About 1 year ago, I was having a female out patient surgery done and my husband didn’t stay with me through it. He dropped me off and drove 3 hours to a commercial audition. I was left at the hospital alone, crying, and called a co-worker to come pick me up after the surgery because I found out they wouldn’t release me to a cab driver. After that day, my husband was distant and my feelings about him started to change. I no longer felt like the most important thing in the world to him. I was devastated because he has always been my best friend.

A few months later he became very withdrawn and was shutting me out. He began drinking everynight, saying some hurtful things, ignoring me when I would hug him, tell him I loved him and asking him what was wrong. At night when we would sleep he would lay on his right side as far away from me as he could. If I tried to snuggle and drape my leg over him he would push it off and say he was too hot.

After feeling very alone and sad, I began to look for a friend on-line. I met someone who said all the right things …hook line and sinker. I met with him a couple of times… It was wrong. My husband found out and since then has had an extremely hard time dealing with this. We’ve been trying desperately to work this out. We have good days then those days are followed by several bad days. Since all of this we have begun going to church again and I have asked for forgiveness from God and my husband. I’m truly sorry for what I’ve done.

I haven’t had any contact with this person and I never will. When I look back im not sure what in the world I was thinking. This is something I was always dead against and swore I would never be the one doing that to another. But somehow I did. Emotionally I had gotten caught up with someone else who was listening to me and was telling me all the things I’d been neglected to hear for a very long time. I don’t understand myself at all. When I think of this other person it seems like a far off distant memory almost like it never happened at all. I wish it never did.

Since all of this has happened my husband and I have found we truly, deeply love each other. But he will never look at me the same. Some days I’m scum and he hates me and other days he loves me but it’s not the same. He’s soooo depressed and sometimes almost suicidal. But he has found God so therefore he won’t kill himself. But we have struggles every single day. Our lives are a mental and emotional roller coaster. What do we do? I’m so heartbroken that I’ve put him in the place he’s in… I will truly be sorry everyday for the rest of my life. I will always love him my husband. I just don’t know if he can ever forgive me.

Right now I feel deep isolation and even rejection – did you feel like that? Even though I want nothing to do with the “other offender”, I feel like he just let me go all too easily to return to the wife he described in the most offensive ways. That hurts.

You are doing just the right thing; seeking God who will bring the utmost relief in your life. A relationship with God completes everything and takes away all your anxieties. I have had times when i stayed awake all night in a lot of emotional pain, worry and fear of the unknown. This what i did/do:

First, I say a prayer to God to take over my situation and give me the strength to continue. He will fill you with the energy to go on and be hopeful again. What the devil has done in this world is to engage and lure people into sinful acts. After a while it backfires and you feel rejected, guilty, used and have other destructive feelings. It’s like you are in chains of pain and can’t come out.

Here is how I view life now. The most devastating that can happen in anyone’s life is death. That has been done away with. Through the blood of Jesus & repentance, our sins will be forgiven and we can hope for everlasting life. So whatever hardships we go through are nothing compared to what God has prepared for those of faith. So it’s a matter of time. The sooner you realize these facts the more joyful your life will be during the waiting period.

The second thing you should practice is studying the Bible. It will bring you in tune with God and you will have His perspective of things. God’s word is the manual we should use in all areas of our lives. Consider the regular TV programs we watch, they become a part of us and sometimes we copy and accept what we view. So the mind is like a sponge but we have to be careful what you take in because that will determine the direction you will take. As you continue to feed yourself with the righteous material, the change in your life will come naturally.

Here are a few verses I could think of. It will be great if you find time to read the whole passage for each one of them.

John 14:27-28
Romans 3:22-24
Romans 5:1-5
Romans 6:12-23

My story is a little bit different. I invited a woman to our bed because I thought that’s what all men wanted- their wife to be with another woman. I allowed him to be with her as well that evening. We left to go to the bar afterward and they left me at the bar. I found out when I was able to get a ride home that they had sex in my bed after leaving me at the bar. He never met this woman before, didn’t have any emotional feelings towards this woman at all.

