However, that is what he said with his lips. I know for a fact the is still in communication with her. And I can not say that at this point their “friendship” is an just emotional one. But through it all I am CONFINDENT in Christ. I know that I have the Truth which is the word of God on my side no matter how he lies to me. I don’t care how he thinks he is getting by but he must come to repentance if he wants the power of God to be active in his life. Satan has a stronghold on him that only God can break.

I love him dearly and he really is a great guy but he needs deliverance. I begin to read a book called Sarced Marriage I love it. Marriage is a tool to make you Holy. So I am going to trust God to help me make the right decisions. Please pray for me and him as I do for you all. Thank you.

This so called friend was totally out of line. No one in the church today knows how to handle things biblically so they do the best they can with “leaning on their own understanding.”

Furthermore, while not condoning the author’s actions –how in the world could his wife expect to continue cutting him off emotionally and sexually and expect any other result? What a crock again!

Frankly the whole article was poorly done and unbiblically resolved. It irritated me. Had I been in the author’s place, the first thing I would have done is let this Alex know that he was an untrustworthy, unfaithful friend. Obviously, being faithful was something he was good at. Maybe his church should look at discipline for his being a gossip.

I have been divorced from my husband for about 8 years and we have two children ages 14 and 12. He was the recipient of my physical affair and I am now the recipient of his emotional affair. I am now understanding the intense pain I put him through not to mention my kids and the rest of the family. We had such a love that our whole family always thought that we would make it to the end and everyone looked up to us. I always thought that we would grow old together, I would have done anything for him. Amazingly, I still feel that way.

Anyway, I was a stay at home mom and he provided for our family. I became bored and upset that he was working all the time. It kept him away from his family for days at a time. I became weak and my self esteem suffered. It wasn’t anything that he did; he always made me feel beautiful, it was my own problem. I had gained a lot of weight after I had my kids, but he likes big women so it wasn’t a problem for him, like I said, it was a problem for me.

So, I lost some weight and joined a martial arts class. He didn’t like that at all. He wanted me to stop martial arts I felt so empowered, so strong and so proud of myself that I could actually do something like that and be good at it! I was devastated that he wanted me to stop. Eventually, in time, there was someone in the class who started paying attention to me and a relationship developed over time. Emails and phone calls started. My husband found out and asked me about it and I confessed but said that we hadn’t slept together. He didn’t believe me and again, I was devastated.

I also wanted him to fight for me as if he couldn’t lose me, but that didn’t happen. He withdrew and I went straight to the other man! Oh, if I knew then what I know now! I never stopped loving my husband but I certainly wasn’t honoring him either. The pain I must have caused him! He’s a good actor though, doesn’t really show it. Doesn’t really talk about it either. I lost my kids too. They live with him but we have joint custody. I miss them all the time. I cry myself to sleep a lot. I cry when I wake up, I cry in the shower, I cry because I cannot believe that I did this to the people I love most in the world. What was I thinking???

I am very touched by the fact that you posted in the first place and how honest you have been. It truly does take a big person to stand up and tell the world how wrong you have been.

Now, I am on the other end. Even after we divorced, we have been in a “relationship”. We don’t live together and we are not married but we act like a couple and we are intimate. We have been “on again-off again” for 8 years. I don’t think he has dated anyone in that time and I dated briefly in the first year we were divorced. I have not dated in 7 years. We go back and forth with each other where we will act like we are married and then we will have spans lasting roughly 6 months where we ignore each other and try to move on.

Recently, he said some things to me that made me believe that we were finally going to get back together. He does that from time to time and I always fall for it! A week after he says these things, I find out he is on a social networking site having an emotional affair with his ex girl friend from high school. It of course started innocently enough but progressed to sexy emails, chatting online and phone calls. She is married herself with three children.

I confronted him and even though he knows how hurt I am and “claims” he is not comfortable with this “relationship” with her and has told me twice he “cut the umbilical cord” he has not done so and I believe he won’t. This passage you wrote hit a cord with me because I told him this very thing:

“Looking back, I am shocked at how quickly it developed. Looking back, I see how blind I was to think that this was really love. Sure there was passion, but that doesn’t translate into love and we didn’t even really know one another at all. Love consists of the ups and downs, the good and bad times, the stresses of work, kids, time spent and problems and sticking it out through them all. Then a soul tie is developed that is not easily broken.”

We have talked and talked about this but he won’t give it up. He then backtracked on his statements about getting back together and how he was willing to make it work. Now, we are right back at the familiar brick wall of “I don’t know, I have to think about it”. I just told him that there could be no relationship with me, if there was one with her and I believe he chose her. So, I have a lot of grief from both ends of the spectrum. I don’t know what to do and don’t know if it is God’s will that we be together or not.

