If I were to guess by the little that you’ve written, I would imagine that there’s something in your past that caused you to feel insecure when you state your mind, and/or it also could be that you’re a quieter person by nature. If either or both are the case, it’s understandable that you don’t communicate as openly as your husband does. I don’t know if you have explained this to him, but it might be good to do so. It might help him to better understand your quietness, and yet your love and admiration for him.

My husband told me a number of years ago that he doesn’t feel “smart” enough to debate me on certain issues. I know for a fact that he IS smart enough, but after he told me that, I tried to help him to see that he’s safe to debate me — that it’s not a matter of who “wins” but just an exchange of ideas.

Also, he told me that he recognizes that sometimes he knows something deep inside but he’s not able to get it to come out as “eloquently” as he thinks I can say it, so he feels intimidated. He feels his brain just won’t help the ideas to come out as quickly or smoothly as he feels they need to. I recognize this problem myself because there are times when I’m debating (or arguing) with someone that I don’t feel as eloquent myself so I have a tendency to clam up a bit myself.

All of this has helped me to recognize the importance of giving him more grace in this area of our relationship. He’s a dear, dear person and why should I judge him or take advantage of him just because we’re wired differently? Every once in a while he or God has to remind me to back off my expectations in this area and I do so. After-all, I want grace from him in different areas of our life together!

As for you Debbie, I recommend that you first, talk to your husband about this (after you pray, asking God to reveal more of the “why’s” that could be behind your quietness). Ask for his grace and patience and assure him of your love and also that you’re going to try to stretch yourself in this area of your lives together as much as you can, so you can intentionally learn how to communicate better and close the wide gap that you recognize in your relationship.

And then make sure you put intentionality into doing what you told him you would do. One thing that’s important to do is to make sure that you look him in the eye when he says something. He needs to know that you’re connecting with him, at least mentally. Your body language is important. And don’t just look at him, but nod your head (acknowledging that you’re hearing him), and work on asking a question or two about it… affirming what you believe he’s saying that is true. If you can think of something to add… it will be like giving him gold… just remember that. Just that much will help A LOT.

You may not be good at making “chit-chat” but one thing I’ve found is that we can all improve, even in little ways, if we put intentionality into it. It’s something I’ve learned through the years — especially with children. I was never very good at chit-chating with children, but I’ve put my all into learning. And I’ve found that now it’s MUCH, MUCH easier and I’m more comfortable in this area of conversation than I was years ago.

You might try to study the art of conversation. We have a lot of discussion questions in our “Communication Tools” section that you can use. I also found a web site through the ministry of “Family Matters” that has Dinner Dialogues you can use. You can find it at Dinnerdialogue.com. Tell your husband that you WANT to better connect with him and ask him if he would be open to scheduling some “22 minute dates” with you to volley back and forth a few questions, or just ask one or two questions a few days or nights a week where you both take intentional time together to expand this part of your relationship where both of you connect more.

It will be a lifetime mission for you, but it’s a worthy one. You may never be comfortable gabbing on and on (nor would that be good anyway), but you can improve at least. Also, ask your husband to share with you when he feels disconnected with you in the future — that you might not always recognize it. Tell him it will never be your intention to allow this to happen, but old habits die hard and you need his help. I believe this will help. I pray it does. May God bless you in this mission!

I have always felt that keeping my mouth shut is best for eveybody. I don’t know how to make chit-chat. I never know how to start a conversation or add input to one. I pray daily about this. If anyone has advice I would love to hear. Thanks so much for listening!!!

He has been unemployed for the past 3 years and in previous years he did not work for very long. All the bills are on me! I have to support us and our Daughter (21 at Varsity) and my son 10. I battle each month to pay our bills, keep a roof over our heads and keep food on the table. I am often stressed and in a bad mood. I have been sexually dead and have not enjoyed him touching me in years. I am angry, frustrated and always take it out on him.

Faith comes by hearing the Word of God. I read my Bible and pray every day to saturate myself with his Word to strengethen my faith. Most of the time God gives me what I ask for. I am weary because my sexual problems are slowly breaking my marriage. My husband being unemployed is a catalyst to this. Why won’t God heal me and give us financial relieve? Sometimes I turn to alcohol just to make me dead. Pray for us.

