Well, Christmas will be here in a few weeks, are you feeling stressed out yet? Here in our home, we’ve been trying to de-stress things as much as possible. We’ve learned to cut out a lot of things and events that brought more tension than they were worth and so it’s helped a lot.

Somehow it seems to defeat the purpose of celebrating the birth of the Prince of Peace if we crowd this great event with things that causes us so much stress and tension. It just doesn’t seem like it honors who Christ is, and why He came to earth in the first place, and what He wants to accomplish in our lives.

So we’ve been working on trying to line our lives up with what we say we believe. If we SAY we believe it, then we need to live our lives accordingly.

With that in mind we’d like to share parts of an article that appeared in Marriage Partnership Magazine several years ago. It’s titled: Peace on Earth—and at Your House, Too …How to beat the stress of the season, by James and Heather Sells and can be found it it’s entirety at: http://www.christianitytoday.com/mp/8m4/8m4061.html. Here’s what James and Heather wrote:

It’s supposed to be “the most wonderful time of the year,” but the strain of the four-week Advent season can test even the strongest of marriages. You’ll go to extreme lengths to make meaningful memories for your kids. You’ll try to blend three family traditions (hers, his and ours). Possibly you’ll travel hundreds of miles to visit loved ones.

You’ll write, rewrite and distribute a Christmas letter (bonus point if you include hand-written notes), spend hours shopping for presents (bonus point for time-consuming homemade gifts) and attend the obligatory office parties, neighborhood get-togethers, church socials and school programs (triple bonus points if you host a party).

No wonder your idea of peace on earth has shrunk to 30 minutes of quiet—so you can wrap presents. ‘Tis the season to make some changes. You and your mate can exchange these patterns for a saner Christmas. Here’s how to beat the stresses of the holiday season.

1. Say what you expect. As holiday tensions increase, so do conflicts. As you get more tired, the more you expect your spouse to pick up the slack. When these unfair expectations don’t get met, you both feel resentful. So expectations should be stated, collaborated and related. “Stating” means discussing roles and responsibilities for each person. “Collaborating” is working together to resolve differences. “Relating” is honoring your relationship in all your actions.

Tell your mate why it’s important that you stay up ’til the wee hours baking cookies and writing personal notes on Christmas cards. Make specific plans for decorations—big trees vs. little tree, who will put up outdoor lights, which rooms you’ll decorate indoors.

2. Put your marriage and family first. It’s hard to take care of each other when you’re worried about disappointing loved ones. But if both sets of grandparents plan simultaneous celebrations, someone’s got to be disappointed. Don’t sacrifice your spouse’s needs. Decide together what you want to happen in December. Maybe you should say no to your uncle’s annual trip so you can skate with your own kids.

3. Share the load. Holiday preparations tend to fall on one person’s shoulders—which isn’t good for either spouse. The one with the heavy workload feels resentful; the other partner feels useless and disconnected.

Seek a balance of duties and agree on priorities before the rush begins. To create a balance, let some duties go and mix up other chores. Last Christmas when I was pregnant, Jim bought stocking stuffers for his family’s Christmas celebration—a job I normally handle. We’re still laughing over the funny gifts he chose!

4. Listen to your spouse’s dream. Heather tells me that what she really wants for Christmas is some quiet family evenings. So we set aside the nights.

5. Honor each other’s family traditions. Maybe you dislike your spouse’s family’s favorite Christmas snack. Maybe your family gives lots of presents, and your spouse’s gives just a few. Talk about the differences and respect each other’s celebration styles.

6. Lighten the calendar. Make pre—Christmas, Christmas and post—Christmas plans. Have get—togethers in November and January, and then commit December to major events.

7. Respect your budget. If Heather splurges on a gift for her sister then I feel “justified” to splurge on a gift for my dad. It’s easy to find ourselves extended beyond our budget. Especially when money is tight, it’s not fair to overspend and then expect your spouse to support your purchases. Plan ahead so you have time to find “perfect” gifts within your limits.

8. Set a date night in December. Too many “must-do” events leave no time for you as a couple. So plan a night out—or “in” after the kids are asleep. If you can’t schedule one, then maybe you’re over-committed.

9. Keep in mind the best gift you can give. A loving relationship is the best gift. So make decisions that nurture your marriage and reduce tension. What’s the gift we want most? A marriage that reflects the beauty and sacrifice of God’s gift to humankind.

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We pray this is a blessing to you. As with every article you read, glean through and use what applies to your marriage. If it doesn’t work for you, don’t use it. But most importantly, pray about how you can make this Christmas one where there is less stress than you may have experienced otherwise.

The Bible says in Romans 12:18, “If it is possible, as far as it be within you, be at peace with everyone.” There are some circumstances out of your control. But “if it is possible” it’s something that’s worth putting your efforts into making that your goal.

And lastly, if you live in the United States, you might consider in your gift giving opportunities to purchase a year’s subscription to Marriage Partnership Magazine for a couple you know (or maybe for your own marriage) to invest in helping a marriage become the best it can be. You can visit their web site at www.marriagepartnership.com for the details you’ll need. Tell this couple that every time they receive this magazine, consider it a “hug for their marriage.”

Our love and prayers are with you,
Cindy and Steve Wright

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