Thank you, thank you, thank you for your post. I hope things are working out for you.

To make a long story short, she called even when on vacation with her husband, and he even left our table on our anniversary to speak with her on the phone. But he insists it was only friendship. The most he has ever said is that he is sorry “it” bothered me, and finally did admit he “became too friendly.” But that is it.

It is a year to the day he gave her roses. My heart hurts as much as it ever did. He has left that job and did promise to have no communication with her. I do not know however, if that is true with emails and cell phones and all… I learned a few months ago she left her husband while my husband is her “best friend.” She is now divorced.

He is pleasant. But when I told him I would like to have roses some day, he threw a fit and said he will leave if I don’t trust him.

I don’t know where I stand, really. I think about the hurt all the time and find it impossibile to enjoy myself at all. When and how can I get over this? Thank you. Tess

I guess one good thing came out of it she is now working things out with her husband. I just don’t understand how men & women can so easily sleep or have an interest in someone who is married. I asked my husband why a married women with a family; he said it was easier because they are less demanding than a single woman. I told him to get out when I thought he was having an emotional affair he agreed to leave, but then told me it was an emotional affair.

So hard as it was I was willing to work it out, until his story just wasn’t panning out. See, he was protecting her and lying to me. So it was like going through it all over again. I did confront her and she tried to lie to me but I told her I knew everything that happened and I was going to call her husband & tell the Pastor, which I did. I think she was very remorseful. But all the lies she told me when I confided in her makes it a challenge to forgive. I know I have to and believe me I work on it daily.

I know I would never do that to another woman, but I’m a sinner too in other ways and God sees sin as sin he doesn’t label it like we do. I wish you well Mae; that pain is terrible. Just know I’m here if you need to talk. Take care.

Well, I have all the evidence I need. I can put something in front of his face and he will not tell the truth. And the spirit is telling me that is his problem he has to deal with God about. Honestly, I believe most of us are guilty of a lie once in a while. It doesn’t make it right. But my husband has lied to me too many times regarding this “friend”. The other night was enough for me. Therefore I am preparing to leave today.

I don’t want a divorce. I love my husband very much and I really hope it does not lead to that. I feel like I have to do something to let him know you can’t just disrespect me with this “friend” and think it is okay. I am keeping my heart open to hear God and will do my best to keep the lines of communication open between he and I but I have to be clear with him as long as she is in his life then we can’t be together.

I am trying to brace myself for the painful days ahead. I don’t want to face them but I can’t go on like this. One day and one prayer at a time. Please, please pray for me that God’s will be done in my marriage. And I will the same for all of you.

My husband would also protect his cell phone. But I was too blind at that time to see what was going on. Just found out recently it wasn’t just a buddy kind of friendship. The signs are everywhere. Check his under clothes too. I don’t think this "friendship" can be just a friendship when hes hiding his phone from you, and her calling him pet names. I would log everything, but do get a hold of the phone bill. If your name is also on the account, set up an online account. You will have access to the bill without him knowing.

I am going to try a few more options like a Couples seminar and counseling for myself and ask someone who I know he trusts, and will listen to, to talk to him. If there are no changes well, I feel like I have some very tough decisions to make. I love him, I want a life with him. We were planning to start a family, but how can I build on a foundation that is broken?

Like I said before, other than this he is a wonderful young man and it will hurt me so deeply, but I feel his is not honoring our vows. We both promised to “forsake all others.” Not to the extreme where you can’t talk to the opposite sex, but you know, have respectful boundaries. Respecting your spouse. I will continue to pray for God’s guidance but I am almost at the end of my rope. October will be one year since I confronted him about this “person” and nothing has changed. Really it has gotten worse. Pray for Him and pray for me.

I have asked him to stop talking, texting and end all forms of communication with her. We have had many discussions regarding this person yet she is still in his life. I am tired of this. In every other area of our marriage my husband is great, he is loving,supportive, attentive,thoughtful and kind. But I feel all of that is fake because he will not end or has not ended this relationship which he refers to as “just friends”. He will not go to counseling because he says this is not a problem.

I think it is a very big problem when another woman calls your husband, sweetie, baby, my boo, handsome, tells him she misses him and that she loves him. And has done nothing to stop it. How is it that your spouse, whom you share your time, money, life, body etc with tells you that you are not allowed to go through their cell phone? His favorite line is “you are always looking for stuff” meaning that I looking for things to accuse him of.

