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Have you seen God revive a dead or dying marriage? Explain
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(USA) I have to be honest and say NO, I have never personally witnessed God revive a dead or dying marriage.
My first perspective was my own marriage. My former wife had an affair, moved out, took the kid, said she had to find herself, etc. It took me a couple of months to get the details that she was actually having an affair.
I was on my knees the moment she said she wanted to move out. I begged God to show me what, if anything I had done, and nothing came to me. I asked God to put the hedge of protection around our family, as Hosea did in his marriage with Gomer, yet my former wife apparently found comfort and whatever she was looking for in the arms of her married lover and not in her husband. I asked our church to address the situation, to intervene, not in a fashion to condemn her, but in the manner described in Matthew 18 to lovingly win a sinning member back to Christ, back to the body of Christ and back to her husband, and they refused.
I asked my former wife to share with me what she felt my failures where, where I had to improve, what I had done wrong, and while she promised to share this information in a letter to me after the divorce was final, not even that information was provided.
So time and time again, seeking to work on myself, seeking to understand, seeking God’s guidance to love and understand her as He did. Seeking to be transformed into the man that was so compelling of an excellent husband, far more valuable than the man who would abandon his family to have an affair, asking God to speak to her in a fashion that was compelling and unmistakable that it was Him speaking to her. Asking God to put roadblocks in the way of the affair, the divorce, asking for the hedge of protection, to make the affair and divorce more painful than doing the work to build a strong marriage, and on and on again.
Not one of those prayers was answered with a yes.
So if you were to ask me if God is concerned and active in saving marriages, I would say from my experience no.
Can He? Sure, I believe He can.
Will He? I think in most situations, no. In 40 some years of life, I cannot recall a case where I’ve personally witnessed God save a marriage either in my life, or the lives of those around me.
(USA) I think that God restores marriages but I feel like in my case it will not happen. I have tried to “let go and let God”, but it is hard because I want my marriage so bad. I must say that I have seen God work miracles in marriages so I would not say it will not happen. I just question if the miracle will be worked in my marriage before I decide to go through with a divorce. I know that I am getting tired and ready to give up.
(SOUTH AFRICA) Lisa do not give up on God. He is true to His promises. He works to fulfill His promises to those who believe Him and seek Him with all their hearts. Seek Him and His righteousness and He will give you your heart desires. God created marriage and if you have faith and remain patient, He will fulfill His promise to you that what God has put together let no man put asunder. My dear sister Jesus is alive and He is for you and not against you. Be encouraged.
(USA) Why prayers do not get answered and why SOME marriages do not get restored is because our human nature tends to make us doubt, question, want it now, and thus try to do it ourselves and mess it up more. People pray and when they don’t get instant results they give up. WRONG MOVE. Prayers get answered, even marriages restored when people who are standing for their marriage ask God to do it for them, but then they worry, doubt etc… you can’t do that, you must have tremendous faith that it will be done, anything else is saying God is a liar.
He says if you seek Him first ALL will be added unto you, He says with God ALL is possible. If you are praying in His will and then asking for real forgiveness of YOUR sins (this means that YOUR heart and mind are free of anger, resentment etc.. toward your husband and ANYONE else!), and come to Him with a clean heart, then you must leave it with Him, He is working on your behalf, you may not see it, but He is doing it, and YOU must stay in prayer, seek His Word, and mainly TRUST AND BELIEVE it will be done in HIS time, not yours! That is the hard part.
We are human, and we let the devil put negative thoughts in our minds, we must conquer those with God’s Word in our minds. When you ask God to help, Satan fires those darts, and keeps firing them. God uses things to make us strong, to bring US to HIM. He also will allow Satan to do things to accomplish GOD’S WORK. Sometimes drastic measures are needed (Read Jonah and Luke 15-(prodigal son)–those who perserveres will overcome, God will return to you what was lost and in a huge way. DO NOT GIVE UP!
The writer of this blog is WRONG! It may not have worked for that person because HE may have had something left in HIS life that he has yet to conquer. Get yourselves to that place of total trust in God. I have finally gotten there, it is a different place! It is total trust and belief, no doubts, no worries–just know HE is working on it. Be steadfast! Do not let anyone steer you off course, Satan will use others to bring you down and make you doubt.
