“How can I get unhooked from an emotional affair?” There is not easy way, and it will involve a process of time. In that process, several practices are important. First of all, separation is important. The emphasis here is on abstinence and sobriety. You don’t indulge yourself with the other person’s presence. You must stop exposing yourself to this shared life experience. The contact is what keeps these feelings alive; you need to stop feeding the compulsion.
I hasten to add that you just can’t bury these feelings. Therefore, the next step is identification. What is the “something” this person touches inside you? What unmet need does he tap into? Sometimes the infidel can process this with a spouse or a same-sex friend, but other times that will need to be done with an experienced counselor who is committed to restoring the marriage.
My experience is that the longings that underlie infidelity go back to childhood; the infidel brings them with him or her into the marriage. They often were touched upon or satisfied in the initial phases of the relationship with the spouse, but over time have been buried by the crush of life’s responsibilities.
The next process is exposure. Don’t allow these longings and feelings to remain a secret. The longer an infidel allows these feelings to continue as a secret, the more he or she will idealize the person the feelings are attached to. Idealization means this partner becomes perfect, and as a result, no one else (e.g., the spouse) can measure up. The partner is beginning to be seen as “all good,” and therefore the infidel will have to see the marriage as “all bad.”
As mentioned earlier, if you encapsulate these feelings at this point, they will only lie dormant to be triggered again later. I usually encourage the infidel to share his feelings with his spouse, after seeking counsel. After all, the spouse has been involved in this story already (in that all affairs are a triangle, even if the spouse is unaware) and might as well know the secrets that are occurring in his/her marriage.
The next concept here is to journal. Write down the feelings you are experiencing in this rather involved and tortuous journey. Feelings don’t have to control an individual, but their influence is strongest when they are held in secret. The longings that have led to this emotional affair are a part of the childhood magic; journaling them gets them out into the open, into the adult realm.
The next step is displacement. Use this process in tandem with some of the other processes. Here you do something else in lieu of focusing on the partner. You can exercise, get involved in spiritual development, or take on different projects or hobbies. This is the “doing” part of healing.
The final idea is to grieve. Though this is extremely difficult for the spouse to observe, it is important and necessary. Many times this needs to start with a “good-bye” letter (written to the adulterous partner). Most infidels find this very painful to do. It seems so unnecessary initially, because (seemingly “nothing evil has happened,” since they didn’t have sex. Only after thorough processing, and the passage of time, will the infidel be able to look back and see how befuddled his/her thinking really was.
This is also a good time for the infidel to review his/her “loss history,” and this leads naturally to grieving. What other significant caregivers, friends, loved ones, or pets has the infidel lost that parallel the lost feelings in giving up the affair? The infidel will probably want to do this in private and only later will be able to share the depth of the experience with his spouse.
(A caution here: The depression is not about what you feel for the partner, but just what you are feeling, period. Keep the partner out of the equation-it will make it easier for your souse to listen to your feelings, and easier for you to connect with the feelings in your heart that need processing.)
The Healing Process
Neither your partner nor your spouse can release you from the emotional hook you’ve experienced. Many spouses caught in this kind of emotional affair have found portions of The Serenity Prayer helpful:
“Lord, grant me the serenity
to accept the things I cannot change,
the courage to change the things I can,
and the wisdom to know the difference.”
Be careful of changing the components around. Don’t try to change the things you cannot change-that will only lead to frustration and anger. On the other hand, don’t accept the things you should be changing—that will only lead to feelings of victimization, a sense of “What’s the use? I can’t lick this, so I might as well give in.”
Time, the healing process, always requires a backward look. Encouragement is not usually the result if you look to where you need to be, feel like you ought to be, or even want to be. You will see the feelings diminish as you look backward to where you were three, six or nine months ago.
Rebuild and concentrate on the lost relationships that contributed to the vacuum that the emotional affair filled. That could require quite a search on your part, some intense conversations (even confrontations) with people in your life, a lot of focused reading, and even some trips/visits to significant places in your childhood.
