When we start our marriages we look each other in the eyes and tell each other, “til death do us part.” If we mean it on our wedding day then why is it so hard for us to follow through? Cindy and I believe that in large part it’s because so few of us really know what “Committed for Life” really looks like before we get married.

So, this week we want to share an article written by Dr. James Robison and his wife, Betty, that they wrote for the winter, 2004 Marriage Partnership Magazine www.marriagepartnership.com. They share some excellent insights on what this means:

We’ve been married for more than 41 years now, so we think we can talk confidently on the subject of loyalty. Not that we’ve ‘arrived’ in marriage. None of us has, since marriage is constantly growing and changing. Yet, we can say honestly that, even with the difficulties that accompany all marriages, ours has been a wonderful, fulfilling lifetime of partnership. Why? Because we’ve held a steadfast commitment to each other and to God.

Over the years we’ve watched marriage fall under assault in our society. But we’ve believed that our principled concepts of loyalty and faithfulness pay huge dividends in the end. While we aren’t the perfect model for every relationship, we’ve discovered how clinging to God’s perfect love can bring a lifetime of peace, joy, and fulfillment to a couple. Here’s what we’ve learned:

Loyalty starts with commitment to God. Our commitment to each other begins with a commitment to follow God, both individually and as a couple. Both are lifelong promises. Neither commitment allows us to say, “Let’s try this for a while and see if it works.” Both are tough; both call us to live a disciplined life. But both, in the end, are life-giving.

Loyalty depends on communication. When there’s a breakdown in communication, a breakdown in commitment is sure to follow. Communication isn’t simply talking to each other; it’s making sure we really hear each other. We try to listen to and understand the heart of our mate, not just the words they speak.

Communication is especially important when situations aren’t particularly easy or pleasant. But knowing that we’re committed to each other helps us confront, confess, and open up more freely.

Loyalty means we give our spouse the benefit of the doubt. One issue we’ve worked through has been when one of us says something that the other spouse takes the wrong way. An offhanded or unthinking comment can wreak havoc on our thoughts and relationship.

Dr. Jimmy Draper, our pastor for many years, said something about his wife, Carol Ann that put those statements in perspective: “If I ever think she’s said something to offend me, then I know I’ve misunderstood her, because she’d never do anything purposely to hurt me.”

That’s an awesome reality when we stop to think that neither of us would intentionally hurt the other. When one of us says something that hurts, we stop before we react, and think, “Did my mate say that intentionally to hurt me? We can answer, No; I know my spouse didn’t say that in a mean spirit.” That helps us confront the issue and not the person.

We’ll say, “I know you wouldn’t hurt me, and I know you didn’t intend this, but let me tell you how this came across to me. Let me tell you what I heard. Let me tell you how it felt.”

Loyalty willingly compromises for the other person’s good. The Bible tells us we must lose our life for Christ’s sake in order to find it (Matthew 10:39). That same spirit applies to marriage. Although it doesn’t make human sense, when we put the other person first, God grows our marriages.

Early in our marriage, I (James) loved to fish, while Betty enjoyed shopping. But we quickly discovered our hobbies and interests could have caused us to spend less time with each other.

We knew that wasn’t what we wanted our marriage to be—two people that “did their own thing.” So we made a conscious effort to do things together.

That meant when I went fishing, Betty joined me. And when Betty shopped, I tagged along. When we made up our minds to give each other’s hobbies a chance, we found we enjoyed the activities—because it meant being with each other. It simply required an attitude check.

The same is true of work and church obligations. There was a time when the demands of traveling for my ministry came close to destroying our relationship. Betty was extremely lonely, since I was gone much of the time, and I was burning the candle at both ends. I felt so burned out and tormented by lustful thoughts! I knew I needed help, so I finally talked to some respected ministers.

One of them suggested I talk to and pray with a man who had gone through a similar experience. It was a humbling time for me. But God used those men to help turn around my life and my marriage.

Since then we’ve learned to say “no” to many invitations that come our way. We discuss our ministry and work opportunities with each other and, together, prayerfully decide which ones we believe are truly in God’s will. We try always to honor each other.

Once we got in the habit of planning together, it became natural; it no longer feels like a sacrifice or compromise.

We’re still pursuing life. We’re still pursuing God. We haven’t settled in or retired from our marriage. The apostle Paul says Christians are running a race to win (1 Corinthians 9:24). That’s also true of marriage. While it’s not always easy when we keep running on course, determined to cross the finish line—marriage gets sweeter.

We enjoy just being with each other. We become increasingly sensitive to the other person’s areas of enjoyment. Our greatest joy, apart from pleasing God, is seeking to please each other. And our commitment has made our love grow stronger!

As we go through life together, we realize more and more that we need each other in order to do what God has called both of us to do. It’s an awesome responsibility and a great challenge to be there completely for each other, but it’s a tremendous opportunity.

For us, everything started with our commitment to God, then our commitment to each other. Out of that, we’ve been able to impact the world with the love of Jesus Christ. And isn’t that what it’s all about?

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We hope that if your loyalty or commitment to one another has been weak up to this point in your marriage that after reading the Robison’s thoughts you are now better prepared and understand how you can make the changes necessary to be “Committed for Life!” We believe they have provided an excellent model for all of us to follow.We pray God’s blessing upon you and your marriage as together we strive to be “Committed for Life!” Our love is with you,

Steve and Cindy Wright

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