God wants people who BELIEVE, not just believe He died on the cross, even Satan believes that, No, God wants us to believe HE CAN DO ANYTHING, as long as you are asking for things in His will, He will do as promised! TRUST-get yourselves there for real blessings from God! I am there. I got there through my tithing–I tusted God to give me what I need as He promises us, and IT IS TRUE!!!! People have that doubt when they give money, when you give it and TRUST that God will give back even more than you gave, HE DOES DO IT 100 FOLD! I will pray for all those standing on God’s promises for marriage, Please pray for my separation also. Thanks! God bless!
(USA) Hi Kris, Thank God for that spirit of encouragement. Life seems to get harder and harder and we want to let ourselves go when we think God is not responding. We should know better than that. Its more painful out of faith than in it.
For anyone struggling with doubt, there is one thing that works all the time. Read the Bible regularly and it transforms you effortlessly. It becomes your reality. Thank you Kris. Stay in the will of God.
(USA) Hi Kris, A double Amen to your commentary. Everything you’ve written is So, So, true. He DOES answer the deepest desires of our heart (Psalm 37) IF we delight in Him AND are committed to Him AND trust Him. As you pointed out, however, many people want what they want immediately. Have they led an obedient life which is pleasing to the Lord, and do they delight in Him; that is, His way of doing things?
My observation has been that, for many people, it’s a one sided relationship and so, they pray asking that their desires be answered and when they do not receive an immediate answer, they are a witness that God’s word isn’t true which, in essence, is calling God a liar. I consider that to be a serious sin. As it is written, “it is IMPOSSIBLE to please God without faith.” And, in the book of James we know that a double-minded person can accept nothing from the Lord. Well, I was SO encouraged by your words, Kris, and deeply touched by your faith. -Suzi
(USA) There is a great difference between believing God can do anything, as I’ve always believed that. The question is WILL God do anything? The answer in many/most cases is no. Especially if one of the two spouses doesn’t allow God to act in their life.
Can God act? Sure He can. However, God doesn’t force Himself on anyone else. His offer of salvation through grace is that, an offer. If it’s not accepted, then you are not saved. Doesn’t mean God can’t save you. It means you won’t accept salvation and God respects your decision.
The same is true with respect to the saving of a marriage. The betrayed spouse can have the greatest faith in God’s ability to act and prevail. Yet God will not force the unfaithful spouse to change, to drop their divorce, to end their affair, etc.
Romans 1:18-32 “The wrath of God is being revealed from heaven against all the godlessness and wickedness of men who suppress the truth by their wickedness, since what may be known about God is plain to them, because God has made it plain to them. For since the creation of the world God’s invisible qualities—his eternal power and divine nature—have been clearly seen, being understood from what has been made, so that men are without excuse.
For although they knew God, they neither glorified him as God nor gave thanks to him, but their thinking became futile and their foolish hearts were darkened. Although they claimed to be wise, they became fools and exchanged the glory of the immortal God for images made to look like mortal man and birds and animals and reptiles.
Therefore God gave them over in the sinful desires of their hearts to sexual impurity for the degrading of their bodies with one another. They exchanged the truth of God for a lie, and worshiped and served created things rather than the Creator—who is forever praised. Amen.
Because of this, God gave them over to shameful lusts. Even their women exchanged natural relations for unnatural ones. In the same way the men also abandoned natural relations with women and were inflamed with lust for one another. Men committed indecent acts with other men, and received in themselves the due penalty for their perversion.
Furthermore, since they did not think it worthwhile to retain the knowledge of God, he gave them over to a depraved mind, to do what ought not to be done. They have become filled with every kind of wickedness, evil, greed and depravity. They are full of envy, murder, strife, deceit and malice. They are gossips, slanderers, God-haters, insolent, arrogant and boastful; they invent ways of doing evil; they disobey their parents; they are senseless, faithless, heartless, ruthless. Although they know God’s righteous decree that those who do such things deserve death, they not only continue to do these very things but also approve of those who practice them.”
