Sometimes I ask myself what is more important my happiness or making others happy and sacrificing mine- isn’t that an example of Jesus? This of course is if you are not suffering. Maybe you have changed a bit since this letter or maybe not. I just pray you will have peace and follow Gods word. He will either make it work or give you a way out but we have to be connected to Him. Peace to you sister.

At the wedding I was going through the motions and the next day I cried. I always go back in my mind and think if I broke it off would I be happier? I know that is not a healthy way to think. I am just waiting on the Lord. If He wants me to stay I will. I don’t see how He would want me to leave a woman and child (hers) in need just for my happiness.

Life still goes on but sometimes I feel I’m living a lie. I just hope and pray for a revelation. I shared with my wife my unsurety and it hurts her but she knows i love her-just not the way I really want to love my wife -I want to with all my heart.

I pray everyday for forgiveness and grace because I feel I have not been honest with myself and with my husband. I wish I had never married him. I love him but now realize I am not in love with him. It became painfully clear that even though we both have the same values and believe in God deeply, we are so different in other areas. I now know that if I want the quality of life I desire, it’s going to be soley up to me and this is burdensome. I feel my life is over and I’m beginning to feel dying is the only way out. I don’t know what to do. I don’t see a way out.

But I believe it takes two to make it work. Even so, I have been reading Gary Smalley’s books and they have helped me open my heart to my husband, even though he has not opened up to me b/c of past hurts and things I think that he is projecting onto me. But at least I know that I am doing my part and being what God called me to be in this marriage, and if he is not pleased to stay with me, then I will have to let him go.

But to make your husband responsible for making YOU happy is to place a lot of expectation on the marriage and therefore, disappointment. Start reflecting on the good things about each other – even the things that challenge your thinking.

I remember when I first started dating my now husband, I was very judgmental. His way of thinking really challenged some of my ways for the better. He has made me grow in areas that I hadn’t planned on growing. But nonetheless I am a better person for being stretched. I think it is when one refuses to grow, redevelop, communicate, and give in a marriage, that conflict, unmet expectations, blame, and confusion, and frustration enters the marriage.

I remember for the longest time thinking that marriage was 50/50. But I read somewhere that marriage 100/100. Give 100% to your marriage with God’s direction and use God’s love through you towards your mate and I believe that real love will grow between the two of you. Remember that Christ said, how can you say you love God, who you have not seen and hate your brother – your husband. Love is a Decision (also a book by Gary Smalley).

Not many people are satisfied by their lives- full satisfaction only comes from a good relationship with God who gives us contentment, hope for the future, appreciation and unconditional love for people around us. The “happily ever after” movies and soaps that we watch are not a true representation of the challenges and day to day hardships faced by patient and God-fearing people.

As for me I’ve decided to separate myself from some of these thing because they mess with my head and make me have unrealistic expectations of life in general. Generally relationships seem boring or stagnant with time because we imagine better things that we think should have happened to us. This is a recurring feeling even if you win the lottery today.

I believe you fell in love with your husband and actually married him for the right reasons. The inevitable realities of life obscure the good judgment you made 4 years ago. Please don’t be deceived. The Bible says our battle is not against flesh and blood but the evil spirits that have waged a war against God and want to undermine the sacredness of marriage. Do not worry. We all have marriage problems but it’s good to hang in there and reap the fruits of patience, long-suffering and faithfulness.

There’s no doubt, if you decide to find someone else, you will probably find a different set of worse problems. I suggest you ask God to help you focus on your current life. You will come out a better person and be able to give testimony to others about how your prayers and hard work paid off. I believe the things we enjoy and appreciate the most are those we have worked hard & persevered for. Keep the faith.

Please, if anyone has any advice I would love to hear it! I love my husband, but I don’t know if I have ever been “in love” with him. We don’t believe in divorce and I will make it work, but I need to be able to let go of the what-ifs before I can find the joy in my marriage. Yet I am having a terrible time letting go.

So, of course when I started to see the reality… it was harsh for me and I felt deceived. I wanted someone more spiritual than me… someone who could teach me spiritually… and it seems like it has been the other way around. But, as I continue to reflect, I see how God is working it for my good. I am growing closer and closer to God with each day. And I know in the end, my husband and I will have a awesome testimony that we will be able to share with others!!! God Bless.

I do not love my husband and am not in love with. I have never been in love with him. I thought I could learn to love him but that is proving so very difficult. We’re both believers and so I am hoping GOD will one day change our mourning to dancing. We will likely not be having children which is a pity since we both want some but we don’t want to be bringing them in our poisoned atmosphere.

This article reminds me that GOD who made creation out of nothing, can make something of this marriage.

I so understand the term "divorced marrieds", It’s what my husband wants to work towards and I naturally disagree. To me, either we make this work or we get out entirely. I do not see how GOD could be pleased with us living a lie. In any case, I just wanted to say thank you for writing and publishing this article. I felt like we were the only ones in our particular situation of a loveless marriage (he loves a little, I love less) right at the onset, but I see that we’re not and that gives me hope. Thank you again!