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5 comments so far ↓

• 1 Tony // Aug 29, 2008 at 8:53 am

  (USA)  I have to be honest and say NO, I have never personally witnessed God revive a dead or dying marriage.

  My first perspective was my own marriage. My former wife had an affair, moved out, took the kid, said she had to find herself, etc. It took me a couple of months to get the details that she was actually having an affair.

  I was on my knees the moment she said she wanted to move out. I begged God to show me what, if anything I had done, and nothing came to me. I asked God to put the hedge of protection around our family, as Hosea did in his marriage with Gomer, yet my former wife apparently found comfort and whatever she was looking for in the arms of her married lover and not in her husband. I asked our church to address the situation, to intervene, not in a fashion to condemn her, but in the manner described in Matthew 18 to lovingly win a sinning member back to Christ, back to the body of Christ and back to her husband, and they refused.

  I asked my former wife to share with me what she felt my failures where, where I had to improve, what I had done wrong, and while she promised to share this information in a letter to me after the divorce was final, not even that information was provided.

  So time and time again, seeking to work on myself, seeking to understand, seeking God’s guidance to love and understand her as He did. Seeking to be transformed into the man that was so compelling of an excellent husband, far more valuable than the man who would abandon his family to have an affair, asking God to speak to her in a fashion that was compelling and unmistakable that it was Him speaking to her. Asking God to put roadblocks in the way of the affair, the divorce, asking for the hedge of protection, to make the affair and divorce more painful than doing the work to build a strong marriage, and on and on again.

  Not one of those prayers was answered with a yes.

  So if you were to ask me if God is concerned and active in saving marriages, I would say from my experience no.

  Can He? Sure, I believe He can.

  Will He? I think in most situations, no. In 40 some years of life, I cannot recall a case where I’ve personally witnessed God save a marriage either in my life, or the lives of those around me.

• 2 Cindy Wright // Aug 29, 2008 at 10:15 am

  (USA) Hi Tony, I’m so sorry for the pain you experienced with your first wife. I have no doubt that this was a devastating experience for you — like a horrible amputation without anesthetic. The pain is excruciating. I lived through it in my parent’s home and it was horrible. It changes who you are and how you approach life forever. I grieve with you over the hurt you have lived through. No one should ever have to be subjected to this type of pain. I’m so sorry.

  But I’m also glad that you have found someone else to enter into marriage with, and prayerfully she will be your partner for life. I pray so.

  As far as never knowing anyone who saw or was part of the revival of a dead or dying marriage, I’m so sorry that this has been your experience. But I want to know that it does happen. I want to point you to the “Testimony” parts of the “Save My Marriage” section — because we know at least one of the partners in each of the testimonies that we have posted. Some of them now have ministries that God has raised up for them from the ash heap experiences they lived through. We also know several of the couples in the “Surviving Infidelity” testimony section as well as the “Extra-marital Affairs” testimonies. They are vibrant, wonderfully alive and in love couples now.

  Linda W. Rooks is another person we know, that saw God raise up what appeared to be their dead marriage. They were separated 3 years. She has a book that we feature in the “Separation and Divorce” section. It is titled “Broken Heart on Hold.” God is using her in miraculous ways to minister to those who are trying to survive separation.

  Clint and Penny Bragg were divorced for 11 years and God brought them together in a miraculous way! We know them personally. They now head up Inverse Ministries and they are the most precious couple you could ever meet who absolutely love each other and who have their feet on the ground to help other struggling couples.

  My husband and I are another example. We were also on the brink of divorce and God intervened and brought us back together and has been helping us ever since to build a solid, healthy, loving marital relationship ever since. My husband is my best friend and I love him more than I could ever describe. That’s pretty miraculous, given that I had no feelings for him whatsoever at one point in our marriage. That’s part of the reason we have such a passion to help others who feel helpless and hopeless. We’ve participated with God in a miracle in our own marriage. God still works in the lives of those who will listen and turn their hearts and lives back in His direction.

  I could go on and on about all the couples we know who had dead or dying marriages who now have GREAT ones. They aren’t perfect, but who, other than Jesus Christ is? But they keep working with the Lord and are now doing great — growing stronger every day.

  We were just at a conference for marriage and family ministries last month and we met at least another dozen couples who were at one point (or several points), either on the brink of divorce or had divorced. And yet they were there happily married again, ministering together to help other couples in trouble.

  So while I grieve with you that your first wife never turned back to give your marriage a second chance, I want to assure you that there are many others who are back together and are walking miracles. Praise God!

  I rejoice with you because of your present marriage and pray you will both grow closer and closer to each other and to Christ every day for the rest of your lives. May God bless your lives abundantly!!!

• 3 Tony // Aug 29, 2008 at 10:38 am

  (USA)  Cindy et al. It was a crisis of faith. You see, I believed God WOULD save my marriage, and when He didn’t, when he allowed the marriage to end, the divorce to be final, the affair to continue, etc, I wondered if God was real or who He said he was.

  After all, look at all the miracles in scripture. Now imagine trying to reconcile this with what was evident in my own life. Could it be, that the skeptics were right and the Bible is nothing more than myth?

  If God and His church are so focused on families, how could they all sit back and do nothing while yet another family was being destroyed?

  To read the stories of others is NOT the same as personally experiencing something. I took the question to mean actually seeing, not just reading the accounts of others, but actually seeing God revive a marriage.

