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How can a spouse get the other to stop lying to him or her?
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(USA) That depends on what the spouse is lying about. And, of course, sometimes there is no way to stop the lying.
(USA) That is something that the spouse has to want to do. They have to go to God in prayer, seeking his guidance. Fill themselves with the Holy Spirit and when the temptation to lie comes upon them, begin to pray in the spirit that the truth comes out and not a lie.
(US) You can’t. But sooner or later the fact that they are lying will burn them up inside. We all are human and we know right from wrong. "Their conscience will eventually eat them up inside. The question is How do you cope or continue living with your spouse, the one you love, when they continue to lie and you know it?
(S. AFRICA) I know my husband is lying to me. He has moved away from home and needs his "space". I have come across all his e-mails to his lover and have seen their plot to get together for good and get married. He has promised to be with her in New Zealand and in three months is their "deal".
He has become an addicted liar. I can do nothing but trust that the Lord will reach his heart. I have tried everything humanly possible to win him back (he came home once and has gone again) and it does not work. He does not love me anymore. I pray everyday for him and will leave the matter in Gods hands. To all you ladies out there suffering from the same problem I say "We can not win our husbands back on our own; it does not work. Give yourself and the matter to God. He is the only one with the power to change HEARTS"
(BOTSWANA) If you have faith by praying to prove to your spouse that you are dedicated to your God and show him/her that you take lies as something bad, that will definitely compel that person to wish he/she is you, by seeing your deeds. Therefore keep reading the word of God with your spouse so that he can see how dangerous lying is according to the Bible. Verses like from the book of Jonah 2:8 "They that observe lying vanities forsake their mercy"
(NAMIBIA) It depends on the reason why your spouse is lying in the first place. It might be that the other spouse gets emotional over certain issues, thus causing the other spouse to lie to avoid fights and arguments. If that is the case the two have to sit and talk and continually seek God for their marriage to be based on honesty.
(SEYCHELLES) I need some help. I have been married for 24 years. I have 2 girls by this marriage and 2 boys by a previous one. I have worked hard and brought up all four. My husband has been in and out of jobs more times than I can remember. I have done everything humanly possible – cars, businesses, looked after him and his family, paid for us to move to another country. He had been lying before but because I was so busy working did not really think about the lies. Now I am no longer working. I am at home and find that all the lies are hurting. Now that I am not working he treats me so badly. I think he is having an affair but cannot know because of all the lies. He has taken money from me and lied about who it is going to. I love him. I do not know what to do next.
(ZIMBABWE) I have been going through the interesting comments and thought I could add something here that will bring more insight to some of these issues.
I was entangled to lying since childhood. After growing up in a broken home, there was a lot of lying to be done to get some things working. The family was an outcast in the hood due to the fights that usually erupted at home and no parent wanted their kids to play with us. To be accepted in some circles (even at school) we sometimes had to lie about ourselves.
This became habitual with time and without knowing we became addicted liars. Now after marriage, I don’t want to lie to my spouse but sometimes I just find myself doing it and regretting immediately after. I have been praying about it but I always find I tend to overstate issues and lie. I sometimes shut off and spend days without talking much to avoid lying. I know it hurts my relations and most importantly my spouse. My spouse often asks me why I lie but I don’t know what to say.
When I meet my friends, I feel like telling them I have lied a lot to them, but, that will mean more broken relations and pain for my spouse.
I know my spouse has been praying for me. I know I am changing but what do I do about the lies made in the past? How do I relate to people now? I don’t know what to say to friends anymore. My spouse cross-checks everything I say to them. I find it difficult to say anything to them now.
This made me resent my dad a lot. It made me hate the family I was born in. It made me hate myself. I find it difficult to appreciate anything I do.
(NIGERIA) Let your spouse realise that hearing the truth from him/her (though sometimes hard to cope with) will make you more comfortable and forgiving with him/her than you getting to know the truth from somewhere else. However, you yourself must be TRANSPARENT (truthful) in your dealings with your spouse. What goes around comes around.
(SOUTH AFRICA) When couples understand the meaning of equality in the eyes of the Lord, but difference in roles and responsibilities, the probability of lying decreases exponentially. Why? Roles and responsibility comes with accountability. Accountability requires that all forms of communications, be it between the spouses themselves, children or any third party. May it be filled with grace and spiced with heavenly salt so that we do not break each other nor become judgmental even to them – 1 Corinthians 4:6+. Even if one is a compulsive liar, accountability will always top up your conscience and truth shall liberate you (not facts). This is my contribution.