We can think we know what it would be like for our children to live through divorce, but it’s entirely different to actually listen to and/or read what children of divorce have experienced.

If you are considering getting a divorce we encourage you to read what some of these adults now have to say concerning their growing up years in a divorced home. You could find their testimonies to be quite enlightening and helpful in better understanding what your child could experience. May the eyes of your heart truly hear what God is saying to you.

If you are the child of divorce, you may be able to relate to what is written below and it may be helpful for you to share some of your thoughts afterward in the Comment Section. We pray God will empower you to work through whatever issues you may have and help others to do the same.

If you are already divorced and there is no possibility of reconciliation, please know that in posting this article we are not intending to make your living situation more hurtful in some way. We truly are sorry if you are experiencing pain over your situation. We never want to add to someone’s pain, but rather participate with God in ministering to and shedding more of His redeeming light upon those who need it.

We hope you will read the following testimonies to use them to pray through and try to help your children overcome obstacles they may be experiencing which are similar to the ones that are written below. May God help you in this mission.

The following letter was written to Diane Sollee, the founder and Director of Smart Marriages from someone who has lived through such an experience. It’s something that we all should pay attention to:

I have to comment on the subject of children of divorce. I just have to say that no matter how many “rough spots” my husband and I have encountered (just the normal marriage stuff) I made a decision long ago that once we brought kids into the world divorce was a taboo word, I would never let these little creatures that I adore so much have to go through what I went through, with parent’s multiple ex’s, remarriages, too many step-siblings to count and just basically the loss of a family.

Although my parents divorced 40 years ago when I was 10 it still affects me today —no memories of happy family growing up, getting to know extended family and so on whereas my husband who is from a HUGE intact family full of love and closeness serves as such a contrast to what I missed.

Fortunately my kids are very close to them. I wish more people would simply come out and acknowledge the harm to children when parents have a bitter divorce. I am sure this is why I am so pro-marriage.

I had a couple yesterday with five children meet with me the first time and told me that two other therapists told them they should divorce (which I find appalling!) and instead we focused on strengths and reasons to stay married after 21 years.

We also of course discussed the hard issues they need to fix, but they left my office very pleased and hopeful.

If parents could put children first, divorce rates would go waaaaaaaaay down!

—Katherine Robredo

— ALSO —

The following article contains the extensive testimony (both positive and negative) of someone who grew up in a divorced home and lived in a step child situation. Plus, you might find it helpful to read the responses to what was written afterward from others who as children, have lived in divorced homes. Please click onto the National Marriage Institute web site link to read:

• THE PRODUCT OF DIVORCE

— AND —

From the ministry of Familylife.com the following article gives another perspective on this issue:

• IT HURTS TO BE A CHILD OF DIVORCE

If you have additional tips you can share to help others in this area of marriage, or you want to share requests for prayer and/or ask others for advice, please “Join the Discussion” by adding your comments below.