Just stick to your principles and wait until you find a man who respects your wishes and accepts you for who you are. Good Luck.

It’s difficult for me (or anyone) who doesn’t have more information to be able to advise you on this. You’re right, 48 is young to be alone if you believe you have found someone you want to spend the rest of your life with. I commend you though, that you slowed things down a bit before getting engaged again. You (and your son) and this man have a lot of issues you need to work through before you marry again.

Because I don’t know this man, his integrity and the soundness of his Christian walk, plus your compatibility and how well you actually do fit together for marriage, I would advise you to get counseling. Just because he is a nice man and has enriched your life during this season — that doesn’t mean that he would be a good husband for you, or that you would be a good wife for him. Dating and marrying are two different issues. There are also many other reasons I recommend counseling.

One, you need to make sure that you’ve worked through your grief to the point where you’re ready to commit to a new marriage. This will cause a big turn in the direction of your life. You need to make sure that you aren’t dragging grief as a widow into a new marriage. New love can look good when you’re hurting, but it can eventually lose its shine pretty quickly if you haven’t properly dealt with past grief and baggage. I’ve heard this from several widows and widowers.

Secondly, after 25 years of being married, you kind of “broke” your other husband in where you learned how to fit your lives together in a smoother way. A new marriage will start that process all over again and it’s a HUGE learning curve! You want to make sure that BOTH of you know how to settle disagreements in healthy ways and that you are equally committed to the process without giving up.

Thirdly, you want to make sure you and the man you want to marry are as compatible as you think you are. We can sometimes be fooled into seeing more in a person and their commitment to marriage than there really is. You want to make sure that you aren’t projecting qualities, or missing cues that could bring future problems — ones that an impartial party may be able to point out. We have a lot of tools on this web site that can help you, by asking and TRUTHFULLY answering questions to each other. The right counselor can help you in this as well.

Also, you aren’t entering into this marriage alone. You have a grown family — one that is demanding things from you that you need to consider. It’s the “counting the cost” principle that the Bible refers to in several places. The strain between you and your son will DEFINITELY affect this marriage relationship and your life on so many levels — more than you might realize. Your new husband won’t have the history with your son and granddaughter and may not give as much grace over the long haul, as his father might have given. You need to learn how to work through your issues and set boundaries down at this time so things can go the best that is possible. The right counselor could help with this BEFORE you marry.

Also, I would advise family counseling BEFORE you marry. Don’t think that you’ll just get married and will work out the details later. I’ve heard sad, sad stories over and over again when this has been done. NOW is the time to work through these issues. It would be better to wait and enter into marriage with the best foot forward than rush and regret it later. Preventative medicine works better than repairing damage later or facing ruination.

Even though you’re widowed, this is still a second marriage. Many of the same principles will apply and you’ll also have additional issues to work through as well. Slow down and do this right, if it is to be done at all. It’s better to be alone and without someone, than to be married and unhappy for the rest of your lives together. Again, I’ve heard of this happening over and over again.

For your situation, I would advise a different kind of counselor — a Christian counselor who specializes in remarriages. I have one in mind that you might consider approaching because he and his wife are good at family coaching and specialize in remarriage situations, and they do phone counseling and coaching.

If you go into the “Remarriage” section and go into “Links and Resource Descriptions” you’ll find a list of several ministries that we link to that specialize in remarriages. The one that comes to mind immediately is “Instep Ministries” with Dr Jeff Parziale. We personally know Jeff and Judi and highly respect them and have recommended them often. We have a lot of confidence in their abilities.

I hope you’ll consider getting the help you need. This is a huge step and one that you need to enter cautiously and being the best prepared possible– having done your due diligence FIRST! I hope you will! Please know my prayers are with you.

We eventually broke the engagement but continued a relationship and we got engaged again a year ago. I had prayed for God to send me a widowed, Christian man. My deceased husband believed in God but would not go to church with me and I wanted that in a second marriage. Well, that is when I met Steve.

Last night I told my son that I wanted to get married this Fall after I got a pre-nuptial agreement and a will set in place. Brandon has not liked Steve from the get go and now he told me, you know the consequences. I will not be allowed to have my Granddaughter around when he is there and he will not come around.

I did not mean to hurt my son by bringing him into my life so soon. I made some bad choices that first year. one of which I sold my house to my son and daughter in law for 1/2 of what it is worth and gave them a large sum of money. I feel like I’m trying to buy their acceptance and I know that is wrong.

I do love this man and he has brought happiness back in my life and I want to get married but I don’t want to lose my son and Granddaughter!!! I have not been able to sleep I’m so unhappy right now. Can anyone give me some hope that this will turn out ok? I’m 48 and too young to be alone and unhappy!