I find myself turning to God to get my behaviors and additudes in check (so I can be a better serving wife). Now in my pregnancy I am face with bed rest and not being able to do a lot around the house or with the kids. And this has brought about a new kind of anger and resentment. My husband prefers me to be quiet (he seems to enjoy me more if I just sit with him and say nothing). If I speak about anything he gets angry and accuses me of picking on him and he constantly reminds me that he is doing everything in the house while I do nothing. I have decided that because my health and ability to walk during this pregnancy is deteriorating that I can only turn to God for my emotional needs. I know that my physical limitations are not my fault (even though I am fearful if I get taken out of work earlier than my maternity leave, he will become more angry and mean, because he did it with our last child).

So I have no place to go but up. I have turned my heart, soul and spirit over to God so that I may get through this situation and still remain a kind submissive wife. I worry for our children because they are getting the brunt of his anger (and if I say anything it only makes it worse for them) so I have to put their well being in God’s hands (he does not hit them or anything he just yells and complains a lot to them). But still, our home is not a fun place to be right now. Thank goodness we have a wonderful church family and great support through our church.

But when I can’t go because of my pregnancy limitations it’s hard because he gets kinda uptight when I want to have my friends over, so most of my church connection is over the phone. And even though sometimes I pray that he would just leave us, I quickly recoil that prayer because I know that even though he is a grumpy unhappy man, he needs us and we need him.

He can be the kindest sweetest person when he is not angry. He goes through these angry seasons often (more often lately) and we just wait for them to blow over and pray that God will bring him and us through it in one piece. I think the hardest thing I face is the lack of love I feel from him. He will rarely touch me or my baby belly, he refuses to have sex with me or any kind of physical contact. That is the hardest thing for me because with my shape changing and always feeling fat, it makes me feel so ugly.

But I am a Godly woman and I don’t need sex to survive and the closeness I am not getting from my husband I am finding in my quiet times with God. I know that if things get worse (and I pray they will not) that God will provide me with the right knowledge and understanding of what I must do. I will not allow for my children to suffer at great lengths with this situation and if it gets worse then I will ask for my husband to remove himself from our home until he can treat us better. Right now with the baby coming and me being on bedrest a lot I don’t have a lot of options. But I do have God and I do have a very big church family so maybe I just need to suck up my pride and actually call on them instead of trying to hide what is really going on with our family.

What I am trying to share with you is that things can and will get bad or worse for you, but no matter what God will be there and in prayer and quiet times he can direct you in the right way to go.

When we get God to take us back and heal these hurts from our past we stop being controlling and can love freely. Marriage problems are a result of two people controlling each other without knowing why they do it because they have never been aware of the root issues controlling them so the devil sits back and laughs at them!

In my studies I have found that over 50% of the time a spouse is not providing sex or intimacy, even a woman who goes through menopause, that they are getting it from somewhere else.

Did you know that your spouse can HATE you for the acts they do against you? I believe they really are hating themself, but revelling in the acts that they do.

You should have a say so. You should be able to hold your spouse. You should be able to share a time every day where sexual relations can take place, even if you have 10 children and 2 jobs.

I am willing to stand by my husband but in the past have told him that I wanted a divorce, but did not really mean it. I said it in anger and after reading all these scriptures I realize I am the FOOL. Now, he’s agreed to the divorce and I don’t know what to do because I really love my husband. I made a promise to God the day we took our vows and I intend to keep that promise through thick and thin for better or for worse. Please pray for me and I will do for you as well.

I do not think God blesses all marriages. Mine is not blessed. It is however, a mistake all of my own making. My husband is not a good man, and I often wonder if he is the way he is because of his childhood. But even if he is, I am no longer willing to be “punished” for things I am not responsible for. May God forgive me, but I have come to despise the man I married and whom I loved with my whole heart and wanted to grow old with.

I do not think God will, or even wants to save ALL marriages. Some were simply not meant to be, and this is one such. The words “I’m Done” have finally been uttered.

My husband has told me that he believed in our wedding vows and yet let the lack of communication ruin our relationship, without my knowledge. I came to learn his feelings and his plan to leave all within the past couple days. I am having a very hard time dealing with it and have pleaded with him that we can fix this… he simply tells me that he doesn’t know if he wants to fix it. I told him we could be happy again, all he has to do is give us a chance. His response is the same over and over “I don’t know if that’s what I want.” It’s like he knows we can be happy together but doesn’t know if that’s what he wants?!

