Also how do I deal with a "threesome" marriage? My husband has a 12-year-old female Rottweiler dog who was his "first wife" before me coming along three years ago. I blame the dog for a lot of our problems. The dog needs so much attention that she is ruling our lives. My husband didn’t train the dog or want to train the dog. He thinks "loving" the dog is the way, he doesn’t care that it is a dog and not a person. Thank you. Joy

My sympathies are with you. I remember the first tough stage that my husband and i went through and it was very difficult (most of them are). I wondered, “Who IS this man that I married?” Because he sure didn’t act like that before we married, or if he did, I didn’t pay much attention.

It’s amazing how much grace we give each other before we marry and how much things can bother us afterward. I have to agree that what you say your husband said was anything but charming or tactful, and it showed an insensitive side. But I pray that you two will eventually work this kind of thing out.

We just featured this subject in a recent Marriage Message, which is #15 “Weathering Stages of Marriage.” You may want to read it and also go into the “Marriage Stages” section to read more. Plus, the “Newlywed” section could help you also. As you read, pray that you would be sensitive to anything that YOU might be doing that are insensitive as well. In every marriage there are two-way streets where the husband has a list of complaints (albeit, different ones from his perspective) and the wife has a list.

The point is to work through the stages with as little damage as possible. The “Gender Differences” section is a good one to read as well because you’ll find yourself totally flummoxed at times because of the built-in differences as well as the ones that are common to man (and woman). But recognizing them helps to ease the pain a bit and makes it a bit easier to come up with compromises.

It also sounds like you both have a lot of adjusting to do to living with your different personalities and differences. Plus it also sounds like you both need to put some boundaries in place as far as the opposite sex. We have a lot of articles you might want to read on that so that eventually you can find a time to talk to your husband about it.

The rule we have found helps our marriage is that if one of us has a problem with something, we both do. Because it then is a marriage problem. And we need to take it serious (and not dismiss the importance it is to the other person). It’s a way of honoring the other person even if we think they’re making too big of a deal about it. It’s called giving the other person GRACE. When you take something that is important to our partner into serious consideration and make behavior adjustments– even when you don’t agree, and you find a way to “ease their mind” about it, it’s a type of a love gift that you give to them. God gives us grace, and we should give grace to each other as well.

I pray you guys will find ways to get through the adjustments you need to make, but work to be respectful when you work through them. Don’t throw respectful behavior out the window. If you do, it will cause corrosion in your relationship.

I hope this helps in some way, Joy. Keep persevering and find ways to bless each other in the midst of the adjusting. It will go a long way in helping your marriage to grow in the right direction.

He is a morning person even though he says he is not. But he is ready to "go,go,go" in the morning while I need to slowly get myself together. He listens, but it doesn’t matter to him. We are only married for six months and I already can’t stand my marriage. He changed after we are married. He used to be more sensitive when we were poor.

I feel that he is more confident now at work and takes me for granted at home because he is able to support us. He is a good material provider now. If I told him that I want him to honor my wish like staying away from vulnerable girls who are looking up to him, he fights with me and told me that I am too insecure.

I’ve said some bad things to him when he gets on my nerves that he told me that he always remembers them, and they can really haunt him too. When one wants to communicate, the other wants to fight. A lot of egos. Help!!