The following article is written to women who are dealing with their husbands who have left them, but the same principles can also apply to men who are dealing with their wives who have left. We encourage you to pray, glean, and see what God could be saying to your heart:
“They that wait upon the LORD shall renew their strength;
they shall mount up with wings as eagles” (Isaiah 40:31 KJV).
Because your emotions are so turbulent, you may think no happy answer to your situation is possible. Your thoughts may run the gamut from a fairy-tale ending to the worst possible outcome. When you find yourself in this state for very long,you may be tempted to do whatever will give a clean resolution. You may want closure, even if that means doing what you really don’t want to do. But making rash decisions may be something you will woefully regret later. Time may be your friend, if you let it.
When this disaster first swooped down upon me, my friend Toni Jo said something that shocked me at first. I didn’t want to hear it.
“Don’t be in a hurry,” she said. “Give him as much time as he needs. He’s confused and needs to figure himself out. Tell him to take a year if he needs to figure out what he wants.”
“A year!” I exclaimed. “A year?”
“What’s a year in a whole lifetime?” she asked. “If it takes a year for him to figure things out, and then you have thirty more happy years together after that, wouldn’t it be worth it?”
As it turned out, it took three years for my husband and me, not one. But yes, it was worth it.
Trusting God includes waiting on him to do whatever he is trying to do during this process. Because God does not force his loving work into our lives, making rash decisions can preclude God from accomplishing new dimensions of spiritual and emotional growth in you and your mate as well as others around you. We need to give God time.
Waiting is extremely hard when each day weighs us down with an eternity of suffering. But time has a way not only of healing but also of giving perspective. What may seem true to your mate today may look different to him tomorrow. Each new encounter between the two of you can set him or you off in a different relational direction, either positive or negative.
Many years of clutter may need to go through the filter before the gemstones of your life together can become clear. If your husband has separated from you, he may be trying not to even think about you now. He may be focusing only on what he can make sense of. And that probably is not you and your relationship. Most likely he is filling his mind with work and other interests that keep him aloof emotionally.
During moments of deep depression, when you really want to give up, pick up your Bible and let God speak to you. Listen to what he says to you at that particular time. He wants to strengthen you, and you need strong wings if you’re going to mount up on the wings like eagles. Wait on the Lord. Remember, he is able to do more than we could ever imagine. But sometimes it requires time.
“Lift your eyes and look to the heavens: Who created all these? He who brings out the starry host one by one, and calls them each by name. Because of his great power and mighty strength, not one of them is missing. Why do you say, O Jacob, and complain, O Israel, ‘My way is hidden from the LORD, my cause is disregarded by my God?’
“Do you not know? Have you not heard? The LORD is the everlasting God, the Creator of the ends of the earth. He will not grow tired or weary, and his understanding no one can fathom. He gives strength to the weary and increases the power of the weak.
“Even youths grow tired and weary, and young men stumble and fall; but those who hope in the LORD will renew their strength. They will soar on wings like eagles; they will run and not grow weary, they will walk and not be faint” (Isaiah 40:26-31).
The above article is written by Linda W. Rooks and comes from the excellent book, “Broken Heart on Hold… Surviving Separation” published by Life Journey. As Linda writes about this book, “Broken Heart on Hold is meant to be a friend to walk beside you through the labyrinths of your confusion and pain. It is not a quick fix or a prescription for how to solve your problems. It is intended to be a daily companion in your crisis. It is not a book to be picked up and read through once and then set on the shelf. Rather, I suggest you read one selection each day and let the devotional thoughts sink into your heart and mind. Mull it over. Chew it up. Then the following day go on to the next.”
You can also visit Linda’s Web site at www.brokenheartonhold.com where she has “individually formatted a number of Bible verses for your strength and encouragement.” As she says, “From my Web site you can download full-color pages of whatever Scripture you choose and post it on your wall, mirror, or refrigerator so you can see it regularly and be encouraged. When our minds are spinning in different directions, being reminded of a Scripture can lead us to a more peaceful and healthy path.” Preview or Buy This Book Now.
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(USA) Hello, I wanted to thank you for this post. It gives a great deal of hope. Last week my wife told me she couldn’t "do this anymore" and that she doesn’t love me anymore because we are constantly fighting. She feels that I don’t love our daughter as much as she does and that she feels tired & exhausted from trying to make me happy and feeling like a failure over and over.
After talking things over, over a couple of days she told me that she does have a small hope that we might reconcile one day but she has no answer for that right now; that it will take time.
I ask any viewers for your prayers for my wife’s broken heart and that she may come back to the Lord and that this family (our 18 month old daughter) continue to be raised in God’s word. Thank you and Lord be with you all, Joshua
(USA) Josh, I just wanted you to know that Cindy and I will be praying for you, your wife, and your marriage. I also want to encourage you to access any resources on our web site that may help you through the healing process. One in particular you may want to look at is called 100 Ways to Love Your Wife Her Way. Please keep us posted on your progress.
(USA) Wow! This is exactly what I needed to lift my spirit this very moment. God is indeed a prayer answering God!
My husband and I are currently separated, and have been for a little over two weeks. I am trusting that God will redirect our steps back to each other, to rekindle that which we lost and rebuild our trust in each other. It is not easy to go through this and I’m not sure I can survive 3 years (if that’s what God wants for us), but I’m willing to fight till the very end.
We made vows to each other and I meant every word. There’s nothing too big for God to handle! Please pray with me! Pray that whatever lesson he’s trying to teach "us" that we will learn it in good faith, and may his name be lifted up in the process.
