each other’s company so much that you decided to get married and continue with the enjoyment!

So what happened? Have the cares and burdens of married life “rained on your party?” Then chances are, you or your wife —or both of you —have stopped working at having fun.

Second, the fruit of the Spirit is joy (Galatians 5:22). When you walk by the Spirit as a Christian, there should be joy in your life. Obviously there is the joy of your salvation, the joy of eternal life, and the joy that the Lord is your strength (Nehemiah 8:10). But you should also enjoy the joy of life —of living, and especially the joy that can come from having a lifelong relationship with your wife.

Third, the Bible says that laughter, mirth, and fun are like medicine. There is health in having a merry heart, in laughing a little and having fun. This is God’s prescription for the bittersweet world we live in:

A merry heart makes a cheerful countenance, but by sorrow of the heart the spirit is broken (Proverbs 15:13).

All the days of the afflicted are evil, but he who is of a merry heart has a continual feast (Proverbs 15:15).

A merry heart does good, like medicine, but a broken spirit dries the bones (Proverbs 17:22).

And fourth, there is the joy of being married to the most wonderful woman in the world —your wife. You married your wife because you enjoyed being around her. She possessed qualities, gifts, and abilities that you admired. Therefore you wanted to be near her. She brought you joy and happiness. And without getting too personal, I also believe there is the joy of your sexual union.

This is the way it should be. God meant for a husband and wife to have fun in their sex life. God repeatedly speaks of the sexual relationship between a husband and wife in a way that suggests that a couple should enjoy each other sexually. For instance,

Let your fountain be blessed, and rejoice with the wife of your youth. As a loving deer and a graceful doe, let her breasts satisfy you at all times; and always be enraptured with her love (Proverbs 5:18-19).

What Happened to the Fun?

Let me pause for a minute and elaborate a bit on what I’m saying: I realize that there is a serious side to life. Whether you or I are an older man or a younger man, we are to be “sober” or “sober-minded” (Titus 2:2, 6). Being a husband and leader in our home is a big assignment. We should never take that responsibility lightly. But that doesn’t mean fun should be absent from our life, and especially from our marriages.

Recapturing the Fun

Here’s a key thought for you on making time for fun: Ask your wife to share some of the qualities that attracted her to you. I’ll bet one of those qualities was your fun-loving nature. Your wife-to-be felt happy around you. You made her laugh. She always knew that the two of you would be having fun on those wonderful dates.

…Well, it’s now time for you to remember what you did to cultivate fun in your budding relationship with your wife back then. It’s time to bring that now dormant “merry heart” out of hibernation and recapture having fun with your wife!

And as you are remembering how much fun you and your wife had in your earlier years together, remember that fun came with a price—the price of time. You are going to have to be willing to make time for fun. In the past you thought having fun together was important to your relationship with your beloved, so why wouldn’t it be important today? If something is important, you will make time for it; and that “it” includes fun.

Where Do I Start?

I hope recalling the enjoyment you and your wife once relished has jogged your memory and whetted your appetite for rekindling the fun in your marriage. But just in case you’re feeling a little rusty on remembering how you had fun, here are some suggestions.

• To begin the fun, remember some of the things you and your sweetheart did while you were dating. Some of those activities might be a little out of date or physically challenging today or even impossible to repeat, so you might have to improvise a little or modify your choices.

• Next, ask your wife what her idea of fun is. What does she enjoy doing? Where would she like to go? Then make sure you do a few of those things and go to a few of those places (even if it isn’t quite as much fun for you!).

• Then ask other men at church what they do with their wives for fun. If you’re like a lot of guys, you may not be very creative, so you’ll want to get as many suggestions as you can in this area, so that you can.

• Follow up and be creative. Surprise your wife with a fun activity as soon as possible. Then continue coming up with ideas for fun on a regular basis.

…Having fun together is like many of the other things you do in your life—it’s hard to start, but once you get going, it’s much easier to continue. Take the time and make the effort to start having some fun together again. Then see what a difference it makes in your marriage. When you have fun together, your marriage will take on a whole new depth and intimacy.

What Is the Missing Ingredient?

As I look around and observe the marriages of my friends, my associates, and even my neighbors, I see marriages at different stages and degrees of vitality. Of course, all healthy Christian marriages are functioning on the foundation of a love for Jesus Christ and a desire to serve Him. They are solid unions, as well they should be. There’s no excuse for a shaky marriage when Christ is the guiding force of both partners.

But there is an ingredient that is missing in some of these “model” marriages. The partners seem to be merely going through the motions. There’s no life or energy in the marriage. Then, on the other hand, there are those couples that are having fun. They are still enjoying each other. They are doing things together, and they are great friends with each other. They are living out the sentiment of the verse that marvels, “This is my beloved, and this is my friend” (Song of Solomon 5:16). And as a result, their marriage is a great advertisement for the reality of the joy of living for and in Christ.

So what is missing in one Christian marriage that is present in another? Why is one marriage so alive, while another just seems to plod along? I’m sure there are many factors that account for the differences in energy and joy between couples. But in some marriages, I’m guessing that the difference just might be the missing ingredient of fun.

If you sense that some good, wholesome, Christian fun is lacking in your bond with your wife—then make it a goal to purposefully, willfully, and definitely make time for fun. It will be time well spent!

Little Things That Make a Big Difference

1. Turn the TV off! Let me qualify this by saying, “Turn the TV off one night a week.” Television is a “little thing” that many men have trouble with. Just imagine before television, couples spent their evenings talking, planning their trips and holidays, reading, and even playing chess, checkers, or other games. The television has snatched all this away and substituted the warmth of personal involvement and fun with impersonal entertainment. Call it a “game night” or a “family night,” and plan one night each week during which you purpose to have fun with each other as a couple or with your family—without the distraction of the television.

2. Plan a weekend getaway. This is a “little thing” that’s worth repeating over and over until you begin to understand and appreciate how important these brief times away are. Just think of the fun you had as a couple when you first got married. Your universe was made up of just the two of you, and frequently you were able to spontaneously do some crazy things. But those happy days don’t have to be over forever! Plan a weekend of just such craziness.

3. Ask your wife for suggestions in the Fun Department. Your wife also remembers all those fun times you two had together in the early days of your marriage. Ask her for suggestions of what she would like to do for fun on an evening or weekend.

4. Read a Christian joke book. “Hey, honey, did you hear the one about…?” Sometimes we have to work at having fun. Life can get pretty serious at times. Reading a Christian joke book primes the pump and helps make life seem a little less foreboding. Reading that joke book together as a couple will be even more fun…

5. Plan a fun activity this week. When was the last time you and your wife went out together? Maybe to a museum? Or for a walk in the park? Even a ball game? Plan to take her somewhere fun this week. She is always under the heavy burden of caring for the family and home. And if she also works outside the home, she is really under the pile. So get her away from some of these cares for a few hours.

6. Plan a family vacation. Notice here that the focus is on you. Too many husbands let their wife do all or most of the planning when it comes to the family, including the family vacation. You need to take ownership in the Fun Department. So volunteer to plan the next vacation. Get your wife’s input, but plan it yourself. And make sure you plan some fun activities, such as a stop to see the world’s largest ball of string, or a tour of the plant that makes Tabasco sauce… or an ice cream parlor! I bet your wife can hardly wait for the fun to begin!

Discuss this list with your husband. Ask him to check the ones most meaningful to him and then arrange them in order of importance to him. Use this list as a basis for learning his views. Your relationship can be greatly strengthened as you use these suggestions.