Enjoy the process and reschedule the experiences that made your marriage good in the first place. Here I encourage couples to each identify the “eight greats” of their marital experience. Independently, each spouse should identify the eight great experiences, or highlights, of their marital history, then decide together on five that they’d like to repeat. You see, shared history is a critical component of intimacy. Rare is the spouse who won’t join “the almost infidel” in this endeavor and experience recovery from close call. Why, most of us had close calls ourselves.
Some Cautions for the Infidel
Temptations do not an identity make. Some people struggle with the same temptation for years. For instance, just because someone wants to smoke again because he’s tempted doesn’t mean he’s a smoker. Don’t let the temptation to return to the partner shame you into feeling “What’s the use? I might as well give in. I’ll never be free of these feelings.”
Second, remember that in periods of high stress, difficult emotions, transition, and marital dullness, you will feel an increased desire to return to the partner or to renew thoughts of him/her. At times, infidels report that they have yearnings to think about this person just to see if the feelings are still “available” as in the days gone by. This “testing” is common to obsessive-compulsive behaviors, and the intent is to prove to oneself how far one has come in the recovery process.
Be careful—this process can begin to mimic the destabilization process of a Class 2 affair described in chapter 6. As mentioned there, such practices only intensify, rather than lessen, the attraction—and the hook goes much deeper.
Some Encouragement for the Spouse
First, remember that these longings were present in your spouse before you entered his or her life. You didn’t create them, and you probably can’t fully satisfy them.
Second, you did tap into those longings early in your relationship in some fashion. The longings were present in the initial feelings of what love is all about. For whatever reason, the infidel settled for the initial feelings of what love is all about and superficial satisfaction of those longings, versus deepening and maturing them. This is not your fault. Many times it is the result of a combination of circumstances: work, school, family, and so on. But the exciting thing is now you both can go deeper in your love for each other.
Last, both of you will eventually forget the partner. The memories of this experience will fade in the same way that a widow or widower forgets abut the loss of a god first marriage if the second marriage is a pleasant experience.
It is possible to rebuild after an emotional affair has been discovered. Work through these steps and you will make progress. This is the kind of stuff emotional intimacy is built on, and that is the key to any good marriage.
The above article comes from the excellent book, TORN ASUNDER - Recovery from Extramarital Affairs -By Dave Carder. This book is very comprehensive and is a great practical guide for dealing with extramarital affairs. It’s very comprehensive because it carefully sorts out the different kinds of affairs and deals with each kind —giving very practical and insightful information. It doesn’t lump all infidelity together “giving over-simplistic spiritual answers.” It’s practical because “it deals with daily, gut-level issues both partners face.” We highly recommend getting this book!
There are a couple of parts that especially stand out and set it apart from other resources. One in particular which is EXCELLENT is titled: “When Your Spouse Doesn’t Want You Back: The 90-Day Experiment.” We wish we could have put this portion of the book on our web site but it’s too long to be able to honor the author’s copyright privilege and it really can’t be shortened to do it justice. You really need to get the book to have this as well as the other helpful information.
(If you’re dealing with this problem and you can’t get this book in your country then please contact the publisher at the above web site and see if there’s something that can be arranged.)
They also have a section in it which includes a questionnaire that addresses: “Are You at Risk for an Affair?” It’s an excellent tool to identify personal growth areas for you and your spouse to discuss and develop and is designed to help evaluate personal history and lifestyle which parallels with those who have been involved in adultery. We were surprised by some of the questions and what can set people up to have an affair. It might help you too. This book is filled with many other great insights also!
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The above article hits home because I am in the middle of this very situation. I returned to college to become an RN. I am 47 years old and have been married for 25 years. I have been, what I thought, a strong Christian for 15 years and felt going to a junior college would not rock my foundation. My husband and I have had our fair share of problems, but in the last 5 years, our relationship seemed to be finally heading in the right direction.