(USA) I found out on Christmas Day that my husband of 25 years had been having a 6 month affair with a woman at work. He wanted to leave… he believes he loves her and she is his "soul" mate.
Our sons, 17 and 20, didn’t react like he thought they would, so he stayed and we tried counseling. We were going separately and he never would move to the couples counseling because he was certain he knows what he wants. He left and has been gone 3 weeks.
He spoke to our sons yesterday for the first time and he has yet to speak to me. I am at a loss. We have had a Christian home and raised our sons as such and it is like he has broken every rule and expects us all to accept it. His excuse is that he has "been unhappy for 20 years" but he sure didn’t let me or anyone else know of his unhappiness and we have been the picture of the happy home.
I pray almost ceaselessly. I am willing to do anything to save this marriage. I believe in the vows and I believe that God does not intend for anyone to divorce. BUT he apparently does not feel the same way. If it were just sex, I think we would have a chance, but this feeling that he has that he "loves" her… I don’t know if we can overcome.
Please pray for me, my husband, our sons and even for this other woman who is supposed to be a "Christian woman." To top it all off, I stopped working when our oldest was born to be a stay at home mom, so here I am after 20 years of unemployment and approaching 50, looking at having to start a career.
I can honestly say I still love him and I would cross over any mountains necessary to heal our marriage but he has to want to as well. Again, please pray.
(US) You are in my prayers. My heart goes out to you. The point of living is to believe the best has yet to come.
(USA) Thank you for this article. My husband left me 8 weeks ago and has now made up his mind that he is getting a divorce. I have decided to put my faith in God’s word, not his word, and trust that God is working to restore our marriage even when my husband says his mind is made up and I should just accept it.
When we were still just dating many years ago, he broke up with me for four months and during that time I prayed to God every time I thought about it. God showed me that if I would just be in love with HIM more than I was with anyone else, it would make Him so happy. So I fell in love with God and then got to see my husband get saved and eventually marry me!
I know that God is reminding me that He has fixed us before, and he can and will do it again. I am giving my husband all the space and time he needs to "figure out what he wants", but am definitely taking the time to pray that God fixes this before it leads to a divorce!
(USA) My wife of 4 1/2 years left me just over 5 weeks ago. After 4 weeks I asked her if we could both work together on our marriage. Her response was "I don’t feel the same anymore, we have too much damage in our past" (arguing, financial, communication). I asked her we can get help, do you think we can save this? Her response "I don’t think so". So now we are looking at a divorce (I hate that word). I have not given up on her and have been praying hard for Gods intervention. We only talk thru texting as of now, and those are simple goodnights. But I tell you what, God is the only one who can mend us back together. I wish all of you good luck with your marriages. Casey
(USA) The problem with separation is the opening of doors that would otherwise not be accessible. I know, my wife left me mainly over issues with my stepson who was spoiled and difficult to discipline. Resentment developed and she left til he graduates, 3 yrs away. Because she was not clear and reassuring and we both failed to communicate, I determined to go my on way because, I thought it was really over, and was planning to go my on way.
Because we both did not communicate and reassure each other strongly, she very nearly fell into an affair before I decided in my case it was God’s will and her will for me to pursue her. All within merely 1 month. I can’t blame her, because if I had not really sought God and decided to pursue her , I would probably have done the same thing.
We are still apart but have recommitted our love to each other. I decided it was worth it to work within parameters that I did not agree with, and God is blessing both of us for it. We are learning other areas where we both failed. Learning to be careful of justification, and showing our love in ways and opportunities that we allowed to slip through our fingers when we were together. God Bless all your marriages. Also I found out sometimes it really helps to be broken so God can work a miracle in our lives.
(USA) I cheated on my wife with a former co-worker in addition to that my wife also found emails too. She says she has nothing left for me and that somehow she is doing me a favor by setting me free. She had given me one month to leave prior to agreeing to go to counseling but every day and night is brutal. The words are beyond harsh… things said that cut to the core and I choose to hold on because despite my serious lack of character and morals, I am aware that my issue stem from something deeper than just the sin of adultery. I need help.
I believe that despite what my wife says I am not a lost cause. If that were true then why did Jesus die for me? With that said divorce, is not a solution it’s a cop out. People have given up on me all of my life, that I never amount to much. I am no quitter. All have sinned and have fallen short. I am no exception to the rule, but still that is no excuse for the betrayal I caused.
She wants me to give up and something in me says no; she deserves better and I still believe that I am the man who can do that. God brought us together. HE makes no mistake; our marriage is no mistake. I ask that you keep us in prayer and that God will help her and speak to her in this time of difficulty. In addition I also ask that you pray for me that God will help me get to the root of my troubles and deliver me from the spirit of infidelity and everything tied into it. I ask that you pray God would give us both strength through a terrible time and when it said and done we will cling to the Father and remember that beyond and shadow of doubt we know we were meant to be together.
(USA) My husband left yesterday. I am hurt, confused and shocked. I want to fight divorce. It’s so weird to even think this. I love this man –this man with whom I found a spiritual partner and friend. I believe he still loves me. I admit, I have not respected this man whom God gave me. I mean to change that. I have already sought God through His word and the counsel of others.
How I do get my husband to listen to me? He does not want counseling. Should I go myself? Should we take time apart? A goal-oriented separation? He made this decision without me. I am not going to take this lying down.
Please pray. I don’t want to be desperate and I want to give God all the time He needs to work on both of us, all the time clinging to the Rock and not listening to the Enemy’s lies. Please pray for us.