1. Respectfully communicate with him.
2. Let him know he’s important to you.
3. Purposefully try to understand his feelings—even when you disagree with him.
4. Show interest in his friends giving him some time with them if they’re trust-worthy.
5. Let go of the small stuff. We all have annoying habits and preferences that are different from our spouse’s. (Dave Ramsey)
6. Tell him you both love him AND like him.
7. Either show interest in his hobbies or allow him space to participate freely. (Dave Ramsey)
8. Protect his dignity on a daily basis.
9. Be tender with him realizing he has feelings also.
10. Foster an atmosphere of laughter in your home. Look for ways to laugh together.
11. Try not to make sudden major changes without discussion and giving him time to adjust.
12. When you go out on a date together don’t bring up problems—have fun instead.
13. Focus on what he’s doing right, instead of focusing so often on the negatives.
14. Show interest in what he feels is important in life.
15. Give him special time with you apart from the children.
16. Recognize that the first few minutes after a spouse comes home often sets the stage for how the rest of the evening will go. So try to make the first few minutes a positive experience. (And then ease into the negative if it’s necessary.)
17. Give him half an hour to unwind after he gets home from work. Your evenings will be much more enjoyable. (Dave Ramsey)
18. Don’t allow any family member to treat him disrespectfully. Be the one to defend him to any family member that dishonors his place as your husband.
19. Compliment him often.
20. Be creative when you express your love, both in words and in actions.
21. Talk with him about having specific family goals for each year to work on to achieve together so you will both feel closer to each other as a marital team.
22. Don’t over commit yourself. Leave time for him.
23. Extend God’s grace to him and be forgiving when he offends you.
24. Find ways to show him you need him.
25. Give him time to be alone. (This energizes him to reconnect at other times.)
26. Admit your mistakes; don’t be afraid to be humble. Peel away your pride.
27. Defend him to those who disrespectfully talk about him. Remember that love protects (1 Corinthians 13:7).
28. Respect his desire to do well—not his performance.
29. Rub his feet or neck, or scratch his back after a hard day.
30. Take time for the two of you to sit and talk calmly (schedule it when necessary).
31. Initiate going out on romantic outings (when he’s not tired).
32. Email him when he’s at work, telling him how much you love him.
33. Surprise him with a fun gift of some kind that he’d really enjoy.
34. Express how much you appreciate him for working so hard to support the family.
35. Tell him how proud you are of him for who he is (giving him specific reasons).
36. Give advice in a loving way — not in a nagging or belittling way.
37. Help your husband to be the Spiritual head at home (without “lording” it over him).
38. Reserve some energy for him so you’re not so tired when he wants you sexually.
39. Don’t expect him to do projects beyond his natural capabilities.
40. Pray for him to enjoy God’s best in life.
41. Take special notice for what he has done for you and the family.
42. Brag about him to other people both in front of him and even when he’s not there.
43. Share your feelings with him at appropriate times (but keep it brief when he’s tired—sometimes men can feel “flooded” by too many words).
44. Tell him 3 things you specifically appreciate about him.
45. Honor him in front of the children (differ respectfully in private when necessary).
46. Give him time to unwind for a little while after he comes home from work. Arrange ahead of time to take your “time out”, giving him a few minutes with the children.
47. Get up with him, even when he gets up earlier than you want to and pray with him. (Hopefully you can go back to sleep afterwards. If not, it’s a sacrifice worth making.)
48. Be his “help-mate” in whatever ways you sense he needs it.
49. Do some shoulder-to-shoulder activities with him (like watching a movie or taking a drive together) without talking. Sometimes men just like to BE with you and not talk.
50. Be a student of his ways so you show your love in ways he best comprehends it.
51. When your husband is in a bad mood give him time to recover. Don’t crowd him.
52. Help him to finish his goals, hobbies, or education when your see he needs it.
53. Treat him as if God has stamped on his forehead: “Handle With Care.”
54. Work to get rid of habits that annoy him.
55. Be kind and thoughtful to his relatives. Don’t make him choose between you.
56. Don’t compare his relatives with yours in a negative way.
57. Thank him for things he’s done around the house. (It means a lot to men).
58. Don’t expect credit for all you do for him. Do it as “unto the Lord.”
59. Make sure he agrees with everything important that you’re planning to do.
60. Do little things for him— let him sleep in, bring him coffee and/or breakfast in bed, etc.
61. Don’t belittle his intelligence or be cynical in your words with him.
62. Initiate sex periodically. And respond more often.
63. Sometimes let him enjoy his day off work without having to “work” at home.
64. Get to the point in your discussions. Spare him details unless he wants them.
65. Discover his sexual needs.
66. Surprise him with a 15 second kiss when he gets home from work.
67. Wink at him from across the room when you’re out at a group function.
68. Give him the benefit of the doubt when he mis-speaks.
69. Don’t quarrel over words.
70. Be kind and courteous with him. (Don’t be kinder to strangers than to him.)
71. When things go wrong, instead of assessing blame, focus on how to do better.
72. As a kindness, don’t say, “I told you so.”
73. Try not to argue over money. Peacefully discuss future expenditures instead.
74. Take him out on dates—pre-planning all of the details ahead of time.
75. Hold his hand and snuggle up close to him at times both at home and in public.
76. Praise his good decisions; minimize the bad ones.
77. Tell him you love him more often.
78. Put love notes in his pockets and brief case.
79. Sit with him while he’s watching TV—even if the program doesn’t interest you.
80. Don’t expect him to read your mind. (Family’s are spared grief when a husband isn’t required to read their wife’s mind despite the fact that the wife thinks he should.)
81. Periodically, give him time with his family alone.
82. Check with him before you throw away his papers and stuff. (He may view them as more important than you realize.)
83. Work to keep yourself in shape in every way.
84. Let him express himself freely, without fear of being called stupid or illogical.
85. Carefully choose your words. Remember to “speak the truth in LOVE.”
86. Don’t criticize him in front of others—keeping his dignity in tact.
87. Visit his childhood home with him.
88. When you’re angry, express it in respectful ways. Don’t give the silent treatment.
89. Pray for him.
90. Make him homemade soup when he’s sick.
91. Look your best—dress to honor him and make him proud to be seen with you.
92. Support him when someone tries to put him down. Be his best cheer leader.
93. Don’t disagree with him in front of the children.
94. Take him for a weekend get-away without the children.
95. Cheer his successes whether in business or in other areas of everyday living.
96. Graciously teach him how to demonstrate his love for you.
97. Give him coupons to redeem—maybe for a back scratch or a shoulder rub.
98. Buy him a gift certificate to his favorite lunch spot and put it in his wallet.
99. Hide notes for him around the house where only he will find them.
100. Thank him for just being himself.

Discuss this list with your wife. Ask her to check the ones meaningful to her, and then have her arrange them in the order she considers important. Use this list to learn what speaks “love” to her. It’s most likely very different from what speaks “love” to you.