Something terrible happened to me that night as I was very intoxicated and I am very young. I was hurt by what I had allowed to happen earlier in the evening and my husband was making out with this woman in the bar in public… instead of finding a way home I found my way to another man’s bed. I was ok with it all at first, then I cried for him to stop and he didn’t and wouldn’t. So I had a horrible thing happen to me because my husband left me at a bar to go have sex with another woman.

There’s so many horrible, painful things that happened to me and my marriage that night. I just have a hard times dealing with it all. Can someone please tell me how to get past all of this, how to help deal with the pain from such a heart-breaking life changing event? I found GOD that night afterward and I have prayed and forgiven my husband for I believe all of the evening. I don’t remember the Bible too well, and have no idea where to start to find the right verses for forgiveness and healing. Thanks for your time in reading this… we are a young couple only 29 yrs old with 2 beautiful boys and I refuse to quit…I just need to find the strength on days like today when I just feel I can’t take it.

My wife says she knows what the Bible says, but doesn’t care. But a few months ago she said she knew what she was doing was wrong, and she also said that God would not forgive her. I told her that she was mistaken. God will forgive her if she honestly repents..

Chanda, I’m also happy because God answered my prayers because my wife and son will be transfered here soon by the end of the year. So with my family here in my place I will not be lonely no more. So I’m anxiously waiting for her period to arrived. Please include me in your prayers. Thanks.

I honestly don’t have much advice, other than I will continue to pray for you. Please remember, the hurt, pain, guilt etc are not going to disappear overnight. It is really a healing process that can take a lot of time, BUT is most definitely is possible.

Stay strong in Christ Chanda! There are many that overcame this, and you are also able to do so. I know it seems impossible and very very very hard, cause the feelings you have are feelings that can’t just be ignored and pushed aside. But remember, to act on feelings is not always the right thing to do. I am sure when Christ died on the cross for us, He FELT like He didn’t want to, but He pushed aside His own feelings, to do the will of God. I will continue to pray for you. Keep me updated. Love

I know what the right thing is to do but I am finding it difficult to follow through. I believe the best thing is to keep praying and make new friends of the same sex who you can spend time with. Try and keep away from her. The Bible says we should flee from sin (1 Corinthians 6:18-20; 1 Corinthians 7:1-2). Please keep away from her and try and break all contact with her. I am currently trying to minimize my contact with the man I am having an affair with. I want to break it off but I’m still struggling to tell him.

I met him over the weekend and was supposed to tell him about my decision to break it of with him, but I failed. He told me he loved me and would rather share me than live without me. I am very disappointed with myself and dislike myself right now for failing to follow through with what I had planned to do.

I’m sure sad–happy is also disappointed. I’m sorry to let you down. You encouraged me and helped come to the right decision BUT I failed. I’m actually now worried because I sometimes miss him and feel that I might be falling for him. I’m still trying to pray and ask God to give me the courage to do the right thing. Please seek God and draw close to Him.

Today is hard I feel his spirit trying to push through his decision while continuing to bargain with God about it. Of course I’m concerned if he’s eating properly, resting, etc. I live alone. We both have adult children that are on their own and 1 minor with her mom. So the house is quiet. It’s kinda strange because at any moment I feel he’ll put the key in the door.

As much as the enemy would want me to believe it, I know on the other side of this it’s not all great. I try not to come down too hard on myself when feeling down God knows the truth of the matter, but praise Him because He is an ever present help in the midst of this time of uncertainty. I am truly blessed and have two Sisters in Christ who allow me to share my feelings and are really good listeners. Through this journey I have connected with them as they have walked along this same path. I keep myself connected to my church family and stay involved. Again thank you so much for reaching out and GOD BLESS!!

I just wanted to tell you to ask God for patience coz you’ll need it. It’s not an easy journey but I tell you in the end it will be worth it. God is faithful and He will work on you first and change you and then your husband. In the end you’ll have a marriage that you never ever imagined. I love the scripture from James 1:2-4 about perseverance and how it makes us grow and that’s true you’ll come out of this a much stronger and more mature woman that you were before.