So apparently, even if something is the will of God and you or anyone has faith God can act, folks can reject God and God will give them up to their own desires. So is the lack of faith some are citing the lack of faith by the betrayed spouse or the lack of faith demonstrated by the unfaithful spouse.
I believe it is a lack of faith. However, to blame the betrayed spouse is to be out of touch with reality. It is the lack of faith demonstrated by the unfaithful spouse that is the problem.
No amount of faith displayed by the betrayed spouse can make up for the faithlessness of the unfaithful spouse. As long as the unfaithful spouse fails to put her faith in God, God’s powers really don’t matter with respect to saving the marriage.
The unfaithful spouse has to allow God to save her marriage. If she doesn’t, God will respect her choice and as we read in Romans, will give her over to her sinful desires to end the marriage.
(UK) Tony, I am sad to hear that you didn’t have the support or the encouragement needed at the time of your marriage challenges. I have witnessed for myself many marriage restorations, even one after both parties had married other people, then one of the spouses became a Christian & started to desire God’s will for her life. God is an awesome God, it’s not his will that any should perish, Amen.
Tony, here are some site’s that I believe will bless and encourage you in your stand. Rejoicemarriageministries.org Spirit of hosea.com This next site is to encourage you in your prayer life… awmi.net. Blessings, Angel x
(USA) Hi Tony, I’m so sorry for the pain you experienced with your first wife. I have no doubt that this was a devastating experience for you — like a horrible amputation without anesthetic. The pain is excruciating. I lived through it in my parent’s home and it was horrible. It changes who you are and how you approach life forever. I grieve with you over the hurt you have lived through. No one should ever have to be subjected to this type of pain. I’m so sorry.
But I’m also glad that you have found someone else to enter into marriage with, and prayerfully she will be your partner for life. I pray so.
As far as never knowing anyone who saw or was part of the revival of a dead or dying marriage, I’m so sorry that this has been your experience. But I want to know that it does happen. I want to point you to the “Testimony” parts of the “Save My Marriage” section — because we know at least one of the partners in each of the testimonies that we have posted. Some of them now have ministries that God has raised up for them from the ash heap experiences they lived through. We also know several of the couples in the “Surviving Infidelity” testimony section as well as the “Extra-marital Affairs” testimonies. They are vibrant, wonderfully alive and in love couples now.
Linda W. Rooks is another person we know, that saw God raise up what appeared to be their dead marriage. They were separated 3 years. She has a book that we feature in the “Separation and Divorce” section. It is titled “Broken Heart on Hold.” God is using her in miraculous ways to minister to those who are trying to survive separation.
Clint and Penny Bragg were divorced for 11 years and God brought them together in a miraculous way! We know them personally. They now head up Inverse Ministries and they are the most precious couple you could ever meet who absolutely love each other and who have their feet on the ground to help other struggling couples.
My husband and I are another example. We were also on the brink of divorce and God intervened and brought us back together and has been helping us ever since to build a solid, healthy, loving marital relationship ever since. My husband is my best friend and I love him more than I could ever describe. That’s pretty miraculous, given that I had no feelings for him whatsoever at one point in our marriage. That’s part of the reason we have such a passion to help others who feel helpless and hopeless. We’ve participated with God in a miracle in our own marriage. God still works in the lives of those who will listen and turn their hearts and lives back in His direction.
I could go on and on about all the couples we know who had dead or dying marriages who now have GREAT ones. They aren’t perfect, but who, other than Jesus Christ is? But they keep working with the Lord and are now doing great — growing stronger every day.
We were just at a conference for marriage and family ministries last month and we met at least another dozen couples who were at one point (or several points), either on the brink of divorce or had divorced. And yet they were there happily married again, ministering together to help other couples in trouble.
So while I grieve with you that your first wife never turned back to give your marriage a second chance, I want to assure you that there are many others who are back together and are walking miracles. Praise God!
I rejoice with you because of your present marriage and pray you will both grow closer and closer to each other and to Christ every day for the rest of your lives. May God bless your lives abundantly!!!
(USA) Cindy et al. It was a crisis of faith. You see, I believed God WOULD save my marriage, and when He didn’t, when he allowed the marriage to end, the divorce to be final, the affair to continue, etc, I wondered if God was real or who He said he was.