A requirement for the nursing program was English 101. The first day my instructor walked in I fell for his good looks, but thought nothing of it, as I had seen other good looking men on campus. One day, he gives me a heart-shaped rock, in front of the class, and made a big deal of how perfectly shaped into a heart it was. The whole class applauded. I felt very, very flattered but knew I was headed for a rocky road. He knew I was married but found ways for us to “work” together. He wanted me to work on a newsletter and then later, I got involved typing one of his stories that he submitted for possible publication.
However, God, being loving and merciful, found ways in which to end these projects. The newsletter never got funding from the college and I found his story so disturbing I could not continue. I guess I was allowed to see into his psyche, and I did not like what I saw. The quarter ended in December 2006 and it took me 5 months to go through all those steps and get him out of my heart.
Then, ironically, just when I thought I had it all together, I was walking out of Chemistry class this past summer and I ran into him again. Just what little time we spent talking started my heart’s yearning all over again. I was amazed at how accurate this article was in stating that we can “renew” these feelings again, that the temptation can and does continue.
The stressors were numerous. The courses were far more challenging than I thought and together with knowing I was starting all over late in life, I can look back and see how my foundation was shaken. Now, let me be quick to say Jesus was not what was shaken, He remains the same yesterday, today and forever. But I was shaken. I often questioned why God allowed this to happen. I could have had any other instructor instead. But Father knows best and fully believing I am in the palms of His hands, I have learned more than what college had to teach me. I learned about myself and what has been buried, deep down, that the Lord felt was time to bring up to the surface to be dealt with. You see, this is not the first time I had been in an “affair of the heart”. Jesus said as a person thinks, so they are. If we as much as look upon another with lust ,we are guilty of adultry. So, my sin was ever before the Lord, but never completely up-rooted, until the fall of 2006.
Jesus loves us so much that He does not want us to stay stagnate in our sins. He set us captives free, but I kept walking back into my cell. What the Son sets free, is free indeed! Praise God.
(USA) I am currently going through this situation. I am finding it very difficult to separate from the other person. It is so overwhelmingly difficult. I have tried to talk to my husband, but he doesn’t understand. When I initially recognized my feeling for another man I told my husband my concerns and he didn’t even react.
I feel so lost and confused on one hand the "other" man is completely feeding this innate desire where my husband just can’t. It is difficult to choose to be around my husband when all he does is put me down and criticize me. Even though several people have told him that he needs to change, he just can’t. I am left in a situation where I know what is right and just, but I feel so remorseful in thinking about a future with someone whom I feel doesn’t love me. The temptation is so great to be with another man who does.
I understand that this fantasy may be a lie, but how can I choose to be with a man who thinks I am a horrible, unattractive wife, and who is so critical of me? How can I turn away from a man who thinks I am beautiful and lifts me up?
My husband and I have been in counseling for two months prior to this and I got to the point where I just felt that I had to change. Our therapist looked me in the eye and said "you have been trying that for nine years." Please pray for me.
(USA) Hi Jen, Thanks for looking for help and writing to this website. It’s a really great place for people who feel like they are losing their way somewhat.
I would say that the other man lifting you up and making you feel beautiful is Satan’s way of trying to draw you in to the "love" of the world/the way of the world and away from the love, the true love, of God. Satan is an expert at that. He seems to know the fleshly desires of us humans VERY well and he tempts us so subtly, so adeptly.
Here’s my advice – well, you already feel convicted and know that going to another man is wrong. You should read ALL the articles on this website concerning that and do so prayerfully. The one thing I’ve learned in my Christian walk is that not every word written or spoken by a Christian is for everyone. Glean the pieces that you know apply to you (from the articles here) and use that as a jumping off point in your relationship with God. Then read the scriptures that seem to apply to your situation.
Where this is ultimately leading is to have God love you in place of the lack of love from your husband. It’s a shame he doesn’t want to try to change or doesn’t know how, but where humans fail and falter, God steps in.
