You are carrying around a burden of your heart that is too heavy for you to drag around. Please read Matthew 11:28-30 and embrace it into your life. God says, “Come to me, all you who are weary and burdened.” He wants to give you relief as you learn from Him for He “is gentle and humble in heart” and will give you “rest” for your tired soul.

Please recognize that the enemy of our faith is deceiving you and is trying to keep you down to approach life as one who is dejected. I highly recommend that you read the article titled “Discerning the Difference Between the Conviction of the Holy Spirit and the Condemnation of the Enemy” featured in the “Spiritual Matters” section of this web site. There are other articles I believe you should read as well such as “The Journey of Forgiving Yourself” (found in the “Bitterness and Forgiveness” section) and “Living in Confidence Because of Who You Are” (featured in the “Mental and Physical Health” section). I believe these articles can help you get to a healthier place in your thinking. God is our Redeemer.

The Apostle Paul certainly grabbed onto that fact. If he hadn’t, he would never have been able to get past his past sinful past. He knew that we serve a God of grace who redeems our past sin and can use us in amazing ways as long as we follow the principles laid out in Philippians 3:12-16. We are to release ourselves from “what is behind” after we confess our sin to God and strain “toward what is ahead.”

I hope you will do this Chioniso. Whether God has a husband in your future or not, I don’t know. But please don’t limit God by closing your eyes to this possibility if God ordains that you participate in this with Him. If you are to marry, you will find a man who will be able to look beyond what you did in your past and will see you as the woman of grace that God has helped you to become.

And please don’t allow the enemy of our faith to tie your emotions up in knots any longer. He has been entertained long enough. Go with God in this — accept His gift of grace and you will be amazed at all God can do in and through you. Your past sin is no worse than mine or anyone else’s. Confess, release, and look to God for a brighter future. Please know that my love, encouragement, and prayers are with you.

Right now I have decided to stay single for the rest of my life as I feel that no man would accept or trust me. Whenever I am in a relationship I find it difficult to explain how I lost my virginity and mostly I end up calling off the relationship. Please help me, I am confused.

You make a similar distinction later, saying that if her boyfriend is not "saved" then he will not necessarily remain faithful.

With all due respect, I object to both statements. Although Christianity has a wonderful moral code, it is certainly possible for non-Christians to live similar lives–while not believing–just as it is possible for practicing Christians to violate that code. I think using the label of "saved" or "not saved" as a way of determining their beliefs and behavior is overly simplistic and offensive to those of us who choose to live moral lives, even as we choose to define our spiritual lives on our own terms.

Please understand this is a void that can only be filled by unconditional love and forgiveness. If you are confused and disappointed now, in the future when any amount of pressure is added to this relationship this weak place will be affected. Since God has kept you this long and you do have some concerns about a commitment with this individual, your own questions confirm your doubts. "The blessing of the Lord, it maketh rich, and He addeth no sorrow with it."(Prov. 10:22)

You are a blessing for the husband that finds you, will this be a blessing to you? God has a plan for you, do you believe that this is it? If so you should have no regrets. God Bless,
Regretfully Yours.

Then one must look at the importance of a covenant compared to a contract or any other agreement. A covenant is so special and based on biblical principles with heavenly blessings. I can give more info if needed.

First I would like to explain your situation at the moment and if your purity and refraining from premarital sex means anything. Refraining from premarital sex is a biblical principle and something the Lord honours very much. Therefore I accept you being a saved child of God who would love to live according to God’s Word. Well then, you are a very special and blessed person to be able to keep yourself from premarital sex. The Lord will honour you for that so please don’t see it as missed opportunities or wasting time. Yes, the unsaved world will see it as a waste of time for they don’t understand Gods Word.

Now we look at your boyfriend’s situation. First you need to determine if he has committed his life to the Lord, because you don’t want to engage into a relationship with an unsaved person. An unsaved person will never understand the importance of your refraining from sex, for the Bible says it is foolishness to the world (the unsaved). If he is saved then God has forgiven all his transgressions and we’re not allowed to keep it against him, but unsaved you have no guarantee that he will stay true to you.

And I would like to emphasize that you have something special and you should share it with somebody special. Please accept this with the love of the Lord for He only wants a special life for you. See Jeremiah 29:11 for the thoughts the Lord has each one of us. Take care.

This man knows about my aversion to premarital sex, and if we actually did get into a relationship (theoretically)…. he wouldn’t ever push me to have sex before marriage with him. So that’s not a concern. The real issue here is my disappointment with his past. I’ve told him that I see premarital sex as not respecting the other person… but he doesn’t see it that way. He says he respects women very much (and his other actions do back that up). So I’m just confused.