After all, look at all the miracles in scripture. Now imagine trying to reconcile this with what was evident in my own life. Could it be, that the skeptics were right and the Bible is nothing more than myth?
If God and His church are so focused on families, how could they all sit back and do nothing while yet another family was being destroyed?
To read the stories of others is NOT the same as personally experiencing something. I took the question to mean actually seeing, not just reading the accounts of others, but actually seeing God revive a marriage.
Personally, in my life and the lives of others, no I’ve not seen it happen.
Do I think it can happen? Yes. Do I think it happens? Yes. Do I think it’s the typical outcome? No.
Now some may criticize me for an apparent defeatist attitude and/or lack of faith. I’d like to remind those critics that we are called to be honest. Honestly, it’s rare for this to occur. It’s wonderful when it does, but that doesn’t change the fact that it’s a rare occurrence.
The fact that I had so much faith, and it seemed misplaced, nearly destroyed my faith in God. Therefore, I think it’s key to be honest about how often it does happen in the population of those who are believing God will work a miracle in their marriage.
It’s my opinion that most times He doesn’t. God doesn’t force Himself on the unwilling spouse. If BOTH are willing, I think God chooses to work. But God seldom, if ever, forces His will upon the reluctant spouse.
It doesn’t mean He can’t. He simply doesn’t.
We know that most folks will reject God. We are taught that the road to Hell is wide, meaning most will choose that "easy" path, rather than the more difficult path of seeking God and His ways.
This is just as true for marriage.
I don’t say this to discourage anyone, as I believe I was blessed for my efforts to address my issues. I simply don’t want others to abandon their faith because they expected God to revive their marriage and God doesn’t act on that expectation.
One may be protected from an abusive or hurtful partner, and God is letting them go. I don’t think God wants divorce, but I don’t think He wants one to be abused or betrayed or abandoned either.
We are told that if the unbeliever wants to go, we are to let them go. If they will not turn from their sin, then we are to consider them to be like the unbeliever, we are to let them go. (Matthew 18)
We certainly cannot change them. I believe God will change a reluctant spouse if they surrender to God. But there is no guarantee they will surrender, and I think scripture calls for us to leave them to him, and leave the outcome to him.
It may be considered like a heresy to say this here, but your unfaithful spouse leaving may turn out to be the greatest blessing you’ve ever witnessed in your life. You will certainly learn who your friends are, you will learn if your church really believes what they profess, and you will either have a stronger faith on the other side, or what you thought was faith will be totally destroyed.
I wouldn’t wish it on my worst enemy. Yet I would not be the man I am today, the father I am today, nor the husband I am today had I not gone through that trial.
So just because God doesn’t force an unwilling or unfaithful spouse to come home, that doesn’t mean your life will not be filled with blessings.
(SOUTH AFRICA) Fortunately I can say that I have personally experienced God reviving a dead marriage. Mine! I have been married 17 years now and I am only 38 years old.
My wife B and I met when I had just turned 20 and she was nearly 19 years old. We were physically attracted to each other but had really nothing much else in common, we were from extremely different backgrounds, we never enjoyed any of the same things and were both really bad communicators. The relationship was really poor and we were both unhappy and probably about to end the relationship. But 8 months after we had met B fell pregnant… one month before our daughter was born we reluctantly got married.
At that stage God was being kept at a distance and we were battling this out on our own. We did this for 9 years. It was 9 years of hell! I was filled with resentment and hatred towards my wife, I became super cynical and used my mouth to destroy, I hated marriage and I was in and out of many relationships with other woman until I eventually met someone that I really enjoyed being around and felt that I had met my ’soul mate’.
During this period I began pushing B for a divorce, she joined some friends at a local church and began her relationship with God. After some months at this church they had a guest speaker that gave my wife a prophetic word (we still have the recording on tape). God promised that he would turn our marriage around. It sounded absurd because I was not even at home most of the time and we hadn’t really even connected for months, but B held onto Gods promise that he would restore our marriage!
From the outside I could see that B was changing and that something was different about her. She became a softer person and tried to just love me even though it was one way. I remember thinking that I hated her being nice to me because it made it more difficult for me to justify hating her! Crazy. She just continued drawing her strength from God and believed that He could do what He promised – even after she found out about my then current affair.