Do you have any thoughts? I totally understand if you don’t get back to me on this, but would greatly appreciate any advice or knowledge you have gained from this situation. Many thanks, Emily

But she’s never loving or caring to me. It’s like she doesn’t care about my feelings at all. She jumps down my throat at the drop of a hat. She constantly runs me down. I can never do anything right, and now I guess I’m feeling like she feels.

I love her but I can’t be treated bad like that for much longer. She never compliments me on anything; it’s always negative, She says I’m insecure, but I’m not. I’m just going on what I see coming from her. Oh well, what will be will be.

One more thing, he doesn’t show any interest in me for sex and he doesn’t show he has any feelings. One more thing, he should ask me for my salary and he says always listen to whatever I say. Please, send the details on how it is possible to do something about this.

In the book I stated earlier she says "Marriages can be saved when you apply Biblical principals by relying on Gods word." This book is awesome and she gives testimony. I prayed this prayer and went on a fast and I have seen God’s power show up and soften my husbands heart. Please get this book.

“Finally, whatever is true, whatever is noble, whatever is right, whatever is pure, whatever is lovely, whatever is admirable — if anything is excellent or praiseworthy — think about such things. Whatever you have learned or received or heard from me, or seen in me — put it into practice. And the God of peace will be with you.”

I’ve applied these principles (when I remember them) in so many distressing situations and have found them to be sound. It takes discipline to look away from that which is ugly when it seems to cry for our attention, but by focusing elsewhere, you are committing your situation to God and are concentrating on that which you CAN do instead of that which you can’t.

“You will keep in perfect peace him whose mind is steadfast, because he trusts in you” (Isaiah 26:3).

i wake up in the morning and I look at my boys and I realise that God is staring me up in the face. I wake up in the morning and I can breath, I can see, I can hear, move and very healthy… me and my kids. I wake up in the morning and still go to work. I go to bed at night (bear in mind that it’s winter in SA). I have shelter, food, clothing, family, you name it. I look at the blue sky and I think to myself… out of many people in the world You my Lord, chose me to live one more day. You my Lord, chose me to mother these children.

At times we go home stressed and sometimes take in out on our children, have you ever noticed that they sometimes cry but forgive you in minutes? Look at your children and you’ll see that God never left. He is there with you every step of the way.

For those of you who don’t have kids, look outside whether it be day or night and ask yourself, God is such a genius… Only He can create the marvelous wonders of life that we live in today. Be Blessed and know that God WILL NEVER LEAVE NOR FORSAKE YOU; STAY BLESSED.

Now we are still battling the aftermath of an affair that he had because he felt that I no longer loved or cared for him. God has truly allowed me to forgive him & overcome some insecurities of my own. However, just the last two weeks he has been distancing himself from me. Now he has decided that maybe it would be best if he stayed the night away a few nights here & there to see if he can find those feelings for me that he had all these years that are no longer there.

I don’t want to give up on my marriage & I continue to battle this daily. We have been so blessed from being told that we would never be able to have children to having a beautiful daughter that is now 4. I stop & think God didn’t grant us this just to see it destroyed. When I tell my husband this his response is God also doesn’t intend for us to live unhappily either so maybe this it is too far gone to be saved. Please pray for me I’m struggling with being lonely & trying to finish my nursing degree & instill in my child a strong family bond.

CLAIM SCRIPTURE AND DEFEAT THE ENEMY. IF WE RESIST THE DEVIL HE WILL FLEE. GRAB ON TO ALL THE PROMISES OF MARRIAGE AND REALLY ASK GOD TO HELP YOU BELIEVE!!!! PLEASE PRAY FOR YOUR HUSBAND!! I KNOW AND HAVE FAITH THAT GOD IS GOING TO RESTORE MY MARRIAGE. IT IS NOT HIS WILL THAT MY MARRIAGE ENDS. IF GOD IS FOR US WHO CAN BE AGAINST US.
LOVE, MOLLY

My husband has turned 51 this year and I just need to know how to help him love me again. I know that he cares but he is not in love anymore. Yes, that hurts! I pray all the time and believe that the promises from God are real. Thank you.