1. Start and/or end each day by holding hands and praying together with your wife.
2. Pray for her every day and make it a point to pray with her when she is troubled.
3. Communicate with her instead of talking AT her or shutting her out emotionally.
4. Talk to her respectfully without demeaning her or hurting her feelings.
5. Compliment her for the giftedness you see in her. Be specific.
6. Show interest in her friends and give her time to be with them.
7. Do something active together to lift her spirit —even taking a walk hand-in-hand.
8. Express to her that you need and value her.
9. Show enthusiasm for the things that she’s excited about—let your actions show it.
10. Find something that makes you laugh together.
11. Put your arms around her when she needs comfort, holding her silently.
12. Surprise her by doing something you think she would want done before she asks.
13. Try not to make sudden changes without discussing them with her first.
14. Show interest in that which she values as important in her life.
15. Allow your wife to teach you things without being defensive.
16. When you feel you must correct her, be gentle —speaking the truth in LOVE. Allow her to teach you things without being defensive.
17. Let go of the small stuff. We all have annoying habits and preferences that are different from our spouse’s. (Dave Ramsey)
18. Show her that she matters more to you than any activity you could do, or any one you could be with, that somehow threatens her sense of security in your marriage.
19. Be a good listener. Show her you value what she says.
20. Plan a mini-honeymoon, where the two of you can spend quality time together.
21. Go shopping with her and don’t sigh or look at what time it is even once.
22. Take her out to breakfast or make her breakfast (cleaning up afterward).
23. Make the time to set specific goals with her to achieve together for each year.
24. Give her grace when she offends you and forgive (even as you want to be forgiven).
25. Find ways to help her know you are her partner in all areas life.
26. Be polite, courteous, and mannerly with her—not taking her for granted.
27. Exhibit humility, admit your mistakes, and ask for forgiveness. She’ll appreciate that!
28. Defend her to others—especially to your family.
29. Don’t belittle her intelligence.
30. Scratch her back, rub her feet, or her rub her neck—whatever she’d prefer.
31. Get up in the middle of the night (letting her stay in bed) to take care of your upset child.
32. Be especially helpful when she is not feeling well.
33. When you’ve been apart for a time and she asks how your day went, don’t just say “fine” — actually give her details.
34. Thank God for her by name when the two of you are praying together.
35. Try not to argue over money. Peacefully discuss future expenditures instead.
36. Don’t embarrass her by arguing with her in front of others.
37. Lead your family in their spiritual relationship with God. This is important to her.
38. Make eye contact when she is talking to you and when you are talking with her.
39. Show her that you prefer her to others—give her your attention whenever possible.
40. Relate what happened at work or whatever you did apart from her.
41. Stay away from web sites, chat rooms or anything that gives you sexual gratification from anyone other than your wife.
42. Be helpful and cooperative, both before, and during the time you have other people over to your home. (If you’re not sure what to do, just say to your wife “What can I do that would help the most?”)
43. Brag about her to others, both in front of her and when she is not with you.
44. Surprise her from time-to-time with a card and flowers or a little gift.
45. Remember to tell her or call her as soon as you know you are going to be late.
46. Give her your undivided attention when she wants to talk.
47. Guard your tongue from saying “unwholesome words” or down-grading her.
48. Refuse to compare her unfavorably with others.
49. Encourage her to relax in some way while you clean up after dinner.
50. Be an involved partner and father in helping her with the children and spending time together.
51. Maintain good grooming habits so you look and smell good. It shows you care.
52. Be supportive. Help her to finish her education and goals that are important to her.
53. View and treat her as if God put a sign over her that said, “Make me feel special.”
54. Run errands without complaining.
55. Give her the love gift of being thoughtful and considerate to her relatives.
56. Don’t negatively compare her relatives with yours.
57. Sit close to her —even when you are just watching television.
58. Be verbally supportive and honor her in front of the children.
59. Show her you are her marital partner by not making plans without her knowing and agreeing with them (unless it’s a surprise for her).
60. Pro-actively do things that makes her feel cherished as a woman and as a wife.
61. Keep her trust at all costs. Leave no gray area when it comes to other female relationships, money and your word. (Dave Ramsey)
62. Surprise her by asking her to give you a list of 3 things she’d like done around the house within the next month. And then make it your goal to do them.
63. Ask her and then listen to what makes her fearful and insecure (without judging).
64. Pray about and act upon what you can do to alleviate those fears.
65. Find out what her sexual needs are (and then try to fulfill them).
66. Surprise her with a 15 second kiss (with no expectations to go any further).
67. Keep yourself in as good of shape as is reasonable so she’s proud to be with you.
68. Make it a point to write a mission statement together for your marriage and family.
69. Take the time to touch every day—even if it’s only for a minute or two.
70. Be polite and kind. (Often we’re kinder to strangers than we are to our spouse.)
71. Be sensitive enough to ask her if you offend or hurt her sexually in any way.
72. Go out of your way to help her feel valued over everyone else.
73. Consider her as your marital partner in how you spend money.
74. Continue to court her. You dated her before you married which helped you to fall in love, now date her to STAY in love.
75. Be careful to choose your words, especially when angry.
76. Show affection for her in front of friends.
77. Make sure your children speak to her and treat her in respectful ways.
78. Make a point of honoring anniversaries, birthdays, and other special occasions.
79. Make sure she has money each paycheck to spend any way she would choose.
80. Hold her close and vocally express your love and care for her when she is hurt, discouraged, or burdened.
81. Surprise her by giving her a special gift from time to time.
82. Share the responsibilities around the house (without looking for special recognition).
83. Don’t tease and belittle her, saying “I was just joking” when she doesn’t find it funny.
84. Allow her to express herself freely, without fear of being called illogical or dumb.
85. Don’t forget to hold her hand in public like you used to when you dated her.
86. Don’t criticize her in front of others—keeping her dignity in tact.
87. Don’t focus on the physical features of another woman (because, whether you understand her reasoning or not, that can make your wife feel dishonored).
88. Be sensitive to her needs—looking for ways to bless her.
89. Let her know you want to spend special time with her and the children.
90. Fix dinner for her sometimes.
91. Be sympathetic when she’s sick—and help her however you can.
92. Let her sleep in once in a while and you get the children ready for the day.
93. Honor her by not disagreeing with her in front of the children.
94. Don’t ignore the small things that bother her and let them build into bigger issues.
95. Surprise her by doing some things around the house that she’s wanted done.
96. Tell her (and show her) you love her often.
97. Call, email or text her during the day when you are apart from each other so she knows you are thinking of her.
98. Surprise her by suggesting you go to a marriage seminar or weekend retreat together to draw even closer in your marital relationship.
99. Express your love and appreciation for her in a love note which you give to her.
100. Show her affection without sexual intentions.

Women are wired to respond to their husbands when their husband shows he cares about what matters to her. It’s a mutually reciprocal thing.

So to help you with this mission, we have provided a link below to a great web site called Covenant Spice, which is designed for God-honoring married couples to help strengthen their marriages and increase their playfulness and intimacy.

To read this article, click onto the link below:

• HOW TO MAKE LOVE TO YOUR WIFE 

When you’re done reading the above article:
You can then arrow back to our web site to:
• read another article
• or you may want to leave a comment
that could help others
in the space provided at the bottom of this page.

That could be thirty ways for a wife to love her husband but usually women see intercourse as only ONE of the ways to make love to her —which you may have already figured out by now.

Your wife is usually more responsive to making love by having intercourse after and because she feels cared for and receives affection from her husband.

As authors Bill and Pam Farrel say (which we agree):

“Your wife’s view of sex is much different than yours. Her sexual fulfillment is connected to everything else in her life. When she feels close to you emotionally, she is more responsive. When she is in touch with her children and is proud of how you father them, she is more attracted to you. When her career is moving forward and you are supportive of her pursuits, she finds you irresistible. The more you are a part of her life, the stronger is her desire for you.”

If you need a little more explanation about this concept of WHY it’s so important that you touch her heart (before we point you to specific ways to do this), below is an article that may be able to help you. It’s posted on the terrific web site for the ministry of Family Life Today.