One day I was at home alone in our bedroom reading a Christian book that B had left lying around. While I was reading – something in me broke (B’s prophetic word said that I would have a Damascus Road experience). For the first time I saw what I was doing to my wife, my daughter, friends and family. God opened my eyes and I began to cry uncontrollably like a baby (not me!).
B walked into the bedroom to see what was going on, I was trying to cry into the pillow so no one would hear but I guess it was still too loud. When I calmed down a bit we chatted and I agreed to go church with her. This was one year after she originally started going. The transformation in our lives from then on has been unbelievable.
To cut long story short… that event took place 8 years ago and since then God has been instrumental in re-building our characters and our relationship. We are radically different people now and have a deep love for each other and a passion for God and His Church.
We work hard in making time to talk and to understand where we are and what we are really saying to each other. We still have our ups and our downs but in those down times we know that it will pass and that our commitment to each other remains for life.
We are also the proud parents of 2 more children that were born 11 years after our daughter was born. We are truly blessed and so grateful that God gave us his blueprint for marriage and the ongoing faith and courage to follow it through.
(UK) This is giving me power to pray for restoration of my marriage. My husband left me 7 months ago but I still feel like I can’t let it go. He assured me that he will never come back home (he has been here only 3 times to see the kids). God has promised me that he will bring him back using his Holy Spirit. Your testimony gives me strength. May God keep on blessing your marriage.
(SOUTH AFRICA) Nicholas thank you for your encouraging testimony. What a mighty God we serve. I admire your wife and her faith, she is truly a woman of God. We serve a living God who is able to do exceedingly and abundantly more than we can ever ask for or think… PRAISE GOD!!!!!!
(USA) I have been married for 25 years and my wife has been seeing a trauma specialist for 3 years. We have not been intimate for 3 years. I have been deceived and been tormented by a soul tie of the past believing that I have married the wrong woman. I need help believing that God can recreate love for her and revive the marriage. The latter must be greater than the former. Help, I need oxygen……….
(UGANDA) Thanks Nicholas for your encouraging testimony. My marriage has been dead for I don’t know how long. My husband says for all the six years we have been together it has been dead, and I have felt it for the past two years. The worst has been in the past 17 months. Previously I was searching for a child and when God miraculously gave me two children 2 and 11 months, I resorted to them and neglected my husband and God. I have been praying, but not as much as I could.
For the past months I have been suspecting that he had an affair but was not sure. But recently he went away with his lover on a Valentine’s weekend and I got to know about it. I am hurting too much and yet he has for the first time apologized to me for the wrong, although it comes with “buts.”
I was getting a bit discouraged whether God would answer my prayers and would restore my marriage, especially when I think of my husband’s affair and feel a poison run through my body. But with your testimony I am very positive that God is going to revive my marriage, and I too will very soon have a testimony like yours to tell.
(UNITED STATES) Does God Restore Marriages? YES, I hear about one almost every week. The other day my daughter told me of a woman who works with her who said she was divorced from her husband for 2 1/2 years, then they were remarried.
Two weeks ago, while I was at a school activity, a couple came up front and said that last night they were just remarried and their 16 year old son was there and he was just beaming with joy!
In the ‘Readers Digest’, I read about a remarriage, 17 years after a divorce. Then on the ‘Today Show’ I heard about a remarriage after 7 years of divorce.
Wherever I go or whenever I listen to the radio or read a magazine, God always allows me to hear or see or read about another marriage being put back together after a divorce. I have heard of it happening after 10 years of divorce, 2 1/2 years, 8 years, etc. etc. etc. So yes, God restores marriages everyday!
http://www.cadz.net
http://www.marriagedivorce.com/mdreform2.htm
(SINGAPORE) I am lost and I need some direction. I am a divorced because my ex-wife left me for another man and she had to ask for an abridgment of time to end the marriage because she was then pregnant. During the process of my divorce, I got to know a girl (my ex-girlfriend) who was also going through a similar experience as me. She was a mistress of a rich man and she bore him a son. It was a seven year relationship and that guy promised her that he would divorce his wife after 7 years but he did not.
