“How can a Christian who is married, deal graciously with siblings and sibling in laws, who are causing problems in their marriage?” That is the question we’d like to pose to you.
We receive quite a few letters each year from those who are married who are running into difficulties in dealing with sibling in laws, and sisters and brothers. Sometimes these siblings are too vocal or mean-spirited in what they say and do. They can be vindictive in how they act towards the spouse of their sibling and cause trouble.
Others stay to visit too long so the spouse feels imposed upon and worn out.
Other siblings expect financial support from their older male sibling and expect him to physically help them repeatedly at the sacrifice of his own family.
There are various situations that can come in to play. But in each case the one spouse is “at odds” with the other spouse because of the bond that siblings have had with each other through the years.
To help you with this issue, we found a few online articles that may give you some insight. We encourage you to pray and glean through the information — applying what you can use and disregarding the rest. Please click onto the links provided below to read:
• IN LAW CONFLICT: He Said … She Said
• SURVIVING THE HOLIDAYS WITH FAMILY
However, we want to know what wise and godly (Biblically-based) advice you would give to those who are dealing with sibling in laws and/or extended family who are causing problems in their marriage? (Please scroll to the bottom of the page to leave your advice or comments.)
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(CANADA) I have gone through hell with my inlaws since I got married. First I lived with my mother inlaw for a year then she left and now my brother in law came to live with us for good. He’s always depended on my hubby since childhood so he doesn’t seem to want to move out. Yet he has two jobs and is 36 years old. My husband doesn’t see all this. He thinks I am bad.
(CANADA) I’m dealing with all my siblings in law. My husband has 4 siblings and three of them haved lived with us very shortly after we got married. In our 7 years of marriage, it has been only 6 months where we were really able to live by ourselves. Most of all, we have supported the school, fares, food, allowance, etc. I thought, we’re over it but then, my other sister in law who has a 2 month old baby will be moving with us next week. She doesn’t have anyone to go to so we agreed but whenever I’ll hear her baby cry so loudly, I change my mind.
I have two small boys and the reason we’re not having another one is that I can’t stand a baby crying all the time. She has a working visa here in Canada and I’m afraid that by the time she gets her husband, then they will live with us as well. Can you help me? I do not understand myself anymore… I know I need to help her but I’m already tired of helping all my husband’s relatives. By the way, to add to it, we also send money to his parents every once in a while and his cousins will ask him for money and he will not say no.
(KENYA-MEXICO) Thanks for the insight. It takes a lot of courage and grace from God to stay peacefully with extended families, especially when the devil deals with some in the way of being lazy, not having future plans and being dependents. Especially now with economic crisis. We should learn to raise our children differently, with a mind of responsibility and self reliance to reduce the dependency syndrome in Africa. It is killing us and we can’t put our monies to good use-shares, invest in business, housing etc. I believe God is happy when we get organized too.
Pray a lot. Be blessed.
(UNITED STATES) I have been married for one year, and its been a very trying year because of the fact that we live directly across the street from my HUSBAND’s brother. I truly feel that the Lord has a plan, but for the first five months of my marriage my husband’s family was over everyday. When I got off of work they were at OUR house, on weekends they came over. I have nothing against his family, but the lack of boundaries and the way in which my husband feels guilty for our blessings is what has caused so much resentment in my heart towards his family as a whole.
His brother has three young children, but rarely if ever spends time with them. Yet, he always has time to come over and be about our life. After many arguments about the frequency of his family being at our house, just last month, my husband and I had a conversation about the events that transpired over the past year. I was able to tell him that I was thinking about throwing in the towel on our marriage. The difference this time is that it was a conversation, that did not lead into an argument. I still struggle with the fact that his brother lives too close for comfort, but God has worked on both my husband and I. I continue to pray about the situation because we still cannot sell the house for another two years. But I continue to pray that my husband realizes the distruction his family has caused and continues to cause in our marriage. Sometimes those closest to you can be the most toxic.
I am fortunate that my parents have continued to help guide us and also show us what it means to have a happy and healthy marriage. I continue to pray for my husbands family as well, that they find happiness with their own lives so they don’t feel the need to always be in ours. The hard part is breaking this cycle of dependency that keeps them where they are in life. I have read the comments left by others struggling with sibling in-laws, and all i can say is to pray for the Lord’s guidance. Life truly is on his time, my husband was ready to listen with an open heart and I still believe that was Gods’ work.