Since the beginning of humankind, there have been those who have experienced the pull of the “forbidden”, which they find to be difficult to resist. There are also those who think that they are the exception to the rule —that it either isn’t as “forbidden” as it is thought to be, or they simply don’t think it’s as dangerous as it is proposed.
And that holds no less true in the case of being “bound together” with Unbelievers, as it talks about in 2 Corinthians 6:14-18.
As a marriage ministry, we continually receive letters from those who are grieving because of specific problems they are having with their non-Christian spouse (with the problems being specific to issues that surround their different core value systems and Christian beliefs). The difficulties they describe are enormous and very complicated.
Marriage and raising a family, in itself, is difficult enough. It lends itself to problems because of the dynamic of living together in a fallen and sinful world. But when you put the added pressure on top of it, of living in partnership with someone who comes from an entirely different spiritual reference point, it compounds the problems dramatically.
That’s the reason we want to provide you with several links to some thought-provoking articles which are posted on the Crosswalk.com web site. It is our hope that they will challenge the thinking of those of you who are considering, whether the person you are dating (who isn’t a Believer), could truly be “the one” you should marry.
Please prayerfully read the following articles and consider what God is saying to your heart — especially in light of the verses addressed to the church in 2 Corinthians 6:14-18.
The following are links that will take you to these specific articles:
• IS IT WRONG TO DATE A NON-CHRISTIAN?
• DATING NON-CHRISTIANS: Forbidden Fruits Appeal – Part 1
• DATING NON-CHRISTIANS: Forbidden Fruits Appeal – Part 2
• CHOOSING A PARTNER: Dating for Christians Biblical Guidelines
• HELP! I LIKE A NON-CHRISTIAN GUY.
• I’M ATTRACTED TO A NON-CHRISTIAN GIRL
• MALE/FEMALE IMBALANCE In Church Leaves Women Alone
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(SOUTH AFRICA) Why do people always like to question the level of Christianity when it comes to dating and in marriage? If you are dating someone who proclaimed to be a Christian, no one wants to know how he behaves but as soon as you become involved with someone who is not a Christian, it becomes a problem.
I believe we all deserve a chance. Maybe what that person wants is for me to show him the light due to the way I behave that he may be converted. I believe if I won that soul, the angels from heaven might rejoice. Rather than preaching about don’t be yoked with the unbelievers, it would be good to teach us young ones that what do you do when you are in that situation where you are bound with someone who is not of the same faith as you.
I think that we can recite lots of scriptures about that but it will not be solving the problem. Why can’t we talk about more of what affects us if we are in that situation. I think sometimes it’s great if we talk about reality. I would appreciate more topics helping young ones, that if it happens where you fall in love with the unbeliever, what do you do so that you yourself won’t be swept away by the World. I would like to see topics like how to convert that person from where he/she is to be in the presence of the Almighty.
(USA) Hi Tshilidzi, You make some good points in what you are questioning. You’re right in saying that people don’t seem to look at who they date… and they should — whether they say they are a Christian or not. We’re warned in the Bible about those who come to us looking as “angels of light” and yet they aren’t from God. We’re also told in the Bible that some people and religious leaders will say they are “clean” when they are actually “unclean” spiritually.
And there will be some who even do miracles and claim to be of God, and yet on judgment day they will be dismissed by Christ as He says, “Go away, I never knew you.” So you are right about being careful of those we date — whether they say they are a Christian or not. Looks and words can be deceptive.
And frankly, even some Christians shouldn’t date each other. They may not be the best for one another or may have other ways that they are unequally yoked which would make them a bad match for marrying.
You are also right when you say “we all deserve a chance.” The Bible tells us that God doesn’t want “any to perish” so He wants everyone to be given a chance. But there’s a difference between sharing your faith with someone and “giving them a chance” and dating them. God also knows how even the wisest of people can throw aside their faith and beliefs when love and lust come into the picture. King Solomon is a good example of that. And King David, called “a man after God’s own heart” was another example — two of MANY!
Over and over and over and over again we hear from men and women who say the words, “I/we never meant for this to happen.” They never MEANT to fall in love with someone they shouldn’t love and yet they did. And when they did, they threw their good values and integrity away from them and did what they later realized is absolutely wrong. But they do it for “love” — not love for God… but love for another human being.
And those who don’t throw God’s values away suffer immensely as they part from the person they fell in love with!!! It’s a higher price than they ever imagined they’d have to pay. And it’s heartbreaking.
It is the very, very rare person who can do what is termed as “missionary dating” and will be used of God to lead them to Christ. It almost always leads to a disaster from what we’ve witnessed.
When you are dealing with dating and the chemistry that goes on between two people, you aren’t dealing with a predictable ending. It’s not like putting bread in a toaster and out pops toast (because of scientific and mechanical and electrical principles involved). We’re talking about a very complex and complicated and potentially messy set of circumstances.
I believe that is why God warns us in 2 Corinthians 6 (plus other places in the Bible) to stay out of those kinds of potential “yoking.” It’s God saying this… not us. If God didn’t say it and we saw that dating non-Christians (and some “Christians” as well) was beneficial for their spiritual outcome, we’d be all for it and would reach out and do what you ask. But if God says it… we’re going to do what He says.
Also… this isn’t a dating web site. We believe that God is telling us to minister to those who are married or are planning to marry. If we go into the dating subject much beyond that on this web site, there is no way we could keep up with all of the mail and comments and other responsibilities of this ministry. It would expand this ministry in multiplied ways.
Hopefully you can find other web sites to address the subject of dating non-Christians and also helping them to “convert that person from where he/she is to be in the presence of the Almighty.” We can only do so much.
But I hope my answer at least helps in some way (as well as reading the articles we have posted above because we provide them to do just that). I love your heart and your motive. But I think it’s more complicated than just coming up with some magic formulas to bring people to Christ. If that’s all it takes… we’d be the first ones in line to obtain them and post them on this web site!
(INDIA) There is no religion which teaches you to hate others… to harm others… or kill others. The foundation of all relationships including marriage is love. If love is present… Christian or non Christian… the marriage will be a success. If love is absent, marriage becomes a compromise… not even the holiest of Christians can salvage!!
The Lord wants you to be happy… don’t feel guilty about it and try to seek refuge in the scriptures. It’s ok… look at it the other way… you are sharing the scriptures with someone who doesn’t know Christ, not just through words but actions! I think people greatly confuse humanity with religion.