Comments on: How Pornography Hurts Intimacy In a Marriage

By: ANKY

ANKY — Thu, 21 May 2009 09:21:24 +0000

(RSA) We’ve been married now for 7 years now and my husband knows that I am HIV positive. I do not enjoy sex anymore, the reason being, that he does not want to use protection. I feel used by his behaviour. What must I do?

By: Erin

Erin — Fri, 03 Apr 2009 01:35:40 +0000

(USA) This is a big one for me… I don’t even have sex with my husband anymore. I don’t feel comfortable and he just seems like a nasty demon touching me… so I can’t! I know I might be opening the door for him to cheat on me but I feel disgusted with him. Pray for me… I can’t deal with the porn and him looking at girls online…

By: Summer

Summer — Sat, 14 Mar 2009 12:29:00 +0000

(SOUTH AFRICA) Hi, I really need advice, I don’t know what to do anymore. I’ve been married for 5 years, my husband never gives me attention and I normally end up begging for it. If we do have sex, he uses words that I hate, and he knows I hate it!! And he will urge me into getting a piercing ext ext. I started wondering if he perhaps saw this on porn sites or what’s going on. It’s terrible, I just feel used and like a object.

By: H

Wed, 11 Mar 2009 22:24:05 +0000

(USA) What do you do when you have gotten him counseling, and he continues to do it? He says he is sorry, but he keeps doing it. All the while, your self esteem suffers.

By: Debby

Debby — Mon, 03 Nov 2008 02:43:22 +0000

(USA) I feel that hiding this from your wife is destructive. She likely has some idea something is awry and if you keep it hidden she may assume the worst and that is very painful for the wife. I know how this feels. If you want to be trusted you must be open and honest. Hopefully, with a lot of love and understanding, things can work out.

By: Jonathan

Jonathan — Mon, 20 Oct 2008 22:54:48 +0000

(USA) I will contact my employee for this problem that I have. I am ashamed of it and lied to my wife to conceal it. Is there any other suggestions you might have?

By: Meme

Meme — Mon, 06 Oct 2008 23:06:52 +0000

(NIGERIA) Hi Cindy and LT. Thanks a lot and may God bless you. I will comply with your advice. God bless you richly.

By: Cindy Wright

Cindy Wright — Mon, 06 Oct 2008 21:37:19 +0000

(USA) Hi Meme, LT gave you some great advice. You’ve tried talking to your husband privately and with friends, now you need to step up the help you get for your marriage by going to your pastor (and wherever you can that would effect a positive change in this situation).

For some reason, many men in particular, don’t realize that this is a type of adultery. They disconnect the two. And if they do, they are so pulled in by the lure, that they don’t stop anyway. They are playing with fire and someone WILL get burned and they need to stop.

It’s much like playing with drugs. Addiction and an extremely negative change in lifestyle is always in the possible mix when you play with something that is addictive. Already, you are hurt Meme, and God is hurt in how your husband is pulling “fire unto his lap.” God did not create us to prostitute sex in this way.

Your husband may be allured by the “fun” of it all, but it’s not “fun” to you, or your marriage, or the destruction it can, and is, and will cause.

Please know that this isn’t about you. This is about your husband lowering his standards and participating in something that is totally selfish.

We have a lot of articles, and recommended resources, including web site links that are here for you to take advantage of, to try to help your marriage. Please do what you can to get the help you need to help your marriage.

It’s great that your husband apologized, but words are useless unless they are followed by actions to stop and do what is right. Keep seeking God’s help in this and knock on every good door that is available to try to get your husband to invest his time and energy into your relationship instead of selfism. That’s not what marriage is all about.

I pray the Lord will help you to persevere through this and that He will guide you to the help you need, and that your husband will repent. My thoughts and prayers are with you.

By: LT

LT — Sat, 04 Oct 2008 20:32:48 +0000

(USA) Hi Meme, I would certainly suggest going to your pastor about the problem. See the following verse:

Matt. 18:15-17 – this has biblical instruction on how to approach someone who is sinning. Keep in mind this is only for believers. If your husband is not a believer/Christian, then he is not bound by scripture or the laws of God. But even if your husband is not a Christian (or trying to follow Christ), you can still talk to your pastor for yourself.

Regarding him being sorry – many people are sorry when they know something is wrong or when their spouse has told them that they are offended, but being sorry for one instance and being repentant are two different things. If someone is sorry but continues to do the same thing over and over again, then they are not repentant and they are not doing enough to change.

My only caution is to "speak the truth in love." If you are demeaning to your husband when you speak to him about this then you are going to turn him away from wanting to talk and it could possibly be a sin. Always make sure you are doing and speaking out of love and a desire to follow the life God wants for you. Never act or speak out of anger or too much emotion if it is going to make you verbally abusive (like calling names and such).

It is a delicate situation and will require you to seek God through prayer on how to handle this situation and what your course of action should be. I think going to your pastor, if this is someone you trust, would be a good place to start. God bless, LT

By: Meme

Meme — Sat, 04 Oct 2008 05:04:39 +0000

(NIGERIA) Hi, Cindy. How are you? Please advise me on this present issue cos I am losing my senses. My husband is a porn addict. I have never denied him sex any time. But for the past ten years he’s been in it. Secondly he is still contacting his girl friends writing love letters. Should I tell my pastor? Though some of our friends have discussed this earlier and he apologized, yet it does not stop.

Please anyone who has any advice for me, don’t hesitate to write me.