• BEFORE YOU TOUCH HER BODY

So, now that you’ve read a little more background information behind the important mission of showing your wife that you love her in non-sexual ways, below is a web site link which gives you the opportunity to read 30 specific ways to show your wife that you cherish her.

To read this helpful article please click onto the following:

• THIRTY WAYS TO LOVE YOUR LOVER

When you’re done reading the above article:
You can then arrow back to our web site to:
• read another article
• or you may want to leave a comment
that could help others
in the space provided at the bottom of this page.

However, there aren’t a lot of models that we see in today’s world of men that will help you to see that in action.

“I’m convinced we have a generation of married men who are confused and lonely; they’re stuck in a lifeless marriage because they never learned how to cultivate a relationship with a woman that speaks to her romantic need for intimacy.” (Dennis Rainey)

To read more about how to cultivate a romantic relationship to help you to become the husband your wife desires and the husband God has called you to be, please click on the link below.

• BECOMING THE MAN OF HER DREAMS

And then arrow back to this web site and click on to the following related link which builds upon the same concept of romance and sex. As author Paul McGuire says,

“Thankfully, the greatest sex and romance manual ever written is the Bible. Men who are sexually frustrated can find understanding into the female psyche and learn how to have the sex life they’ve always wanted in the pages of God’s Word. Not only that, but the Bible actually shows us how we can have the most rewarding, passionate, erotic, spiritual and fulfilling sex life that is humanly possible!”

Paul then gives you 10 ways, based on scriptures to help you, so “you can ignite your sex life and, ultimately, help cultivate that closeness that your wife is longing for.”

• HOW TO LIGHT YOUR WIFE’S FIRE

Ask a guy what romance is, however, and he’ll mumble something about a candlelight dinner or a bouquet of roses. It’s more than that. It’s knowing what sparks her romantic motors. For some, it will be stuffed animals. For others, it’s the j word—jewelry.

Don’t ask us why. No man alive really understands the big deal about jewelry. If you tell us you do, we’ll call you a liar. The best we can do is shrug our shoulders and ask her which one she likes. She’ll [laugh] like a schoolgirl when you buy her those eighteen-carat gold earrings.

If we can put a guy spin on this, romance is serious business for women. A woman going through marriage without romance feels like a man who goes through life without sex. Much of the color of life disappears, and everything turns gray. We must study our wives because we need to find out what she thinks is romantic, not what [the Hollywood movie stars] Julia Roberts or Jennifer Lopez thinks is romantic. Once we find out what the “it” is, we should sacrifice for her.

When we make sacrifices for our wives, they find it romantic. Rhonda told us:

Paul hates shopping with a passion. Before we married, I often went to the mall with my mom and sister for leisure and relaxation. We never spent much, but window-shopping relaxed us. We just enjoyed being together and eating a Haagen-Dazs chocolate ice cream cone as we meandered around. Paul couldn’t understand our thought process in the least.

Our first few shopping trips together were disastrous, but then something changed in him. He knew that “mall crawling” was an enjoyable pastime for me, so he began to occasionally ask me whether I wanted to go to the mall to look around. He’ll even top off our time with a visit to the ice cream store or cookie stand. Haagen-Dazs or two chocolate chip cookies with white cream in the middle. What a choice! We have so much fun.

When we’re romancing our wives, we have to do what they think is fun and what they think is romantic. That shows we know them and care for them. Now, if your wife were to romance you, visiting a cookie stand wouldn’t cut it at all, but sitting down on a Friday night on the couch with a bowl of popcorn and watching an old Cary Grant movie? Exactly! It’s restful, and it’s romantic. You’re sharing the moment, sharing laughter, and sharing conversation. You’re relating to each other, and that builds intimacy.

Women love it when you prove you know them, spring little surprises on them, and somehow show you’re sacrificing to do things she loves.

That’s romance.

But it’s also romantic when you do things for her that she hates. We had a wife tell us she hates to wash silverware after meals. She would even scrub a crusty pan before tackling the silverware. Her husband knows this about her and will step in to wash the silverware for her—even if he doesn’t have time to wash the sink full of dishes.

Why is doing for her what she hates romantic to a woman? It proves you know her and have an intimate relationship with her.

Cheryl told us this story: “Sometimes I don’t want to do the mundane things like grocery shopping alone. It’s not one of Rod’s favorite things either. But he goes with me if I ask, and he makes it fun just because we’re together. And there’s been more than one classical concert he’s suffered through with me.”

Do you sense the romance here?

We do.

Is it worth the trouble? I’m convinced that the lack of dating and romance in marriage is one of the major causes of broken relationships. Marriages usually don’t collapse overnight. They become bankrupt gradually because they lack daily deposits of love, communication and affirmation.

[Below are a number of ideas that could help you in your romantic expression with each other.] A few of these ideas may be too outrageous for your style. That’s okay. Read the ideas, shake your head in wonder, and mutter, “Some people are really bizarre.” I developed this list with the hope that each couple would add to or subtract from it in order to meet their individual ideas. You may find the outrageous ideas are helpful in stretching your imagination and pushing you toward becoming more creative.

Now—for the ideas! Here they are:

1. Sketch your dream-house floor plan and talk about the possibilities for each room.
2. Take a bath or shower together.
3. Write the love story of how you met. Get it printed and bound.
4. List your spouse’s best qualities in alphabetical order.
5. Tour a museum or an art gallery.
6. Park in a secluded area and kiss in your car.
7. Make your own movie scene—stop and kiss on a bridge as the sun is setting.
8. Place great emphasis on the little changes she makes concerning her appearance.
9. Give your wife a bath and wash her hair.
10. Float on a raft together.
11. Take a stroll around the block.
12. Take your wife away from the kitchen while she’s cooking, and “sauté” her with kisses.
13. Bring home foods she loves to eat but won’t buy for herself. (Don’t do this if she’s dieting!)
14. Give each other a back rub.
15. Rent a classic love-story and watch it while cuddling under blankets.
16. Give your spouse a body massage.
17. Walk through model homes and dream about your next house. Steal a kiss in a closet.
18. Stroll around a nearby lake.
19. Sit in front of the fireplace and talk.
20. Read to one another in bed.
21. Take a horse-drawn carriage ride.
22. Turn the lights down during dinner.
23. Make a surprise call to your spouse while you’re out of town (in addition to your scheduled calls).
24. Play music in your bedroom.
25. Go swimming in the middle of the night.
26. Shave your wife’s legs.
27. Shave your husband’s face.
28. Write a poem for your spouse.
29. Run through the sprinklers on a hot day.
30. Remember to look into your spouse’s eyes while she tells you about her day.
31. Make up nicknames for each other.
32. Go the extra mile to please your mate.
33. When you’re the one who’s correct during a discussion, give your spouse a kiss. Focus on your love rather than who’s right.
34. Tell your spouse, “I’m glad I married you!”
35. Fulfill one of your spouse’s fantasies.
36. Hug your husband from behind and give him a kiss on the back of the neck.
37. Stop in the middle of your busy day and talk to your spouse for 15 minutes.
38. Create your own special holiday.
39. Place your hand on your spouse’s leg when you’re riding in the car.
40. Send your wife a compliment through one of her friends or colleagues.
41. Ask for an isolated booth in a restaurant.
42. Become your spouse’s cheerleader when she’s had a terrible day.
43. Tell your wife, “I love you because…” (Finish the sentence.)
44. Show your wife affection while she’s talking to one of her friends.
45. Sleep in a sleeping bag together.
46. Do something your spouse loves to do, even though it doesn’t interest you personally.
47. Go horseback riding on the same horse.
48. Photocopy a newspaper cartoon and write your own romantic caption.
49. Write out romantic notes and leave them in places your spouse will find them.
50. Cut out romantic photos from magazines and write your own messages on them.
51. While driving, pull over for scenic sights and get out of the car to enjoy God’s creation.
52. Write your spouse affirming love letters.
53. Mail your spouse love letters instead of leaving them in the house.
54. Feed ducks together (you can feed any type of animal as long as it’s not a house pet—the idea is to get outside together).
55. Build a snowman together.
56. Watch the sun come up or go down.
57. Go fishing together with only one pole.
58. Sit on the same side of a restaurant booth.
59. Spontaneously spend the entire day together away from the house.
60. Picnic by a pond.
61. Give your mate a foot massage.
62. Put on perfume or after-shave before going out.
63. Go Skinny-dipping.
64. Develop a code word for sex that you can use when you’re a part of a crowd.
65. Buy your husband or wife a new outfit.
66. Sing a song to your spouse.
67. Let go of helium balloons and watch them race each other out of sight.
68. Buy her a stuffed animal.
69. Write “I love you” in the dust around the house instead of complaining about it.
70. Set up a surprise manicure, hairstyling, or mud bath appointment for your spouse.
71. Put together a puzzle on a rainy night.
72. Read a romance novel together.
73. Rent a boat.
74. Take a train ride.
75. Ride bikes in the rain.
76. Read poetry to one another.
77. Build sand castles on the beach
78. Take a moonlight canoe ride.
79. Make your spouse a greeting card.
80. Swing together on a playground.
81. Go for a midnight dip in a hot tub.
82. Give your wife a balloon bouquet.
83. Plant a tree together in honor of your marriage.
84. Make heart-shaped pancakes and serve them to your wife in bed.
85. Bring home flowers.
86. Surprise your wife when she’s busy by saying, “What can I do to help?”
87. Take a hot-air balloon ride.
88. Walk through a housing construction site and kiss each other in each of the houses.
89. Count the stars.
90. Prior to a “work day” at home, hide gifts for your spouse in places where they’ll find them.
91. Bring a late-night snack and drink to bed.
92. Order different kinds of food at a restaurant.
93. Whisper something romantic to your spouse in a crowded room.
94. Have a candlelight picnic in the backyard.
95. Play tennis at night under a full moon using no lights.
96. Develop a weekly dining spot to meet for lunch.
97. Share a long piece of licorice without using your hands.
98. Make cookies by candlelight.
99. Unscrew the table-light bulb at your restaurant booth to dim the lights.
100. Put perfume on your bed sheets.
101. Leave encouraging notes for your spouse that he will find at different times through the week.
102. Put on old clothes and go out and play in the mud together and then shower together.
103. Hold hands while roller skating.
104. Write out 50 reasons you’re glad to be married to your spouse.
105. Tickle-wrestle in bed.
106. Go on a walk together and pick flowers.
107. Put an “I Love You!” message in her lunch.
108. Place a rose on her pillow.
109. Set candles above the bed (carefully!).
110. Serve breakfast in bed.
111. Hide small gifts that your spouse will find throughout the week.
112. Sit and listen carefully to one another.
113. Tuck your wife into bed, read her a goodnight story (or scripture) and kiss her on the forehead.
114. Remember how you used to laugh at things he thought were funny? Do it again.
115. Write a song for your spouse.
116. Go for a walk barefoot.
117. Go kite flying.
118. Splash each other.
119. Spend an entire day in the “middle of nowhere”.
120. Dance in your candlelit living room.
121. Walk on the beach.
122. Play a board game by the fire.
123. Reminisce through old photo albums.
124. Go away for the weekend.
125. Go for a moonlit walk down a street of beautiful homes.
126. Rub feet under the table.
127. Kiss in crowded area.
128. Sit on his lap even when there’s sitting room elsewhere.
129. Surprise your spouse with an ice-cold drink while he/she is working on a hot day.
130. Kiss in the rain.
131. Join him, unexpectedly, in the shower.
132. Mail a love letter to your spouse’s place of work.
133. Create a trail through your home with a string leading your mate to a gift you have for them.
134. Buy your husband a negligee that you know you’ll look great in.
135. Brush her hair.
136. Ride a carousel or a merry-go-round.
137. Take a bike ride—on the same bike.
138. Hug while you roll down a hill (if you want to do this again you’d better choose a grassy hill).
139. Leave teasing notes around the house to create an atmosphere of anticipation.
140. Use a tender-touch as you pass one another around the house.
141. Share a milk shake with two straws.
142. Take the phone off the hook, turn off the TV, turn down the lights and kiss on the floor.
143. Put fresh flowers in front of her bathroom sink and write a love note with lipstick on the mirror.
144. Dedicate a song to her over the radio.
145. Break away from the chaos of the family long enough to share an intimate conversation.
146. Wink and smile at your spouse from across the room.
147. Kiss your spouse’s fingers.
148. Celebrate for no reason.
149. Leave a photo of yourself on his dashboard.
150. Give your husband a manicure.
151. Using plastic cups, create your own miniature golf course by placing the cups in different locations around the house and have fun creatively playing the game together.
152. Fill your bed with rose petals.
153. Play strip canasta.
154. Remember something she thinks you’ve forgotten.
155. Stand together in front of a lake and watch your reflections.
156. Hug for an extended period of time.
157. Leave your lip-prints on a note.
158. Sit in front of the window during a rainstorm.
159. Do something together to help someone else.
160. Take a fun class together.
161. Go rock-skipping.
162. Ride a bicycle-built-for-two.
163. Fall asleep holding each other.
164. Draw your spouse a stick figure picture of something romantic.
165. Tell your wife you will take her anywhere she wants to go.
166. Call your husband during the day and remind him of your love for him.
167. Get up some morning and head out in the car together without planning one single thing.
168. Have a hot bubble-bath ready for her when she comes home from a hard day.
169. Ask your spouse, “What can I do to make you happier?”
170. Buy new satin sheets.
171. Try to go away for the weekend and spend only $20.
172. Break your after-dinner routine and go sightseeing.
173. Mail a love letter to your spouse’s place of work.
174. Reminisce about your first kiss or your first date.
175. Drop everything and do something for the one you love—right now!

The above article comes from the insightful book, Creative Romance… Hundreds of Ways to Say “I Love You” and Much More, by Doug Fields, which was published by Harvest House Publishers. Unfortunately, this book is no longer being printed. Hopefully you can find a copy of it at a used book store or elsewhere.

As Doug says, “Super romance isn’t just for Hollywood. Now every man or woman who wants to be more romantic can be! And this article (and the book, if you can find a way to obtain it) can help you in this venture.

2. Go back to the location you honeymooned and have a second honeymoon.

3. Write your own love poem. Even a simple “Roses are red…” rendition will make him or her smile.

4. Rewrite a love song that is popular and personalize the lyrics to your relationship. (A parody that makes your spouse laugh is a unique twist to this idea.) You can also reword the tune to send a more serious invitation or message.

5. Take a calendar and write in important dates (anniversaries, birthdays, possible date ideas). Or write in something you love about your spouse each Monday, someplace you want to meet him or her each Tuesday, etc. Write in unique anniversaries: the anniversary of the day of your first date, the first “I love you,” the first kiss, the day you met, etc. Give the calendar to your spouse not as a list of expectations, but as a list of invitations. Let him or her respond to each invitation.