It wasn’t easy for me coz my husband worked with this woman and saw each other daily. I used to be angry and sad but I pushed on. The hardest thing for me was when I started praying for this other woman but I pushed on and asked God to give me the grace to forgive. It took me a while to completely forgive her but I did it. God was also faithful because I once told Him that I don’t like it that they work together and she ended up leaving the company PRAISE GOD.

God will bring your husband back. He brought mine back and I can testify and say that I never thought I’d have a marriage that is so great and fulfilling. I’m glad that we went through all that pain coz God had to get our attention and place us in a situation where we seek Him and believe only in Him. So gal, it’s gonna be fine it won’t be easy, but with God nothing is impossible.

I read the book by Gary Thomas A SACRED INFLUENCE. It’s really good book. If you can, read it. I’ll be praying for you and your husband.

How wonderful for Him to give me a personal insight into the heart of the other woman to know her pain and struggles as well. Indeed what the enemy means for harm God will use for good. It had been impressed upon me earlier to pray for the other woman and your testimony confirms it. 2 Timothy 2:24-26 states… “The Lord’s servants must not quarrel but must be kind to everyone. They must be able to teach effectively and be patient with difficult people. They should gently teach those who oppose the truth. Perhaps God will change those people’s hearts, and they will believe the truth. Then they will come to their senses and escpae from the Devil’s trap. For they have been held captive by him to do whatever he wants.” WOW!! The word explains exactly what has taken place a HOSTAGE SITUATION so to speak.

In my previous post I asked God why was I back at this place. God has whispered to me that I was not ready for the type of restoration he was giving me. He gave me discernment and revealed things to me of just how in bondage my husband was to the lust of the flesh and the strongholds of the chords of sin. I was still not broken, I had pride (ashamed of what was going on and wanting to hide it, thinking my efforts and mistakes surely caused all to fail), self-righteousness (why my husband just didn’t get it) lack of trust (continuing to look at my circumstances). It is a humbling place to be and it’s where He wants me.

As much as I did not want to admit it I was making the restoration of my marriage my idol. Doing the right thing the wrong way. God tore it all down!!! But he is yet faithful. He speaks to my soul and comforts me and tells me in spite of me he loves me and will never leave. He is right here with me feeling my pain.What is the most important aspect in all of this for all of us women and men of GOD is THE REDEMPTIVE GRACE OF OUR LORD AND SAVIOR. HOW COMPASSIONATE HE IS TO WANT US ALL TO COME TO THE KNOWLEDGE THAT WE ARE ALL IN NEED OF A SAVIOR TO BE ABLE TO REST WITH HIM IN ETERNITY. It is the will of the Father that we be saved and that we live for Him and spread the GOOD NEWS OF THE GOSPEL. For this reason I will never stop praying for my husband’s soul that his eyes are open to this truth.!! It is an assignment that I ask Father if this cup can pass. But Nevertheless…….. Love you and God Bless!!!

Whenever I’m sad, I tend to message my brother’s friend and there she was very open to comfort me. The last time we met we made love and after I was very guilty because I promised God that I will not fall for that sin again because I love my family and I don’t want to have a broken family. Now I’m afraid that she might get pregnant because we didn’t use any protection. Her due to menstration cycle will be this coming october 23. I’m praying that she will not be pregnant. I know that what I’m doing is a sin and I’m trying hard not to stumble satan’s trap. I want to change, I’m very guilty of what I did and I don’t want my wife to know about my affair because she will not accept my asking for forgiveness. I’m very worried that my brother’s friend will have a delay on her period. Please help me pray. I ask God every night for forgiveness and help me to be strong.

I can probably say from being where your husband is now, that it is really hard for him as well. Although it probably doesn’t seem like he wants to continue doing the right thing, I can almost assure you, he wants to, but the devil is attacking him so much. I’ve read on another post on this website, that adultery is like an addiction and once you stop it, you go through the withdrawal system, and it is so true. Sad thing is, so many people are just not able to overcome these withdrawals, but Lynne, my advise would be, although I can just imagine how depressed, betrayed and hurt you must feel, continue to pray for your husband. Lay him at God’s feet every single time you think about it. I do believe that is what my husband did for me, although it wasn’t easy, cause are all human beings with actual feelings. I will pray for you and your husband, especially for your husband and for the things he is experiencing, as i have been there myself. I am also going to pray that God would send someone, a Godly man, over his path to whom he can open up. I would like to pray for you now:

“Dear God, I lay Lynne at your feet now. You know the pain and hurt she is going through, you see the depression that is taking a hold of her life, but Lord, my prayer is that your Spirit would now come upon her, that It would bring her peace knowing that You are in control, and only by Your strength are we able to overcome this which attacking us. Lord, bless her for being the woman she is, for still seeking your heart and will. Let your Spirit lead her to do and say the right things, as we know in our human spirit, we just want to give up. Give her strength, give her wisdom and give her peace and calmness. I pray that You will take control in their marriage. Continue to speak to her husband, Holy Spirit, continue to speak to his soul. Lord, in all my humbleness, I pray that You would restore their marriage just as You did with mine. Protect them both my Father. And already I want to thank you for doing this, cause I know You are a merciful God! Thank You My Father!”

Today, as I was meditating and reading Gods word, it dawned on me that despite all that I have- a good career, a loving family, a lovely church and friends, my lack of fulfilment could be because even though I’m born again and a Christian, I am half empty because I am not yet fully living for Christ who can and will fill the hole in me. I have not yet learnt to put God first in all and because of this I seek to fill my life with other things I should not be involved in. He came so that we can have life abundantly.

Lynne, hang in there. It must be difficult to understand anything that your husband is doing, and he probably like me knows the truth and doesn’t understand. Pray for him, the woman involved and seek God’s direction.

I read Proverbs today and it speaks directly of the “immoral woman” and how her smooth tongue leads the man to death. Your words touched my soul because the OW is a Christian and I often thought exactly what you said. If she reads the word and knows that this is what she is, how could she say she loves my husband when the death of him is at stake at her expense? The word says we perish for lack of knowledge. I cry out for my husband’s soul. I am not angry at him or OW, but mad at the adversary.To watch him succumb to the continued plots of the evil one breaks my heart. My spirit is quiet. The enemy tells me lies that I better start talking, pleading, saying something because he’s out again.

I take my offenses to the Lord. I cannot trust what will come out of my mouth because pain, fear and despair will speak instead of the love of God. So I remain silient. I ask God how I am back at this place of darkness again. Please show me me. Your words were a balm but as of this day, I struggle. To read your words lets me know there is still yet hope. Because each and everytime I want to give up he sends help. God Bless!!

Oh my dear friend in Christ, you really are in my prayers now, cause I know how you feel. Praise to God, that you have taken a step in the right direction by looking for the right answers – by finding this website and by starting to pray about it. That is more than what I did, I only started doing these things after the affair stopped.

But Chanda, as for what you have shared about your father, I can also relate to a little bit of that. See, my father also had an affair with a very good house friend of our family. It went on for 5 years. And during this time, my young spirit always knew something was not right, even though I didn’t fully understood. Well, unfortunately the affair came to light, actually after my dad had stopped it and we moved to another town. For 3 years my mom and dad were constantly fighting, and never were us children told, but I just knew.

It even got worse, my parents eventually got divorced – 2 months before my own wedding! It was such a hard time for me, and this wonderful picture I had about my family got shattered. I made a vow to myself that I would NEVER EVER commit adultery, just because I saw how it can destroy so many people’s lives And yet… 2 years later… I stepped into the same booby trap! I did that which I always hated. Those Bible verses in Romans 7 are so true, where it says that which we shouldn’t do and know we shouldn’t do, we actually do.

Chanda, I want to tell you, you are not a bad person. Also remember that no sin is greater than another. They are all the same in God’s eyes, so whether you tell a small lie or whether you commit adultery, God still died for these sins and are willing to forgive you. I also always wondered why did I do it? Was it because of my father? Was it because I didn’t feel loved enough? Did I want more attention? I still don’t know Chanda, but what I do know is, although sin is out of own choice, and although Satan so badly wanted to get to me, I do believe that God allowed it to happen to me for a certain reason. That reason I don’t not fully understand yet, BUT I do know, that God has forgiven me, and that I am becoming stronger day by day, and that I am not a bad person. Unfortunately I just fell into Satan’s trap, but still I was able to overcome it. See Satan never won, cause I stopped the affair and did not proceed with the divorce. So, he hasn’t won over your life yet, cause you are taking steps in the right direction, you are seeking to do the right thing, and God will honor and bless you for that. But, again, now things are going to become even more harder. Oh how I know, I was there. It was the worst time of my life, having to choose to stop the affair, it was so hard!!

