What a difference a friend can make! Have you ever thought about that? We probably all have friends that have made positive differences in our lives by what they say and what they do when they’re with us. And what a blessing that can be! But what about those that see us headed down an unhealthy path and instead of being supportive, they confront us with the mistake they see us making? Can someone do that to us and still be our friend?

Most of us would probably say “yes, that would show an even deeper commitment to friendship than someone who just ‘minds their own business’ and doesn’t confront us when we’re heading in a wrong direction.”

But let’s take that a step further and apply it to our married friends. What if a friend sees us doing something that’s hurting the health of our marriage? Should that friend confront us or is that a bit too personal for them to “stick their nose into?” It tells us in the Bible that “Wounds from a friend can be trusted, but an enemy multiplies kisses” (Proverbs 27:6).

The footnote explanation for this verse in the New Life Application Bible says something worth thinking about. It reads:

“Who would prefer a friend’s wounds to an enemy’s kisses? Anyone who considers the source. A friend who has your best interests at heart may have to give you unpleasant advice at times, but you know it is for your own good. An enemy, by contrast, may whisper sweet words and happily send you on your way to ruin. We tend to hear what we want to hear, even if an enemy is the only one who will say it. A friend’s advice, no matter how painful, is much better.”

“We live in a world that teaches us to mind our own business”—especially when it concerns a matter that can be awkward or can bring discomfort, and yet, is that really the way God’s called us to live? Minding our own business might save us discomfort—but is that what Jesus did? Did He go about His life minding His own business—hesitant to confront those who were living their lives contrary to how God would have them live? As we read the Bible, we see that Jesus was quite confrontational with those who claimed to love God and yet lived their lives in contrary ways. And He told others to follow His example.

We say all of this, as your friends, to challenge you as the Lord has challenged us not to stay silent when we see married friends who aren’t living out their marriage vows—honoring the Lord and their spouse with how they interact with them. If you witness this happening, ask the Lord to show you how to lovingly confront them before any further damage is done to their marriage and the Lord’s testimony.

One of the definitions in the dictionary for the word “friend” is, “A person on the same side in a struggle—a supporter.” And that’s what we feel we are in the lives of those God brings across our path; and that’s what we pray you will be with those around you. As born-again Believers in Christ, we’re on the same side in the struggle against that which is wrong. We’re not to be “nit-picky” about every little fault our friends have, but we also aren’t to stay silent about something that’s blatantly wrong and harmful.

We’re concerned because we see that too many of us aren’t speaking up and confronting those who profess to be Christians—who are dishonoring each other in their marriages. Christian marriages are to be visible, living examples of the love of Christ in action in our relationship with how we interact with each other. And if each one of us takes that mission seriously, those around us will be able to see the love of God all the more clearly.

As Ray Vander Laan (Bible teacher and historian) said, “Our job is to live so publicly—so front and center, that as people see us, they see God. God puts us in the world so that as they see us they say, ‘Your God must be something else! I want to know Him as you do’.”

We’d like to share with you something by Henry and Richard Blackaby. We pray that the Lord will speak to your hearts as He has ours on this whole subject of being a true friend to those around us:

We live in a world that teaches us to mind our own business. We try not to get involved in other people’s problems. We tell ourselves it’s not our place. This attitude is completely opposite to what the Bible teaches. As Christians, we’re called to become involved in the lives of others, especially when we see someone headed for trouble. It’s actually our responsibility, when we see a fellow believer drifting toward sin, to warn that person of the dangers ahead.

Sometimes we’re reluctant to say anything to others because we don’t want to offend them. We don’t want to act ‘holier than thou.’ Besides, if we point out the sins of others, they might point back at us and begin naming our sins!

So often we say nothing and think that’s the most Christian thing to do. James argues, however, that when we help someone avoid the danger of sin, we’re saving that person from death! We need to check to see what’s happening in the lives of people around us. If our friends keep falling into sin and we keep minding our own business, we have failed as a Christian friend. Is there someone you need lovingly to warn of the danger ahead? Take courage. Regardless of the response you receive, speak up before it’s too late. Do so out of genuine concern for the well-being of your friend.

The Bible says, “Whoever turns a sinner from his error will save him from death and cover over a multitude of sins” (James 5:20). The footnote explanation for this verse in the New Life Application Bible says this:

“Right living is the evidence and result of faith. The church must serve with compassion, speak lovingly and truthfully, live in obedience to God’s commands, and love one another. The body of believers ought to be an example of heaven on earth, drawing people to Christ through love for God and each other. If we truly believe God’s Word, we will live it day by day. God’s Word is not merely something we read or think about, but something we do. Belief, faith, and trust must have hands and feet—ours!”

It’s our prayer that together we’ll make a positive difference in encouraging our friends who are married, and that we’ll speak “the truth in love” (as the Bible talks of) when we need to. And as we do that, “we will in all things grow up into Him who is the Head, that is, Christ. From Him the whole body, joined and held together by every supporting ligament, grows and builds itself up in love, as each part does its work” (Ephesians 4:15-16). AMEN!

Because of Christ,
Steve and Cindy Wright

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