  Personally, in my life and the lives of others, no I’ve not seen it happen.

  Do I think it can happen? Yes. Do I think it happens? Yes. Do I think it’s the typical outcome? No.

  Now some may criticize me for an apparent defeatist attitude and/or lack of faith. I’d like to remind those critics that we are called to be honest. Honestly, it’s rare for this to occur. It’s wonderful when it does, but that doesn’t change the fact that it’s a rare occurrence.

  The fact that I had so much faith, and it seemed misplaced, nearly destroyed my faith in God. Therefore, I think it’s key to be honest about how often it does happen in the population of those who are believing God will work a miracle in their marriage.

  It’s my opinion that most times He doesn’t. God doesn’t force Himself on the unwilling spouse. If BOTH are willing, I think God chooses to work. But God seldom, if ever, forces His will upon the reluctant spouse.

  It doesn’t mean He can’t. He simply doesn’t.

  We know that most folks will reject God. We are taught that the road to Hell is wide, meaning most will choose that "easy" path, rather than the more difficult path of seeking God and His ways.

  This is just as true for marriage.

  I don’t say this to discourage anyone, as I believe I was blessed for my efforts to address my issues. I simply don’t want others to abandon their faith because they expected God to revive their marriage and God doesn’t act on that expectation.

  One may be protected from an abusive or hurtful partner, and God is letting them go. I don’t think God wants divorce, but I don’t think He wants one to be abused or betrayed or abandoned either.

  We are told that if the unbeliever wants to go, we are to let them go. If they will not turn from their sin, then we are to consider them to be like the unbeliever, we are to let them go. (Matthew 18)

  We certainly cannot change them. I believe God will change a reluctant spouse if they surrender to God. But there is no guarantee they will surrender, and I think scripture calls for us to leave them to him, and leave the outcome to him.

  It may be considered like a heresy to say this here, but your unfaithful spouse leaving may turn out to be the greatest blessing you’ve ever witnessed in your life. You will certainly learn who your friends are, you will learn if your church really believes what they profess, and you will either have a stronger faith on the other side, or what you thought was faith will be totally destroyed.

  I wouldn’t wish it on my worst enemy. Yet I would not be the man I am today, the father I am today, nor the husband I am today had I not gone through that trial.

  So just because God doesn’t force an unwilling or unfaithful spouse to come home, that doesn’t mean your life will not be filled with blessings.

• 4 Nicholas // Sep 16, 2008 at 1:58 am

  (SOUTH AFRICA)  Fortunately I can say that I have personally experienced God reviving a dead marriage. Mine! I have been married 17 years now and I am only 38 years old.

  My wife B and I met when I had just turned 20 and she was nearly 19 years old. We were physically attracted to each other but had really nothing much else in common, we were from extremely different backgrounds, we never enjoyed any of the same things and were both really bad communicators. The relationship was really poor and we were both unhappy and probably about to end the relationship. But 8 months after we had met B fell pregnant… one month before our daughter was born we reluctantly got married.

  At that stage God was being kept at a distance and we were battling this out on our own. We did this for 9 years. It was 9 years of hell! I was filled with resentment and hatred towards my wife, I became super cynical and used my mouth to destroy, I hated marriage and I was in and out of many relationships with other woman until I eventually met someone that I really enjoyed being around and felt that I had met my ’soul mate’.

  During this period I began pushing B for a divorce, she joined some friends at a local church and began her relationship with God. After some months at this church they had a guest speaker that gave my wife a prophetic word (we still have the recording on tape). God promised that he would turn our marriage around. It sounded absurd because I was not even at home most of the time and we hadn’t really even connected for months, but B held onto Gods promise that he would restore our marriage!

  From the outside I could see that B was changing and that something was different about her. She became a softer person and tried to just love me even though it was one way. I remember thinking that I hated her being nice to me because it made it more difficult for me to justify hating her! Crazy. She just continued drawing her strength from God and believed that He could do what He promised - even after she found out about my then current affair.

  One day I was at home alone in our bedroom reading a Christian book that B had left lying around. While I was reading - something in me broke (B’s prophetic word said that I would have a Damascus Road experience). For the first time I saw what I was doing to my wife, my daughter, friends and family. God opened my eyes and I began to cry uncontrollably like a baby (not me!).

  B walked into the bedroom to see what was going on, I was trying to cry into the pillow so no one would hear but I guess it was still too loud. When I calmed down a bit we chatted and I agreed to go church with her. This was one year after she originally started going. The transformation in our lives from then on has been unbelievable.

  To cut long story short… that event took place 8 years ago and since then God has been instrumental in re-building our characters and our relationship. We are radically different people now and have a deep love for each other and a passion for God and His Church.

  We work hard in making time to talk and to understand where we are and what we are really saying to each other. We still have our ups and our downs but in those down times we know that it will pass and that our commitment to each other remains for life.

  We are also the proud parents of 2 more children that were born 11 years after our daughter was born. We are truly blessed and so grateful that God gave us his blueprint for marriage and the ongoing faith and courage to follow it through.

• 5 TS // Sep 16, 2008 at 9:54 am

  (SOUTH AFRICA)  Nicholas thank you for your encouraging testimony. What a mighty God we serve. I admire your wife and her faith, she is truly a woman of God. We serve a living God who is able to do exceedingly and abundantly more than we can ever ask for or think… PRAISE GOD!!!!!!