“Marriage can be wonderful. It can be deeply satisfying and mutually fulfilling. But if it becomes that, it is because both partners have paid a very high price over many years to make it that way.

They will have died to selfishness a thousand times. They will have died to selfishness a thousand times. They will have had countless difficult conversations. They will have endured sleepless nights and strained days. They will have prayed hundreds of prayers for wisdom and patience and courage and understanding. They will have said “I’m sorry” too many times to remember. They will have been stretched to the breaking point often enough to have learned that, unless Christ is at the center of both their lives, the odds for achieving marital satisfaction are very, very low.” (Bill and Lynne Hybels, Fit to be Tied)

“Is marriage a ticket to happiness? Not on your life. Most unmarried people have no idea what it takes to make a marriage work; they grossly underestimate the price people have to pay to build long-term, mutually satisfying relationships. And they fail to understand that the only people with the strength to pay that price are those who have plumbed the depth of their relationship with God, have dealt with their own brokenness.” (Bill and Lynne Hybels, Fit to be Tied)

What do you think about the above statements? Do you agree or disagree? We whole -heartedly agree. As we talked about the opinions we had about marriage before we were married as opposed to our opinions now, there was such an incredible difference. We were so naïve!

We thought our marriage would be so different from everyone else’s around us. We thought “we had it all together!” We thought our married lives together would just be an extension of our dating days—just a step up. We’d be able to express our love to each other in a fuller, richer way every day, in every way—and not having to be apart as much so our love would just grow and grow. Oh if it could just be that simple!

What we didn’t take into account was the differing backgrounds and expectations and habits and temperaments we each had (that we didn’t even realize we had until after marriage brought them to the surface). We didn’t realize how much hard work would be ahead for us.

We’ve been married going on 32 years and although our love for each other is so amazing it’s only because of all the Lord has been teaching us and we’ve been applying. It’s taken every bit of hard work plus a whole lot more of the sacrifices mentioned above in the statement by the Hybels.

(By the way, that book is excellent to read for those contemplating marriage. The only problem is that so many that are planning marriage don’t really think problems will manifest themselves in their lives together as it does in others. The divorce statistics don’t bear that myth out. How we pray that more couples will open their eyes, hearts, and minds to do their “homework” on working on their relationship before marriage so after marriage they won’t go into such a huge disillusioned state.)

By the way, we want you to know that we’re working on updating our web site. It worked fine for what we needed it to do in the beginning, but as this ministry grows so many of you have let us know that we need to have more marriage “helps” available for the differing aspects of marriage. In the near future we’re going to make available a wider variety of information and we’d love your help with this. We need prayer and lots of it!

Needless to say this requires a great deal of effort and time to put together so please pray for all of us (including our son John who is our web master) and let us know of different resources that you know to be helpful. The Marriage Missions web site is designed to be PRO -active in giving those who are married (or engaged) FREE, inspirational, practical, skill-building information to help their marital relationship reflect the LOVE OF CHRIST.

In closing, we’d like to expound just a little bit more on the subject of exposing marriage myths by sharing with you something written by Ellyn Sanna with J. Lee Stewart in the book, “Romance in Real Life... 101 Tips and Inspiration for Improving Your Marriage” (another excellent book)! They write:

“Romantic books and movies don’t prepare us for marriage’s reality. From the time we were children we were raised on the words,” And they lived happily ever after.” No one ever mentioned that happiness is hard work.

By definition, marriage requires that two distinct entities become one. No matter how much in love we are, making two entirely separate individuals into a single unit is not an easy task. R.C. Sproul once said, “If you imagined your mother married to your father-in-law, and your father married to you mother-in-law, you’d have a good picture of the dynamics of marriage.” I dearly love both my own parents and my in-laws, but that quote always makes me smile, for it creates an image in my mind of two preposterous unions. I don’t smile nearly as wide, though, when Sproul’s point becomes plain in my own marriage.

A peaceful union is hard to achieve, and oneness isn’t something that happens overnight. The marriage ceremony does not magically erase the differences between husband and wife, nor does it cancel our selfish natures. Married harmony requires instead an acceptance that conflict is bound to occur; it also requires a commitment to ongoing reconciliation-for a lifetime.

When all is said and done, intimacy demands that we face the pain of our shortcomings; to come closer to each other, our egos have to soften. (Henry James Borys)

Our love and prayers are with you as together we work to make our marriages the best they can be through Jesus Christ.

Steve and Cindy Wright

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