Learn to believe that God loves you and sees worth. Once you become strong in that, and that’s what leads to spiritual maturity and strength, then you can start to "listen" to the cues from the Holy Spirit as to what God wants of you as a wife and where He will lead your marriage.
There are times when we have to "go it alone" spiritually and learn to live without certain physical things. Sometimes that’s material things, sometimes it’s the love of other people, including spouses. These are the trials God allows to make us stronger in Him. We can’t graduate to the next spiritual level without mastering the one before.
I think right now you need to find the way to let God fill up that hole/void in your life that your husband currently isn’t filling. Here is a REALLY good article pertaining to that :
http://www.marriagemissions.com/even-a-great-husband-makes-a-poor-god/
Right now it sounds as though you are looking to you husband first to fill a need he can’t and since he can’t you’ll start to look to another man to fill it, despite the fact you already know it’s a sin. Here’s what you need to do – let God fill that hole. Humans are always going to let us down, spouse or not. It’s how strong, at those times, we are in Christ that gets us through easily or with difficulty. I think the article above will REALLY speak to you right now. With love, LT
(NIGERIA) Please, I have a feeling that my husband is having an affair. A friend of mine told me he had a vision that I have to be very prayerful about so that no other woman would take my place in my husbands heart. I have started praying about it but I want you to also pray with me. I cherish my marriage so much and I don’t want to lose it. I’ve been married for four years now. Thanks in anticipation of your response to my mail.
(USA) Hi, I have been married for 22 years this July/08 and I married my 2nd lover. We have a 12 and 8 year old beautiful girls with loving hearts. Four years ago, a person came into my life in the gym. I was/am completely smitten by him. We’ve had this long affair/LOVE for a long time and I strongly agree our love for each other is REAL. Things we did such as: spend time together every minute possible, text, call, look at the moon a certain time, buy each other gifts, travel, etc…. I seriously feel it was all real.
I have finally called it quits. I finally asked him 6 months ago if we would ever be WE. He said, "No for Now". Well…NO IS NO. I just HAD to stop. it’s been 4 years in March and I’m hurting so deeply. He is 13 years younger than me and he and his wife have not had children. That was his #1 and only excuse. I told him I was done in that department 3 years ago. WHY did he continue breaking my heart if he knew he wanted children and it wouldn’t happen with me?
His wife knows…my husband knows….I’ve been out of my home for 1 year and I’m still very very much in love with my lover. I love everything about him…even his faults. He texted me on new years 07, valentines 08, our anniversary in march 08, and my B-day in April 08. I did the unthinkable and e-mailed his wife again…asking her to have him STOP contacting me. She didn’t believe me and wanted proof…..again. So…I sent her proof. I know…I’M A BAD PERSON FOR DOING THAT. I just need for him to STOP because I LOVE and MISS HIM SO and feel I may give in. Even after contacting his wife 4 times….he would STILL continue to have this affair w/me because he says he’s in love with me.
I need help here…..I’m depressed all the time. When I don’t have my girls…I sit on the couch……I’ve joined a running club….met a couple of friends…but I think about my ex-lover ALL THE TIME! I need someone help me. I will purchase some books from Dave Carder and hope this helps me. Desperately seeking some help for my emotional feelings. Demi
(USA) Hi Demi, I know what it’s like to try and get unhooked from an affair – I had to do it years ago and it IS hard. I want to tell you that I COMPLETELY agree 100% with your decision to contact the wife and tell her what has been going on. That doesn’t make you bad, that makes you mature. That’s the appropriate and mature thing to do. He won’t stop contacting you on his own (which makes me question exactly how much respect he actually has for you), so it’s a natural course of action to enlist his wife’s help in that matter. I would think she’d be interested, anyway, out of concern for her marriage.
At this point, he’s disrespecting you by continuing to contact you despite your asking him not to, and he’s disrespecting his wife by continuing to contact someone with whom he had an affair. It sounds as though he does not have a lot of respect for the women in his life, but ultimately, knowing what I know about psychology, that stems from a lack of respect for himself, deep down, he’s just not aware of it.
