Are you planning a vacation “get-away” in the future? If so, we have a few suggestions that you might find helpful. We just got back ourselves from vacation (visiting Glacier National Park in Montana with some friends) a few hours ago —refreshed and a little wiser having traveled together one more time together.

After 31 plus years of working through vacation excursions taken as husband and wife (and for 20 years of that time including children on those journeys) we’ve learned a few things we’d like to pass on to you to hoping it will make your future trips a little less stressful and a lot more enjoyable.

One of the most common things that we’ve observed that causes tension in so many family trips is when spouses hold differing expectations of what their vacation days will be filled with.

For years I (Cindy) looked at vacations as a good time to connect in quality and quantity time, spent together away from the “busyness” of everyday life at home. Steve, on the other hand, usually viewed it as a time away to “veg out” and relax with no scheduled anything interfering in any way, most any day. Needless to say, our expectations bumped up against each other all too often causing tension and conflict during a time when we were supposed to be enjoying ourselves.

May we suggest before you and your spouse take your vacation journey together, to sit down with each other (and the children at some point in the discussion if they’re going with you) and have a Vacation Planning Time? As Don George (who’s a global travel editor) says, “When you lay the groundwork for what you all want out of a vacation, no one is surprised or disappointed later on.”

• Start your time together in prayer asking God to give you wisdom and a spirit of cooperation, “being like-minded, having the same love, being one in spirit and purpose” doing “nothing out of selfish ambition or vain conceit” (Philippians 2:2-3) as you make your plans.

• Decide what kind of vacation time you want —an active one or a quiet one—or a combination of both. Family counselors Gary and Carrie Oliver, authors of the book, “Mad About Us” says this about what they’ve learned on this subject:

“We have learned to find out what is important to both of us. When we’re on vacation we decided what we want to do together, what we will do apart, and what we are willing to give up for the relationship.”

• Determine where you’re going to go on this get-away trip.

• Determine if you’re going to vacation with only your immediate family or if you’re going to include others (such as an additional friend or 2, or with another entire family).

• Come up with a budget for this vacation that you TRULY can afford. (Too many people take week-long vacations—charging it to their credit card—that takes months and sometimes even years to pay for—adding even more stress than they ever relieved by “getting away from it all.”) Be creative. Work to get the most “bang for your buck.”

Some of the best times we’ve had together have been the least expensive excursions we’ve taken. The object is to enjoy our time away not rack up more debt to stress us even more in our everyday lives.

• Each write down a list of what you’d like to do while on vacation. Then bring your lists together, evaluating each possibility—talking about what you can do to meet the respective expectations that will work for you as a family. It will take some real brain-storming, compromise, and prayerful negotiating—but always keep in mind “not to look only to your own interests but to the interests of others” (Philippians 2:4).

• Be careful not to over-plan. This isn’t a business trip. Leave some time open so you can do whatever hits your fancy at that time.

• Talk about how often you’re going to eat out at restaurants and “dinner duties” and menus (for the meals you’re going to cook yourselves) before you depart “not only so you can shop ahead for groceries and avoid resort-style prices on regular food times” but also to keep one of you from having to pull constant KP duties—not having equal time to vacation as everyone else.

• Have you “got a long drive ahead to reach your destination? Turn those dreaded miles into a dream by hitting the road at the same time as your vacation partners (if applicable). As you travel along, trade off transporting all the kids so you get a little quality time with your sweetie (as suggested by Karen Cure, an editor director of Fodor’s Travel Publications).

• Don’t forget that sometimes the unexpected bumps out the best of plans. Go with your minds prepared that disappointments may occur. There are a million and one scenarios that can upset even the best thought-out plans. Purpose to “go with the flow,” and refrain from grumbling. This will ease the tension and make your vacation a more enjoyable one.

(This was especially helpful to us when we went to Africa to visit our son, David. We had made up our minds not to give in to grumbling but to go in a spirit of love—refraining from complaining no matter what! Repeatedly we thanked God that He ahead of time put it upon our hearts to find joy in every situation.

We had plenty of unexpected bumps in our plans but when we adjusted our plans and attitudes accordingly—nothing stood in the way of our having a wonderful bonding time with our son and the Kenyans we were privileged to meet during our journey.)

We hope these tips are helpful.

Always know that our love is with you as together, we work to make our marriage relationships reflect the love of Christ in every situation.

Because of the love of Christ,
Steve and Cindy Wright