6. Make a romantic Rolodex. Give him or her the info to succeed with you romantically. Make Rolodex cards for florists, clothing stores, restaurants, hobby stores, Internet sites you have bookmarked, etc.

7. Create a series of thank-you notes. Send one a day for as many days as you can think of something to thank your mate for. Some things to be thankful for are: his or her character, things he or she has done for you, his or her commitment to you. One line on a card day after day will make a big impact.

8. Make his or her favorite meal. Add a white linen tablecloth, candlelight, flowers, and music. You might even wear a provocative waiter or waitress outfit — then ask for your tip with a wink and a smile.

9. Have an old-fashioned evening. Send a formal invitation, come to the door with flowers and chocolates, open doors for her, and perhaps find a malt shop or some other nostalgic place to go on the date. Find a Lover’s Lane where you can park, “look at the moon,” and steam up the car windows a bit. Give her a kiss under the light at the door at the end of the evening.

10. Kidnap your spouse from work or some other responsibility—like in the middle of mowing the lawn—blindfold him or her, and then take him or her to a romantic rendezvous. (You might clear this with the boss or show up at the end of the workday. You don’t want to get your spouse fired. That would definitely ruin the mood.)

11. Serve breakfast in bed with an invitation to spend the whole day there. Spend the day trying new things, napping in each other’s arms, or playing a board game like “An Enchanted Evening” or “Simply Romantic” from Family Life Ministries www.familylife.com.

12. Wash each other’s hair (or each other’s bodies).

13. Have dinner someplace different in your home: in front of the fireplace, on the rooftop, on the patio or balcony out back, in the attic, or under the tree in the backyard.

14. Do something on a date that you rarely do. Go to the zoo. Go to the park and feed the ducks. Go to the thrift shop and buy something outrageous. Skinny-dip in your backyard pool when the children aren’t home.

15. Camp in the living room. (You will have to farm the kids out for an overnighter at a friend’s.)

16. Rent an old-fashioned romantic movie and pick up the story line someplace in the middle. In the forties, sex was not allowed on the big screen (even if the characters were married). At the moment in the film when you think they might have succumbed to their passions, turn off the movie, and go finish the story line in your room.

17. Read jokes to each other. Couples that play together, stay together. [Marriage Missions Editor's Note: There's a web site at www.cybersalt.org that has all kinds of fun things to read and view. They have Daily Cartoons, Daily Clean Laughs, Fun Links, Joke Archives, Pastor Tim's Clean Laugh's, etc.]

18. On every January 1, renew your wedding vows privately at the foot of your bed, or pick a new place to renew every year and make it a romantic getaway to look forward to after the hustle and bustle of Christmas.

19. Do a “Count our many blessings” evening. Each of you take turns recounting the best days you can remember, things you are thankful for in your mate or family, and what you are grateful to God about. This is a nice pillow talk activity as it often can take a rough day and turn it into one that makes you more in the mood for intimacy.

20. Love long distance: We both travel quite a bit, and we minister often to military couples that are separated for months at a time. Here’s a few ways to stay in love over the miles:

• Read the same marriage book and e-mail or talk by phone about what you are learning.
• Sleep in his shirt.
• Send him a little piece of something lacy you usually wear. (Cutting a corner off the hem and sliding it into a love note will do.)
• Tuck love notes in his or her suitcase.
• Wrap small gifts and number them so that they can open one per day on their trip, or hide them in his or her work items (files, briefcase, or cell phone case).
• Get a picture frame that has a message recorder and record a love message for him or her.
• Put favorite pictures on a slide show on their laptop.
• Send cards to the hotels they’re planning to stay at (or other small gifts).
• Leave voice mails when you know they can’t be reached (while on a plane or in a meeting).
• Send comfort from home: their favorite slippers, treats from the local candy store, and pictures of the children.
• Create a pocket pinup calendar. Add snapshots into the pages of a small pocket-sized organizer. (Don’t put in any pictures you wouldn’t mind having someone else get a hold of just in case it gets lost.)
• Write one long continuous love letter and send it back and forth. Just change the color of pen (or over e-mail change font color with every new addition). Then, when you get lonely, all that great loving is in one place for you to read!
• Tape phone calls so if the time zone (or the war zone) keeps calls far apart, you can at least replay the ones you have to hear his or her voice.

The above ideas come from the fun book, Red Hot Monogamy… Making Your Marriage Sizzle, by Bill and Pam Farrel, published by Harvest House Publishers, www.harvesthousepublishers.com, which actually has 200 Red Hot Romance Ideas listed — some of them being “hotter” than others. Whether you and your spouse are newlyweds, a mature couple still young at heart, or somewhere in between—this book offers hundreds of ideas to fan the flame of love and gives an understanding of your spouse that will inspire romance and passion to fuel every aspect of your lives.

Whatever “Romance” looks like to you, as a married couple, it’s important to MAKE the time to keep it as a vital part of your lives together—otherwise your love relationship could eventually become stale and rusty and could even fall apart out of sheer neglect.

After all, part of what helped you to fall in love with each other in the first place was the romance you experienced with each other — doing fun things together and enjoying each other’s company. And yet after the wedding we forget that. We get so caught up in the busyness and inertia of every day living that we forget to “romance” each other throughout the marriage. That can be a HUGE mistake!

“Few couples expect to maintain the intense, supercharged, adolescent-style relationship that marked the height of their courtship. In fact, most couples feel somewhat relieved when life begins to settle into a more normal routine and they can get about the tasks of real life again. But many marriages settle down too much.

“Within a few short years the sparkle has faded completely. Feelings have become mere memories. Romance has become something to read about in cheap novels. Spouses relate like roommates who share an occasional one-night stand. And together they face future years of disappointment and frustration” (Bill Hybels, from the workbook, Marriage… Building Real Intimacy).

Does that sound like any of the marriages you know? Has this been true of your marriage? Is your marriage settling down a little too much? Is the “sparkle” leaving your relationship? Or maybe it left a long time ago.

Whatever the case may be we hope you will ask God to help you with the important mission of keeping (or re-igniting and THEN keeping) the “sparkle” in your marital relationship. God, whose very name means LOVE, is ready to teach you what it will take to TRULY love your spouse. And what better way to honor God than to show love to your spouse in a romantic way!

To further help you in this vital mission, we have a WONDERFUL tool to help you.

There is a web site www.marriages.net which is put together by GTO Family Ministries developed by Harold and Bette Gillogly which helps couples “Grow Toward Oneness.” They offer many helpful resources for married couples through their ministry and on their web site (which we hope you’ll look into). Among them is a feature called: “Romantic Tips of the Month.” They offer “Romantic Tips for Husbands” and “Romantic Tips for Wives.”

To receive the best benefit of what they offer we will take you directly to their web site to read the wonderful tips they supply. When you get to their web site just make the selection as to whether you want the Romantic Tips for Husbands or for Romantic Tips for Wives. (And then arrow back to our web site if you want to return to Marriage Missions.)

To Read:

ROMANTIC TIPS FOR HUSBANDS
-and/or-
ROMANTIC TIPS FOR WIVES:

CLICK HERE

“Marriage is difficult! Somewhere between ‘We are gathered here today’ and ’til death do us part’ there is a lot of real life going on—ups and downs, highlights and failures, dreams attained and dreams lost. Real-life marriage is hard, a balancing act of jobs, children, friends, in-laws, paying bills, cooking meals and maintaining a home.

“Not only these, but we also deal with transitions to different stages of marriage—adjusting as newlyweds, working dual careers, having kids, kids growing up, moving, changing jobs, and growing older.