I thank God for the positive people that know my situation (few trusted believers) who are helping me pray through this, but I am embarrassed to keep coming to them about the same thing. I have warned my husband via the Word that God is not mocked and he his going to have to give an account for what he is doing and so will she, she knows how I feel about her, yes we have spoken and is supposed to be married. Where is her husband in all of this? I would like to know. I know that God is terrible in his judgment. You don’t want the ones you love to suffer under the hand of God but if that is what it takes for them to come to repentance then what can you do but ask God to have mercy.

Pray for me. My husband continues to lie to me. Every time I think it is over. I find out they are still in communication.

Since my husband has been back home we had to start counseling to try to understand the emotional affair that he had and to explore how to keep things from not going that way again. Our pastor is seeing us on a regular basis and we have also made arrangements to start going to marriage retreats that are available with other churches here. When I told him about Bob and Charlene and how their ministry has helped me reveal some things to myself about me and that everything was not on his back as to why things were not going the way they should in our family, he now wants to meet them.

We never knew that there was such a powerful ministry here and I am always impressed on how they realize that Florida is a popular vacation spot and a place where most people travel and is a perfect place to start a marriage ministry that is just as bold as they are to sponsor billboards for prodigals. So in addition to us hitting the coast, we plan on taking that 2 hour trip to visit their ministry… mainly to meet the man and woman of God that is helping those who are praying and seeking for restoration in their marriages as well as keeping the focus on God who is a healer above all healers. The kids are excited about his return and I am too. Thank you Lord, for hearing me and the kid’s prayers.

You have a story that needs to be told just like Bob from Rejoice Ministries(..I have been with them since my husband left in December) and I am in your situation. I cant even picture myself with another man regardless of what my husband has said or done to me. I know that it is not my husband. I have watched him turn into another man in 2 months. But I have to keep praying for him and for his ministry that it does not suffer because of his decisions with our marriage.

He has told me that he never loved me…not even on the day we married. That has crushed me so much and when I brought that back to him he said that he didn’t remember saying it. Where did i get that, from a little birdie??? I have watched my loving husband abandon me and I can barely make ends meet now. I have watched him let the first house we own go to foreclosure. I am staying with a lady that I don’t even know now, renting a room and my time with her is ending soon and I am praying for where I am going to stay now.

And my husband who is a minister is continuing in being an associate minister at the new church where the both of us were going. He is doing well financially and has his own place. How he did that, I don’t know, because apartment complexes all turned me down because of the foreclosure on our names and the debt because he stopped paying for everything.

My car went back to the dealership. He gave me his truck and said that he would continue payments on it since I could not afford it and I thought that god was starting to work things out until 2 days later he asked me to officially sign divorce papers.

He said he is tired of going through the things that married people go through and a letter that I found that he wrote to God says that this new lady from the church could be his real wife and she doesn’t seem to have a lot of bad things wrong with her.

Thank you for your testimony..you keep praying for your wife..she is so hurting now and you are too…I pray for you Chris..and I really mean that.

For me, I believe God laid it on my heart to pray and stand for His deliverance of my marriage and family since the beginning of this ordeal. I was also led to a website that has been a lifeline for hope (rejoiceministries.org) There are so many testimonies there of restored marriages and the faith of those hurting people who are still waiting for their precious spouses is nothing short of inspirational. I also watched the movie "Fireproof" recently and it touched my heart. I believe God is also showing me what it means to love. Jesus was rejected by many, yet still loved and gave Himself for us all. He keeps no record of wrongs.

I am a believer that marriage is a covenant that cannot be broken. It is permanent. I didn’t believe this while I was having my affair but my eyes were opened. Keep praying for your husband and marriage. God can and does change hearts. He did mine, and He did it quickly and powerfully. I will check out New Life. I hope you will check out Rejoice Ministries. Have a good day. I will keep you and yours in my prayers.

I still don’t know what to do with my marriage. I’ve been going on the New Life Ministries and that’s been very helpful. You should check it out. As far as having any advice goes, I would continue doing what you are already doing… sounds like you’re going to be a great husband when she does come back. What more could a women want? Hope your children are doing ok through this as well.

How’s things going with your husband? As long as you’re willing to try, God can ignite a spark into a flame. I hope day by day that I will become the husband and man our Lord wants me to be. I am hoping and praying God will move in my wife’s heart. I just want one more chance to show her a man who loves his wife and will lay his life down for her. From a woman’s perspective, do you have any pointers to win back the heart of one who was betrayed?

Thanks lessonlearned, your concern lifts my spirits! Good to hear from you again…

It seems like I did everything just right to ruin the marriage. Although, there weren’t a lot of arguments or abuse in the marriage, we had drifted apart as a couple. Looking back, I now see some of the warning signs, as she made a few attempts to try to talk, but I didn’t see it. Then I had my affair, out of the blue. During this time, I told her I didn’t love her and never had. She saw my emails, and they were full of love for one another, and I flew to visit this woman, despite my wife’s warnings.