Also, what you said about being scared you will be judged by your friends once they find out, let me tell you, I felt exactly the same. See, everyone always thought we had the PERFECT marriage and that we were so happy. I was so scared to actually tell them the truth. But it so happened that a lot of people did find out, and I myself decided to share with some of them all of it. Our God is such a merciful God – not ONE of them judged me in any possible way. Instead they all “praised” and thanked me for being honest, they encouraged me, and they prayed for me, and still continue to support me.

I also thought should my husband find out about ALL the details of the affair, he would surely leave me! There was no way he would take me back. And yet, he did get to know ALL the ugly truth, and again, our God, who is so merciful, I believe, gave him the power to forgive me and take me back.

I want to encourage you to do go for counseling. I understand what you said about your husband being the main member, I presume on the medical aid, but maybe look for a local church who has counselors who would do it for free. Also, get someone you can be accountable to, someone who you can trust will give you right advice, and let this person be a woman. I’ve learned how important it is to not open up my heart to someone from the opposite sex, especially when we are so vulnerable during a thing like this.

I will continue to pray for you, and hope you continue to seeking God’s will and His plan for your life. Please remember it is never too late. God is in the business of restoration, of performing miracles, and my life and marriage is a testimony of it, cause I also thought there is no hope. I will also pray for your husband, that God would start working in his heart, so when the time comes, that perhaps he does find out, he would also seek to do God’s will. I am also going to pray for this other guy you are involved in, that somehow the Spirit would also convict him, that both of you would be able to see the importance of stopping it. Chanda, just remember both you and this guy, are victims of Satan’s lies. You are not the only “Christian” who fell into this sin, there are so many, and also so many that overcame it by the Grace of God! Continue to pray! Continue to seek God’s will! God will make a way, where there seems to be no way. God loves you very much and He will be with you every step of the way! God bless. With lots of love.

In early 2000, my father passed away from HIV?AIDS. Just before he passed away I remembered all the repressed memories, from when I was around 9 years old, of his affairs while he was married to my mother. My younger sister and I were staying with him and she probably didn’t know what was going on. Even though I was young, I did not like the way he was acting with these women and disliked them. When I remembered in early 2000, I knew it was affairs and in my young mind, even though I didn’t understand fully, I knew it was wrong. Feelings of such hate overcame me such that I could not even sit next to him and avoided speaking to him whenever possible.

I never told anyone about these memories and through prayer managed to forgive him and love him before he passed on. Towards the end I was the one looking after him and cuddling and he also constantly wanted me by his bedside. I believe he knew that I now remembered his affairs and it’s a secret that we shared. Now, I am doing what he did and what I briefly hated him for doing to my mother.

I haven’t told any of my Christian friends either because I am afraid of being jugded and messing up the image they have of my perfect marriage to a wonderful godly man. I can’t tell my husband because I strongly believe, no, I think I know that he will leave me. He would not understand. He would probably forgive me but not stay married to me. I don’t want to lose him. Exposure to others of my affair would be a great embarrassment to my family.

I have tried many times to understand why I am doing this. I believe if this is not answered then I might fall into another affair again. Am I doing this because I’ve been told I can’t have children? Is it because my father did it? Is it because I miss my father? Is it because I’m selfish? Is it because I’m unhappy? I SHOULD be happy in my marriage and with my husband. He loves me, I love him and we don’t seem to have any problems, which is why I think I MUST be the one with a problem. I’ve tried going to a professional counsellor but because my husband is the principal member he would have to know. I really don’t understand why I do it -am I lacking self esteem, insecure, need to be praised all the time, seek attention- I don’t know.

On Sunday I made a decision to start praying earnstly about it, everyday. I am trying to take a day at a time. I have not been praying regularly because I feel too ashamed and sinful to be in the presence of God. I believe God is the greatest counsellor.
Thank you once again for your counsel.

