As for “advice” — it’s difficult to give too much of this because every person goes through the grieving process differently. What works for one person, and one couple, may not work for you. I encourage you to keep seeking the help you need.

But there are a couple of things that seem pretty universal in grieving. And one of them is to allow yourselves the grace to grieve in your own ways without judgement from either of you. Some people grieve quieter and others are more vocal. Some are private and others aren’t. Some “seem” to get through this a bit (or a lot) “faster” than others, etc… Please, I encourage you to each give each other the grace and space that is needed to deal with this in the way you need to do, without judgement from the other spouse.

Make a pact to honor your child, not to allow this to destroy your relationship. It’s important to be intentional in this aspect of your married life. If you aren’t, the enemy of our faith will use it to pry open the cracks to divide you further and further apart. There is a difference between giving “grace and space” and ignoring and distancing yourselves apart over the long run and forgetting that you are to be marriage PARTNERS and not adversaries.

The additional links to the articles and to Babygrief.com will help you with some of the specifics that you may need to do, to weather this very debilitating storm that is railing against your married life. There is also a ministry you can find at Griefnet.org that you might find helpful, as well as one at Bethany.org and Hannah.org and Missinggrace.org (each of these give support to couples facing infertility and pregnancy loss). Please love this child enough to continue to look for ways to express love to each other. You can’t honor the memory and dreams of your child more than that.

This child will always be in your heart and memory. Time will not erase that. But prayerfully, as a marital team who determines to do all you can to help each other, the sting will gradually lessen and you will have those memories and heart-tugs together, rather than apart. May the “God of all comfort” enfold you with His love and bring you comfort as you work through your grief! I am praying for you, and care.

It’s terrible to suffer loss like this, but to allow it to distance you and your marriage partner, makes things even more difficult. We stand behind both of you in prayer that God will bring your smile back and that you will experience God’s love and comfort through the pain and loss.

“I pray that out of His glorious riches He may strengthen you with power through His Spirit in your inner being” (Ephesians 3:16).

The main thing that keeps me going and supporting me is my great love for God. I count the blessing and pray for him to continue to guide me to the right path and bring love to my husband’s heart for me. Having a miscarriage shouldn’t be the end of a marriage. I know deep inside that my husband loves me and our children.

Right now your wife may tell you that there are other issues involved as well, and that may well be true, but this would be a good place to start to discuss issues that are separating the both of you. You have two children and a history together where you share pain as well as laughter (even though the laughter was more in the past), that beg you to keep trying to bridge your differences.

It’s difficult for women to understand the different approach that (most) men take when tragedy hits. As a result, women think the men are less sensitive than they feel they can cope living with. I know… I’ve been there and have been caught up in that confusion myself. Many, many women are trapped in that maze as well. But if we can just work with our differences rather than try to make each other like our own gender, it’s amazing how our differences can actually work FOR our relationship, rather than against it.

After reading these articles, it would be good for both of you to visit the “Gender Differences” section of this web site and read what is available. It may help you to build more bridges in the future as you work to make your marriage the best it can be. I pray your wife will be open to doing this.

It would be horrible to take the memory of these precious babies, and allow your partnership to split apart. How much better it would be to take the memory of these children, and honor them by holding them in your hearts together, and grow closer with your shared history and the love you have for your other children. They don’t deserve to be victims of this tragedy. They are the silent victims that need to be considered and loved as well. I pray the Lord will guide you both and bring you hope and help.

She was in so much pain (after losing the twins), and so was I; I was dying inside. I didn’t know how to help her. And to top it off my sister came to visit a few weeks after our kids, Brianna Mae and Brody Mason were taken from us. After a while she stopped crying. I did too. We never talked about it.

It’s been 4 years and just this weekend we split up, I’m living with my mom. We have a lot of problems, but the only one we can’t solve is this one. I acted like a man, to be strong for my wife and our older son (now 11). It seems this was my undoing. She can’t forgive me for not crying enough then, and it’s destroying our family now.

Who knows the outcome of all of this if you had done things any differently? You may surmise, but the fact is that you did what you did with the information you had at the time. We can always look back and think, “If I had just done this instead of that… things might have been different.” But we aren’t given that insight ahead of time. All we can do is ask God to help us to learn from the past and go forward the best way we can in the future with this knowledge at hand.

I hope you will embrace and lean into God’s grace and healing. Please know that you are being prayed for and are loved by many — especially God.

Human as we are, you have the right to feel what you feel right now. It’s a process. God loves you and His great plans surpasses our human understanding. In time, He will reveal His glory to you through this pain….

The thought of having more children does not erase how crazy it was to see my dead child after carrying her for 5 months. I cry randomly. I have to face co-workers who visibly saw I was pregnant and tomorrow I go to work with an empty womb. I walked around as a living tomb for two weeks as I decided what to do.

I am also angry at my doctor who told several lies, was neglectful in my care and yelled at me the day I was to be induced to the point where I was in tears. My husband came to the hospital and told me to take the IV out of my arm. I was already cramping, so I walked the streets in pain until I made it to an emergency room at another hospital. I wish I had words of encouragement for someone else- I usually do. But for now, i just need to vent, or maybe it’s just grieving.

The pain of waiting on God and watching him bless other people who got married after me gets to me. So many times I have questioned myself, why me? Did I do something wrong? What should I do? Is God hearing me when I pray? I feel alone. The loneliness just gets to me.

Maybe there are other women like me out there with testimonies of how in the midst of this pain, they have had their miracle babies or have found comfort somehow in dealing with their situation. It would be nice to hear and share so that I also can continue to keep hope alive. Tatenda 27