The following is a portion of a radio broadcast given on the program “Today’s Family Life” that aired on August 30, 2004 on the subject of Cleaving to your Spouse. Last week we gave the first portion of what Dennis Rainey (and his co-host Bob Lepine) had to say on this important topic. This week we’d like to conclude by sharing this edited version with you:

Dennis Rainey: I ran across a bit of news that I thought is a mirror of what our culture is becoming. Did you hear about the rental store in Boston that has engagement rings you can rent? The reason, according to the store manager, is that men are coming into the store with ‘cold feet’.” He says there are a lot of men who are not quite sure whether they are willing to make this commitment called marriage, so they want to rent an engagement ring just to ‘hedge their bets’ a bit.

That really is a picture of our culture and what it’s come down to. We really have lost the meaning of commitment in a marriage relationship and, as a result, we’re afraid to step out and buy the engagement ring because we’re afraid we’re going to make the wrong choice.

God has given us as a mandate for how to establish a marriage relationship. Psalm 127:1 says, “Unless the Lord builds the house, they labor in vain who build it.” It’s clear, from looking at the divorce statistics, that there is a lot of vain building going on. God has given us the blueprints, for establishing this thing called marriage. He has laid it out.

It says [in the Bible] “for this cause a man shall leave his father and his mother and shall cleave to his wife.” Cleaving means commitment; it means covenant; it means to vow. It’s a pledge to God and to another person to love and care for your spouse. Marriage is a spiritual commitment. It’s not just two people making a promise to each other. It really is a profoundly spiritual experience.

We’ve got to keep going back to the biblical basics and training our young people—our children in our own homes, to understand that marriage is a sacred trust. It’s a holy vow and a covenant made, first of all, to our God who watches and sees all and who wants us to fulfill that covenant. And then, secondly, it’s a covenant to another person.

We must train our sons and our daughters to keep this covenant. We can’t fall prey to thinking with our hearts. We must think biblically; we must think from God’s perspective; we cannot think as the world thinks.

When you made a covenant to your spouse, it wasn’t just to stay married. It was a covenant to care for and to nourish them and meet their needs and embrace them as God’s personal provision for your needs.

And what we’ve got to do today is not reject our spouse. We’ve got to receive them in their personality, their habits, the mistakes they make, even their selfishness and how they hurt us. We somehow, in the middle of a real relationship with a real person, must embrace that person, because that is God’s assignment for us.

Some Christians end up feeling like they married the wrong person, and this will really undermine your commitment. I believe the devil really uses seeds of doubt in Christians’ lives early in their marriage to perhaps convince them that they made a mistake.

[Motivational speaker] Zig Ziglar said

“I have no way of knowing whether or not you married the wrong person, but I do know that many people have a lot of wrong ideas about marriage and what it takes to make that marriage happy and successful. If you treat the wrong person like the right person, you could well end up having married the right person after all.”

The bottom line is—we need to accept and receive our spouse. If we’re married today to them, we need to accept them as God’s personal provision for us. You don’t have an option at this point.

There are far too many people who are talking about uprooting their commitment and leaving this person that they have made a covenant with. I want to ask you some questions.

First of all, have you ever really been committed to this person? You may say, “You don’t know how hard I’ve tried.” And I say to you — I’m not saying if you’ve tried hard— have you really sought to build your home upon the rock — the rock of Jesus Christ and the hope of the Scriptures?

Secondly, have you really sought to apply God’s blueprints? Have you prayed together? Have you read the Bible together? I’ve been imploring couples to open their Bibles together—at the minimum get the book, Moments Together, and start reading something that’s spiritually oriented to point you back towards God. You can make that marriage work if you apply God’s blueprints even in the direst circumstances.

Third, have you really prayed about leaving? Have you asked God what His opinion of that would be? Fourth, what does God’s Word say about you leaving? Do you have freedom to leave? Does it matter what God thinks about it?

It better matter, because to leave in a situation where you’re ignoring what God says and thinks about it — I would not be a good friend if I didn’t warn you, you’re headed for the “spiritual woodshed.” You may say, “I’d rather have the spiritual woodshed than be married to this imperfect person. And I say to you, “Be careful; be very careful.”

Finally, have you sought forgiveness for where you have failed? Have you really sought to take what is your responsibility and assume, before God, that responsibility and obey Him in that relationship? In these situations, you better make sure you’re on God’s side and the middle of God’s favor, because he is the one who was present when we made that covenant to one another and got married.

Bob Lepine: There are a lot of people who look at the events or the circumstances in their marriage; they look at their mate, and the pain is too great. The price seems too high, and they think to themselves, “I don’t know if I can make it. I don’t know if I can stick it out in this marriage.”

Dennis: It’s in those circumstances that God delights in meeting us. At that point of suffering, He calls us to be God’s arms of love to our spouse.

[At this point Dennis gives an illustration of Dr Robertson McQuilkin who used to be the president of Columbia Bible College, and actually resigned from his post to take care of his wife, who became stricken with Alzheimer’s disease. The point being that if we think the price is too high, we can find inspiration from those who have been down that difficult road.

Just like He wants to do with us, God has given others the grace to do what needs to be done to “finish well” as the Bible urges us to do.]

[Dennis concludes this subject by saying this.]

Today is the time when you need to make your commitment to work with your spouse. Now is the time to receive them as God’s provision for you and love them and care for them and meet their needs and seek to be God’s arms of love to your spouse.

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In concluding these thoughts on “Cleaving to our spouse in marriage rather than leaving” we’d like to encourage you with the following scriptures from Hebrews chapter 12 which says to us:

“Therefore, since we are surrounded by such a great cloud of witnesses, let us throw off everything that hinders and the sin that so easily entangles, and let us run with perseverance the race marked out for us. Let us fix our eyes on Jesus, the author and perfecter of our faith, who for the joy set before him endured the cross, scorning its shame, and sat down at the right hand of the throne of God. Consider him who endured such opposition from sinful men, so that you will not grow weary and loose heart.”

We pray God’s blessing upon your marriage,
Steve and Cindy Wright

If you have access to the Internet we’d highly recommend for you to read the rest of the transcript that Family Life Today makes available or to listen to the original broadcast (if your computer has the capability of projecting sound). They give additional illustrations and information you might find enlightening on this subject. Go to www.familylife.com.

This particular transcript can be found by clicking on “Past Broadcasts” and then entering the program “Family Life Today” then enter in the month of August and 30 as the date, with 2004 as the year and hit the button “Show Me.” You then make your selection from there as to whether you want to read it, listen to it, (which are both free) or purchase the CD or Cassette. (If you don’t have access to the internet perhaps you can have someone make a copy and send it to you.)

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