My ex was devastated and decided to leave that man and we we’re together based on a contract. I needed a family and she needed a father for her son, so we cohabited for a year. But her heart was with her son’s father though her body was with me. Our lifestyle does not fit and we had constant quarrels. In the process I fell in love with her and got possessive when I could not feel her love.
We broke up for half a year. I cried out to God day and night and in my desperation to save the relationship, I went to seek the help of a Chinese Taoist Medium and he told me that Buddha said that we will be good friends but there is no chance that she would be back. I went back home and I cried out to Jesus in my tears that if He would bring my girlfriend back I will not only go back to church but also go back to serve Him.
Only after a few days, I dreamt that I was a guest in her house and I saw her son playing with his toys and she was on the phone. I saw myself walking around in the living room. Then I heard her saying “come son, daddy is on the phone…” Then I woke up from my dream feeling sad. It seems she must have found a boyfriend and I will give her my blessings. She called me on my phone and she told me all her painful encounters. We went out on that day and I told her all my bottled feelings for her and she gave me another chance and we patched up.
I told her what I told Jesus and how He revived our relationship. Not long after she became a Christian and we have never felt so in tune and connected with each other. But in my heart I felt I am indebted to God and I am still cohabiting with her. I told her about the Bible teaching and asked her for marriage. But due to some circumstances she can’t marry me in Singapore. At the end we decided to marry abroad.
We prayed together and saw a verse in Matthew that admonishes our sins for adultery and premarital sex and we also saw the same vision of the same beautiful conical roof castle. Later due to her insecurities and problems of soul ties, we broke up again. She left me for 3 months. The church called to reconcile. We got back together 3 months back and now we broke up again because of a misunderstanding.
My heart is totally broken. I have never loved a woman so much in my life, not even my ex wife. I really wonder what is God’s will? Is she the one for me? If not, why would God bring her back and why would we keep breaking up? She is the woman I long to marry in my life. Am I to abide with whatever God’s plan is for me? I need direction and I am going in circles. I am very tired.
I told my pastor that I am groping in the dark as there are no answers in my prayer. I really need direction and I don’t want to go in circles. Recently I flipped to my Bible again and in a verse it says “to have a virtuous wife you have the blessing from God…” I am living in loneliness and I know God is using my loneliness to build my character. I really hope God will grant me a virtuous wife. I hope God will revive my relationship with my ex. Her name is Ya Ya. Please remember us in your prayer.
(USA) I have been divorced from my covenant wife now for 32 years and yes remarried and divorced twice since. God has spoken to me that it is my wife of my youth that I married He wants to restore… but He will do it in His time and not mine. So until it happens I live for Christ and find joy in life around me and tend to the ministry that God has called me to. I have no idea how He will do it… I don’t need to know, I just know that God is more than able… and yes we all have free will but it amazes me how our free will never gets in the way of God’s plans for us… Amen to that… Dave
(USA) Malachi 2 :16 For the Lord God of Israel says that he hates divorce… Again the devil is the thief that has stolen your marriages. I could give you scriptures after scriptures about marriage and how God views a covenant marriage. However, I will not debate on God word. Read, study the Holy word of God (The Bible) and the Holy spirit will talk to you.
Also an individual must make sure that they are not in covenant with another person, husband or wife. You have to make sure that this is your covenant partner that is ordained by God and his word. It is okay to get encouragement from this type of email or internet. But make sure that you are believing God for your covenant marriage in faith in his word. I will tell you that if you get into the word and believe God for you marriage and be patient, wait for God timing, God will restore your marriage. It brings him glory while you are being blessed with a restored marriage.
So many people have entered into a non-covenant marriage (adultery) and one of those spouses stood on the word of God for their marriage. God honors his word, their faith, and restores the marriage. That’s why other marriages do not last, (while their spouses are still living), even after a divorce and after their spouses enter in a non-covenant marriage.
If you believe God and Jesus, then read and study the word. Do not be afraid of the truth. When you know the truth, the truth will make you free. Listen to God and not the lies of the devil. Remember God loves everyone. What God hates is sin, so hate what he hates — sin, not people. http://www.rejoiceministries.org is for husbands and wives (men and women). May God bless you with truth.