But what I’ve learned through the years is that God does not call our husbands into something that He will not also call us into as well, in some supportive capacity (and visa versa). It would be against God’s nature to split a marriage like this where the husband is called to be a pastor but the wife is not called to be a pastor’s wife.

It may not be our “comfort zone” to do what He’s called us to do, but isn’t that like God? He stretches us beyond ourselves. And God may be stretching you to the point where it hurts. But trust Him — He knows what He is doing.

I remember years ago, “struggling” with many issues that involved being in the “spotlight” because of my husband’s position. And then I heard Elisabeth Elliot say that when you struggle with something, it is usually because of delayed obedience. I knew she was right. I was not looking through God’s perspective on these things. I needed to surrender and say “Here am I Lord, send me.” “I may not speak so good, but I’m willing all the same.”

I’ve always been a quieter person, not liking to be out in front for all to see (and many to judge). But I realized that God was asking for my obedience and my trust that He would help me in the ways I needed it. He was asking me to participate with Him and trust Him for His empowerment when He called me to do something that I felt inadequate to do. My calling as my husband’s support partner is every bit as vital as his calling is as well. And I’ve come to know that God and I can do this together as long as I focus on what GOD can do and not on what I don’t think I can do.

As a result, I’ve had some amazing experiences and have watched what God has done through me (and sometimes in spite of me). I’d have missed all of that if I would have kept my eyes on my inadequacies instead of God’s amazing power.

Please don’t keep embracing what you think a pastor’s wife should be. You limit the ways that God wants to use YOU. I’ve seen pastor’s wives that do almost everything positive in the church that you can imagine a pastor’s wife could do. I’ve seen pastor’s wives who are quieter supports and have been a huge blessing as well in the ways that they allowed God to use them. And I’ve seen pastor’s wives who are “feisty” and fun and do God’s work in a totally different way. And they’ve all done just fine — better than fine, because they never denied God anything and God has used them in amazing and different ways.

Penny, you may like being a “loner” (I do too) but it could be that just like Moses, He doesn’t want you to spend all of your life that way. Life isn’t about making our lives work for us, but to join Him in Kingdom work — in whatever way He knows is best. He may want to stretch you, and yet you’re struggling. I’m not saying that God is going to have you in a highly visible leadership capacity, but who knows? God does. Seek His heart on this.

He may not have you “deal with others” to the degree that you think you might have to, but I can assure you that if you do, and you seek God’s heart and His ways, you’ll do just fine.

Not all “1st ladies” are good ones — but maybe it’s because they’ve taken their focus off of God and onto themselves and others. (We see that certain Pharisees and religious leaders in the Bible did that and Jesus criticized them for it.) Keep your focus on Christ and you will do fine in whatever way He calls you. I hope you will.

If you need extra insights and help with this journey God is taking you on, go into the “Links” part of this section of the web site and visit the various web site links we provide — contacting those that you believe will best help you. Again, I hope you will. As they say, “Go with God, girl!”

“Therefore, since we are surrounded by such a great cloud of witnesses, let us throw off everything that hinders and the sin that so easily entangles, and let us run with perseverance, the race marked out for us. Let us fix our eyes on Jesus, the author and perfecter of our faith…” (Hebrews 12:1-2).

Also, I’ve learned to be a loner and like it that way. In the position I will have to deal with others. At the present I’m not sure how well I will do with that. Thanks