“Often the one we’re supposed to love most is lost in the confusion of life. You need to put activities into your life together to help you to enjoy and encourage each other as husband and wife as well as to foster talking, learning and growing together.” (From “Help! We’re Married… An Activity Calendar for Couples” by Kandi Arnold, Andrea Devin, and Dale Sprowl)

Don’t you find that to be true? It seems the people you say you love the most are often the ones you put off behind all of the busyness that comes rushing in at you. A whole lot of energy goes into making life “work” and yet what about making your marriage work and infusing romance back into your lives together?

If the marriage stops “working” haven’t you lost a lot more than you’ve gained despite your busyness? What if you “gain the whole world” and lose your marriage in the process?

So, are you looking for a few simple romantic ideas to start reconnecting romantically? Are you feeling a bit romantically challenged (the desire is there to make the effort but the ideas aren’t)?

Below, we are providing a few web site links that contain lists of romantic ideas posted on the web site for the wonderful ministry of Family Life Today. We have found them (and the Family Life ministry) to be a great blessing and pray they will help you as well.

To read the ideas, click onto the links posted below:

• SIMPLY ROMANTIC IDEAS

• READER IDEAS FOR ROMANCE

• THE READERS RESPOND, Part Two: More Romantic Ideas

We have another set of romantic ideas from the web site for Marriage Partnership Magazine which you can click onto below:

• THE MOST UNUSUAL ROMANTIC THINGS

1. Toss all your change into the greenery in the backyard and tell them they can keep any coins they can find.

2. Do an Easter egg hunt all year round. Hide a designated number of eggs (plastic work well with toys, candy, or coins inside). Tell your children that no one can come inside the house until all the eggs are found (take one egg out so they can’t find the last one). When you are finished, bring the last egg out and ask, “Were you looking for this one?”

3. For Toddlers: Get a favorite video going (be sure to check the time—you might have 30 minutes or two hours!). For older kids: Rent or buy a new video. Use a realistic line like, “Mom and Dad are taking some grown-up time” “Mom and Dad are going to take a nap.” Or our favorite: “We are going to clean our room and can’t be interrupted.” (After sex, you’d better hurry and pick up your room!) For teens: Give them movie tickets so the house is yours for a night.

4. Trade time off with your friends so that each of you has a few hours a week alone. Or, since we are pastors, we can get away with recommending this: Send the kids to a youth group or Sunday school activity, have sex, and then meet them at church later. (We’ll just call this worshiping at Bedside Baptist.) If this tip is used occasionally, your pastor won’t mind because you will have a strong marriage and family and that makes for a strong church.

5. Hire a neighborhood sitter and ask her to take the kids to her home to watch the kids for a few hours.

6. When the movie is playing in the living room, tell the kids you are going to clean the garage. Lock the garage door on your way out and enjoy some sex in the back-seat of your car. Or hide in a closet and kiss until one of the kids finally finds you.

7. Recruit Grandma to take the kids for ice cream or to McDonald’s—or for an extra treat, ask her to take them to the zoo all day.

8. Enroll the kids in preschool and arrange for you and your spouse to go in late to work once a week.

9. Take a long lunch once a week on a school day. Block off from noon till two or three. Write in the calendar: Appointment, R.H.M. (Your secretary won’t know it stands for red-hot monogamy.)

10. Take advantage of those precious hours kids sleep. The dishes can wait. When Junior nods off, head to the bedroom first, and then go back to responsibilities. Or wake each other up in the early morning for sex, or in the middle of the night just start fondling your spouse, and he or she will most likely wake up. You’ll get less sleep, but at least you’ll be smiling the next day anyway.

The above article comes from the book, Red Hot Monogamy… Making Your Marriage Sizzle, by Bill and Pam Farrel, published by Harvest House Publishers www.harvesthousepublishers.com.

The main point of the book is that “sex is not to be an event—sex is to be a relationship.” In this book, Bill and Pam Farrel give you practical, personal tips for creating the kind of sex life that really works. They have a lot of fun with the topic, but in actuality they believe that sex is a serious matter. Whether you and your spouse are newlyweds, a mature couple still young at heart, or somewhere in between—this book offers hundreds of ideas to fan the flame of love and gives an understanding of your spouse that will inspire romance and passion to fuel every aspect of your lives.

Distractions from work, children and even your calling can squeeze any romance out of us. Unsettled disagreements cause tensions to rise. Sometimes we just get too busy to deal with the little irritations. Disappointment over what our mate fails to do chills romance. In some situations we look like we are shirking our responsibilities or not taking our work seriously if we take time to be alone together.

Let’s look at each of these problems a little closer. When we have spent the whole day putting out fires it can be hard to spark romance. Many times though, if one of you begins wooing, the other will find there really is a little left to share.

Our minds may be on a thousand different problems and we have loose ends that still need to be dealt with the next day. Try writing down a to-do list for tomorrow so that you can free your mind tonight.

“Don’t let the sun go down upon your wrath.” That was good advice from Paul. We have only let unsettled disagreements last to the next day twice in our thirty years of marriage. The reason we know it was only twice is that the tension between us the next day was unbearable. By then we had forgotten what we were upset about, but we didn’t forget the distress! Take the time to ask forgiveness or to talk about your grievance before you sleep. You’ll both sleep better.

It is so easy when living in another culture to have unrealistic expectations for your husband. You may expect that he can easily pick up some milk on the way home from his meeting and he may expect you could keep the living room neat since you have domestic help. Both of you can be ignorant of the other’s limitations in this new setting. Unless you talk about what you expect, you may never understand why your spouse isn’t meeting your expectations.

If we only had to deal with our own misconceptions and unrealistic expectations, we could probably work those out after a while. But the others we are working with come from a different world. What they think is important and what we think is important may be two very different things. They may misinterpret our need for privacy as our being exclusive. Or they may believe that unless we work 80-100 hours a week we are lazy or uncooperative. We must find ways to communicate our basic needs for family time and privacy if we are going to succeed long-term on the field.

Now for some principles to keep romance in your relationship. Keep up your physical appearance and personal hygiene. When no one knows what a white woman’s hair is supposed to look like, it is easy to get careless about styling it. But your husband knows what looks nice on you, so fix it for him.

Americans at home seldom bathe more than once a day, but when living in the tropics, two or three showers a day is not an extravagance.

Stay creative in the ways you romance your husband! Since you are living in a different place, it’s a good time to try some new ideas to make him feel really special.

Find some things you enjoy doing together. You may have never tried a hobby together. This may be just the time. TV is seldom in English and usually they choose to show the worst of American fare, so read books together or work jigsaw puzzles or crossword puzzles together. Friends of ours would rearrange their furniture about once a week to provide variety in a lonely outpost.

Remember that romance comes from knowing you are special to one another. Let each other know that if you were choosing today, you would still choose each other. Romance grows with special secrets and special moments. Find ways to surprise each other once in a while.

Luanne said, “It is VERY important to take time to do something special at regular intervals. Living and working together 24/7 can make it feel like you are just room mates and co-workers. It is often very hard to find local restaurant. We take time to go overnight to a hotel in the nearest town. It is worth every penny!”

Shari sent a list of fifty ways to enrich your marriage. She excerpted them from “Understanding The One You Love” by Steve Stephens.

