Each time you ask them whether they will eat they will start quarreling with you that you should stop asking them whether they will eat before you give them food. The reason I ask them is because sometimes when you give them food they will say that they are not eating so I decided to ask them before giving it to them. Sometimes if you ask them something they will not talk to you. They are very stubborn and do not have any type of respect, not even to their brother, not to talk of me who is from a different background.

When my husband supports, they will be against both of us and say that their brother supports what is wrong because of me. I have been trying to be tolerate them but it seems impossible. I don’t know what to do. These boys, I senior them with so many years, except their sister that senior me with 7 months. Please, I need advice on how to follow them please.

I never had the courage to ask her why she behaved the way she did and what was her motive. One day I did. She dismissed the whole story jokingly. Since then our relationship with her has become even more strained. We now hardly communicate since she complained to my husband. I used to feel angry with her for wanting to destroy my marriage. In my culture she is suppose to be our bridge when it comes to marriage problems but instead she acts the opposite.

I could not discuss this matter with my husband because of what happened in the past. He used to take his sisters side in whatever disagreement we had. One day I let him know (through a close relative) that I was disappointed with him for letting his sister run his marriage for him. He got so angry but it helped because now each time he asks about something, which his sister would have told him, I reply with a question “Who told you since you were not there?” He is then silent.

He won’t go any further and has stopped these “inquiries.” We used to quarrel a lot about those issues. I have since started praying about it and for my marriage as well. I have since forgiven my sister in law (I have told her) because I realised she is just a devil’s vessel. I should deal with the owner (she is depressed as well, having had a failed marriage). I’m now praying to God to break that bond which declares blood is thicker than water when it comes to my marriage. After all, we have a God who knows no boundaries. I pray the two of us (my husband and I),not three becomes one flesh indeed.

I do not wish for him to forsake his relatives but to stop them from controlling our marriage. He has the power to do that.

Phelyx, your wife is the one allowing that nonsense. You need to talk to her or to both of them, either individually or together, whichever seems proper for you. Let your sister in law know that you cannot stay with her if she continues with her behavior which could destroy your marriage.

One morning, around 4 am, I woke my own blood sister, who is staying with us, and was discussing some issues with her. A few minutes after 5 am, my sister-in-law woke up too and saw us sitting down in the sitting room. All this, while my wife was nicely tucked beneath her blanket, sleeping warmly under the sheets.

Could you belief that when we were going to work in the morning, my wife asked me what I was doing in the sitting room in the morning? So I lied that I was reading and she hissed and squeezed her face in a big frown which I interpreted to mean that it did not tally with what she heard but could not probe any further because it would arouse my suspicion.

What do I do with this kind of situation? Confront my sister-in-law or tactfully dislodge her from my house?