“It’s been proven through history that wimmin’s a mystery” (Popeye the Sailor).

We thought it would be good to start this week’s Marriage Message with a quote from one of history’s best known “experts” on women. Men quite often joke about the fact that they will never understand women. And as true as that may be, you have to admit that men aren’t easy to figure out either.

I (Steve) know that even after almost 32 years of marriage Cindy still has a hard time decoding some of the things I say. And I certainly still have problems decoding some of what she says (or hints).

With that in mind, we’d share a few examples of our (Men’s and Women’s) different Language Patterns. While some of them may make you smile, they are, nonetheless, still true. We’ve learned from them and hope they’ll help improve your understanding and communication as well.

MALE LANGUAGE PATTERNS

• When I say, “I can’t find it,” I REALLY mean: “It didn’t fall into my outstretched hands, so I’m completely clueless.”

• When I say, “It’s a guy thing,” it REALLY means: “There is no rational thought pattern connected with it, and you have no chance at all of making it logical so just accept it.”

• “Can I help with dinner?” REALLY means: “Why isn’t dinner already on the table?” (I’m going to get in trouble for that one in days to come, but she caught me at a moment of complete honesty.)

• If I say, “It would take too long to explain,” I REALLY mean: “I have no idea how it works.”

• Exercise has been a big topic recently, so I’ll likely say soon, “I’m getting more exercise lately.” However, that will likely be more accurate if interpreted: “The batteries in the remote are dead.”

• When I so something and I say “what do you think?” I REALLY mean: “I’m fishing for a compliment and I expect nothing other than that!”

WOMEN LANGUAGE PATTERNS

• When I say, “Nothing” when you ask me” what’s wrong?” what I REALLY mean is: “A LOT… and if you really love me you’ll keep trying to get the answer out of me—no matter how much I resist.”

• When a woman says, “The kids are driving me crazy!” what she’s really saying is: “Could you please give me a long (non-sexual) hug and tell me that you’ll take care of the kids for a while? And then tell me to go off somewhere away from the kids (even if it’s in another room in the house) just to relax.”

• When I say, “Could you go with me to…” what I’m REALLY saying is: “I really, really, REALLY want you to go with me to that location.” And if you say “Sure!” with eagerness you’ve given me a “love gift” more than you’ll ever comprehend.

• When I say, “The yard’s a mess…” I REALLY mean: “Please clean it without my having to ask you directly. I’ll be thrilled if you do.”

• When a woman indicates to you at any time in your marriage that she loves it when you bring her flowers what she’s REALLY saying is: “Surprise me… don’t make me ask for them… love me enough—be spontaneous enough to bring me home flowers (even a single flower) periodically.

(Even if you need to pencil in secret reminders in your day-planner throughout the year to do this—TRUST ME. The time you spend doing this will reap MUCH bigger rewards than you can ever imagine!

• When I say, “Could you ask that person over there about…” what I’m REALLY saying is: “Go over there and ask that person about that so I don’t have to. It’s really important for you to do that for me.”

• When I say, “Could we stop for ice cream?” what I’m REALLY saying is: “I want (and/or need ice cream right now—please take us to get some and you have some too!”

Practical Advice for Both Males AND Females:

“Don’t hint, sigh, or pout when you want something done! Usually our spouse DOESN’T have a clue about what we want! Be a dispenser of grace and give them the benefit of the doubt—and just ASK!”

Solomon also offers some great advice in Proverbs (that he probably learned the hard way) about understanding and communication. Here are a few that I’ve (Steve) gleaned in my study of Proverbs:

• Discretion will protect you, and understanding will guard you (2:11).

• Though it cost all you have, get understanding (4:7).

• Put away perversity from your mouth; keep corrupt talk far from your lips (4:24).

• When words are many, sin is not absent, but he who holds his tongue is wise (10:19).

• He who guards his lips guards his life, but he who speaks rashly will come to ruin (13:3).

• A gentle answer turns away wrath, but a harsh word stirs up anger (15:1).

• Starting a quarrel is like breaching a dam; so drop the matter before a dispute breaks out (17:14).

• A man of knowledge uses words with restraint, and a man of understanding is even-tempered. Even a fool is thought wise if he keeps silent, and discerning if he holds his tongue (17:27-28).

• A fool finds no pleasure in understanding but delights in airing his own opinions (18:2).

• He who cherishes understanding prospers (19:8).

• It is to a man’s honor to avoid strife, but every fool is quick to quarrel (20:3).

• He who guards his mouth and his tongue keeps himself from calamity (21:23).

• A fool gives full vent to his anger, but a wise man keeps himself under control (29:11).

We pray this information will help you live with each other in respectful, considerate, Christ-honoring ways “regarding each other as more important than yourself.”

Steve and Cindy Wright

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