At any rate – I wanted to suggest you to visit the following page on this website : http://www.marriagemissions.com/total-separation-the-right-way-to-end-an-affair/
There are a LOT of comments there of people going through exactly what you are as well as those of us (myself included) who can comment because we’ve been there and know what it’s like to feel what you feel and to try and stop.
I left quite a few comments there for other women so I’d like you to read those (and their stories as well, for context) but what it all boils down to is whether the affair was physical or not, it’s the emotions that are all the same. The emotional obsession (thinking about a person ALL the time) is the dangerous part of an affair and what is hard to get unhooked from. But please see the link above and read through the comments when you can. There is some REALLY useful information there.
Satan is really tempting you with this other man, especially considering that man keeps contacting you despite your requests to the contrary. This is why I believe that man not only does not respect you, but your love is more of an obsession, not real love. I was surprised that someone who is (I’m guessing) in their 40’s, would believe that what you had with this other man is true love. True, Godly love does not rejoice in iniquity (I Corinthians 13) and two married people carrying on with someone who is not their spouse is iniquity.
Therefore, by the very nature of what the scriptures say, your love with this man is not real or true. You’re using the worlds definition of love, not God’s. But we are all human and a product of the world so it’s not unexpected for you to think that, I just felt compelled to point that out to you.
What you feel and felt is obsession, not love. It’s easy to look past someone’s flaws when you don’t live with them. It’s a desire of the flesh, but I applaud your efforts at doing the right thing and bringing it to a halt. I also applaud your coming to this site and taking the courageous steps of sharing with us as well as searching for answers. This web site has been of unspeakable help to me in recent trials I had and know it’s of help to a lot of others and, hopefully, will be to you as well.
Continue in your faith and rely on God’s strength to carry you through. Your relationship with God is what needs to be stronger – so strong to the point you won’t need any other people to fill voids in your life. That’s something I’ve come to in my own spiritual walk but it was only recently, it’s not natural (even for Christians) and it requires a lot of work. That is where, once you get to that point, you will be able to rise above the storms of this fleshly life, and be able to find your way past this affair.
I’ll keep you in my prayers, LT
(USA) LT, Thank you so much for the vote of confidence. I will be looking at the website you mentioned. I just wanted to tell you thank you. I still however, do believe my love for him is real. I know….books I’ve read…people I’ve talked to …etc. …all have said it’s a fantasy and it’s not real …..BUT WHY DOES IT HURT SO SO VERY MUCH? I have thrown all the stuff he gave me away….but I can’t get rid of the e-mails ….for they have poems he has written me, e-mails, PICTURES. lots of them. Why LT …why does it hurt? I haven’t physically seen him since Nov. 2, 2007. I miss him so very much. I hated to tell him to leave me alone. I hated to. I have deleted his yahoo msnger ID from my list …but I go to my mail and see if he’s on line. WHY do I do this? I guess I wonder if he still loves me…or if he really ever did …or if I was an addition to him. I hate to think he just used me because I love him so. Demi
(USA) Hi Demi, You’re welcome for the note. I wrote what I felt God wanted me to write.
My gut instinct on why it hurts and why you are still thinking of this man is because you don’t have anything as strong to replace the void that the affair (ending it) has left. There is now a vacuum.
It sounds as though you are filling it up somewhat with your groups that you’re joining, and with the time you have with your girls. But only Christ can REALLY fill up that void all the way to where you won’t feel the hurt left by the vacuum of losing a lover (be it a husband or an illicit lover).
I lost my Dad a couple of years ago and my parents were married more than 35 years at the time of his passing. She hurt a LOT (understandably) and also felt a void. She said something that I found poignant and that spoke volumes to me – as hard as it was to lose my Dad, she said she lost her husband and she was sad, but through all that she never lost her inner "joy." That joy, being Christ. Joy is one of the fruits of the spirit (listed in Galatians 5). I found that profound when she spoke that.