Afterward, I was planning to move out, when God got a hold of me and my priorities changed. Add to this, my wife had gastric bypass surgery a little over a year ago and lost 10 lbs. and she looks fantastic. She feels like a new person and wants to explore that I guess. So, all these things boiled into a perfect storm, so to speak.

As for divorce, she hasn’t filed yet. I did hear through the grapevine that she has called lawyers to see how much it costs. My situation is hopeless, and only God can intervene, as He did with me, to change this situation.

I will say this. For a man, losing your family takes away your reason for living. Something has died inside of me. I look forward to the weekends with my daughters but it isn’t nearly enough. I long for the day when we can be a family, and I hope that day comes soon.

I want to grow old with my wife. I want to take care of her when she’s not well. I want to hold her when she feels alone and scared. I want to encourage her when she’s discouraged. I want to be home to spend time with my kids each and everyday. I never thought about these things before recently. It was all about me and what I was feeling and I didn’t see the other point of view. I thought I was being loving most of the time. Being right was more important than loving my wife. Too many other things were more important than the most important person in my life.

The truth is, we men don’t know how to love. Most of us try the best we can but fall so short. We can’t give what we don’t have. Rest assured, your husband probably falls into this category. God can change us though. He really got my attention. I wish it would have been sooner and under different circumstances but then again, I wouldn’t have been receptive to it. Love your husband as God would. I believe that’s what He has called us to do. How many times have we rejected Him and forgotten Him, yet He pours out His love to us anyway?

I would recommend renting the movie and watching it together. I pray for your marriage and that it would be strengthened and love will be rekindled. I pray that the both of you will love one another unconditionally and intentionally. I pray that you can forgive one another for past wrongs. I pray that your marriage will be a lamp for your children to see. I pray God will grant the desires of your hearts for one another. I now know why marriage is so close to God’s heart.

My oldest daughter, who is 16, certainly notices the change in me and is bummed out to be around me. My youngest, who is 6, thankfully isn’t old enough to know any better, so she accepts me for who I am. In time, hopefully I will go back to the carefree, happy to be around my family, person I used to be. I’m finding that I need to try to stop focusing on my own despair and being there for others.

I went through your previous posts to see what you’re going through. Like everyone else here, our situations are horrible. We’re all going through the fire and we can’t see the end of the trial. I honestly don’t know what advice to give you. My emotions and thinking are all over the place and I certainly don’t trust them anymore. Any advice I would give would be dangerous for you, especially in something as important as your marriage and family.

What does God tell you to do about this in your heart? If you know deep down, then do that. I think many times he is changing us when we go through trials. Stay in the Word. God has many good promises for us there. What else can we do? Maybe a prayer partner, a real person (of the same sex) who you can share with and pray with. Who knows what God will do with your husband? Maybe even through your example. I am an example of how love for my spouse can change. It happened very quickly and I wish I could spend time with her, and be there for whatever needs she has. I wish my wife would give me another chance, like so many of the women I read about here. Continue to pray. I believe that only God can turn our situations around. Try not to lean on your own understanding of things but trust God that He works all things out for your good.

My Husband said he would fight me on taking the kids out of the school. It’s a very small school. He doesn’t understand why I am having a problem with this. I guess because "nothing happened" with this woman. Before he told me who the woman was, he told me it was sexual and they used protection.

A month later, because I wasn’t speaking to him, he told me who it was. He then told me it was an emotional affair and that nothing happened. He denies ever telling me he had relations with her when I first found out. So what am I to do? Oh, this is not his first affair. The first that I know of happened 2 years ago. I am pretty sure he’s trying to protect her and her reputation at the Church.

My problem is my kids love that school. My husband still goes to the Church and also works there part-time. (He just got a new job today, and will start in a month). But he does a lot of work for the Church. I don’t have a problem with that, I just don’t know how to deal with the other woman. Do I talk to her husband? I really don’t want to do that cause I don’t know if she had an emotional connection with my husband.

I haven’t been to Church since Christmas. I feel like if I did go it would be with negative intentions, which I don’t want. The sinner side of me wants to make myself present there to prove a point. Or make her sweat. I see her all the time when I pick up my kids. We no longer speak. I sense her silence is a form of guilt, or is that what I want to think?

I am disappointed the Pastor has not confronted her about this, to at least clear it up. After all she does conduct business in the Church. It seems as though the Church would rather turn their cheek than lose the money generated through her business, and of course all the work my husband has done for them. Any advice would be much appreciated.