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How can a spouse get the other to stop lying to him or her?
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(GHANA) Your spouse would lie to you most often when he/she knows that when the truth is told, you would blow the roof!!! Let your spouse appreciate honesty by being very honest yourself. If you are told the truth and it is a bitter pill, put the Bible to your side and swallow the pill. If you keep a cool head, it would be easier to tell you the truth again next time. If you discover you have been lied to, again keep a cool head and let your spouse know that you have found out about the lie. You must always be honest and ensure that you always tell the truth.
(KENYA) This happens when the couples don’t put God before everything. We are too obsessed trying to make ends meet. We must try to follow up his/her goings and not ignore where things seem suspicious. Couples need to face each other politely and inquire about things. Even if it will mean another lie to cover the first, soon it wouldn’t go far and all will come into the light.
Praying together before bedtime and when the day starts would help. There is also a need of reflection once in while of the household goings. This may raise a suspicious topic and may resolve things more smoothly even if the worst of things were to come up.
(S.AFRICA) How can I rebuild TRUST in my husband if he continues to lie to me? He just covers one lie with the next and eventually the truth always comes out. When I found out about his affair his comment was "I told you the truth I WAS out for dinner – I just did not add that SHE was with me". As long as he is lying he will always be hiding something. THOSE THAT HAVE NOTHING TO HIDE – HIDE NOTHING. Can anybody relate to me?
(GHANA) To every lie there is a reason. For instance, if one does something and tells the other and that is enough for the 3rd world war, then don’t expect that same person to tell the other next time. In order to prevent the rumbling and stifling in the marriage, lying is the most viable option. A spouse can stop the other from lying if there is acceptance to their faults in knowing that as human, we can make mistakes.
(USA) I HATE to lie… And, I am truly praying about it. All of the comments have been great!!! With my husband, sometimes it’s really hard for me because he gets so angry about little things! So, when he ask me something, I find myself trying to figure out which direction to go and I HATE that!!! It’s like sometimes I’m walking on egg shells, because if I say one thing (it could possibly lead to an argument), and if I say something else that might be a disagreement as well. For instance, he’ll ask my opinion about something… and not to answer at all could lead to a disagreement as well. And then when I give my input on the matter, whether it’s business related, personal etc., if I don’t say what he wants to hear… he’s mad. So, I am continually praying and asking the Lord to show me how to deal with this, and how to get to the REAL root of the matter. Any advice???
(NORWAY/UGANDA) The only way to stop the spouse from lying, is to you, yourself, start telling the truth irrespective of the partner’s untruthfulness. But if you are not telling the truth how do you expect you partner to say the truth? Stick on the truth and pray. It is only the truth that can set free. Stop pretending to praise and please him/her, live your real life and let him/her accept you as you are but not what you pretend to be.
Be open and tell him/her when you find out he/she is lying, that is: walk in the light. Your pretense that you have not known if she/he is lying is also lying on your side. That is you are lying that you don’t know while you know. By telling the truth, you are helping yourself and your partner. Above all, learn to take responsibility of your actions by facing the reality and then wait patiently for your partner to follow your example. God bless you.
(NIGERIA) Lying is a sin and it is forbidden by God. It is an evidence that someone has not known the Lord. For a person whose spouse is lying to him/her either constantly or occasionally, he or she needs to take the spouse to the Lord in prayer that the Lord should save him/her. Or if the spouse has been a Christian, he/she needs to be prayed for for restoration. It is only the Lord that can deliver from sin. ‘The heart is deceitful above all things and desperately wicked, who can know it?’- Jeremiah 17:9
(KENYA) As soon as suspicion sets in, lies set in too. If one has confidence that there is no suspicion, trust reigns. Once this is lost, one has to go back to the basics, confess that all was wrong, almost doing kid stuff, which brings couples back to the road. And then, by and large, you shall start doing things that made you cherish each so much, even to get married. It is those small things that are being ignored to the detriment of the marriage confidence.
(US) My husband seems to be a wonderful man but just recently his wife has passed and left him to care for their two children. I first realized that he was lying to me when she passed because he said to me you are all I have now.
From then on this whole other man started to come out and now that we have been married for a few years now I’am starting to see that maybe he doesn’t really love me as much as he says he does.My parents are from Benin and my husband is from Ghana. My father tells me to pray, my mom says to fast and pray it will be okay.
Now that I’m with child I am starting to see that he cannot tell me the truth, to protect me (I guess) he just keeps lying to me it seems.I pray and pray and pray but maybe I’m not praying right,cause it feels as though God at times does not hear my cries.
(ENGLAND) Your spouse is lying to you because s/he doesn’t feel s/he can trust you. So when s/he lies, say "Honey, I know that you don’t feel safe telling me the truth about how you feel but I want you to know that God knows how you feel. Tell God how fearful you are of the situation you find yourself in. And say that even though I am having a hard time trusting you, I know that you are a King/Queen and the head/helpmate of our household and I trust that God will turn this situation around for our good."
Then look at yourself and ask why does the spouse choose to lie. Fear, rejection, anger? What areas of their life are unfulfilled. Then decide to accept the person for who they are. That’s what God does. He accepted us all regardless of our faults. Don’t be judgmental. Treat the spouse with the love that God has showed you.
And make boundaries for your situation. If the spouse says they will pick the children up at 4:30, tell them I am going to wait for you until 4:45 and if you are not there by then, we are going to my mother’s house. Make a consequence for the situation. Don’t be spiteful.
What do you really want? Restoration of your marriage? Ask God to help you trust your spouse and help you to be trustworthy. Regardless of how the spouse has acted, you are the one who has to be the bigger person. Yes, I know you want to fight, be mad and hold things against them but if you let go and let God, you will see His manifested glory. May God bring you peace to your situation and restore the years that the locust has stolen, in Jesus’ name. Amen.