My point in saying all that is to point you to Christ. That’s where you’re going to find true, everlasting healing and love again. Read your Bible daily. That, too, will help fill up the hours.
You really should read that page I linked you to, also, when you get the time. There are a lot of women there recently coming out of affairs (mine was a LONG time ago) and many of them talk about coming out of the "fog."
For closure’s sake I will say that the other man you were seeing was probably not using you (at least not consciously). I think you two were weak and gave in to each other. You both gave each other something that you both felt you needed (it’s what both of your flesh needed) at the time. But you’ve recognized it as sin and now you know better and now you are starting the journey toward healing. I understand the need for closure on that. I hope that’s somewhat of an explanation to put your questions to rest about the other man.
Dear Demi, I’m sorry for your hurt but there is so much hope out there and I know, with Christ, you will find the way past all of this. God bless, keep us posted, LT
(USA) I stumbled onto your site in my desperate search for help. I have been married for 15 years to a wonderful man whom I love. That is why I have been so confused and baffled about what has happened to me over the last few months. I started a new job Nov. 5, 2007. I work as a Certified Spanish Interpreter at a courthouse, so I constantly circulate around the building between 19 courtrooms (I am assigned to a different floor each day), so I see a lot of lawyers, judges, probation officers, defendants, etc. I have been doing this type of work for 6 years. I have never had a problem before.
I consider myself a godly woman. I love Jesus deeply and have a passionate relationship with Him. I have daily devotions, attend a deeply spiritual, revival church 3-4 times a week. Anyway, shortly after starting this new job, I interpreted for a trial. On a break, the deputy district attorney who was prosecuting the case introduced himself and asked me my name and where I was from, etc. It was not anything unusual. I was new, and lots of people -men and women -did the same.
I told my two co-workers how impressed I was with the friendliness of the people here and mentioned about the conversation with this particular DA. They were very surprised and said that he was a very quiet person and never really conversed with anyone. I observed afterward, that he was visibly pleased to see me whenever I was assigned to the courtroom where he works. Although we never had another actual conversation, only comments in passing, he began to watch me whenever I was in his courtroom, devouring me with his liquid brown eyes. The thought would go through my head– "Wow, he looks at me just the way my husband used to!"
Let me insert here a brief explanation regarding my husband. He suffered a back injury in 1999, has had two surgeries, lives with chronic pain, takes high-powered prescription drugs, deals with severe depression and self-esteem issues due to the pain and his inability to support the family. Through all of that, his interest in sex and his ability to perform have dwindled to almost nothing, and I have to initiate love making most of the time. He is a very kind, loving person, albeit rather lethargic (meds.?). I love spending time with him.
Well, I needless to say, I began to feel a very strong attraction toward this DA and would think about him day and night. At the same time, I was fighting these feelings and thoughts tooth and toenail, and prayed about it a lot and even fasted and went forward for prayer at church. I began suffering from bouts of severe depression and thoughts of suicide, mostly out of self-hatred for even having such thoughts. I have always wanted to please God above everything else and this was shattering my own self image (which has always been very low, with the exception that I knew I was a woman after God’s heart).
I tried to avoid this man all I could, except that at times the desire for just one look, just a little attention, just one gesture to let me know that someone still finds me desirable would overcome me, and when I would have to go into his courtroom, I would find myself trying to catch his eye, waiting for the moment he would look up and acknowledge my presence with a wink or smile. That was all and as time went by this spring, I was able to think less and less about him and would thank God sometimes when I would realize that 2-3 days had gone by without him coming to mind.
Then 4 weeks ago, unexpectedly I was assigned to a trial in another courtroom on a different floor and, lo and behold, he was the DA assigned to that trial. His regular judge was out, so he had been temporarily re-assigned –unbeknown to me, of course. I thought I could handle it, because I had "gotten over" him. But he sat by me and talked at every pause and break, and at one point put his arm around me and let his hand run along my waist in back. By the end he asked if he could help me carry the earphone equipment back to my office. I was so befuddled- I should have declined- but I let him.
