3 comments so far ↓

• 1 Jackie // Dec 23, 2007 at 7:30 pm

  (USA) I’m so glad for the couple mentioned in the testimony ,"The Other Woman". The dynamics of how the husband became entangled in this affair are quite similar to what happened with my husband and a woman at church. Good for this husband, in that he came to his own senses quickly enough, and pulled out of it before it consumed him and destroyed his family.

  My husband had an emotional affair with a woman who was giving him an ego boost, when I was preoccupied with and struggling with our children. Though it has been over a year since I learned of this LONG TERM romance, we are still in recovery mode and trying to get the marriage on better footing. This has rocked the foundation of my trust, and this marriage. It took me YEARS to convince my husband he was betraying his vows. For some reason, because this relationship unfolded in church my husband cleansed what was happening, in his mind. It took a few more years to get him to see additional communication with this woman was nurturing temptation.

  I’m so glad to read this one couple has recovered from such a betrayal. I am also pleased to know they have recommitted to their marriage with a little support from their church.

• 2 Kyra // Jan 30, 2008 at 4:50 pm

  (USA) I found out a year ago that my husband of 18 years was having an emotional affair with a much younger married co-worker. They would e-mail and talk during working hours and then he would even call her from our home on the company cell phone. I am devastated. Just to know that I wasn’t good enough, thin enough, pretty enough has broken my heart into pieces. 21 years ago, I lost my first husband to an accident, leaving me with an 11 month old son. I met and married my current husband and he has been the "dad" my son has ever know. I feel that the death of my first husband was easier to accept than this emotional affair because I knew he died loving me!

  I am struggling so very much with forgiving him. I love him with all my broken heart and he says he wants to make our marriage work and that he loves me. I don’t understand how he can change his feelings so quickly. I don’t believe he is being honest with himself or me about his true feelings. I don’t know anymore. We have gone to marriage counseling and I am going to a private counselor as well. I resent the fact that he had the affair and I’m in counseling! Can someone help me try to move on and forgive him?

• 3 Tina // Mar 21, 2008 at 2:45 pm

  (USA) Kyra, I know exactly how you feel about being angry because he’s the one that had the affair and you’re in counseling. I too, feel the same way about my husband’s emotional affair. Nine months into my marriage I found out that my husband was having an emotional affair with a women 10 years younger than I and that it had been going on for the past three months…three months…that meant that six months into our marriage he made a choice to get emotionally attached to another woman. He spent more time on the phone with her behind my back every single day in that three months than he had with me in the entire nine months of our marriage.

  She too was married but was not getting the attention she needed from her husband. Apparently he was addicted to porn on the internet and their marriage was struggling tremendously. What went wrong, was I not beautiful enough, attentive enough, thin enough, young enough…had I made a mistake? I just didn’t get it! And the truth is I still don’t.

  He assures me that he loves me and that there was nothing wrong with me …that it hadn’t happened not because of anything that I did or didn’t do. Another really big thing that makes me angry is that I find I’m the one apologizing when we argue, but I’m the one that was hurt by him…shouldn’t he be apologizing to me???

  The truth is, men and women don’t see things the same way. My husband felt that when he apologized a year ago, and a time or two since then, that was all I needed. He assures me that his apology was heartfelt and I really believe that it was. But as a woman, what I need is for him to apologize to me again and again and again. He doesn’t see that. He has continued to do everything I have asked of him, to help me through this, and for that I am thankful, but finding a way to communicate the right message at the right time is important.

  In our recovery, I am finding that the things I know in my head and my heart that what I need from him is most likely not what he is perceiving that I need. We are having to make a great effort in our communications to properly share our thoughts and feelings without tearing each other down. That’s a really, really difficult thing to do when you are so hurt and angry, but God can help! I am still not ready to forgive my husband even though I know that is the key to getting through this and healing our marriage. Easier said than done!

  I have to pray constantly that God helps me to be wise in my words and that He helps my husband to really hear what I’m saying. I also pray that God helps me to focus on all the wonderful things my husband brings to our relationship and that He helps me to focus on those things, and not the weakness that my husband showed a year ago. One thing that’s helped me on this walk is knowing that I "can" forgive, because God has forgiven me. He "can" help us find our way to forgiveness. God Bless