One year later things got so bad she wanted a divorce. I didn’t and vowed to work on our marriage and my part in the problem. She insisted and went through with it. I pleaded with her to no avail. Anyway after the divorce was final in about 2 months I find out she has remarried to this man. I figured at this point she had really closed the door on us.

About a month later she is calling me crying and upset. She was having major regrets about divorcing me and wanted to talk with me. I told her I could not see her as long as she was married. I would be doing just what she had done to me.

So here we are come full circle and she wants to know why we couldn’t make it work. She is not happy in her new marriage and it doesn’t feel like a marriage at all. She is seeking counseling to work all this out. In the meantime I am looking at my options for I still have feelings for her.

We are wanting to get back together. She has to do some hard things and seek God in all this. I am not mixed up in all that God commands about divorce and remarriage. I have studied it out. I know God can make things right. As I have read on these posts God can restore marriages. Any help as to my dilema would certainly be appreciated. Thanks.

It even went so far that I separated from my husband for a month, and started drawing up divorce papers. I was adamant to get divorced, to get out of the “loveless” marriage that I am in, because that is how I felt. It felt like my husband and I stopped loving each other, we lived our lives past each other, each busy with their own thing, and although being within a relationship, a marriage for that matter, I felt SO lonely. This other guy was like medicine to a sick body, cause I couldn’t go on living a life where I pretended I was happy all the time. Don’t get me wrong, cause I did love my husband, but not in a way that made me feel I can grow old with him anymore.

To make the long story short, the day that I was going to hand the divorce papers in at the court, my husband sms’d me and said he missed me. It was most definitely God who intervened, cause I broke down in tears and never went to the court.

During this separation time, I continued my relationship with the other guy. We planned a holiday away and it actually felt like I was happy again for the first time in a long while. But boy, the devil is very sneaky. Being a Christian, having studied christian counseling, I knew all the right answers and knew what I had to do. But I didn’t want to, I was so blinded by Satan’s lies, and I just wanted to focus on my own human being feelings and happiness. I just didn’t care anymore about the vows I made to God and my husband.

Well, I do believe God never lets go of His children… we are the ones who move away from Him. So the Holy Spirit continued to gently speak to my soul. After a lot things which I am not going to write about now, as it will take up the whole page, , I decided to completely stop and end this affair, to not proceed with the divorce and to move back to my husband and work on my marriage. Was it a easy decision? No! Was it something that “I” wanted to do? No! I really didn’t want to do it, but I told God, I am doing it for HIM and out of obedience. This time, only by God’s grace, was I able to completely broke off the affair.

Let me just tell you another thing, the Word says the truth will set you free. And that is SO true. See, all the other times that I tried breaking the affair, no one knew about it, it was my secret, so I could just never be set free from this affair. I kept on going back. But once my affair came to light: I told my husband, I told my mom, and some of our very close Christian friends, we could take into accountability, I was able to break ALL contact and not go back again. Does this mean I didn’t want to anymore? No, I still so badly wanted to call him up again, I missed him so much!!! And yes, I could have made contact, and still no one would have known. No one except God and myself. But I just begged God to take away this pain and to help me stay strong.

It has almost been two months now of no contact with this guy. Was and is it easy? Definitely not. You see, our minds are very powerful things, cause I kept thinking of him, and the devil got even more sneakier, because he tried telling me.. “what is the use you are back with your husband? Yes you did break contact with this guy, but you’re still thinking of him, so in all essence you are still not being honest with your husband.” This made me feel that my husband would be much better off without me, even though he decided to forgive me and take me back. God bless Him!! I wish I can tell you all, but I would be writing forever.

Okay, so how did I get through this and continue to stay strong? Well, I FORCED myself to not think about him, and when the thoughts would creep in, I focused on God, or focused on my loving husband who took me back. Let me tell you, the first month back with my husband wasn’t all sunshine and roses! It was hard!!! We almost ended it, cause we felt just doing it for right reasons, is not easy. But let me tell you, if you just give one step of obedience, God will honor that and use it. And I prayed, “God, you see my heart and you know me. I want to be obedient to you, and Lord, I pray that when you see this obedience, you will bless me and my marriage.”