To see the full list click: Romance
Some of my favorites were:

• Start each day with a kiss
• Be Polite
• Smile Often
• Give back rubs
• Do what they want before they ask
• Cuddle (Editor’s note: even if you have to use talcum powder and a ceiling fan.)
• Celebrate birthdays in a big way
• Watch sunsets together
• Say “I love you” frequently
• Wink at them
• Send a card for no reason”

The above article, originally titled, Keeping Romance Alive, is written by Diane Constantine and comes from the great web site, www.peterswife.org. Peter’s Wife is a place for women working outside their home culture to connect, encourage and help one another. Browse their site and choose the ways that best fit your situation and needs. We highly encourage you to do so!

While you’re there you can also sign up for their free newsletter which they e-mail once a month to those who request it. We believe you’ll greatly benefit from what they share each month.

“There is a common worry among engaged couples that romance will fade months and years into their marriage. Pre-married couples don’t want the attraction and anticipation they feel today to fade into complacency and coldness tomorrow. They want to know how to avert what they believe is an inevitable romantic shortfall in the years to come.” (Jim Mueller)

It’s probably safe to say that none of us want our marriages to “fade into complacency and coldness” — whether we’re entering into marriage, we’re newly married, or we have been married for a while …or even a LONG time!

But how do we stop the “fading” from happening in our marriages? What are some secrets that could help us to combat that from happening?

Well, it certainly isn’t by letting romance take its own course after we say “I do” in the marriage ceremony. Life has a way of separating and isolating us from each other — even if we never thought it could happen to us. We could have the most romantic beginning to our lives together that anyone could ever imagine, but eventually, unless we put forth some type of intentionality into making sure the romance doesn’t “fade” or crash, for that matter, the downhill slide of becoming isolated emotionally apart from each other is inevitable. It’s just the natural course of matters such as this.

Author and radio host, Dennis Rainey talks about this in his book, “Staying Close.” He writes about the way that life can eventually cause “the drift of isolation” between those who are married. He writes,

“If there’s one thing worse than a miserable, lonely single, it’s a miserable, lonely married person. The irony is that no two people marry with any intention of being isolated from each other. Most of them feel that marriage is the cure for loneliness. The phrase, ‘Lonely Husbands, Lovely Wives’ would, for them, contradict what they think marriage is all about.

Isolation is like a terminal virus that invades your marriage, silently, slowly and painlessly at first. By the time you become aware of its insidious effects, it can be too late. Your marriage can be crippled by boredom and apathy, and even die from emotional malnutrition and neglect.”

He then goes on to say,

“Your marriage will naturally move more toward a state of isolation. Unless you lovingly and energetically nurture and maintain your marriage, you will begin to drift away from your mate. You’ll live together, but will live alone.”

And that isn’t something that we at Marriage Missions would ever like to see happen in your marriage! That’s why we are providing links below to a few web sites below which have articles posted on them that could help you to be more strategic in nurturing and maintaining your marital partnership.

The first article is written by Jim Mueller and is posted on the web site for Growthtrac.com. Please click onto the link below to read what Jim has to write on:

• STRATEGIC ROMANCE

Another article which could help you to be intentional in romancing each other is written by Sabrina Beasley and is posted on the web site for the ministry of Family Life Today. In this article Sabrina gives you:

• 10 WAYS TO CREATE A MORE ROMANTIC BEDROOM

Another article, which is featured on Growthtrac.com is written by Jimmy Evans. If you click into the link below you will read about:

• BUILDING ROMANCE IN YOUR MARRIAGE

And still another article that may be helpful to your marriage which is posted on the web site for FamilyLifeCanada.org and is written by Dave Klassen with Glen Hoos, and Charlene Friesen. Please click onto the link below:

• ROMANCE FOR DUMMIES

To give you a great way to romance your spouse, the web site for Christian Marriage Today, provides a free download for Love coupons with which you can surprise your spouse. To visit their web site and obtain the coupons, please click onto the link below:

• FREE LOVE COUPONS

When you’re done reading the above article:
You can then arrow back to our web site to:
• read another article
• or you may want to leave a comment
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in the space provided at the bottom of this page.

After speaking to hundreds of men and women in various stages of relationships, from newlywed to affairs to golden anniversaries, for my book “Surrendering to Marriage,” I can tell you that partners who are hugged and kissed and hear “I love you” behave better. There’s real power in a soft and unexpected brush of the lips on the forehead of your husband at the dinner table. What wife doesn’t want to be told she looks beautiful?

Many people shared in interviews, with wrenching remorse that they could have saved their marriages by simply paying more attention to the person who slept next to them, night after night. Instead of letting other tasks distract their focus and consume their energy, they see now they neglected to savor and cherish the person they were bound to by a sacred marriage covenant.

We shop for roses and clothes, jewelry and hearts for husbands and wives on Valentine’s Day. Yet the euphoria of opening a small box and unveiling something spangly and expensive is fleeting. Consistently loving behavior, exhibited when you wake up tomorrow, and the rest of the year, is the real prescription for the ongoing health of a marriage, more than any diamond or Italian suit. After years of anniversaries and Valentine’s Days, closets and jewelry boxes become crammed with stuff you forget about, stuff you never wear. Yet you can never receive too much kindness, or too much love.

Benjamin Disraeli said: “We were born for love. It’s the principle of existence and its only end.” But this force at the heart of existence isn’t just handed over to us; we must nurture it, earn it, and surrender to the hard work it takes for love to endure. Long-term love, when properly fed and watered, makes us better, nicer, and stronger.

We love our children wholly and unconditionally, showering them with emotional and physical affection. Over scheduled and overwhelmed, too often we forget to love— even forget to talk to— the most important person in our life, the man or woman who gave us those kids, the foundation of family and dreams for the future. Marriage needs to be fussed over or else it will break. Intimacy takes work.

It was shocking to learn how many couples have sex once or twice a year, or never at all. Some people blamed the lack of sexual play on lack of time; most placed the blame on lack of communication. If you’re not talking, you’re not cuddling. And after years of mutual neglect, too angry to kiss and make up, silent partnerships end up dissipating.

“I see this constantly,” says Washington divorce lawyer Robert Liotta. “Men and women are on parallel tracks— they never come face to face. I mean, they don’t talk at all. They don’t even know what the other person has done in the past week. They literally say good morning and good night and that’s it. This is a disaster for a marriage.”

Disconnected couples charting out divorce agreements have much to teach us on the importance of thawing the deep freeze before someone turns stone-cold and wants out: Ask your spouses about their days. Court them, compliment them, and seduce them. Sex is fat burning and healing and fun. Sex belongs on the top of a To Do list, above “buy juice boxes” and “manicure.” No touching is bad news.

One of the happiest wives I interviewed, married 40 years, had a standing date for sex every Sunday morning. While their children studied the joys of the Lord at religious school, the parents had their own, uninterrupted rapture. This woman also told me that her husband was never the kind of guy who sent surprise bouquets. But he was someone who said, “I love you” every day.

My husband Chuck’s mother died a month ago. His father died in 1994. The first morning he woke up with no parents, I lay next to him, at a loss for words, my head under his chin. Our children, four boys, were laughing at a television cartoon in the next room. One son’s voice boomed with the huskiness of adolescence. I thought of how pure and immense is our love for our offspring, how too soon their soft cheeks will sprout stubble, how one’s life is a finger-snap. I told Chuck that I knew no one could ever love a son like a mother does, but that I loved him a whole lot.

He hugged me hard, and said that hearing he was fully loved at the moment he was feeling the hollowness of being a new orphan meant everything. It’s easy to tell your spouse “I love you,” and it goes a long way. It’s also easy to forget to even exchange a few cordial sentences in the course of a crazy day.

The above article was featured as in a Special to the Washington Post on 2/14/02 and was written by Iris Krasnow.