As he left, he gave me a light hug about the shoulders, telling me what a pleasure it had been working with me that day. The ground melted away beneath my feet. Not to sound vulgar, but the hormonal rush that I experienced was so strong, I felt almost physically sick for nearly 24 hours afterward. I could not sleep that night. I asked my husband to make love around midnight, hoping to calm the raging storm inside of me.
I knew this affair had reached a crisis point, that I could never allow myself to be in close proximity with this man again. God is helping me. In spite of all my condemnation and my guilt and depression and relapses in to thinking things I shouldn’t, I cannot understand why He continually holds me in His arms and gives me promises from His Word.
A week ago I promised God that I would renounce completely any and all contact with this man. Up until now I have not been able to bring myself to be "rude" to him. But yesterday I was assigned to his courtroom, I had to go in there briefly twice and although I could tell that he was trying to catch my eye, I managed with God’s help (I prayed before I went in) to avoid any contact whatsoever. Sorry this is so long. If you have any suggestions, let me know.
(USA) Dear Rebecca, I just want you to know that you are being prayed for and cared about VERY much! The battle you are waging at this time is such a fierce one, but one that needs to be fought with every fiber of your being — with God as your strength. It is as much a spiritual warfare battle as it is any other, and probably more-so. The enemy of our faith comes to rob and steal and deceive. I pray you are able to withstand the attack.
Right now you are fighting an addiction of a fantasy that needs to lose its stronghold over your thought life and emotions. Just like with any addiction, the more you feed it, the stronger it grows. And as you try to pull away, the battle becomes all the more fierce to escape its stranglehold.
You ask for suggestions. What comes to mind as I pray for you is to encourage you to keep the faith, hang on, and take courage. You are heading in the right direction. By pulling away, fleeing, staying on the alert, resisting and praying, you are doing what it takes to escape. Unfortunately, this is a time when you will have to gut it out. No matter how difficult things get, either on the home front or with the pull you will feel at work, keep denying this stronghold to have any power in your life (even if you have to be “rude”).
I know. I was in a similar situation many years ago. Even though I loved my husband, and I loved my Lord, I found myself caught up in the emotional battle you are now waging. And I could tell, that this man was also tempted, even though we never spoke a word about it. There was definitely a chemistry going on between us. But I knew I had to deny it any power in my life. I had to fight the horrible battle within.
But I was determined not to allow myself to go any farther down a wrong path than I had. I was determined to pull away and not feed my wrong thoughts and emotions any longer. I kept throwing the thoughts and emotions out, just like they were garbage, as immediately as they presented themselves to me (which was hundreds and hundreds of times). They were horribly persistent. But I determined that I would be all the more persistent.
Eventually, just like with an addiction, if you don’t feed it, it will lose strength (even though at times, it doesn’t seem possible that it will). I now look back and realize how close I came to throwing everything away that I believed in. No matter what my circumstances were at home, wrong is wrong. I’m so glad I fought and gutted through the situation and made decision to do what was right. I pray you are able to continue to do the same as you are doing right now.
I’m proud of you for fighting this as you are. Hang in there. We support you in prayer and believe you can do this with God’s strength and help. No matter how weary you get in waging this battle, never lose sight of the victory you can have as you lean upon the Lord.
“Do you not know? Have you not heard? The LORD is the everlasting God, the Creator of the ends of the earth. He will not grow tired or weary and increases the power of the weak. Even youths grow tired and weary, and young men stumble and fall; but those who hope in the LORD will renew their strength. They will soar on wings like eagles; they will run and not grow weary, they will walk and not be faint” (Isaiah 40:28-31). “So do not fear, for I am with you; do not be dismayed, for I am your God. I will strengthen you and help you; I will uphold you with my righteous right hand” (Isaiah 41:10).