Also on this note, let me tell you that I felt completely dead towards my husband. I didn’t know how it would be possible to work on a marriage where you feel totally dead. But once again, I laid my feelings in front of God. See, God is in the business of restoration. He is the only one capable of doing so. Out of my own… I just can’t do it. And I once I got to this stage, when I realised that I have to surrender MY ALL unto Him, including my feelings and emotions, things started turning around for the better. I had to learn to love my husband with a Godly love, and this is difficult for us women, cause we want act on emotions and feelings and live for romantic moments, but God showed me that I had to love my husband the way He (God) loves me.

How did God love us? He offered up Himself. So what did I do? I offered up my own selfish being, my own longings. I “forced” myself to do things for my husband, which I can tell you, I didn’t really want to do. But it is things that I knew would make him happy and things he longed for. Also, taking this new attitude, is a constant habit I need to choose to do every single day.

I can tell you know honestly, after a rocky almost 2 months of being back, God is busy restoring my old “in love” feelings for my dear husband. Just a conclusion I came to myself… I always felt that my husband never loved me the way I wanted to be loved, NOT knowing he felt the exact same way, so once I started CHOOSING to love him and do things for him that would make him happy, I started getting things and love in return the way I wanted it.

I left a post on another topic about affairs on this website, and Cindy said hopefully one day I would write again as not being “sad” (my nick name on here). Well Cindy, that Sad is of no effect anymore. It is now Happy God is busy restoring my marriage once I allowed Him to. He is busy restoring my feelings and my happiness. He has given me the strength to stay strong from falling back in this affair, as this is what my human spirit and flesh wanted to do.

Dear Chanda, I know that you know what you need to do, and yes it seems impossible, but believe me, all things in Christ are indeed possible. You’ve got to allow God to work, He is the only one that can do so. It is not going to be easy, and I think you know that, it is actually going to be even harder to work on your marriage now, but allowing God to help you and strengthen you, you will be able to overcome it, sooner or later.

From my side, I also just want to say, it doesn’t happen overnight, you will continue to fight against this battle and this affair. You probably feel this other guy is a good guy, you don’t want to hurt him. Scripture that God gave me, which was such an eye opener to me was the following:

Pro 2:16 To deliver thee from the strange woman, even from the stranger which flattereth with her words
Pro 2:17 Which forsaketh the guide of her youth, and forgetteth the covenant of her God.
Pro 2:18 For her house inclineth unto death, and her paths unto the dead.
Pro 2:19 None that go unto her return again, neither take they hold of the paths of life.

This is a warning against the adulterous woman. And this got me thinking that if I had to continue with the divorce and pursued my relationship with this other guy, indirectly my actions would have lead to not just mine, but also his “death”. I was really taken back by this thought, cause how can I claim that I love and care for him, but was willing to lead him to his “death”? If this makes any sense at all! But this is really what opened my eyes even so much more.

God will bless you for doing the RIGHT thing, He will restore your marriage and time will heal your hurt. It is not too late, and I’ve been where you are. Although you want to stop the affair, so also don’t want to. But take a step of faith and obedience, for God WILL honor this! I will pray for you and pray that you will do the right thing, and that with things that would follow on that decision, that you would stay strong in Christ! Good luck…

You have to have a place of your own so that she knows she has to have a place to come back to when she comes back to you.

You not only need to pray for her forgiveness of you, but be prepared to forgive her if she has been with someone else since your separation. A great prayer is in Psalm 51:1-17 when David was confronted by Nathan the prophet about his adultery with Bathsheba, he (David) prayed the “create in me a clean heart” prayer. Pray the whole thing daily. The change has to start with you!
I pray God will deliver you both and make you a testament to His greatness and that all things are possible with Him!

P.S. The porn addiction depicted in “Fireproof” is EXACTLY the same as adultery! Even if it only happened on the screen and in his mind, the Bible says that if a man lusts in his heart, he’s guilty of adultery. Do the “Love Dare”!!! I dare you!!!

I am scared to move on. We have watched the Fireproof movie and he was willing to work on our marriage. That was two months ago. He is now with his girlfriend.